Lionel and Popoe get Catnip Stoned: The Werewolf

Today I gave the kittens some catnip. They were stumbling around. Here is a shot of Popoe lunging at the camera, which I am sure he thought he was actually going to be able to get:

Here they are later, on the couch, meowing loudly and for long durations (Lionel is drooling):

Finally, Li-Li passed out (about 20 minutes from time of catnip introduction). He woke up a few minutes later in a confused daze:

Below, he is talking to Tiger, who is in the Cat Box Bed a foot or two from him. Tiger was taking a bath.

Lionel is describing the ancient, passed-down signs of being a werewolf. Tasting blood (tuna), being inexplicably naked. Waking up in a daze, not remembering the night before...not remembering that it isn't even night at all.

And there you have it. Those are the effects of Catnip. DARE to not do Catnip.

Monday, July 16th: Thunderstorm: 'Muffin Storm'

It all started late afternoon, about 5 PM. I had decided to make a batch of muffins. Pumpkin muffins. I'll share the recipe soon. For some reason, I forgot to halve or third the recipe, so I made like 20 of them. Halfway through making them, I realized there was a storm blowing in from the south! That is...south to north.

This picture was taken at 5:21 PM, to the south-southeast. This is indicative of a storm blowing in, for sure.


Pretty. At least I think so. By the way, I am calling this storm the 'Muffin' storm. The last one, if you forgot, was the 'Kitten' storm.

Next, our local mountain, we call it "stuck-up peak." That mountain thinks it's better than us- towering over us like it's so great. It gossips about us to its other tall, tall, huge, beautiful mountain pals as they collectively open up cans of Mountweiser Cristle. Curse it, and it's friends! Well, not it's friends. They're cool, I guess. It's mainly just stuck-up peak. Picture taken at 5:49 PM, below. South.

Can you see it? There's a very, very faint outline of a mountain above the visible mountain. At this point, I was going back inside and finishing the Muffins. When the clouds advanced, below, taken at 6:00 PM. South.

Take that, you foul, evil mountain! The closer mountains aren't that high, so they don't act like they're the Queen's dress. One of them has a mining crew working on it, though. That's a mountain's plastic surgery. They're probably burying some ages-old, demonic monstrosity! Oh, no! I wonder when and if it will break free? These things typically go for hundreds of years, so that no one remembers they're there (and thus do not know how to destroy them), but...that's just in the movies; this is real life!


Meanwhile, this is what it looked like to the immediate west. That is, west and up.

Nice and clear. It did not begin to really storm until later, right about the exact moment I could no longer take pictures. It didn't rain too terribly hard, and certainly, it was a far cry from the doomsday storm we had some years ago.

Here are some pictures of lightning. I finally surrendered, and just took video of the lightning, then lifted the frames from that. I mean, got really, really lucky, and got the lightning! Yeah, taken at 8:29 and 8:30. Let's say.


It rained off and on the rest of the night, with the lights flickering once or twice. It finally died down around 11 PM. I am going to make some salmon dip as, yesterday, we went to CostCo, and bought some smoked salmon. If it's good, I'll post the recipe, and make it for church someday. Those poor, poor, unsuspecting, churchgoing fools.

Church This Week --- Sunday, July 29th

Well, my Dad didn't go to church again. He cried car-trouble-foul, and spent four more hours covering up hay just in case it stormed (FMI, I have decided against a playthrough of Wind Waker so close to OoT). Speaking of hay, I need to go get some hay today. There's tons of reasons my Dad couldn't have gotten hay yesterday while he was home for eight hours covering up the hay. I'm not too annoyed.

Last week, me and my Dad went in the '89 Ford, and my Mom and brother went in the '96 Pathfinder. Afterwards, we went to Savers. My brother did not know we were taking separate cars, and he was very upset. Angry upset. The kind not provoking of compassion.

This week we were going to attempt to have my Dad and brother share the same vehicle, and maybe that way he'd be less angry ('hurt'). This week my Dad did not go, as I said, so me and my Mom just went. Pastor Justice had scheduled us in for a sit-down, and my Dad may have wanted to avoid that. Either way, in the crossfire, brother missed it, too, and that's a good thing.

My Mom asked me if I wanted to try to make it to Sunday School. I said, "sure," and shortly after, we were off!

When we arrived, there was a couple heading to the church ahead of us. They slowed as they saw us. They seemed to be looking at me, probably grateful I had shown up so early! After they had slowed, they sped up. We were walking about 15 feet behind them. I never knew old people could take stairs so fast! We heard a "click" when the Church door closed behind them. Funny thing, I guess they accidentally locked it. The lights also went out, so I assume when the door locks everything shuts down. I banged on the windows for about 10 minutes, and they let us in.

I immediately went to critique the refreshment table. They had banana bread. "WHO MADE THIS BANANA BREAD, THE EASTER BUNNY?!" I railed. "BECAUSE, THIS IS MORE LIKE BANONO BREAD!" I paused to laugh hysterically. Then, leaning on somebody, I forget who, I said, "WHAT'D YOU MAKE IT WITH, BANANA PEELS?! HAH HA HAH! OR MAYBE YOU JUST THOUGHT OF BANANAS WHEN YOU MADE IT, AND INSTEAD USED DIRT!" I threw my head back laughing, and pounded on the table. "I'LL PASS!" I spat, spraying banana bread crumbs. Man, those were some zingers!

"HEY, Pastor RJ! How's it going?" I asked, not skipping a beat. "Fine, Kev. Fine," he said dully. "Me? Oh, I've been fine! We got some rain, even!" I announced. Someone else, an older woman, I think, spoke up. "Oh, really? We got some rain out wh-" I cut her off. No sense in letting the senseless lead the blind! I thought. However, in the process of thinking that, I actually said it. Later, my Mom told me the lady had leveled her eyes at me, her nostrils flaring. Later, I found out she was the one who made the Banana bread. Some folk can't take a joke. Or insults.


Sunday School was cool. It provides the diversity from the main sermon to keep it from getting boring, I think. Speaking of which, I missed Les Feldick today. How did I manage that? FYI, he thinks the demonic horses are tanks from Asia. I disagree on the grounds that it does not fit the description. Sadly, he skipped several key verses. I don't like how he said that we don't believe nowadays that the miraculous judgments can happen during the Tribulation, and then he disbelieves it himself unless it was something that has happened before.


After Sunday School, there was a 10 or 15 minute period before the main sermon started. Me and the Pope's Hitman were talking, and then the music started. Well, they had began singing, anyways. His wife is jealous of me. They have a young daughter, and his wife is so jealous, she actually dropped the child then needed help with the "crisis," tearing Hitman away from me!

"Oh, I don't know," his wife said innocently. "She was just laying on the floor, then she started crying." Hitman walked over and took his daughter, and his wife looked over at me, smiling spitefully, happy with herself. She's EVIL! I just KNOW she dropped the small child with the cool name! EVIL!!!


The sermon mentioned, of all things, prayer. Something I was going to ask about- is it, or is it not, a sin?
Also, they had some material on prayer- probably the most prominently displayed materials- on "audiocassettapes." Oh, how I despise them. Thankfully, I randomly had access to a tape player. And guess what? It didn't eat the tape! I only played one, though. I got [the tape] from the miniature library we have at the church. It's not used that often. Actually, there's so much dust on the stuff in that library, just the force of glancing at it from across the room causes it to be obscured from the cloud of fine dirt. Nobody sits within 30 feet of it, and fewer venture close to it for libraritary uses. What? Libraritary isn't a word? Librariatarial? ...no?

