Broken O Key

My laptop has experienced its first, non-software-derived breakdown. Something was under the O key, so I took the key off to remove the obstruction. I've taken keys off before. They snap right back on in a most unfathomable fashion...but not this time.


I'm not sure what happened. Regardless, now my only option is to press the rubber nipple and I'm just sure it wasn't designed for that and will soon fall off and I'll cry like a girl. It's usually a fingernail or toenail that causes the problems.

Don't ask me how clipped nails end up in my laptop keyboard. I couldn't tell you. It's not like I have a Barbie Nail Salon® that I have in my room right above my laptop area. It's not like that at all! Whatever gave you such an INSANE idea as that?!?!

I HAVE TO GO!

Mission Final: Metroid Prime

I have finally finished Metroid Prime. Hoorah!! But not only finished it: Finished it with 100% of scans (I had to look one up which I would not have gotten) and 100% of items (no guide)!


But most importantly...I didn't die once, not even at the last! I ended the 'end boss' with eight or nine energy tanks to spare. Thus, 100% scans, 100% items, zero deaths.


Mission final, including the credits, at 3:18 PM; the time this picture was taken.


It took 26 hours on-the-dot according to the game's reckoning. It was more around 30, all things considered. My arms are sore. My shoulders are sore, especially. You would do well to wonder how on earth my arms and shoulders are sore after less than an hour of gaming, when I can game for many more hours without such discomfort. The best I can guess is that I was gaming really, really hard.

And that I was nervous and tense and being very cautious, as, having defeated the rest of Metroid Prime without dying, I didn't want to mess up at the end. But I made it through. I read Romans 8:37 and remembered Hebrews 12:2.

Rom 8:37 KJV Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

Heb 12:2 KJV ... who [Jesus) for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, ...

For the joy that was set before him. That's what I had in mind when I bitterly assailed the last remnants of darkness, using all of my wisdom, mental prowess and reflexes. It's surprisingly draining, but I've done much harder things.

I discovered a very nice setup/trick for Metroid Prime: Turn the music low, and turn the volume up a little. It's a much better experience when you hear the ambient sounds clearer. And you can fight better. And Samus is more awesome, if it were possible. Her shoulder pads reign the Sun into a cage.


In the end, I stand victorious, even as a man. I ate the traditional pecan pie slice while I watched the credits...let's just say that pecan pies are not exactly the sugary, flaky, nutty comestible equivalent of Pepto Bismal and Alka-Seltzer. Oog.

Tradition.







Expect a header to be edited in soon, linking to a post with a master list of the posts I've posted about this playthrough of Metroid Prime within a few days...uh, post.

Setting up my mom's new computer

Remember when The Thirsty Wolf's house unfortunately burned down? Remember this computer that originated from that? Well, I decided not to make it my gaming rig.

Coincidentally, my mom's computer has been going downhill for a time now. It's very old. Microtel is the brand, and I think it was refurbished. It's 'new' enough to be XP Home, but just barely. It's still a good computer.


I do know that it's old enough to not have USB 2.0. I've been meaning to get it set up for my mom for a while, but today was the day, as my brain hatched a brilliant plan. That and she has 500 Mb of space left. Being rushed is the mother of inv...genuity.

Problem is, and always was, that my mom's computer doesn't have high-speed data transfer. Standard transfer speed (IEEE 1394, USB 2.0) is 400+ Mbps. She has USB 1.0 or 1.1, which works at 12 Mbps, which is not 400+ Mbps.


The plan: slave a secondary drive within her computer, the only way to achieve reasonable speeds. I would take an old HD and put it in the Vista PC, heretoforethento known as Lyon. Lyon would ceaselessly erase that HD, then I would put the formatted HD into mom's computer, and copy everything onto that, then install it back into Lyon and my mom would be able to access everything and move it over as needed. God would send his angels to me for advice and counsel. Glory.


It went along perfectly. I could almost hear the flap of angel's wings! I formatted the hard drive, then installed it in my mom's computer...then it went downhill. 'Hard drive no worky' was the response. I thought quick to some words of wisdom Mr. dataDyne had spoken. The world turned all wavy as the scene came into focus.

Kev, when I have USB 1.0, it says 'will not work at high speed but will still work.' Use the force!


So I decided to try using my external hard drive. I've tried before and failed. It says, "This won't work." For some reason, this time it said "This will work slowly." But it'll still work! Y'know, I think that guy is a witch. Anyways, now it's transferring at a low speed. In two hours it has transferred 4 GB. There's a total of 37 GB that needs to be transferred.



It's actually quite a fast transfer when dealing with large files, but the small ones jam it up. And there's something like 900,000,000 small files...nevertheless, I expect it to balance out. In the meantime, it needs some memory, and it needs it bad. With 512 Mb of RAM, it's slower than my mom's old desktop. Darn Vista.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some business to attend to. It includes drinking a deadly duo of fresh vegetable/fruit juice and coffee. And then maybe eating that last slice of pecan pie. See you tomorrow morning.

(You know, I'm unsure of why I didn't just put my mom's hard drive into the other computer...I must be stupidly overcautious. Uhh...I'm going to...uh...go...now.)

Metroid Prime Trawling the Third: You Can Hide, But You Can't Run

Minor Metroid Prime spoilers. No more major than the last posts of this type, anyways.

