Church This Week --- Sunday, July 29th

Well, my Dad didn't go to church again. He cried car-trouble-foul, and spent four more hours covering up hay just in case it stormed (FMI, I have decided against a playthrough of Wind Waker so close to OoT). Speaking of hay, I need to go get some hay today. There's tons of reasons my Dad couldn't have gotten hay yesterday while he was home for eight hours covering up the hay. I'm not too annoyed.

Last week, me and my Dad went in the '89 Ford, and my Mom and brother went in the '96 Pathfinder. Afterwards, we went to Savers. My brother did not know we were taking separate cars, and he was very upset. Angry upset. The kind not provoking of compassion.

This week we were going to attempt to have my Dad and brother share the same vehicle, and maybe that way he'd be less angry ('hurt'). This week my Dad did not go, as I said, so me and my Mom just went. Pastor Justice had scheduled us in for a sit-down, and my Dad may have wanted to avoid that. Either way, in the crossfire, brother missed it, too, and that's a good thing.

My Mom asked me if I wanted to try to make it to Sunday School. I said, "sure," and shortly after, we were off!

When we arrived, there was a couple heading to the church ahead of us. They slowed as they saw us. They seemed to be looking at me, probably grateful I had shown up so early! After they had slowed, they sped up. We were walking about 15 feet behind them. I never knew old people could take stairs so fast! We heard a "click" when the Church door closed behind them. Funny thing, I guess they accidentally locked it. The lights also went out, so I assume when the door locks everything shuts down. I banged on the windows for about 10 minutes, and they let us in.

I immediately went to critique the refreshment table. They had banana bread. "WHO MADE THIS BANANA BREAD, THE EASTER BUNNY?!" I railed. "BECAUSE, THIS IS MORE LIKE BANONO BREAD!" I paused to laugh hysterically. Then, leaning on somebody, I forget who, I said, "WHAT'D YOU MAKE IT WITH, BANANA PEELS?! HAH HA HAH! OR MAYBE YOU JUST THOUGHT OF BANANAS WHEN YOU MADE IT, AND INSTEAD USED DIRT!" I threw my head back laughing, and pounded on the table. "I'LL PASS!" I spat, spraying banana bread crumbs. Man, those were some zingers!

"HEY, Pastor RJ! How's it going?" I asked, not skipping a beat. "Fine, Kev. Fine," he said dully. "Me? Oh, I've been fine! We got some rain, even!" I announced. Someone else, an older woman, I think, spoke up. "Oh, really? We got some rain out wh-" I cut her off. No sense in letting the senseless lead the blind! I thought. However, in the process of thinking that, I actually said it. Later, my Mom told me the lady had leveled her eyes at me, her nostrils flaring. Later, I found out she was the one who made the Banana bread. Some folk can't take a joke. Or insults.


Sunday School was cool. It provides the diversity from the main sermon to keep it from getting boring, I think. Speaking of which, I missed Les Feldick today. How did I manage that? FYI, he thinks the demonic horses are tanks from Asia. I disagree on the grounds that it does not fit the description. Sadly, he skipped several key verses. I don't like how he said that we don't believe nowadays that the miraculous judgments can happen during the Tribulation, and then he disbelieves it himself unless it was something that has happened before.


After Sunday School, there was a 10 or 15 minute period before the main sermon started. Me and the Pope's Hitman were talking, and then the music started. Well, they had began singing, anyways. His wife is jealous of me. They have a young daughter, and his wife is so jealous, she actually dropped the child then needed help with the "crisis," tearing Hitman away from me!

"Oh, I don't know," his wife said innocently. "She was just laying on the floor, then she started crying." Hitman walked over and took his daughter, and his wife looked over at me, smiling spitefully, happy with herself. She's EVIL! I just KNOW she dropped the small child with the cool name! EVIL!!!


The sermon mentioned, of all things, prayer. Something I was going to ask about- is it, or is it not, a sin?
Also, they had some material on prayer- probably the most prominently displayed materials- on "audiocassettapes." Oh, how I despise them. Thankfully, I randomly had access to a tape player. And guess what? It didn't eat the tape! I only played one, though. I got [the tape] from the miniature library we have at the church. It's not used that often. Actually, there's so much dust on the stuff in that library, just the force of glancing at it from across the room causes it to be obscured from the cloud of fine dirt. Nobody sits within 30 feet of it, and fewer venture close to it for libraritary uses. What? Libraritary isn't a word? Librariatarial? ...no?