After the main sermon, the plank had a meeting (in business it's called a "board," but this is church). Then Pastor RJ came to talk with us as his wife chatted with the stragglers, until they left, then she joined us. She's cool. We all talked for about two and a half hours.

RJ kept bringing up random verses, only a few of which I remembered. Like I John 2:

15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

He put extra emphasis on pride of life. Huh. He also quoted Mark chapter 7:

14 And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:
15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.
16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.
17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.
18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;
19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?
20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:
23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.

He then brought up I Corinthians 13:

4	Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5	Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

He said the bold part with frustration, looking at me. Gritting his teeth...he finally asked for the women to leave. "Kev," he started. "Is any of this getting through to you?" "Well, sure, Pastor RJ!" I said. "But shouldn't we be asking that of my Mom? Because I don't know if any of this is getting through to her! HAH!"

He paused. "OK, Kev. Listen, we need your Mom to get this. And I mean, really get it. So I need you to study up. Your Mom is annoying, and outrageous. Do you understand that it isn't right to be like that? To constantly yap and talk, loudly, and annoyingly?" he said.

"Well, of course I do, Pastor RJ, so, l-" I began, but he interrupted me by putting his hands up. "Kev, I need you to be an example to your Mom." "Oh, alright, RJ. How do I do that?"

"Well, the first thing you need to do, is to quit talking badly about the snack table. And now, it doesn't matter if you're joking. Someone is the butt of that joke, and that's painful when there are 20 people around." "Oh, OK, Pastor RJ." "Praise God," he said under his breath. Probably so grateful I was able to do this, as he was nervous about having to talk to my mom directly!

He then went on, telling me all these things I need to do. Whew. Stop singing so loudly and annoyingly, stop thinking I'm the center of attention (he mentioned the pride thing again), and learn to mingle successfully. What he means by mingling successfully, I did not know, so I asked.

"Well, Kev, it's good that you asked. Asking is how stuff gets done, you know that, right?" I nodded. He continued. "In John 16, it says 'ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.'" I nodded again. "What I mean...is to...not be the center of attention. Your Mom needs to learn not to do this. What you do is find a group of people, who are talking, and wait until you have something- something worthwhile and meaningful- to add, then add it. If you have to walk into the middle of a crowd, you're imposing...just stay on the "defense" until you have something to add. Listening is 90% of a conversation...and that's why God created crickets," he said cheerily. I liked that joke. He delivered that last one with a chuckle and smile. I haven't seen him smile in weeks! Maybe there's something to this listening thing. I'll try it next week, along with some of the other stuff he suggested. After all, it was what made him smile. The listening.

I just hope my Mom isn't too prideful to learn form her son's example. Maybe I will hit her with that 90% of the conversation thing.

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Double Agent

Seeing's how this is the fourth game, I will bypass explaining what a Splinter Cell is. There are two versions, and not just graphics-wise. Apparently, they're completely different games, sharing the major plot. There's the high-def version and the low-def version for the "last gen" systems. And the Wii. Aw, we still love you, Wii! At least you don't let off as much heat as a jet engine and take up twice as much electricity. And space. And oxygen. That's MY oxygen, DAMN IT! GRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHH!


Controls
I am not sure what to say about the controls. They definitely do not detract from gameplay in any way. The question is, do they enrich the gaming experience? Hmm. Well, there's nothing done which could not have been done with a controller, and constantly having to point the Wii Remote at the screen is a lot of work for how little is accomplished. Not as innovative as we'd hope for the Wii.

The only real problem is the sidling, accomplished by twisting the Nunchuk sideways. It's too sensitive, and it's too easy to get stuck on a wall. Needs to be disableable. What? Disableable isn't a word? You rotate the Wii Remote to pick locks, which I like a TON more than rotating the analog stick. I felt like such a fool when I used to rotate the analog stick.

All in all, the controls work fine, but like I said, it's nothing that couldn't have been done with a normal controller. Speaking of which, I wish they would have allowed the use of GC controllers- isn't it pretty simple to do? No engineering control setup, as we have them from the old Splinter Cell games. Anyway, the gun does not go wherever you aim however fast you aim, much to my displeasure. Perhaps they could have had a "realistic" mode and an "unrealistic" mode, one where the gun goes wherever you aim, but...I digress.


Weapons
As for weapons, let's begin with gadgets. You have the tracker, which lets you see where guards are over the entire map. Their location refreshes every few seconds, including which direction they're facing. There's a not-too-useful fingerprint scanner, amongst other non-useful and rarely-used kit. The tracker is just dandy.

There is a fantastic new weapon, which I just love. It is a dedicated Launcher, like the one on the SC-20K. This gun, called the SC-303 Compact Launcher, is roughly the size and shape of a large pistol, and typically you get it when you're not supposed to murder. It has new ammunition, exclusive to it: rubber bullets.

These function the same as Airfoil rounds, but you get --twenty- -four-- of them. I just love this gun. You also get some tranquilizer darts exclusive to it. They put people to sleep...slowly. Few things make you feel more cunning than shooting someone in the crotch four times with tranquilizers designed to put a human adult male to sleep with one shot. They won't be having children anytime soon! Hah hah hah!

It also has the OCP and, speaking of cameras, it has another new, Launchable item: the EMP ammunition (not exclusive to it). This gadget puts electronics (not just cameras) to sleep, permanently. Very impressive, not often useful, but sometimes, it's a life-saver.

You seem to get many more weapons in this game; both the Sniper and Shotgun SC-20K attachments are present at most times, but you do get a little less ammunition (seriously, who uses that stuff anyway?!). I miss the old loadout screen, but I can live without it. You also have airfoil, sticky shocker, and sticky camera rounds, sometimes six of each, sometimes less, probably dependent upon the trust meter.


Double Agent
Speaking of the trust meter, it will play an important role in your decisions. You're working for Third Echelon as a subversive, double agent ...at JBA (John Brown's Army). There are typically opposing directives, such as do not kill these guards, and do kill these guards. There are some tough decisions to make. Some are so tough they're easy, and it's the small ones that will get you. Sometimes you have to compromise and only kill half of the guards (as silly as that is).

Each time you complete an objective for the JBA, the trust meter will move a little to their side. The same is true of Echelon's side. The really, really fun part of this whole thing is balancing the trust meter. The better it is balanced, the more weapons you get (not to sound violent or apathetic, I do feel empathy for those poor, stressed guards).

The sad, sad part of this, is that you can balance the trust meter to the best of your abilities, thinking so hard of how to best complete the mission...but if you move too far to either side, and the other sees you as a traitor...all you have to do is go to a "contact" point and "pickup" more trust. Worse, doing this at the end of a mission sometimes gets you closer to the middle than painstakingly balancing objectives. It adds about a third of trust to the meter, where it needs to add more like a tenth. It should add just enough to get you by. But it adds a ton.