Saturday, July 19, 2008 - Hey, it's my 100th Videogames tagged post! This calls for like, a recollection of my favorite video games sometime in the next five years!


Buuurrrg. Still looking. No closer. Now I only have a few options left; two of them I do not like; one of these is looking them up in a guide. There are a lot of immature, immoral, and overall immolating things I've done, but God do so to me if I fall that far.


The other option is kind of risque. I mean, risky. But like my dad says, "Life takes risks." That's just great. Now I can see why he couldn't pilot that ship in Battletoads and Double Dragons. "Maybe that asteroid will disintegrate on its -PWOOFSH!" and no more Dad.


Well, time to begin. In the Magmoor Caverns. Like always. I'm going to search them then head to the overworld. OK...half of the Magmoor Caverns have been researched (or, re-searched) and now it's onto the overworld.

Half of the overworld (including the darn ship) searched, but I must now stop. I have a stomach ache the likes of which I've never had before. You know it's a bad if I crawl into bed and start reading Job.



Wednesday, July 23, 2008

OK, time for more searching. When I left last time, I ran to the nearest save spot, which happened to be in the Chozo Ruins. I heard the story of the Tortex pick and the hair. I guess someone put a Tortex (Dunlop) pick in their hair and it caught fire or something. Point is, "Slow and steady wins the race." I don't know how that applies to guitar picks or hair. But the talking heads tell me it does. So I'm going through the map really slowly and thoroughly. Really.

I've since adopted a new strategy: it's called turn the TV up, turn the Music setting down, and turn the SFX to the max. That will allow me to hear clearly the hum-hum-hum of the itamz I so desizer.

Ah, the Burn Dome. Memories...memories. Ah, Chozo Ghosts. Spectral entities, spectral entities... Ah, hum hum, th--

Wait just a slip-slappin' beat-a-dog moment! Stop your yabbering yap sermon-boy, I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!


Silence. Let's hear it once more. BUWAaaaareeng buarennnng beurannngg, music to my ears! Now let's just find the sucker! I heard it at 12:40 PM. It's in a pile of long, red tree leaves. Some are fallen and on the ground.

Thermal visor reports no itamz. Scan visor doesn't show any scans available. ...X-ray visor shows nothing. Whoa. There's a secret passage that is impossible to see and that I don't remember. And it's a missile expansion! Woo! I gets it at 12:53 PM. Now I'm at 99%. 1% left.

So I guess it should be noted that itamz appear to let off the hum, hum, humming even when they're down a secret tunnel. Wow, maybe I've never completed Metroid Prime at 100%? No, that's impossible. My Cheatin' Heart says otherwise, and my Jeremiah 17:9 heart agrees! Now onto my next darling.

Wait just a slip-slappin', run-over-your-foot, slam-your-head-in-a-car-door, beat-a-dog, boil-a-frog moment! The screen tells me that 100% of all pickups have been acquired! That's just bologna! That's just pork butt!


Or is it.


Well. I ran to the gunship and saved and quit, and sure enough, the profile screen says 100%.

Thus forth, I AM HAVE COLLECTED THE MISSING 2%! But it was only 1 item! YES VICTORY FOR MEEEE

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a fine fabrics store to get to. My next goal is to start training for the end battle. Oh, what an end battle that will be. I have a few tricks up my sleeve but the enemy is gigantuous and very very evilly powerful. Hip, hip, 100%!

Water water water and Beef beef beef

I had a rather busy day today. I had to get water; we were down to around 650 gallons. I got four loads in the "hottest part of the day." My dad has it all figured out: 9-11 AM is the hottest part of the day, except 4-5 PM, which is the hottest part of the day. So...you figure out when the hottest part of the day is.



Water. It does a body- and a brain- good. After that, I cleaned my brother's room. He wasn't too mad about that. He did threaten to kill me, though. I know, I know!...but I can't kill him, he's too strong! he breathed in Gollum-like fashion.



Also, yesterday, I got a wild idea that I'd make beef jerky. I always use Alton Brown's recipe...it can be varied easily enough. However, his box-fan idea is not good at all. It might work, but it fails miserably for me.


So I use a store-bought dehydrator. They're all that and a bag of chips. The problem I encounter is that if the jerky is dried at a high temperature, the end product is low quality; it gets all oily and dried up (but in a bad, crispy, sharp way).

I happily found a workaround for this. I dry it at the lowest setting for the majority of the drying time, then finish it off by drying/cooking it at 160+ degrees for 20-40 minutes. That way you can claim that it's "cooked," but it's not dried out and oily. Here is the same thing the next morning:



It's great stuff. I am fairly certain you can reuse the marinade a few times, so it's extremely economical compared to the $20/lb package of preservatives you can buy. If you make it, don't cut the meat too thick- else the outside will get dry but the inside will be...uh...less dry than that.

Just make sure you cut it with the grain. By that I mean that you want the strands of meat intact or the jerky will crumble and be no good. You can use any cut of meat. Tenderloin, brisket, london broil...the tougher the better. They don't serve beef jerky at tea parties.

"What is a Tesla Coil?"

I forget how it came up.


Really, I do. Point is, I had to explain what a tesla coil is. A tesla coil is kind of like a Christmas tree. It's in the um, Pineus Lightningshootus family. Here, observe.





Case closed.