After the main sermon, the plank had a meeting (in business it's called a "board," but this is church). Then Pastor RJ came to talk with us as his wife chatted with the stragglers, until they left, then she joined us. She's cool. We all talked for about two and a half hours.

RJ kept bringing up random verses, only a few of which I remembered. Like I John 2:

15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

He put extra emphasis on pride of life. Huh. He also quoted Mark chapter 7:

14 And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:
15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.
16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.
17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.
18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;
19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?
20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:
23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.

He then brought up I Corinthians 13:

4	Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5	Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

He said the bold part with frustration, looking at me. Gritting his teeth...he finally asked for the women to leave. "Kev," he started. "Is any of this getting through to you?" "Well, sure, Pastor RJ!" I said. "But shouldn't we be asking that of my Mom? Because I don't know if any of this is getting through to her! HAH!"

He paused. "OK, Kev. Listen, we need your Mom to get this. And I mean, really get it. So I need you to study up. Your Mom is annoying, and outrageous. Do you understand that it isn't right to be like that? To constantly yap and talk, loudly, and annoyingly?" he said.

"Well, of course I do, Pastor RJ, so, l-" I began, but he interrupted me by putting his hands up. "Kev, I need you to be an example to your Mom." "Oh, alright, RJ. How do I do that?"

"Well, the first thing you need to do, is to quit talking badly about the snack table. And now, it doesn't matter if you're joking. Someone is the butt of that joke, and that's painful when there are 20 people around." "Oh, OK, Pastor RJ." "Praise God," he said under his breath. Probably so grateful I was able to do this, as he was nervous about having to talk to my mom directly!

He then went on, telling me all these things I need to do. Whew. Stop singing so loudly and annoyingly, stop thinking I'm the center of attention (he mentioned the pride thing again), and learn to mingle successfully. What he means by mingling successfully, I did not know, so I asked.

"Well, Kev, it's good that you asked. Asking is how stuff gets done, you know that, right?" I nodded. He continued. "In John 16, it says 'ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.'" I nodded again. "What I mean...is to...not be the center of attention. Your Mom needs to learn not to do this. What you do is find a group of people, who are talking, and wait until you have something- something worthwhile and meaningful- to add, then add it. If you have to walk into the middle of a crowd, you're imposing...just stay on the "defense" until you have something to add. Listening is 90% of a conversation...and that's why God created crickets," he said cheerily. I liked that joke. He delivered that last one with a chuckle and smile. I haven't seen him smile in weeks! Maybe there's something to this listening thing. I'll try it next week, along with some of the other stuff he suggested. After all, it was what made him smile. The listening.

I just hope my Mom isn't too prideful to learn form her son's example. Maybe I will hit her with that 90% of the conversation thing.

Darn Orange Chicken

Since having Panda Express, I figured I should try to make my favorite dish of theirs- orange chicken. It's fried chicken with a sweet and sour sauce (very little/no orange flavor for some reason). You mix the sauce with the chicken, coating it entirely. Apparently, it is not orange chicken at all, but "General Tso's Chicken," and restaurants just get it wrong. Well.

Nevertheless, I did look for an orange chicken recipe- and found a copycat recipe of Panda Express' Orange Chicken, by someone whom I assume is a woman, and also a mother, and also 23 years old. Her recipe can be found here. It got rave reviews, but it doesn't seem quite as good as Panda Express's chicken in terms of texture and taste of the sauce and breading.

In terms of the chicken, I used rotten chicken. Coincidentally...it tasted awful! Yuck! It made me feel bad for hours. Almost like I had eaten rotten chicken!!! God help me, I do not know what makes poultry taste rotten.


Next thing you know, I've wasted two hours of my life making rotten, overly-orange chicken. Only good thing is, I know now that you never, EVER put orange in orange chicken. The sauce is practically 1/2 cup vinegar, 1/2 cup sugar, and 1/4 cup water- if you add orange, it somehow opens up your taste buds, and well, it just tastes like really thick, really sweet orange juice.