I went until the very end without once bottoming out the trust meter (it's sort of a "kill-millions-of-people-or-bottom-out-meter" thing), so it is possible. There should be some terrible death scene, Echelon turning on me if I went too far to JBA, and JBA killing me if I went too far to Echelon. But no. Regardless, this makes for terrific weight put on every decision if you pretend. Gah. You have to pretend.

The story is very...dramatic. Sad. Heavy. But enough with sad stories, heavy storylines, and dramatic premises. Onto the last quarter!


Splinter Cell
The first SC game I got was Chaos Theory, the third in the series. I went a long time without checking out the first or second (so is the curse of not numbering things). I was a lot duller back then.

What I love most about the SC series is messing with the guards. You can knock out a guard, then pick him up, and carry him to the edge of a cliff, and drop him off. Not to sound evil, but I find that hilarious. You go through all the effort of knocking them out, then drop them to their doom. At least they're asleep, right? Man, the dreams they must dream. You have the heat-sensitive goggles, so you can see if they're alive or dead. Typically, I will leave one guard alive per mission. Maybe two. If they answer a question or don't try to kill me, or honorably plead for their lives, I will let them live. Ask and you shall receive.

Opposite all this killing and playing tricks on the guards, but in the same mindset, I like to throw smoke bombs on dead guards, and make like they're having really bad gas. My brother finds this hilarious as well, and then I have to carry the guy somewhere, complaining all the way about how he smells really terrible. I sometimes bring other passed out guards to the dead one who's off gassing, and then they have to wake up next to a dead guard which is having a horrible case of post-death gas. Rofl.

If I kill someone I don't want dead, I will repeatedly try to revive them with a Sticky Shocker (it does NOT work, but it seems like it might). Oh, the joys of messing with guards in Splinter Cell. Call it cruelty, but it's fun. I don't know if it's "violent." I consider violent running through the mission, miserably slaughtering everyone with the knife, and being in the mindset that you're killing all these people. I don't do that, and if I feel something is too violent (such as shooting people in the face with the shotgun attachment), I don't do it.

So, used wrong, these games, this game, can express immense amounts of violence and cruelty. Used right, it can lead to hours of playing tricks on guards, ranging from shocking them to sleep when they're five feet off the ground on a ladder, to shooting rubber bullets at them from one patch of shadow, then moving to the next, each time snickering as they aim for where the shot came from as soon as they come out of their stupor. Poor stupid guards.

I give this game a 9.5 out of 10. That is, I highly recommend it, and someday I'll review the X360 version. Just as soon as I pick up an Xbox 360. It has a lot of the same buttons as Nintendo paddles, right?...cause that'd make me feel more at home...and Paper Mario is next up. I have downloaded it off of the Virtual Console already.

ION: Water Day, Teasing Clouds, Wedding, and Church Next Week

Today I got water (1 load TW 3 for us 330 left). It was uneventful, as Seven of Nine would say. You know, that Borg-human from Star Trek: Voyager. The series has just started replaying on Spike TV (well, "almost just"). A few weeks ago, it was showing 3-4 GGW commercials per show, and several condom commercials (ROFL, the one where all the guys are pigs, then become civilized once they have condoms! Yeah, right, laughing boy).

Now they're not showing either, except one or less of the latter. Hm. Still a lot of lame car commercials, and some "hottest bartender" commercials. Anyway, I'd much rather sit through an hour of commercials than 5 minutes of the Jim Bakker show. That guy looks almost as emotionally imbalanced as John McCain and seems almost as dull. See how I avoided calling him names, but pointed out valid character faults?

Seven of Nine finally has her normal suit. Before, she was walking around in a somewhat-shiny silver one, and, I swear, her breasts had to be at least the size of a human skull (maybe even a Klingon skull!). Each one. Now they seem much more normal. I first noticed it when B'Elanna was leaning over a console, and Seven was standing next to her.

I thought, "whoa, half of her total mammae must be at least the size of B'Elanna's head! And she's a filthy, dirty, yet lovable, half-Klingon! No, that's...can't be right...they don't bounce at all! And as we know, bouncing is a normative activity indicative of healthy breasts! Maybe she has very severe mastitis, which I recently learned humans can develop." But I digress. Aside from digressing, I just heard the word "supersperm" on TV. A show called "Village of the Damned." It's about mind-controlling kids which use their eyes, stuff like that. It's boring.


My Mom and Dad will be getting married here shortly. They were divorced, no one cares, blather blather, etc. I will be operating the video camera. We will need to purchase a Mini-DV, or possibly one of those fancy new hard drive containing gizmos. I need to catch back up with the camcorder market. We may even want to just rent one. It would probably be the best option- we don't have all that much to camcord. Get it?! LOL

My Mom recently bought the wedding dress. She was going to make one, but I told her, "Mom, I'd rather pay $250 for half of your dress than to see you waste your life making one that isn't going to look good. That pattern looks like CRAP!" After several weeks of delivering speeches like this twice-daily on work days and thrice-daily on home days, she caved. "Fine!" she screamed through tears. "I'll just go BUY the damned dress! OOH, I HATE YOU KEV!" she ran to her room. She'll thank me someday. Everyone will. Someday. Some...glorious day. The dress ended up costing $20. Don't ask.



Funny thing about today...it was cloudy, but there was VERY little rain. Our pastor mentioned a few weeks ago that they got what was called the "two-inch rain." One drop of rain every 2 inches. It was cloudy all around, and we probably had four waves of clouds go around us, one wave every 2 hours or so. It is technically too early to say that it did not storm, but... I took a lot of pictures, and I will delete them all if it does not storm. A distant city on a hill got pwnt by all four waves. Curse their bowels!


Also next week we have an arranged, I suppose it would be called a Bible study, with our pastor. We're special! "Now, Kev's Mom," he began a few days ago. "We really need to have a sit-down, open up the Book, and discuss this inappropriate behavior." With that, he looked over at me disgustedly, probably making sure I am OK with him treating my Mom that way. I mouthed to him, "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten." His whole body shuddered and he looked down, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. I musta spoke some power to him! Whoo! Church is going GREAT! I am totally looking forward to the meeting! We're gonna have lunch, but I don't know. A restaurant seems too noisy for a talk like that. I vote Subway, someone goes and gets the subs, then we all eat. I wonder if his family will stay or not? Hmm. I will bake a batch of those muffins, too.









Dan:
"OH MY GOSH!"
Ness:
"WHAT!"
Ness has sprawled herself out in improvised attack position, eyes wide and wild, daggers drawn. Dan speaks, then runs off:
Dan:
"It's Princess Paprika! EEE!"
Ness:
"Who?!"
Jayme (intones):
"The lovable, red-headed princess-spokeswoman for AllEmpec Foods. You know, the one who wears the red contacts."
Ness:
"Oh. Right. With the scary looking, talking clouds?"
Jayme:
"Uh-huh. She tells stories to small children."
Ness:
"I gathered that by the crowd of small children gathered around her. And Dan."
Jayme:
"...yeah, Dan has no shame..."
Ness nods soberly, sheathing her knives.

Damn You, Erin Esurance 2

So, Erin Esurance has been blogging a while I see. Let's take a look at her first post, shall we?

Not sure who I’m writing this to, but here goes… I’ve just gotten word that I have to keep track of what I’m up to for all you folks at HQ—my assignments, my cover, how many people catch my various STDs, all of it. So here’s the first of my entries. This feels weird. Never done this before.