Oh...and have a merry, nightmare-filled Christmas. Heh heh heh.

Excessively High Cheese Prices: Dad Has the Details At 9

It started about a week ago. My dad went into a Walmart. "Oh my gosh, cheese is $8 a pound!" was his shrill scream. I'm going to enjoy this blog post. >:)


Then he went to a Bashas. It was $14 a pound. This was apparently a sure sign for him that Armageddon was right around the corner, and I think George Noory had something to do with this thought. He promptly filed into a Fry's and bought 25 (twenty-fire) pounds of cheese while it was "still" $3 a pound. A guy asked him, "Do you know something I don't know?"


Then it was confirmed (there's a story on the word "confirmed," I'll tell you some day) that cheese prices were astronomically high, comma splice, when the stores didn't send out their ads. That is, that the stores didn't send out their ads was proof of his theory. "Hah! I told you!" he bragged. "They didn't send out their ads! Stupid!"

I said, "You're telling me that they didn't send out their ads just because they are charging more for cheese?" "No, fool!" he replied. "It's all dairy products - farmers are just now buying their Summer feed, and the gas prices have driven it all up, up, up to the moon!!!" he rattled off, as his eye developed a progressively worsening twitch.


I decided I should leave it at that. Maybe he's right for once, I thought. It does make a lot of sense...could he be right for once?


I should tell you a story about a "gift." It "keeps on giving." Actually, I shouldn't. I want to keep this post short. Ideally, I should have posted about this story before. It'll come up again, I'm sure.



Anyways...a few days ago he told me that...well...turns out, cheese prices didn't remain $14 a pound. And gas is even down a little. And today I found the ads for all four major Arizona stores. I guess one of us brought them in but forgot. I called him and told him. He got real busy real quick and had to go...strange.


The only thing going for him now is that apparently they changed their pricing structure. Now they're charging per yard!


Picture circa January 2008.

A Country Song I Actually Like

I don't entirely enjoy music. Or "muzic," if you want to spell it with a z, like all the hippers and the hoppers do. Like I told Mr. dataDyne - if you have a C, but it needs to be a G, cross out the C and write "This should be a G."

Sometimes I like music more than other times. It's quite ironic...I have the ability to memorize lyrics, but I don't like music.


I think the problem is that most music falls short of my stringent requirements. You may recall this:

He's [Marv Tailor] a good singer! His songs make me think of pure and clean things, like Adon from the Turok series and Samus Aran from the Metroid series! It makes me think of Adon because he sings imperfectly, just like she talks! She is probably my favorite voice actor in everdom, diary! If you don't like a game because it is scary and extremely nerve wracking, but you play it just to hear her voice every time you beat a level [every 3-5 hours of playtime], you know she's a good voice actor! Oh, and it makes me think of Samus Aran because, well, diary...street lamps, rocks, darkness, my eyelids, the sky, and thin air tend to make me think of her, too!

Excuse me while I defenestrate Philippians 4:8. That's OK, it happens with 2 Timothy 2:23 all the time when it's question time. Ahem, so yes, those are about the only two requirements for music for me. They have to remind me of Metroid, Samus Aran, or Adon from the Turok series. Or just Adon's voice. Ahh...her voice melted the Milky Way.






Where was I. Oh. The song.


I can't think now.




It's "Taylor Swift." I remembered. Should've Said No (link to YouTube search). I'm pretty sure it's the only country song I like. It makes me think of Metroid. But right after that, Less Talk More Action came on; Drunken Redneck has its high point(s), but the rest are all low.

I'm so mean. And I now must go. Sorry if you like Drunken Redneck. I'm sure you don't like Samus Aran, so you're the baser jerk.

My Sorrowful Index Toe

I think of my toes as little fingers. Stupid little fingers, but still little fingers. They look like fingers...but they're just a tad on the dullard side of digit-life. But they can do neat things, like play guitars. Ain't that neat?

Anyways, today I hit my index toe on the side of a rigid box. The "box" was rigid enough to do this:



Aww, poor index toe. It might be a dullard, but it's still a toe. And it has feelings.


Or...nerves, at least.

A Good, Rotten, Good, Rotten, Good Day (And It's Only 5 PM)

Good

It started like any other day.

It was actually great until I ventured out of my room. No one was around. Ahh, a perfect day, I thought to myself. Then I got to wondering just what on Earth my dad was doing outside.


Rotten

Turns out, he had begun work on Mick Lock's Chevy Maxima. Yeah..."Chevy." So I went to help him. That's when my day turned rotten.

I'll detail that later. My dad drove the car to the shop (we couldn't do one of the three things we were contracted to). I was alone.


Good

Life began having purpose again. I began pondering. I washed dishes. The lights in the kitchen were bright and beautiful. I sanitized the counter. Life was good.

I fried up the hamburger for tonight's dinner, Hamburger Burros. They're good. I'll detail that sometime. [Here's the recipe in short: cream cheese, tortillas, 2 pounds hamburger, 2-4 cloves garlic sliced in rounds, 1-2 cans tomato sauce, 1 4-oz can green chilies; brown and cook hamburger, add rest of ingredients, stir until garlic is barely tender, then put in tortilla with cream cheese.]

Then there was a lull in the action, so I decided I should take a shower.


Oh, how my fortunes would turn.