The sauce was not the only problem. It also lacked the "crunchiness" of Panda Express's Orange Chicken. Also, Pandas Orange Chicken did not...uhh...well, it tasted...the chicken, itself...tasted less...less...well...rotten. I figure, two hours of work is worth just spending $6 and getting it from Panda Express. Right? Right. Overall, just not worth the time it takes when it's $6 from Panda.

Needless to say, my heart is broken. Aaand I might possibly have food poisoning.



In other news, I am on the lookout for a food processor. My Granny got me this book, which is one of the more amazing books I've read (yes, I've read this book), The New Cooks' Catalogue - The Definitive Guide to Cooking Equipment. It has recommendations on a lot of things- pots, pans, stick blenders, blenders, ravioli makers, pizza stones. So, they say Cuisinart is the best (oh baby, look at that food insertion bay!), and KitchenAid is a second. They also list "what to look for," and I heartily recommend the book for any cook. They'll just love it, believe me.

Dear Diary: Water Day, June 27

Dear diary,
Today I went to the well and got 1,000 gallons of water. I had gone yesterday and gotten 500 gallons, as well as 500 gallons for my neighbor, Thirsty Wolf. He was running very low- haha, not to the ground! He isn't really a wolf! So, I went a day early. I got him another 500 gallons today. It appears he has a 500-gallon-a-day leak. Poor fellow; we need to contact him about it.

The people who lost their keys last Monday (June 25th) still haven't found them- or at least, have not pulled down their signs. They have a lot of them up. I guess they really want to find them? They are on a yellow keyring. I looked a bit around the well, but I assume they have already been found, probably on Monday, and the people who found them will go back next Monday and things will be straightened out. I feel bad for them!

As for me, I almost left my keys at the well only once, and I've gotten water over 145 times! And that was a long shot at losing my keys. Lately, it's starting to heat up, so the well trips are getting more dramatic. In Phoenix it's 112. Very hot, right? Kind of. Out here, it's 116. There are huge differences in heat between 112 and 113, and 114, etc., thermometers do not capture it. I long for winter. Oh, thy frozen lips, sweet Lady Winter...


Sadly, my computer continues to spiral in its pattern of slowness, much like a turtle missing both of its right-hand legs, continues in circles, unpreventable without intervention. I can't say I exactly know why, or even that I have a "draft" idea; it seems possible I downloaded something harmful. I don't recall visiting any new websites, bar news sites. I did download quite a bit, but that was whilst trying to fix the problem in the first place.

Even switching tabs in Firefox causes slowdown occasionally. Ironically, it does not have CPU usage problems anymore. Switching windows really causes slowdown; I am beginning to propagate a "burn" folder. I will copy all my programs, hand-picked ones which I an enamored of, such as Celtx, Firefox, OpenOffice, TextTally, Audacity, BiblePro...among other such instances. My Documents contains all text and pictures, so I am clear in that respect.

Chiefly, I am selecting programs such as OpenOffice, which is about 90 MBs. I do not want to download that again. And music- especially Portable Sounds by tobyMac, as the album is terridly scratched, not by me of course. Speaking of which, I have not copied dc Talk's album Jesus Freak to my computer yet...and terrid is a mix of the words terrible and horrid, which I made up, but turns out is an unofficial word, or better known as "slang" term. Hehe. Come to think of it, Music is in My Documents.

I attempted to create backup discs again, to no avail. It says "error 20." It burns the disc, then whilst checking it something goes wrong. I believe I can circumvent making the discs- that they are just if I want the extra hard drive space. I will do a "destructive" reinstallation. I do not like the idea of a "ghost" copy of my old system on my new system- what is the point, bar mental clutter? One of my concerns is saving my Firefox history- I don't know if it's possible, but I know I can save bookmarks, and I will be saving those, of course.


The gleaming, silver lining under this cloud of computer troubles and heat, or, the good news, is that last night, I downloaded the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Wii's Virtual Console. It is so beautiful! It just shines; not in a biased way. It looks great...not terrific. I suppose my main problem with playing "old" N64 games is not graphics (rare instances), but the paddle. I am disturbed by how loose the analog stick is- frankly, I am astonished it allows control of any sort!

I opt to play with the Gamecube controller over the Classic Controller; I have had that controller since the start, since I first played Super Mario Sunshine. It is black, along with my old black, now-bricked (I assume) Gamecube. I am going to use it as a bookshelf end if I ever get a bookshelf. I need one.