Bet you can't say that often, can you, Erin?

Anyway, back to my latest missions…important thing to explain here—everyone in my family thinks I’m an insurance agent. They also think I'm still a virgin! HAH! No, I am kidding- there's so much stuff of me floating around, they'd have to be CRAZY to believe that!

AHA! Very telling words, Erin. Very telling, indeed.

Once, I had to buy a car to get away in a hurry and was only able to drive off the lot because I slept with the owner! The car dealer guy was really cute—but such a stickler!! Could have been a little more helpful to a girl in need, for sure. You can check it out on Erin Cam-- they always have cameras on me that show all the action.

Wow, really, Erin? Really? Because, we definitely need more examples of your kind of behavior. And who sponsored these cameras? Could it be the same people who sponsor girls gone wild?! I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WEREIN LEAGUE WITH THEM!


And they're right up your alley, aren't they, Erin? You keep such bad company?

Of course you do. Because you, Erin...you are bad company.

When it Ships, it Pours 3

Once again, the mailbox was full. Observe:



The, I suppose, Reader's Digest Complete Guide to Sewing arrived. The package was in such horrible condition, it was basically just two pieces of paper on each side of the book. Both sides were falling apart, and I didn't even have to harm the paper further to remove it. Shame. The book is huge- bigger than a normal book, anyway, so put away your thoughts on Reader's Digest material. This is nothing like their puny magazine. Or...whatever it is.

Another book came for my Mom, but I don't feel at liberty to disclose the title.


Also, Every Heart Restored arrived. Uhh, however, it is the workbook. So it's, like, for wives in the throws of their husbands' sexual impurities. Which I may never understand. I am really beginning to think something is wrong with me.

The book for parents in the Every Man series of books, preparing your son for every man's battle [sic sic sic], arrived. The only problem is, I didn't order it! Agh! Two wrong books. Actually, my Mom ordered it. Yeah, Mom- about 8 years late. Every Young Man's Battle should show up soon, and it's supposedly more graphic than this book. That's a scary thought.


I read about a fifth of the book today (computer troubles, meaning...lots of idle time babysitting it), and it's so weird. They're going on and on about how men are idiots and can't communicate their feelings, how they're so stupid, but they have ONE redeeming quality: stories! Men relate stories to bond. And that's true.

Yet at the same time ...everything is a story. What isn't a story? What you thought five minutes ago was a story. This I am telling you right now is a story. Telling your spouse something difficult is a story of how you feel.

On and on. "Oh, I can't tell my son that- it'd make me look WEAK!"

Why some men concern themselves with looking weak, I'll never know. By the way, I am a male. It could be easy to mistake me for a female (what does "fe" mean, anyway? It sounds hot!), seeing's how I am talking about how men are pigs.

For example, our Pastor, RJ. He told a story this week of how he's scared to death even to preach to us. He didn't say "some of you- definitely not me- may be scared, but not me, for I am unfear incarnate, and manliness tartar! I am RJ, fearsome, brave, proud pastor! I have no weakness, for I AM GOD!"


No. He admitted his weakness, and for me, that is a very Christian thing. We ARE weak. We're not God. It's not weakness, per se- it's called "humbleness." And I really respect him for it.

I don't know what else to say on this. I will need to talk to my Mom, I suppose. She always has answers for questions- that's something this book is talking about as well. How, well, we have questions (we being the child), but we're not going to ask them. Especially of our parents.

For example, there was a time when I would have, in an honest and open discussion, asked what sex was. Instead, I had to wait until I was sixteen and 11 months, and that was in the store checkout line's magazine rack, resulting in a search of an online dictionary.



[I am joking]

[Seriously, I am]

[I got "the talk" in the back seat of an old mercury grand marquis]

[By my Mom who was driving]

[I was 9 or so]

[That must have been awkward for her]

Team A Update- July 21st, 2007

Welcome the "Pondering" tag.


In the last few days, I have been writing TA script. I no longer am concerned as to whether it comes to fruition in animated or book form, the important thing is that I do write it. Later it can be converted into either. I am currently just about to do a skip in time of a few hours. So far, Ness has broken Jayme and Dan out of jail (detention, improvement training), bought them clothes and some survival gear (like $6,000 worth), and said some stupid stuff she doesn't understand why she said.


Much later, she will hurt some jerk whilst talking on the phone. She is calling back to her Ninja school (they're not supposed to do that in her case, as she barely just left), talking to the headmaster. He is a very good friend of her late brother's, and he raised her since she was two or three. His name is Samuel. Anyway, she is talking on a payphone, then some guy rides his motorcycle up. He is wearing a leather jacket and stuff. She leans out to tell him she's going to be a while, to which he replies (stupidly), "That's okay. I'm enjoying the view."

I am not sure yet how she strangles him- that is, knocks him out, not kills him. I am sure that I very much enjoy reviewing the script, as that allows me to change happenings. For example, there are several things at the beginning of the script I've had to change due to events several pages later.

I do think I would enjoy writing a book (enjoy is another word for love!), but I am not sure how I would go about it. It allows me a vastly superior medium than Flash, as...it would take perhaps up to 25 hours to tell the story- and I am talking animation time, not time to make the animation. That would take hundreds of hours. Probably an hour for each minute of animation, plus time to learn. So over 1,500 hours. Then voiceovers would take time. Add another 30 minutes for every minute of animation. Whew. How do people do it? Perhaps I am exaggerating.


On the flip side, if I wrote a book, I would have trouble ending the story, as well as timing it. Each book would cover a few months, likely. My fear would be ending the story- I still do not know how it will end. I have a general idea, but no...happy, well-tied-together ending. In Read or Die, it ended with them kinda just going on about their lives. That...I don't know. I guess I would prefer that over them all eventually dying, lol, but still.


The first step, I suppose, in writing a book, is to read books. I would have trouble getting behind a character- the Team will be together almost constantly, so it's not like I can switch to what's happening to another character from what's happening with this character. I love doing character thought processes. It allows the character to say so much more than they would be saying if it were verbal- another leg up book form has over Flash.

I assume it's only a matter of finding a book, or, perhaps genre, which provides an example of that type of writing- that is, depicting an event from a perspective other than one of the characters, yet also without a "storyteller" angle, or a "log of events" angle.

I find myself wondering what a graphic novel is like? I should order one. Just so you know, graphic novels are comic books, but heavy on the book. I guess. Not graphic in that sense. You know, like, dead people.


Speaking of which, recently I heard, on the same Harvest program which I saw Fred Stoeker (no time to check for spelling!) on, a Christian who makes comic books. He says he uses the same talent pool as Marvel or DC. That's encouraging.

I suppose if TA can sell, it can be produced. Right? After all, that guy does not hire from the same talent pool as Marvel and not make money off of his product. If he did not make money, he could not hire from that talent pool. Tomorrow is church. I am excited. Details tomorrow.



Possibly the best picture of Lionel and Precious.

That Dead Bowl Again

Today it rained.

Rather, this morning. I was awoken at 3:30 AM by my Mom telling me how it's storming.

It was a thunderstorm- our third one in the last month, the first being on July 6th. I will blog about the second one, then this one. Is it just me, or is that dude who does the weather alerts really, really hot? I mean, his voice? On the radio? It's not wrong to be attracted to a mans' computer-assisted voice, right? For all we know, it could be a woman, right?...I mean, it is computer-assisted...