Rotten

I emerged from the bathroom to a darkened kitchen. My dad always turns the kitchen lights off. He claims they make it so hot his eyes cook like poached eggs. I turned the lights on...and a light was blown out. I replaced it, cursing all the way. My parents were home.


I cut up the garlic (6 cloves), and opened the green chilies (sp?); they weren't very good. God be thanked that my aunty Sissy gave me four 8-oz cans of green chilies (sp?) in exchange for the bagels I made her (spoilers!). Those are probably the greatest green chilies (sp?) ever. We've used three so far.

My dad entered the kitchen to get the dog a bone. He gets them frozen sometimes, and he has to break them apart using a cleaver and "hammer"...let's just say that we are no longer possessors of a beautiful young $7 meat mallet. I will put it in cryopreservation until I can bury it. If not for Romans 12:17 ("Rom 12:17 KJV Recompense to no man evil for evil...") he would...well, he'd have one less favored tool, let's say that.



To make matters worse, the can of green chilies were gone. I can only assume that that Corinthian fool of a rotten baser jerk of a brother of mine took and violently slaughtered the beloved green chilies. His ways of death, menace and cruelty are terrible to behold.


Good

...but boy, when he says "Here we go again..." sarcastically when my parents start conversing about finances...priceless! I FORGIVE him! There, there's your happy ending to an organ recital! *tearing up*

When It Rains...It ...

Well, I don't think the monsoon has shown up in force, yet. As we all know, the monsoon is the time of year that God loves most. Therefore, if God loves it, we should love it. Amen.

I remember back when...it rained and hailed and the wind blew so hard that I broke down crying because I thought a tornado was going to kill us all. I was like, 13. Or 8. Yeah, let's go with 8. That was the time that we watched a movie to calm me and my brother down. (My brother, to this day, is afraid of storms.) Dude, Where's my Car? must have seemed like the perfect thing to watch with us children at the time.

Would that my parents had known of Metroid Prime, and that I was able then to bear the awesomeness! But that would have destroyed my previously smaller feeble mind.


I digress. But how did I get here? Oh, yeah! Today I got water. Lots of people were there, but not really. We were in an order that made wait times low, I suppose.

Check it out!

Rain! Rain! Rain! Wooho...uh...

Oh, it was just the water pouring down off of the hose. Drat. When it rains, it doesn't rain. Grr.


But...so is life in the desert country. There's a reason that no thing pleasant exists here.

Hey, I also saw this little pal again!

"THE FLAMES OF HELL ... LEAPT INTO OUR AIR CONDITIONER ... FIRE EVERYWHERE... AHHHHH--"

So the call went. I am talking of the Hercules House (this post should explain the Hercules House a bit). The cursed place. Where all things live and die by a very exaggerated, aggressive, and ultimately violent form of Murphy's Law.

It's a mobile home. (OK, manufactured home.) Me and my dad hooked it up with power/water/septic, then made it presentable. This included laying the part of the floor that the movers tore up, smoothing over the cracks (it's a double), and then painting the inside. Someone else painted the outside.

It turned bad. The floor wouldn't go back down, so we had to buy new flooring for a five foot width. Then we had to tile it, and the floor in the kitchen is so crooked and damaged (from a previous bad tile job) that the tile may not endure correctly. That's a big problem with this house: Us: "But it won't work!" Them: "Sure it will! Just do it, man. And do it FAST! And cheaply."

Some sinks had concrete poured down them. The blinds in the entire house, despite being worth probably more than $2500, were not able to be installed. Except for the ones in the main room, about $1300 worth. (Yes, for blinds. They're $100 on the discount shelf for small blinds.) Then, once the people moved in, Dad had to go fix their water lines, because there was a "foot of water under the house."

The air conditioner was moved badly; that is, they damaged it in the move. The piping near the base was kinked in such a way that surely it would fail soon, so that would need to be replaced, requiring quite some mending skill. Indeed, this air conditioner seems the highest point of cursedness in this wretched house.



Here's the timeline:
Day 1, Monday. Air conditioner (Chansey; yeah, I bet he runs around with an egg in his shirt pocket) begins work on the air conditioner. It wouldn't blow cold air.
Day 2, Tuesday. He does some work, totally $5,000. They were without air for several days at this point, and the person who sold them the house had to pay to have it fixed, I believe.
Day 3, Wednesday. At around 2 PM, we get the call, in full. Keep in mind, we're not sure who this is entirely.

"Hel-"
"OH MY GOD, THE FLAMES OF HELL LEAPT INTO OUR AIR CONDITIONER'S BLOWER!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! THERE'S FIRE EVERYWHERE!!! IT'S CRACKING AND POPPING AND-- A--- OH MY GOD, I SEE SATAN'S RED TAIL RIGHT NOW STICKING THROUGH THE FLAMES! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT'S WHIPPING AROUND TRYING TO HOOK ME WITH ITS DEMONIC POINT! THE TILE ITSELF BURNS WITH THE INFERNO!!! ----WHUH--- AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

My dad said, "Put it out, you fool!" It was obviously an electrical fire, judging by the popping and cracking. I am not sure what he saw that made him think he saw Satan's tail sticking through the flames. He got it out I guess, but it was an electrical fire, and you don't throw water on electrical fires.


