Where Hal Leonard's Guitar Hymnal Goes Wrong

My mom got me a hymn book (thanks, Mom!). It arrived, as these things usually do, and I set to opening it. I said, "I hope it's a guitar hymnal." A couple seconds later, I saw that it was an "Easy Guitar The Hymn Book 146 Glorious Hymns by Hal Leonard." My dad thinks I'm psychic now.


Hal Leonard is a creepy looking guy who wears what is likely a Satanic cross around his neck and looks as if he might not have a head and has a terrible ring on his finger which looks as if it needs to cast into the fires of Mount Doom. Sorry.

I didn't have high hopes, even once I found out that Hal Leonard was a publisher and that the creature on the cover likely wasn't the man who proffered the book. If this is the guy that they choose to represent the book...I mean, what, they ran out of funding so they reanimated a corpse?


According to all previous experience, if they're selling it, there's a catch. The catch for this book happens to be rearranged sheet music. Blessed Assurance goes from D Major to G Major, and the time goes from 9/8 to 3/4.

This results in the student being blissfully unaware that the actual key is D. From what they see, these hymns are all wondrously, perfectly suited to guitar...and once you realize it's been transposed (there is no mention of this in the book), you'll have to constantly consult real sheet music.


From what I can see, this guitar hymnal goes wrong in that it tries to get a lot of muscle (146 hymns) with no bone structure (just 1 page of instruction, and it only deals with strumming, and 2/3 of the page is devoted to pictures.)

Another kick in the side of this hymnal is that, while it would have been psychotically easy to have three lines of lyrics under the sheet music and chords, he opts to put these second/third verses separate from the sheet music and chords in a section called "Additional lyrics." At least the additional lyrics are on the same page.


The only good point I can see thus far is that he mostly refrains (get it? Refrain? Nevermind, it's hymn humor, you wouldn't understand) from intricate chords, using majors, minors, and sevenths with only a few cases of Asus4 or G/D. The result is that most of the hymns are playable to the beginner.


All that said, I do believe it will have some worth. It's really an extraordinary hymnal when you consider the cesspit that is guitar hymnals at large, but I won't use it except for secondary reference. There's gotta be a shining hymnal on a hill somewhere. Someday I'll find it. We'll be friends and maybe one day...something more.


Wait, that's creepy. Forget I said that.

Darn Orange Chicken

Since having Panda Express, I figured I should try to make my favorite dish of theirs- orange chicken. It's fried chicken with a sweet and sour sauce (very little/no orange flavor for some reason). You mix the sauce with the chicken, coating it entirely. Apparently, it is not orange chicken at all, but "General Tso's Chicken," and restaurants just get it wrong. Well.

Nevertheless, I did look for an orange chicken recipe- and found a copycat recipe of Panda Express' Orange Chicken, by someone whom I assume is a woman, and also a mother, and also 23 years old. Her recipe can be found here. It got rave reviews, but it doesn't seem quite as good as Panda Express's chicken in terms of texture and taste of the sauce and breading.

In terms of the chicken, I used rotten chicken. Coincidentally...it tasted awful! Yuck! It made me feel bad for hours. Almost like I had eaten rotten chicken!!! God help me, I do not know what makes poultry taste rotten.


Next thing you know, I've wasted two hours of my life making rotten, overly-orange chicken. Only good thing is, I know now that you never, EVER put orange in orange chicken. The sauce is practically 1/2 cup vinegar, 1/2 cup sugar, and 1/4 cup water- if you add orange, it somehow opens up your taste buds, and well, it just tastes like really thick, really sweet orange juice.

The sauce was not the only problem. It also lacked the "crunchiness" of Panda Express's Orange Chicken. Also, Pandas Orange Chicken did not...uhh...well, it tasted...the chicken, itself...tasted less...less...well...rotten. I figure, two hours of work is worth just spending $6 and getting it from Panda Express. Right? Right. Overall, just not worth the time it takes when it's $6 from Panda.

Needless to say, my heart is broken. Aaand I might possibly have food poisoning.



In other news, I am on the lookout for a food processor. My Granny got me this book, which is one of the more amazing books I've read (yes, I've read this book), The New Cooks' Catalogue - The Definitive Guide to Cooking Equipment. It has recommendations on a lot of things- pots, pans, stick blenders, blenders, ravioli makers, pizza stones. So, they say Cuisinart is the best (oh baby, look at that food insertion bay!), and KitchenAid is a second. They also list "what to look for," and I heartily recommend the book for any cook. They'll just love it, believe me.

The Coolest Christian Black Dude with a Fitness Show Wearing a Partly-Yellow Shirt Ever

Welcome the "Video/Flash Animation" tag.

Below is an embedded player from GodTube.com. Now, either Christians are real smart, or GodTube has tons better video quality than YouTube. I think they do have better video quality, because all the videos look better...and us Christians This video is very long (9 minutes), I mainly enjoy the first part, where he shuffles back, claps, then waves forward. Awesome.

Unlike Scroogle.org, GodTube does not redirect to a porn site if you put .com instead of .org. I just...y'know... wanted to set your mind at ease about that. GodTube watches all videos to make sure they're Christian. I do not know what they're to do about the comments. It seems pretty mild at the moment, I wonder if they just monitor like crazy?





No dc Talk albums today. My Dad's Father's Day book got here- welcome the "For me?!" tag, for all that is a present to someone, birthdays, deathdays, and Fathers Days. I can't believe I'm going to spend money on my Dad for Father's Day. What is wrong with me, Suzie?


I finished reading Left Behind: The Kids #1: The Vanishings. It was just great. 8.5 out of 10.

Welcome the "Book Rating" tag, as I find it different than a review. As I do not know much about books. So I...like...you know, just rate it instead of "review" it. You know?