I will do the subject of this post, then I might as well do a TA update.



Today, a bowl died.

I am not talking about just... dying. Dishes die occasionally around here, and it is nothing to post about. But this bowl was different.

This bowl suffered.

This bowl envied the dead.

This bowl had 5 different colors of mold in it.

This bowl, in the end, had to be put out of its misery.

This bowl, in the end, begged, to be put out of its misery.


My brother brought it out of his room today. My theory is that it found its way under his bed or hid someplace. There it was assaulted by the mold. There were 5 different colors of mold on it. See picture, below.


As you can see, there is blue mold, white mold, black mold, gray mold, and yellow mold. The yellow is on top of some white to the left of the picture. It may be hollandaise. The only problem with that theory is my brother does not eat hollandaise, and, well, I haven't made hollandaise for at least eight months. So unless my brother secretly knows how to make hollandaise- or even likes hollandaise- and for some reason puts it on his spaghetti- on top of the white mold- I doubt it is hollandaise.

A moment of silence for the bowl, a courtesy not afforded such deaths as Bambi, whom suffered weeks with a horribly painful blockage of his urinary tract. Bambi was just a goat.

This was a bowl which was with us for over eight years.

Church This Week

So, my Daddy didn't make it to church this week. His excuse? Hmm. I think it was "I gotta cover up the hay for four hours!" That's good though.

As, this has been the best day of church yet. There were a lot of people- I surmise they are coming down from summer vacation- and I met one new person, named Santa. He has some children, I do not know how many. One of them is named Huey.

Last week, I asked Pastor RJ if they had a church directory. "Sure, sure, Kev," he said wearily. "Actually, next week, we'll have one made up juuust for you. With the addresses blanked out..." My grin froze as I processed it. "Ahahaheheh," I laughed nervously after a few seconds. He walked away. I shrugged.


It's sort of a small church, and if three people stand side-by-side width-wise in the entrance-room, it blocks the path. So when you're making your way through there, typically there are people on one side, and typically you're walking with someone. So you block the way. Then someone talks to you, so you have to stop. It's a constant battle of watching your back, and not blocking the way- that is, letting people through when they need through. But they're getting stopped by people, too. It's like a really slow freeway with hundreds of arms attempting to grapple you.

So, I had just looked. Then someone elbows me out of the way. It turns out it's a guy whose name I won't disclose. He mumbles, "Out of my way," angrily, and storms past. Then he stops and says, "just kidding" and shakes my hand. Rofl. I am glad there is someone there who shares my sense of humor. He is somewhere around my Dad's age, but I relate to older people better. Young people, all sorts of things in their heads I am not sure of. They're all like, "hey man, let's get stoned!" then they crack that stupid joke about Saudi Arabia.


I caught up with him, and told him I thought someone was trying to kill me (as he shoved past). He got a kick out of that. "Well, hah, I get that all the time. I used to be a trained assassin, actually." "Wow, really?!" "Yeah. That was back when I was Catholic. When the Pope needed someone...removed from office, I was the public petition he signed for their...impeachment. I wasn't the only one, he had a lot of people "dropped into the pit," as he called it."



He has a daughter with an awesome name. She's like, three or something. Everyone was chatting and such, so Pastor RJ forwent the singing. He said that, due to "certain peoples'" gross exaggeration (at this point he looked to me, indicating everyone should follow my example), our fellowship was probably more pleasing to the Lord. I've never seen so many people talking to each other in such a small space. The room is a good size, but...with all the tables and chairs, whew.


Anyway, the last time I had this much fun at church, my brother and Dad did not go to church. And this time, they did not go to church.

I think the problem- and I am not yet discounting the possibility it is their very presence there- is the constant "bickering" that goes on when me and my brother are in the same car. You see, when a parent says something normally not discouraging or annoying in ANY way, then a sibling adds "YEAH KEV," it compounds it, and at the same time, makes it as bad as if that parent had said it, as that parent does not retract the statement in any way. You know, approving the statement by silence.

That's annoying. It totally, and completely, guts the whole purpose of church (merrymaking; or at least not being in a horrible mood!). This week I felt very happy, like I felt the first week I went to church. The following weeks were dismal- not so much the church, but the car ride there.

So, I think I will begin driving in a separate car (Al Gore would be rolling around in his grave!). The 1989, 8-cylinder Ford (Al Gore's grave would catch fire from friction from the speed of his rolling at this point!). I also like to listen to KLove on the way to church. My Dad dislikes Christian music (all music, but he only has occasion to hate Christian music), so we don't listen to it much on the way there. It is, to me, I suppose, a way of preparing myself for fellowship at church. Hopefully, if we drive in separate cars, it will bypass the annoyance.




I'll post soon about KLove. There's a story to tell. Anyways, after church, me and my Mom went to Walmart. I got a new pillow. Now, the cheap pillows cost $5. The good pillows cost $15. I got a $15 pillow. It is three times the size of my old pillow (also, three times firmer, so it is actually sixteen times the size of my old pillow!). I am already sleeping much better- I don't have a headboard on my bed, as I need access to the closet;

The closet does not have doors on it, so there is a wall at the head of my bed for a few feet, then air (the closet begins). A 2-foot-wide pillow hits this walless section, and spins. This pillow is 3 feet wide, so it does not spin at all. It is great. All the pillows had pictures of women sleeping on them. These women seemed to have thought ahead enough to slip into a revealing (comfort is the word!) nightgown, yet forgot to cover themselves up with a blanket and/or sheet.

Being the savvy buyer I am, I looked for the woman who looked the most comfortable. Now, for being asleep, a lot of them were smiling. I assume they must have been dreaming of how sweet their sleep was with that wonderful pillow they were resting their head on. So, now the question was, "who is having the best dream?"

I selected one of the biggest pillows. I figure, if there is more space to rest your head, there is a higher chance of dreaming a dream of how sweet your sleep is with this wonderful pillow you are resting your head on. Yes. Savvy defines me in five golden-blue letters.

Also, I got a lollipop. I know what you're thinking. "Lol, Kev buying a lollipop." Well, this one said, "Sour Green Apple."

What does "sour" mean to you? Does it mean, "corn syrup sweet?" It doesn't? Oh, wow. Because this lollipop has NO SOUR AT ALL. It's SO sweet, the only thing I can compare it with is banana flavored ice cream. Yuck, yet I respect your tastes if you like it. It is "Carousel" brand. I just love those sour blow pops. So you could imagine how bitter I became at Carousel brand. You know, maybe that's it- you're so angry that the lollipop is not sour at all, you become sour yourself.

I am kinda worried that I am so upset over a lollipop not being sour.




I took some pictures on the way there, and a 20-foot section of road was being rained on (lol!. Here is a picture I took of an 18-wheeler. I did not realize it at the time, but...have you ever heard of people taking a picture, then, upon reviewing it, learning there was something there they did not intend to photograph? Like, a ghost? Well...if you look below...


A DEMON IS DRIVING IT! You can see him there in the window! He is pointing at me, even! I can't tell if he has four horns, four ears, two horns and two ears, or if that's badly drawn anime hair hairday manifesting itself! Oh, my! I wonder what Satan would transport in an 18-wheeler? Possibly a vat of evil! What if it spilled?! It would create a crater of darkness and despair!