Long story short, my dad couldn't make it to Bible study that Wednesday because he had to go rebuild the section of the house that had burnt down. (That was the day of this post.) When he got there...well, there wasn't a fire, after all. It was excess ice on the intake, and also, the drain hose was blocked. So the water dripped into the electrical portion. I guess if there was a red light all the ice may have looked like raging fire. And I guess maybe the phone cord was Satan's red, pointy tail.

We've had that problem ourselves (the electrical condensation problem); we had a guy come out to help us. My dad was in jail at that point. We almost went to the air conditioner's church; he was the pastor's husband.


Anyways, my dad fixed the air conditioner that night. It was great- blowing cold air, and all. I forget what happened next, but it was the very next day. I think it just went out. Then they were going to go to a hotel, but they couldn't, because they had two dogs and a goat. But then the dog killed the goat. So they only had two dogs. This house is wicked, and its ways instill corruption and death.

And I forget the rest, too, I'm sorry, so much happened. Point is, it caught fire again. This was yesterday, I believe- it would be Day 10. There was fire everywhere, so much so that the smoke alarm went off. I'm unsure if there actually was a fire this time. Dad didn't debrief me on his trip today to fix it.


Oh, and today we got another call. Their bathtub plumbing is dripping under the house.


Have I mentioned that it is an 86 mile trip to this place? And it takes an hour and a half? And the Red Beater that my dad often has to drive there in the odd days they need him gets 11-13 miles a gallon? And it's 86 miles each way, so we have to go 172 miles and spend 3 hours just driving there and back?

So it costs roughly $60 in gasoline and 3 hours of time just driving for each of these trips.

I've told my dad [or, I think I have], and I'll tell him until he gets it: There is no future in this madness. He has to let it go. His foolish pride will destroy him. This house must be given up.


In fact...verses of the day:

Rom 1:24 KJV-- Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
Rom 1:26 KJV -- For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
Rom 1:28 KJV -- And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;


It's like they were written just for this house...

GWII #1 Revealed: I Hope No One Is Offended By This

[GWII #1 Question Post, and GWII #1 Reveal Post which is this post...so it's pointless to click it.]


I kind of didn't consider that it would look like some kind of cheese topped thing, even though it does look like cheese, cheese with chili powder in/on it. It was a grasshopper!



Yep, mystery solved - but no one guessed it! So, I mention the three that guessed.

My mom asked if it was a cheesy fly or rotting meat stuck on the back of my bike and (ahem) if it was anthropomorphic
Don Horsegoggles asked the hint: Does it have to do with Pecan Pie?
Patricia Horsegoggles asked if it was cheesy chicken (that sounds great! I'm gonna look into it)


Congratulations, guys! You all stay on my Christmas list. You're all getting socks! And maybe some cinnamon rolls...maybe cinnamon rolls with socks on them instead of icing!




Anyway, it was stuck in the windshield of the Pathy some weeks/months ago. Who knows how it got exploded like it did. And why it's so freakishly huge. Just look at the fly in comparison!


I have to go die now.

Kev: Smarter than an Ape when it comes to Jars

eEv...I mean to say, have you ever seen an ape reach into a jar and try to pull a banana out, but its filthy hand is too big when balled into a fist around the banana?


I had a similar conundrum, but I handled it differently than the foolish simian. Get it?!?! Simian, similar? LOL I MADE THAT UP INSTANTLY


Anyways, I had to clean a jar. I don't like cleaning jars...so much so, in fact, that unless a jar has found favor with me or is big enough to be easily cleaned, it usually finds itself in the garbage. It's um, mystical mysterious bad luck on part of the jars. Yeah. (See this post.)

This is a mason jar. It's a quart. It has found favor with me. So I clean it, despite the difficulty.


Scrubbing, scrubbing...about this time, my hand, because of its realization that it can't get out, panics:


Now I must remove my hand without ripping the top off of the jar and slicing my arm off. Or ripping the end of my arm off and slicing the jar...I think...



Thank God soap is so slippery.

Freedom!

Yes, and that's how I clean a mason jar. I think my hand is double-hinged, like the opposite of a snake's jaw.

Come to think of it, this is nothing like an ape reaching for a banana. Forget I said anything.

Guess What It Is #1

[GWII #1 Question Post, which is this post...so it's pointless to click it, and GWII #1 Reveal Post.]



Hey! Hi! How are things? Things are great, here, though this sin-cursed world could be a little cooler. (Or a lot cooler.) Bare feet don't do well for standing on burning earth. I think my nerves are singed. But that makes the rocks feel less sharp. And less hot.



Anyways, do you know what Guess What It Is is? I post a picture, and YOU try to guess what it is! It's zoomed in, and at the end of the contest, I show the picture unzoomed. Then you go, "Ohh, that's what it is!"

It's fantabularific. Listen up, here: EVERYONE should guess. This post is short, so the time you would spend reading should be spent on clicking "Anonymous" and then guessing something. If you guess correctly, you get your name up on the title of a post. If you don't guess, you're crossed off my Christmas list. You'll have until Thursday night- when I publish that post at around 5 PM- to do this.

Without further ado, we're off. Remember: You need to comment! I suppose I should give a hint, and if you want, you can ask things like "Is it a chemical?" or "Is it a real thing or a videogame thing?" But here's your free hint: It was alive at one point. So it isn't a rock. How about that. Here it is!



The only restraint in guessing is don't provide an organ recital of guesses. Try to keep it to one or three, and remember to ask "If it's a [insert query here]"!