I recall I proposed I would download a Metroid game for the Virtual Console's maiden download, but the next Metroid game will most likely be Super Metroid, and I do not want to play that until after I play Metroid Prime: Corruption and Metroid Prime: Hunters, as Hunters takes place betwixt Metroid Prime 1 and 2, and Super Metroid takes place after Metroid Prime: Corruption.

My heart sinks considering just what comes after Metroid Prime: Corruption. I hope for another 3D game in the same design, and truth be told I do not see another way it can be done, but there was a 10-or-so year gap between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion. I am working off of memory, here, diary, I may be wrong about that order and duration.

My fear is, of course, another pause. I suppose they could recreate the Prime series as 2D platformers, or even switch the series exclusively to handhelds for a duration...either option I would prefer over a complete shutoff of the Metroid series spigot. Also, they could recreate the 2D platformers into 3D. Wouldn't that be something, diary- the 2D games coming into 3D, and the 3D games going 2D!

I am not barring the possibility that they will translate all the Metroid series titles into 4D.


Some more bad news, I have a sore throat. You know how these things go, diary. It will either clear up, or I'll die. Or wish I was dead.

"What?! Well, Try Them On In The Morning."

You know how sometimes doctors don't listen to you?

You try to tell them, but they're too in love with themselves to listen?

You're like, (say you're at a shoe doctor, a footologist) "Hey, Doc, I have this pain in my toe, do I need special shoe inserts?" and whilst you're talking, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. You hear a quiet, "Hey, baby."

"What's that doctor?"
"Just admiring myself, is all. I mean, yes, you do need arch supports."
"But I already have arch supports- what I was saying, is that-"
"OK, let's get three more inserts in that shoe and CALL IT A DAY. (snapping gloves off)"


Well, I mentioned this happened to me at the eye doctors' office:

The lenses brought the cost up to $175. Ouch. My prescription in my left eye changed by 10%, and in my right by 20%. My right eye was a little blurry yesterday, though. I don't think you're supposed to take eye exams when your vision is blurry.

Am I a prophet, or do I have an uncommon amount of common sense?


I tried the glasses on, and the prescription in my right eye is so bad my eye is still sore. 19 hours later. I had the glasses on for 10-15 minutes. Ideally, I would want to return the glasses for a full refund, then go to CostCo. CostCo sells the best glasses. How do I know? I don't, but I assume. Oh, I assume.

But, while we were there, the lady told me, "Well, try them on in the morning." I shot back, "ah, well, see, my left eye is -perfect-, but my right eye cannot read those words on the wall. Why would my right eye be having trouble but not my left?" I thought she looked as if she wanted to sock me one, (just as I typed that, a song (Luv is a Verb) said "POW!"), so I raised my fists defensively. She backed down. She looked a little freaked out, actually.

Looking back on it, I guess I just asked that question, then raised my fists with a wide-eyed look of horror on my face...so yeah, I guess she was a little freaked out.


The good thing is, I got some shopping done. I got something that's been high on my list for a long while. Splatter guards. I'm going to see if they work tonight. What they are is screens you set over the pan. Apparently, they allow steam to escape but not oil...I doubt.

Also, I got a new knife. It's a Santoku knife, or "Japanese better-than-you-blade." Our old Santoku was 6". This one is 7". It's cool, with a red handle, the handle has silicone in it. Very sharp. Not as sharp as our newly sharpened 8" chef's, though. Speaking of which, I sharpened all three knives the other day- seagull, shorty, and chef's. Those are their nicknames!


Also, I got a lemon squisher. I know what you're saying- "Kev, lemon squishers are the things of demon fairy tales!" Well, I bought one. It works pretty good! It'd be tons better with lemons bigger than walnuts, though. Our lemon supplier sucks ...lemons. LOL I CAME UP WITH THAT INSTANTLY!


Also, I got a bell (DINGKING LOL), and two cutting boards. You know when the last time I bought a cutting board intentionally was?

Oh...it was...two years ago...