...anyway...I almost didn't go to church this week. I am very glad I did, and this was a lesson for me. I struggled with, if to go or not, and I thought about it this way: if I go, I will not *regret* it. But if I don't go, I will. They'll miss me. Plus Pastor RJ had that church directory for me. It isn't very informative, I guess they just put the church members' names? Huh.

Damn You, Erin Esurance

Today, this night, I discovered that FESTERING TAG HATE Erin Esurance has a blog. Grrrrr.


Here, Kev is blinded by bias, fanboyism, and seething adoration. He will not remember writing this, and be surprised to discover this post someday.
As you may know, Erin Esurance takes her name from Samus Aran (Aran = Erin, that thief!), my favorite video game character! Also, Erin Esurance is...well, have you ever seen "Death of the Lilac?" It's terrible. THAT'S HER! TERRIBLE! HOW DARE SHE (cuts off abruptly)

Anyways, I discovered she has a blog. That louse!

She writes, on May 11th, 2006:

Hello, HQ. Since my last report, I have been a complete and total WHORE!

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU ALL, BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! I TOLD YOU!

She continues.

...lots has been going on, both at my special agent gig with you and my deep cover day job at Lousurance (the only reason I still have my job there is because I sleep with the executives!).

THAT WHORE! I-I KNEW IT
SHE CONTINUES!!!

An PORNOGRAPHIC art caper with some really serious cryptography (read: murdering!!!) required, bad guys thwarted when they tried to steal some identity papers PROVING I WORK FOR SATAN…you'll see it all soon when it gets decrypted and uploaded to ErinCam!

Oh, we'll see it all, huh, Erin? You have that little respect for yourself, Erin? How I wish I could pity you.


But you, Erin...you are far beyond pity.

It's my Birthday!

Yes! I didn't even know! I went to get water today (1 load for TW, 3 loads for us with 320 over), and I happened to look at the date. I took a picture, below.

It was 115 degrees today, and it was humid (storm post tomorrow or something). It cooled down to 114 by the time I finished getting water. That's better than it heating up to 117. It is amazing how 115 degrees makes you pant yet 114 is bearable. 116 is the point at which (unless you're extensively acclimated) your body begins to shut down (I am serious, you start losing time and stuff).

Anyway, according to the Well calender, it is October 6th, 2003! Oh boy- it's my birthday!


Today, I am 13 years old. According to my Mom. I think I am 14. But at this age, I think I know everything, so that's expected. Oh, I am so stoked, I cleaned my room! I can't wait to see what kind of cake they'll bake me- perhaps one forged of love and devotion! Yes! And you know what they say- if you have three weeks to shop, you spend less than if you have 25 minutes! As for my gift to myself, I bought me two books.

The first book is called Every Heart Restored. Ostensibly, it is "Wholeness and Healing for Women Caught in the Crossfire [of their husbands' divers sexual sin]." This will almost probably certainly come in handy.

Also, I got Every Young Man's Battle. Apparently it is the earlier book Every Man's Battle, but updated and geared towards younger males. It is about how to stay pure in today's world of naked, naked women.


Why did I order the books, you inquire? I saw this dude on the Harvest show last night (I am not a regular viewer- to my knowledge, I have never watched the show). His name was Fred Stoeker, if I recall correctly. He was talking about this, that, and a bottle of Swap! The Drink That's Fun To Eat! (swap pronounced as "slap," with a w). And his book, too.

Plus, I am interested in the subject. I find it absolutely fascinating. Then, the next day, surprisingly it is my birthday. So I thought, what the heck. Every Young Man's Battle cost $4.25, plus $3.49 shipping, and Every Heart Restored cost $2.23, plus $3.49 shipping.

Total was $13.46. Oh boy, I wonder how many presents I will get!!!

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

The epic adventure, in full 3D. Released in late 1998 for the N64. Put on a Gamecube disc (Master Quest), thus porting it to the Gamecube. Released on Wii's virtual console. Played by Kev. Said by some to be the greatest game of all time.



The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is about a young lad named Link. Here, he is growing up with the Kokiri, a race of children who never age, and possess fairies. Link, however, does not possess a fairy, and possibly may not stop growing! One day, the Great Deku Tree (-- talking -- tree --) sends him a fairy, named Navi, and summons him. A sword, shield and slingshot later, the adventure has begun.


Ocarina of Time- at least the first part- follows a basic pattern. Forest, Lava/Fire, Water. The name of the game implies an Ocarina. You get one of those, and you play songs on it. The songs do stuff, such as Zelda's Lullaby- by far the most played song in the game- which is a way of proving you are on a mission from the Royal Family, opening certain doors, etc. I must say, this element was a fantastic idea. There are "warping" melodies, to get you to around faster, a melody for calling your horse, and a few others (which are neat!).

Navi, Link's fairy, is awesome. I have heard her called annoying. Wow, no way. I just wish she'd talk more, and give more information on things- but not all game characters can have Samus Aran's totally awenem Power Suit, can they?


Bad things:

The game includes certain elements I do not enjoy. For one, it has "gods" in it. These gods, which happen to be female, are named Nayru, Farore, and Din. It is unclear if these are "gods," or just very powerful beings. There is essentially no difference. They created the land of Hyrule (they molded the planet, I think, not "created out of nothing"), which Ocarina of Time is based in. It is important to note that the "gods" are not extensively referenced to as they are in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (despite using the term more often, TP is less offensive).

Then there is a level which has certain...dark properties. It has references to the "spirits" talking, as well as skulls every which way on many walls. It is, I suppose, the "death" level. I do not enjoy it, and it keeps Ocarina of Time from being very high on my list. That's the way it goes. The level is somewhat short, and the boss is hilarious, yet scary and menacing, all at the same time (those severed arms...oh man).

There is also magic, but it is not "dark arts" magic. It is a way to justify fire and such. There is no spell casting- the closest I saw was Link making a "throwing" action to the ground, from which fire erupted. There is no other special ceremony or utterances accompanying this action. You could call it a spell casting, but you'd have to be looking to call it that.

All that said, it sounds worse than it is. The goddesses as a matter of importance are minuscule and the "magic," is barely noticeable. As I said, the "death" level is the worst part. I hate it.


There are several races in the game. One, which I've mentioned, are the Kokiri- children of the forest, who have fairies, and never grow up. Then there are the Hylians, humans with elf ears (perhaps more elven features, perhaps not). They have a castle, and even a moat around their city! Also, their castle is as big- if not twice as big- as their city. And we think OUR politicians are corrupt! There are also the Gorons (rock eaters), Zoras (mermaid fish), Sheikah (guards), and Gerudo (all-female race of thieves), and I am hoping I didn't leave any out.



The controls are fine (it was made for the N64 paddle, remember). It takes a bit to get used to using the C-stick on the Gamecube controller, but you can use Y and X for C-up and C-right. Now, the classic controller...I cannot comment on. I assume it works. But I can't grasp (literally) how to use the analog sticks and hold the paddle at the same time. It needs to be coated in rubber, I think.