Dad Gets Pulled Over, and I Make a Pecan Pie

I was up pretty late last night. I described it as "early," y'know. So I didn't get much sleep. So I don't want to make a long post right now. Get it?

First off, my dad got pulled over today. Remember when I got pulled over? See the post, Kev Gets Pulled Over By Five Police Cars and Trucks; Police Grip Guns Warily.

He was driving along- drive, drive, drive- when all of a sudden, a police car came out of nowhere and turned its lights on. I think. It pulled him over on the freeway, and the officer a-walked up.

I'm unsure of the rest, except that the registration/insurance is not in there! The exact thing happened to me. (See the above post.) Except that the five police cars worth of officers didn't give me a ticket...my dad has to go to COURT! Hahaha sucker!

Greatest part? Remember when I shook the officer's hand (see above post)? Well, my dad said I was an weirdo fool to do that. Guess whose hand he shook today...yep. The officer's, much to the raucous laughter of me and my mom, and, over the din, repeated cries of "HYPOCRITE OF THE YEAR, LOL!" and "SHOOK HIS HAND! WHAT A GIRL, LOL!"



We're very unforgiving out here in the country. I had forgotten to put the registration in the holder, so...it should still be in the truck. But he might have thrown it out, or it may have fallen out/gotten lost through similar means. So it's partially my fault, but also partially and ultimately my dad's. Sorry, pops. He said he was nervous. "Maybe there was old information in the computer, or, maybe my prints matched something!" he said.

The reason they pulled him over was the windshield that's cracked vertically, diagonally and horizontally, and probably a few more directional terms, all ending with "ally." There's supposed to be 18 feet of blood vessels per square inch of human skin. So I think there must have been at least 800 feet worth of cracks in the windshield.


Also, I made a pecan pie! See the recipe, here. That was the highest point of the civilization known as Pecan Pie. Now it's deteriorating. But I will solve that in my wrath soon enough.


Um, I guess that's it. I try to always have a slice of pecan pie- chilled, of course- when I finish a Metroid title, usually when I watch the credits. Unless it's like, after Thanksgiving, and I've already had pecan pie. But since I've almost got Metroid Prime finished...well, I need to get the pie prepared! They last for weeks, after all.


Did I mention I shelled the pecans myself? Yeah! One cup of really old pecans. A year or more. They were hard to shell and I had to crack them by putting them in my eye (like an eyeglass?) and frowning really hard.

Then I had to rip them apart with the miraculous things we call fingers. My arms are sorer than a Yankees fan that lifted more than three pounds! At least my left arm is. And my right thumbnail is really stressed.

TTFN.

4th of July Cake and Vampire Crackers

Yeah, today was a day that was a day. And it isn't over. And I only got five and a half hours of sleep. And I think I did something a while back that I must have been really, really drunk to actually do, and even more drunk to not remember doing, but the problem is, I've never been drunk. So I must not have remembered that, either...so I must have been really drunk.


I wonder what happened.

Regardless, look what I made!

Don't it just make you want to sing? God Bless the USA (preferably a half-decent version) is the Battle Hymn for This Flag Cake. Recipe courtesy Pioneer Woman, courtesy Barefoot Contessa. Link to recipe here. Note: Requiring four half-pints of raspberries and a half pint of blueberries, this cake is not cheap. But the 4th comes only once a year. And I think we lost our checkbook...oh well, no donation this month!
Note: The cake will get torn apart and pillaged. Don't expect it to live long. (You can use half strawberries if you like, but only the very tips! And the rest have to be raspberries- these add a mild flavor that makes the cake very memorable.)

It got lots of "Wows" and "Oh my gosh's" and "That's too pretty to eat" and "Is it safe to eat's." Here is a closeup of the stars.


Aren't they dandy? Yeah, they are! I count the cake simple to make. There's no folding egg whites or slapping egg yolks.


The other thing I made were these Vampire Crackers.


The sign was my mom's idea. "Warn them, warn them, wah-wah." If I were sent to warn them, I'd be eating locusts and wild honey, man. [That loosely fits, right? Right.] I've been making these for a long time, years probably, but apparently my family didn't know about them. I forget how I discovered the combination...I just did. Here's how you make it:

Step one, peel one and a half heads of garlic. Yes, the things that are the size of your fist. That's like, 800 cloves or something. Then heat 8 oz of cream cheese to room temperature (or leave it out for a while). Press or mince the garlic. Put it in the bowl with the cream cheese:


Beautiful. Now, mix it all around. And you have a great, wonderful treat that's good for you! (Sure it is!) And it lets you know who the vampires are. Even people who hate hot things will eat them for some weird reason- or at least try them. I just discovered all of this today. And I'd say it goes really well on French bread in place of garlic butter then toasted. Ignore my grammar right now.

Ah. Delicious. My dad says "What?!?! You watch too many movies! This is real life- everyone LOVES garlic breath in real life!" Sure. When you witness somebody step away from their dad when he's reading a Bible to them after eating one of these, I think that garlic breath isn't the best.

It does let you know how far their processed oxygen travels. That's interesting. If you can avoid that, you can be sure that you're not breathing any of their air. That is theirs. Just like garbage is the garbage man's when it's in the trash. Back away from what does not belong to you. That is a snare.