I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

I remember, right before you get to the maze with guards before Zelda...at this point, my Mom had done some shopping for Father's Day (I told her what to get). We got, for Dad, of course, a cutting board. A wooden cutting board. 21" by 17" I think...not entirely sure. We still have it. The point is, I had been playing Zelda. I was playing Zelda while harboring the gifts in my room. Heh heh heh.

Oh, and a razor. We still have the razor. Why does this apply? Well, two years later, yesterday exactly, I HAVE BOUGHT TWO NEW CUTTING BOARDS!

Some time ago, me and my Granny bought a set of Kitchenaid cutting boards, unintentionally. I didn't go "looking" for cutting boards. They're real nice. Sadly, my family does not appreciate the art of not messing things Kev loves up. They used...they...they used...


"It's OK, Kev. Just point to what they used."

(Kev points slowly to serrated knife)

"OK, Kev. And where did they use this? Show us on the anatomically correct cutting board."
(Kev takes knife, and looks down)
"Kev, it's alright. No one can hurt you here. You're safe. Just show us what they did. Can you do that?"

(Kev, after a few seconds, starts breathing heavily, freaking out, then starts sawing on the cutting board insanely with the knife, screaming without pause, eyes unfocused)
(someone in the audience breaks down crying, the jury looks shocked, the judge calls for order)





...uh, also, I got two new notebooks. My TA notebook is 2/3 of the way full. These ones are twice as big though, I didn't think of that as a problem...but it does pose a few. One, that the pen doesn't fit snugly in the wire binding, two, that it will take 8 months to fill it. And it is hard to hold...too heavy.

Got a few more things, as well. I got a new digital thermometer. The cutting boards are Real Small and Medium Sized, by the way. And I got two packs, one black, one blue, of new BiC Round Stics! As you may know, Round Stics are my favorite kind of pen.


Long post. Now I am off to be torn between playing Star Wars Rogue Leader: Rogue Squadron II, and cleaning the house. I had my parents pick up SWRL:RSII last Wednesday. It was actually cheaper at GameCrazy than Half.com. Go figure.

What IS This Thing?

Now, any young lad of 17 and a half occasionally comes across something that's foreign to him.

For example, math or history.

Just walk into a doctor office.
"What's that, doc?"
"That's a hydropoplentificaladronator."
"...OK."
Or,
"OH NO, WHAT'S THAT THING DOCTOR?!"
"It's ...oh it's so useless explaining it to you."
or
"Hey doc, what's that?"
"A needle, Kev, now hold still. Also, I am a not a doctor, I am a nurse."

Very common in professional treatment facilities. Heck, even in stores. But your own house?

I came out of my room. I slept an hour late this morning, because I was up an hour late. I really just laid there tossing and turning until I decided to get up, so I might as well have been up.

I was standing in my doorway. You know the way a deers nostrils flare and it's ears move when there's a hunter it thinks it sees? That was me.

So I got low to the ground, and snaked my way into the kitchen. Something wasn't right. I could feel it in my marrow.

Then I saw it. Sitting on the table. I wrenched back defensively, letting out a warning hiss, and grabbing two spoons and hitting them together to form a rattling sound.

What IS this thing? I thought to myself.
It definitely isn't a bar of gold. Gold is, what color is gold anyways?
I picked it up, and began examining it. Something like, 5"x4"x1/2". Hmmm. Plastic material- like a cutting board. Maybe that's what it is.


So I set off to examine the piece. I have no idea what it is. I thought,

Maybe it's a refrigerator magnet. Nope. As you can see, I have to hold it in place, and it has neither emergency/pizza information or a witty phrase.

Then I thought,

Maybe it goes in the breaker box? Nope. It won't fit, one, and two, it clearly has nothing to do with electricity- three, I wasn't feeling lucky today. Then I decided to try the next best thing- maybe, just maybe, it's a...

Sadly, I discover it is NOT a door magnet which mysteriously sticks only onto doors. So, I went the other direction- maybe it's a...

Tortilla? No. Darn. This is our tortilla pan. It is not an egg, either, I discovered. Then I decided to follow up on my cutting-board hunch...

Drat. It isn't a cutting board- and, as you can see, it isn't a banana, either. I am confounded. So, I thought, maybe,

Maybe it's a Jesus Book! Nope. Not a Jesus Book...maybe it's my

No, it isn't my left foot. Close, though. If that isn't the case, maybe it's a can of

The San Francisco Treat!...nope. Not a can of the San Francisco Treat. DRAT. It could be a half gallon of

Goat milk...but no. It doesn't say "MILK" with a date on it and pound count. :(
HEY, MAYBE IT'S...