I have nothing to say on the story, as I've heard it before. I love the contrast of childhood innocence and adult...uhh...seriousness. I also love that you can see horror and destruction, then go back to before it occurred. Also, the different levels are amazing. Humorous moments are extremely rare compared to Majora's Mask, but there are some.


I rate the game 9.4, generally, and it is held back by some of the same things Twilight Princess is. I would rate Majora's Mask slightly higher. If you haven't already played Ocarina of Time, well, simply put, you're an idiot.


As for my personal score, which shouldn't have any effect on your decisions regarding this game, well, the "death" level brings it down to a 7.7. For me, personally. That sucks, yes, but so does the "death" level. It is a major factor in deciding upon a replay or not.

Next up is Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Double Agent. Dear God, may the controls be bearable!

The Stick Bird Awakens: Popoe's War

Three days ago, I brought out the stick bird. It has returned from months of slumber. No one knows exactly what awakened the fearsome beast (except I). Uh, the stick bird is just a stick with yarn on the end. This differs from the yarn antenna- the YA is an antenna with yarn on the end. Occasionally, the stick bird will have a freshly plucked chicken feather at the end. Thus the "bird" part. Anyways.

It attacked Popoe. The stick bird is about four feet long. And the yarn is much longer than the YA's. So, whilst the yarn antenna caused dilemmas such as these:


The stick bird is set to cause certain other problems, due to its increased reach, increased length of yarn, and increased power. It literally picks those kittens up and flings them across the room. It is a half-inch thick rod of wood. And it launches those kitties with great zeal.

The following is a predicament Popoe found himself in when he tangoed with the stick bird. It is said man shall not live by bread alone, and Popoe finds this true, as the stick bird makes a complete and utter fool out of him.






The stick bird humiliated him. We can see, very clearly, that he has a heart pattern on his ...well, we can see very clearly, let's leave it at that. I can't now remember how exactly he ended up in this position, with his rear in the air, head between his legs, upside-down and sideways, a frustrated look on his face.

Below, he continues struggling with it, until it pins him. He then begins begging for help from his brother, who is too maddeningly apathetic to assist. The Ref is nowhere to be seen.




Popoe has been embarrassed and defeated by the mighty Stick Bird. Next week, the stick bird grows wings! Or, a few feathers, at least!

Silver Bullet

Silver Bullet is a werewolf movie, in case you didn't know. Years back, I had an interest in werewolves. I was never to the point where I'd do something stupid, like purchase Lengtham's Authorized: Werewolves and Were-Beings, but I liked them, and still do. They're horrible. Vampires? Vampires just kill you. Plus, in my understanding, vampires have control over what they do, in that they're always vampires. There is no human in them.



Despite the dark name, Silver Bullet is a bit toonish. It is about a wheelchair-bound boy (he has motorized wheelchairs, so it's not too dull), let's call him Floyd, his older sister, let's call her Clarice, and his uncle (Gary Busey), let's call him Tyrola. Clarice is a bit of a...well, foul-mouthed, mean jerk. How's that? Other times, she is very sweet. Like all women. You know what they say: "How can you tell if a woman is being emotional?"
"How?"
"If she exists in any form whatsoever."


Good things:

• One of the best things about Silver Bullet is that it doesn't have "adult scenes" in it. I can't remember the last, recent monster movie which did not have adult situations in it. They could have very easily added some drunken college kids (seriously, they rent those actors out by the dozen for $1,200 a day!), but they didn't.
• Gary Busey, who plays Floyd's uncle, we're calling him uncle Tyrola, is lovable, but at the same time a worthless, dirty, stupid drunk. I've never seen an actor pull off such a feat.
• Some of the werewolf slaughter scenes are hilarious (that's a good point?!).
• That the wheelchair-bound boy (we're calling him Floyd) has to deal with a werewolf.
• The werewolf looked very good, especially compared to movies like Dog Soldiers.

Bad things:

• The biggest problem with Silver Bullet is the lack of stalking. I really enjoy when werewolves stalk things. This was also one of the major problems with Bad Moon (that werewolf only had access to two people).
• The werewolf was too powerful/did impossible things, like hit a guy in the side of the head and decapitated him.
• The werewolf was stopped way too easily by the stars, yet mercilessly destroyed anyone else.
• The werewolf turned out to be a person it oughta-not been.
• Too many people are killed, too fast. I would like even more for a werewolf to stalk someone, then have that person to get in their car and drive away, not knowing the werewolf was there. Oh, Hollywood, why don't you ask my opinion on things?!
• There is language in the movie I find offensive, possibly not solely for the language itself (your run-of-the-mill curses), but the context and who is saying it, and who it is being said to.

Everyone in this movie, it seems, curses liberally. Also, everyone in this movie is Catholic. Not all, I am sure, but...you know what I mean. No one is portrayed as "not" a Catholic, to my remembrance. Meaning that these Catholics are cursing liberally. That's a real positive portrayal of Christians.


Come to think of it, (here I pretend I have just now noticed this trend! Watch me now!) it seems most movies centering around demonic monsters make fun of Christians. Just last night, I watched From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter. "Watched" is too strong a term- more like sat through. Heh hheheheh, I love the feeling I get when I make fun of a terrible movie. There's a priest or whatever, just got married. Now, of course he's a sham, going to cheat on his wife (whom he married only for her money) because she doesn't want to, ah, let's leave it at that.


All in all, I rate Silver Bullet a 7.7 generally, and 9.8 amongst werewolf movies. If they had omitted at least some of the cursing, decreased the amount of multiple-slaughters (in one scene, something like 5 people die), and increased the amount of stalking time, I would have rated it a 9.7 generally. And that ain't no bull. LOL I HAVE ALWAYS WANTD 2 SAY THT

I once knew someone who actually typed like that, missing e's, using 2's, yet I don't think he put "u" instead of "you." He was so, so, so stupid. And I mean it. He was probably the stupidest person I have ever known. Not only was he stupid, but he was lacking in instincts, chiefly, logic. Anyway.

When it Ships, it Pours 2

Today the rest of the Left Behind: The Kids books arrived: #7 Busted!, #8 Death Strike, #9 The Search, #10 On the Run, #14 Judgment Day, #16 Fire from Heaven. The rest that I ordered, that is.

Arriving as well is the Silver Bullet DVD. I know what I'm watching today!

Also, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Double Agent for Wii arrived. I forgot to post about the Splinter Cell game. I ordered it July 8th, and it cost $18.97 plus shipping. Supposedly, it's terrible, the controls are lackluster, the gameplay is dismal. Frankly, I don't believe what I hear about this game. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right.

Anyways, since they all arrived today, it required a "When it Ships, it Pours" post. Below is a picture of them, and I'll most likely be playing Splinter Cell once I finish with Ocarina of Time.





In other shipping news, today my Mom had me order some stuff. I got her two books, as well as ordered one gallon each of refined and unrefined coconut oil, 4 oz of curry powder, 4 oz of gunpowder tea and 4 oz of twig tea, and the tea nets for brewing the tea. The curry powder and tea was my idea! Joy!

I addition, I ordered some Wasabi peas...yeah...Asian snack food at its finest, I guess. We'll see. Their shipping is very expensive- $30 for overnight shipping! Oh...darn it, I guess I'll just order UPS 3 day. Fiddlesticks



...by the way, I did resist the urge to put my name as Kevinskysan Stewartskysan. I'll tell you what I ordered once it gets here.