Time to go. No Metroid Prime tonight.

More Metroid Prime Trawling: Come To Me, My Missing 2%!

Minor Metroid Prime spoilers!


OK...I begin in the Magmoor Caverns, from whence I left off last time. Remember that post?

And as to the title, see this post: Bess' Wedding #2: Come to me, my baby! (I hope I remember to link these two. I should make a header. I'll totally do that. Sometime.)


Right, I don't like the Magmoor Caverns, but I don't not like them, either. They're hot, the heat visor won't work right (it's TOO HOT!), there's lava, it's hotter still. There's FIRE. But they're short and linear, and there are some nice transports...and the Space Pirates are working on thermal energy, man. With lava! That's awesome. It's like cold fusion but really hot and nothing like cold fusion.

Aside, they're packed with sneakily hidden items, maybe my missing 2%. But not likely, as I've searched them several times already. Oh, and there are these gem-like things that are really, really big, and if they are gems, they are probably worth a quadrillion dollars. They're pretty.


...nothing. The Magmoor Caverns get walked through very often. Much wandering makes Kev a dull ax. Much wandering makes Kev a dull ax. Much wandering makes Kev a dull ax...




That narrows it down to the overworld, the Phendrana Drifts, or the Phazon Mines. There's a good chance I'll find my 2% in the Phendrana Drifts.

Four things:

1. Check your map. Rooms may have little shafts going out of them into caverns, and you'd be none-the-wiser without looking. Or at least less-the-wiser.
2. Use all three assistant visors to search for items! This is a great help and you'll get into the habit in no time.
   
3. Blow things up if they look suspicious.
4. Listen for the sound that items make. They cry out to be found. You know, like that old saying...that I probably shouldn't repeat.
   

Ahem, anyways... the Phendrana Drifts. It's Tallon IV's snow land. Probably my favorite area, but they're extremely tedious for the searching. Mainly because there are three parts...and there are......things. Like Sheegoths.

But I can't continue now. Time to make the bagels, at the behest of my aunty Sissy; it is Thursday, and I've searched most of the backside of Phendrana, up to Phendrana's Edge, and I saved in the Super Missile room of the Space Pirates. Few words, much tedious exploration.


[space]


It is now two days later, Saturday. Time to continue the search. Cue John Vertigo with the Revelation Overview dancers. Let's get this party started!


Drat. There are no dancers. Just overviewing...Phendrana Drifts are almost done. I've completed the loop that includes Phendrana's Edge (and the Gravity Cave), and the Space Pirate Research Facility. Time to dredge through the rest of the Drifts and then onto...the Phazon Mines.

OK, the Phendrana Drifts have been searched thoroughly...and that means that it's onto the mines. But now it's time to go, for I have work to do. I got to make a something for tomorrow [sic]. I expect it to be...turbulent. [evil laughter]


Wait, that's not how I would describe it at all! I expect it to be...great. [good laughter]


That's more like it. For you non-game-apt foo's out there, sorry if none of this makes sense. I'll um, post something special for you. Just tell me what non-game-related post you want, and I'll write it up. Maybe a post about flowers?

Quick thoughts on Fireworks

Happy 4th! I'll leave the patriotic stuff to my mom until Sunday.

Now onto my thoughts on fireworks.



Pretty
Wait, men don't use "pretty"
Well, Samus says they should - 'difficult theories' are annoying but pretty will do
OK, point
Two points, she has a last name, too
I'm right
Of course I am
Yes, very pretty
But they should not be red and green. Those are holiday colors- I mean- you know what I mean, Christmas colors
Christmas, pflaw
What is Pflaw
P'f-ff-law, from the Latin "uhh lol yah", like pfft, as in "yeah right" in a sarcastic manner but you know what I mean
OK
Back to Samus Aran
Yes, visors make seeing things clearer - I forget what the Dark Visor does
We should get visors, too
But we need a helmet, and not one that's half as tall as we are like that spandex-clad cardboard-chested weirdo whose name I currently forget
Agreed, I remember her name, and her freaky cardboard chest, but let us not think on such things, and beside, from whence can we create this sure-to-be-priceless artifact?
We can't, we need to engage in...genetic anthropomorphism...and mutate birds, then introduce them to Indians, and they will make us suit or at least a helmet then die running after Mother Nature
But I am not Samus Aran, why would they make me one
...us.
Right, right, I meant us!
Anyways...yes...that technology is beyond for the moment. For now we must focus on the finding of the Fountain of Youth, for to be living until then
I gots an idea - and it doesn't involve Jack LaLanne
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
If you're thinking about 1 Thessalonians 4:17*, yes
Oh, I was thinking about juicing our way to youthfulness
I don't think we'll be getting any birds humanized soon enough
Agreed, we will continue this work in heaven
And angels are already basically anthropomorphic birds- we will ask them to make us a battlesuit, and then look through the visor
OK then, final conclusion: Fireworks: Creepy and pretty, but more creepy and uncomfortable than pretty
And ultimate plan: Trick angels into making us a powersuit for to gain a visor. This will be carried out in heaven as soon as we find some angels foolish enough to follow our directi--
-



Well, that went somewhat off-track, and I think by the end I was going to stage a rebellion against God. Now I see why Satan did it...but those are my thoughts, carried about by...me and myself, I think, on fireworks. Which we went to see today. I'll post about that when the dust settles. OK? OK. Oh, and here's that verse:

*-1Th 4:17 KJV Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.