Nope, still not a banana. Then I have one guess left. I've already tested it for being a car battery, table leg, television screen, door hinge, blanket, litter box, shoelace, stereo, pair of underwear, a website, phone, box of dominoes, box of crackers, a bowl, a chair, an airplane/rocket ship, a car tire, a transformer toy, a carpet cleaner, a windmill, a shotgun, dirt, teething toy, the game Super Mario Sunshine, a telephone pole, a light bulb, a 25 lb bag of bread flour...my final guess...



Oh drat. It isn't a Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Jesus Book.


Well then, I have no idea what this alien contraption is. I've considered it's a futuristic handheld gaming system, but I doubt...I may never know...it does not seem threatening, and I don't think it emits radiation. So it's probably safe to be around...but still...can you ever really know?

I mean, transformers- they are disguised as cars, right? Well, no. They are disguised as 30-foot-long sports cars. Those are easy to pick out. But this...this doesn't even have anything it's pretending to be! What if it's a comet?! OR A DEAD BODY IN DISGUISE?!


...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!! DEAD BODY!@

Oops, I did it Again

Man I feel weird for that title. Weird. As in a, sort of, like a guard feels in Goldeneye when Invisible cheat is on. Speaking of Invisible cheat...you know I've never used one in Perfect Dark?

Wow. That's hurtful. I am going to order a Gameshark sometime. Oh, my memories of Gamesharks...


It all began back when I was young. No, younger. That's right. The tender, young age. My Mom's ex-boyfriend, named Dave, bought me a Nintendo 64.

It was the greatest day of my young life. I don't want to devalue the long, long winters, but those were long, sweet months, full of cold, and not just days or events.

I remember it as if it had just recently occurred..."Hey, Kev." My Mom said in a type of interrogatory fashion. "Dave is going to buy you an N64 tomorrow."

My heart stopped. It had previously been supplying blood to my vital organs. I can't remember if I fell down or jumped up in the air like a frog in the blender, but I was happy. Oh, the joy.

I don't have any idea how I slept that night. I think I slept with visions of N64s rifling through my private thoughts. Violently. As if trying to locate, I don't know, an old bottle of super glue. I thank God right here and now, that I did not get a Playstation. No offense to you Sony fans out there, of course.


My previous experience with the famed AWNINTENDO 64PWN, as I thought of it back then, was two experiences. First, my uncle used to work at a video game store. He would trade in games like they were cheap, dirty, filthy sluts. And he treated them as cheap, dirty, filthy sluts as well. He would use them once, then get bored of them, and turn them in for the next girl. That fool. He would have no idea the glory and joy of having a full harem of games, which do not resemble cheap, dirty, filthy sluts. Pure and clean games. Games with hearts. Games which can hold an intelligent conversation- games which you could bring home to Mom.

I remember he was amazed at the fact I knew how to hold an N64 paddle. Apparently, not many did. Not without previous exposure. The game I played was Super Mario 64. He later traded in his system. The kinds of shuffled-around, dirty whores of games he shuffled around dirtily probably gave his system an equivalent of an STD. That dirty, filthy system.


He then bought a Sony Playstation. I believe the two games I saw on that was, I am tempted to say, Carmageddon. It was at least a Car combat game- I don't know, honestly. The other was, and I have no proof for this, Lara Croft. I just know it. I can feel it, sense it in my memories, taste the very dripping oozing of the bare, explosive fact that it was my first ever experience with a Tomb Raider game. I remember very graphically, as if even then my tiny mind could sense the fact I would need to remember it.


Second, my Mom did some housework for some people, and me and my Brother would go with her. I never really played theirs; just once I remember, and it was Super Mario 64. The level with the Boo's. I also heard of Goldeneye: 007 from them (strangely, no gameplay), and Diddy Kong Racing. I forgot it was Diddy Kong Racing though, and confused it with Mario Kart all these years.

They were also impressed that I knew how to hold the paddle. It was just instinctual for me I guess.