The Goat Exodus

My Dad named one of our goats, one of Lightning's babies, Mozelle. Mozelle is a feminine form of Moses.

Thus, it only makes sense that she lead a goat exodus. Lightning's other baby, named Zoe (zoey), played the role of Aaron. Today I got up to discover the exodus in progress. It was my job to stop the exodus.

I am the evil emperor. I am...the Destroyer.


Here she is. She is the one with the red collar, leading.

"Come now, goats! Follow me! I know exactly where we're going! BAAH!"

"Oh well okay alright I don't see the harm in following someone who knows where they're going bah baahah lead us to the grain!"

Then I got closer.

"Oh no it's the Destroyer run! OVER HERE I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING! I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING"

(distant) "OK ROUND THAT CORNER AND THE GROUND WILL SWALLOW UP THE DESTROYER!!!"


"Any time now god! Have faith fellow goats! Be of good cheer contraband souls! Our god Grainith will swallow up the destroyer into the bowels of Goat Hell!"

"BACK THIS WAY RUN FASTER AND THE GROUND WILL SWALLOW HIM UP WITH LIGHTNING BOLTS FROM THE GRAIN BIN IN THE SKY"


I chased them around a good bit. One goat, Zoe's baby Roasten, actually jumped onto the barn, off of the barn, and into the goat pen. Like Mario's wall jump in Super Mario 64, or Samus Aran's screw jump. I also assume that one lady also does a wall jump. Probably with miniature jet packs attached to her breasts.

Anyway... I caught a goat. Cocoa, I believe it was. I drug Cocoa back to the goat pen, and she was choking the entire time. She was also screaming, so I had to hold her goat mouth shut, and it was making her bite her tongue, and well, it just didn't end up well for her, as she was still trying to scream, but she couldn't, and, well. Mozelle took this occasion to surrender. See what happens when you're greedy and spineless?

She walked back into the pen with Cocoa. However, not before almost breaking Cocoa's neck trying to push past her. Goats, the ideal of world peace.


That left the female Aaron, Zoe. She ran like heck. Finally, I made a junk blockade and trapped her behind a pallet with some sort of 8' long shipping rod. Yes, that sentence seems to be in order.


I grabbed her collar, drug her back to the goat pen, locked her in there, then set out to discover how they escaped. It took me over 40 minutes to catch them.

In the picture below, you can see how they escaped. Or, how I am assuming they escaped.


The goats love brushing up against the fence. However, each time a goat smears its goat backside against that fence, it pushes against the fence. Finally, probably this morning, they broke the ties that binded it. The fence now lifts up at least 2'. Goats can slip under a fence which lifts up 6", so...they had no problem escaping. I tied it good in two places. I then walked inside. Heh heh heh. Now let's make sure they're still in their pen.

All present and accounted for.


I declare the fire of this exodus quenched.

Darn Orange Chicken

Since having Panda Express, I figured I should try to make my favorite dish of theirs- orange chicken. It's fried chicken with a sweet and sour sauce (very little/no orange flavor for some reason). You mix the sauce with the chicken, coating it entirely. Apparently, it is not orange chicken at all, but "General Tso's Chicken," and restaurants just get it wrong. Well.

Nevertheless, I did look for an orange chicken recipe- and found a copycat recipe of Panda Express' Orange Chicken, by someone whom I assume is a woman, and also a mother, and also 23 years old. Her recipe can be found here. It got rave reviews, but it doesn't seem quite as good as Panda Express's chicken in terms of texture and taste of the sauce and breading.

In terms of the chicken, I used rotten chicken. Coincidentally...it tasted awful! Yuck! It made me feel bad for hours. Almost like I had eaten rotten chicken!!! God help me, I do not know what makes poultry taste rotten.


Next thing you know, I've wasted two hours of my life making rotten, overly-orange chicken. Only good thing is, I know now that you never, EVER put orange in orange chicken. The sauce is practically 1/2 cup vinegar, 1/2 cup sugar, and 1/4 cup water- if you add orange, it somehow opens up your taste buds, and well, it just tastes like really thick, really sweet orange juice.

The sauce was not the only problem. It also lacked the "crunchiness" of Panda Express's Orange Chicken. Also, Pandas Orange Chicken did not...uhh...well, it tasted...the chicken, itself...tasted less...less...well...rotten. I figure, two hours of work is worth just spending $6 and getting it from Panda Express. Right? Right. Overall, just not worth the time it takes when it's $6 from Panda.

Needless to say, my heart is broken. Aaand I might possibly have food poisoning.



In other news, I am on the lookout for a food processor. My Granny got me this book, which is one of the more amazing books I've read (yes, I've read this book), The New Cooks' Catalogue - The Definitive Guide to Cooking Equipment. It has recommendations on a lot of things- pots, pans, stick blenders, blenders, ravioli makers, pizza stones. So, they say Cuisinart is the best (oh baby, look at that food insertion bay!), and KitchenAid is a second. They also list "what to look for," and I heartily recommend the book for any cook. They'll just love it, believe me.

The Cat Chair's Catnip Residue

So, yesterday, I mentioned I gave the kittens some catnip. Well, it was all spread out over the cat chair, where I sprinkled it.

Logically, it was still there today. And apparently, still fresh. Below, Lionel fell asleep on the chair, and woke up a minute later completely out of it. Here, it appears he believes he is Paul in Acts 9, when the Lord blinded him. Paul prays, and sees a vision of Ananias laying a hand on him and healing him:
Welcome the "Jesus" tag, for all things relating to our Lord.

3 And as he [Paul] journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven:
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8 And Saul arose from the earth; and when his eyes were opened, he saw no man: but they led him by the hand, and brought him into Damascus.
[skip]
10 And there was a certain disciple at Damascus, named Ananias; and to him said the Lord in a vision, Ananias. And he said, Behold, I am here, Lord.
11 And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the street which is called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for one called Saul, of Tarsus: for, behold, he prayeth,
12 And hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias coming in, and putting his hand on him, that he might receive his sight.


Obviously, he was overwhelmed, and fainted. He laid there for a few more minutes, then got up and started falling off balance backwards, until he collapsed in the other corner of the cat chair:

As you can see, Popoe walked up. In this scene, he has only been on the chair for a few seconds, and the catnip would not have kicked in. Lionel pauses for at least 25 seconds, his head slowly rocking side to side until he, without warning, exploded, sounding like a drunk slurring his words:

You can see that the catnip is beginning to do its thing on Popoe. Lionel was halfway crying as he slurred his words, trying to get his point across.

Lionel becomes delirious, recounting "his" experience on the Road to Damascus. By this time, Popoe is out of it, too. Then, the Yarn Antenna, whom they repeatedly mistake for Jesus Christ, appears.



They go on for about eight more minutes, falling over each other, drooling, running at imaginary things.

Like most drug-induced experiences of Heaven or glimpses of Glory (such as mistaking an antenna with yarn on the end for Christ), there are also bad experiences, such as Popoe experienced, below.



I believe he had mistook Precious or Tiger's claw underneath my door about 5 feet away. Poor guy stood there like that for a few minutes...I really think Lionel can't hold his 'nip. In every other pic his eyes are halfway shut like he's about to pass out.