= "Fountain of Youth!" If you are not saved- and I don't mean "I live a good life and do good works" saved- and therefore not partaker of the "fountain of youth," then I strongly advise you to read this article, The Gospel of the Grace of God, from Berean Bible Church in Florida.

It poses this question, but I am paraphrasing: How does anyone make it to heaven? It is something I wish someone had explained to me years ago. It's not our works...it doesn't matter how good we are...and it's not the admonition to "ask Jesus into your heart," nor any prayer, or religious system, that saves you. Those have no power to save. It is only of faith on the Cross-work (that He died, was buried, and most importantly, was resurrected) of Christ. Nothing else is sufficient.

Years ago, I was convinced that I couldn't save myself by works, and that it was only Christ who could save me, but I had such a perverted/superstitious understanding (I did not believe that he died once for all; I believed that I had to continually ask for forgiveness, and that I would only be forgiven if I asked in a certain manner, and I didn't know anything beside what prophecy preachers said), it is likely I was on my way to Hell...but I was up-to-date on when the latest nuclear strike/invasion of Russia was to occur on Israel.


Thank God I'm saved by His blood, for sure.

Night of the Living Blownout Thrownaway Tires

This will be brief. Today, my dad had to go to a place to do a job. The Hercules house, to be exact- sorry that I don't have time to link to that post. Anyways, on the way there, he had a blowout in the Red Beater. (You know...the Red Truck.)

Anyways again, he sent me a text during Bible Study to let me know this. I sent him one back and said "hah hah hah." To be clear, I sent him a text message back, I said hah hah hah. Just kidding.


Anyways, then, on the way home, I stopped at a store. After wandering for what must have been three hours, I found what I was looking for! Knorr vegetable mix stuff! Yes! Manny last week made spinach dip, and it was fantabulifragilisticexpialidocious. I'm sure her place in heaven will be "Spinach Dip Cook." OK, maybe not. It was just regular spinach dip...but regular spinach dip is really good stuff.



OK, moving along.


Once more: Hip hip, hooray for spinach dip!


OK. So on the way home, I almost hit a tire in the road. It was stick out about three feet from the curb, so I turned around and removed it; there was another tire there with it, and I think they were the same make. They were in good condition, but had weird damage to them, like someone tried to mount them at home. I threw them back into the dirt of the establishment they were away of. Tireball...I'll explain that to you someday.

I was of course wary of the much rumored "Obstruction killers." You know, the guys who throw a log in the road them shoot you a few times when you stop to remove it.


On I continued. As I was driving, I called my dad to let him know I made it away alive. About that time, I came upon another tire! I was going 60 miles an hour, and it was dark, and it was in the middle of the road (2 feet left of the line), and if I were over there, I would have hit it.

So I backed up to remove it. I tossed this one in the car. Tireball, you understand. It was a small one.

Then I came upon another one on the right side of the road a tire truck must have been losing tires or something TWO MInUTES TO MIDNIGHT NO TIME TO CORRECT THAT N THAT IS NOT CAPITALIZED WITH THE REST OF THE TEXT AND NO TIME TO TAG HERE IS THE PICTURE I MSUT NOW GO AND NO TIME TO MAKE THAT MSUT I WI CURSES

Where's The [Other 2%]?

Warning! Minor Metroid Prime spoilers!


Murrumph. I've searched long, I've searched hard, and I've searched in water. I've searched on land. I've searched on top of humongous flowers.

I'm at 98% in Metroid Prime, and I can't find the other 2%. There are 100 items to collect in Metroid Prime...thus the 100% rating. So I've collected 98%- or 98 of 100- of the itamz to be had, but I can't locate the other two. There are five areas:

Tallon IV overworld (it's the surface of the planet)
The Chozo Ruins (remnants of an civilization of anthropomorphic hippie-birds)
The Magmoor Caverns (lava pits)
The Phendrana Drifts (snow land)
The Phazon Mines (the Space Pirate's mining operation)



I've searched them all. Apparently, not thoroughly enough. I must now go explore them all over again. I will start where I ended, I guess, which is more or less the derelict space vessel. Here goes. I hate this area...it's just so...particular. You have to go through murky water, and it's not spooky (as water can be), but it's just dull, I guess.



Nothing. Also nothing in the Great Tree Hall...now I'm onto the back end of the Chozo Ruins. I took 'Transport to Chozo Ruins East' to get here. Darned Chozo.

Alright...now the entirety of the Chozo Ruins have been searched. They're OK, but...there's those freaky giant frogs that try to digest you (and have tusks), and there's wasps EVERYWHERE. Sure, there are nice of lots...lots of nice things. Just not when you've gone through it looking for the last few items for the fourth time. And it's DANK! Man!

Nothing, nothing, nothing, and for the thir...fourth time, nothing!

I can't find the last two items tonight. I'll have to continue on tomorrow. I JUST...CAN'T...DO IT! For now...I save in the Magmoor Caverns. I'll search them tomorrow, then go give Phendrana Drifts a third searching. I get the feeling they're in the Phazon Mines...I've only searched there twice.


See this post for details on one of the Mine searches (yes, I did get quite a bit of examining done on this trip): Clad in Corruption: A Metroid Prime Post.