It all began when I saw a commercial, that featured soldiers that can turn into balls. This copies Samus Aran, my favorite video game character. Of Metroid fame. I, of course, took this personally- steam began wafting out of my ears. Veins of black, pure, rotting, hatred erupted on my forehead and neck. Probably on my heart, too, I could not see my heart, duh.
Now, I don't know about you, but when I like something a lot, and someone shamelessly steals an idea from that thing that I like (laughing in the credits, I am sure! "HAH HAH AHH, WE GOT KEV GOOD! LOL!!!"), I say stuff like "Hey, you jerks" and "Wow. Didn't Nintendo copyright that? Consarned COPYRIGHT OFFICE!"
I'm sure you say the same things. Did I mention there will be minor cursing on this blog? (Overhauled- I no longer find foul language- even minor- for the sake of humor acceptable.) Yeah. I'll try not to make it too bad though. [removed.]
So I order the movie from DirecTV.
The first scene is the ball-soldiers. Imagine my outrage. You SWINE!
The movie was boring at best. The plot was...well, I don't think there was a plot. At first I thought I was stupid, but then I looked at some reviews. I still don't know what happened or what the movie was about. I think it was a documentary about Smurfs. The only good thing is the name, which is, possibly, one of the best-named movies I know. That's personal, though.
The graphics look like claymation. How they managed this, I don't know. I'm not joking, you know. Claymation. At least in a few scenes. She can dodge bullets (i.e. she is never hit), and is invincible. I assume this all makes perfect sense if you've read the comics.
If you like wasting time, have a friend tell you not to watch the movie.
That's all. It was a bad movie with a bad, hard-to-follow story. That isn't to say it will not have its fans, of course. I did not get anything out of it.
There was a scene in which Milla Jovovich was shown nude from behind. Of course, this was necessary. Because...uh...it...yeah...sure, Hollywood. Sure.
Update 08/10/08: See post, My Thoughts on a Metroid Movie.
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