So, back to my N64. Which, God help me, I don't know if I still have- all I know is I now have on with a RAM pak and I love it more than a man should love an inanimate object. It came with Goldeneye: 007. I think I remember I was a fan of James Bond at that point, as I somehow knew of Goldeneye, so I said "OH MY GOSH I WANT A 007 GAME MOMS!"

I apparently used to call my Mom "Moms." You know, I don't think I really liked video games before the N64 (I did, but I only had three games, as I didn't know how to research and buy other ones- I kinda thought only a few games existed!). So, the next morning, I was so happy.

I think I peed my pants. Regardless, he delivered the N64. This was, of course, a clever ploy to get me to like him. As they say, "When you want at a bitch, get with her friends. Or buy her kids things- either way is the fast track to the bedroom!" That's just a general guideline, I'm not, you know, applying that to my Mom. Well, you know what I mean.

I didn't fall for it. I didn't hate the guy, but I didn't like him. Apparently, I had no idea the extent of their relationship. One time, he told me, "I'm going to be your new Dad soon, so you'd better grow some balls, because I won't have an effeminate little bitch as a son."

I thought he was bluffing. Later, come to find out, him and my Mom were going to get married 2 months before she broke up with him. He actually broke up with her I guess. His #1 problem was that me and my brother used more than 1 square of toilet paper, and didn't flush the toilet.
Seriously.


So, I popped Goldeneye in. Oh boy! I remember I killed a few guards. They died. I couldn't open the door...or the gate rather. Then my Mom discovered the B button opened doors. Ever since then, it has been smooth as...as...well, think of something really smooth. And sumptuous.


Then, I have NO IDEA how, I got a Gameshark. One day, it just...arrived. "What the HELL is this thing?!" I asked my Mom. "This looks nothing like a Gameshark! It has no fins!!! And it's shaped WRONG!"

"You enter codes into it, Kev." She said condescendingly. "Oh." I replied, astonished. "I will try it then." It worked pretty well. Then it broke.

Broke. I didn't just misspell "bloke." It broke.


All those months of sweet, long gaming sessions. Gone. Well, actually, the Gameshark held no ground in that- cause well, it's just memories. No...data lost. The memories weren't even lost.

Then, one night, I had an urge to get a Gameshark. "MOOOOOOMS!" I yelled from the game room, which doubled as the bedroom. "WHAT DO YOU WAAAAAANT" she yelled from the living room which doubled as the computer room. "A GAMESHAAAARK!" We went to a KMart, and the rest was history. Not recorder history, just, you know.

I have no idea how I could get the things I wanted, as apparently we were poorer than the service at the local candy shop. Because... there wasn't a local candy shop. That's apparently how poor we were. We were so poor that we were poorer than the service at a candy shop which didn't exist. I had to make up a candy shop- a made up candy shop. It is a candy shop which doesn't exist, not just in the real world, but it was created with the idea in mind that it doesn't even exist in its made up form. Then, on top of not existing even in its own made-up universe, its service sucks.

So we were poorer than the service at a made-up candy shop which didn't even exist in its made-up form. That's how poor we were.

I will regale you with stories of my childhood some other time. For now, onto today's events. I once again forgot to post. So here I am!

Two more packages arrived today. The one from World Net Daily, and Diddy Kong Racing. All the books, except for The Marketing of Evil, arrived. It is on backorder. One book is really interesting, by a chick named Cassandra Walker. If not for her picture on the cover, I would think of Cassandra, the Queen Lord in Battletanx: Global Assault. Oh man that game owned.

Cassandra in Battletanx: Global Assault is a...well, the female population of earth is wiped out almost entirely. The remaining women, only a VERY FEW, control the male populace with their feminine wiles. If you know what I mean. She is a redhead, and she looks totally evil. I seem to remember her holding a whip, or having one on her side, or something, only adding to her evilness.

I tried to watch Goldeneye last night, but it sucked too much. I only got halfway through before I got so exhausted from watching it I had to just turn it off. Either, it's boring, or I am too familiar with the story.

I watched that movie so much when I was a kid, I could say everyones lines. Wow. I was a FREAK, huh?


I think I'm gonna watch The World Is Not Enough tonight. Goodnight. This post took a mere two hours, lol

The Digital Voice Recorder

Well, sometime ago, I mentioned that it was one of my deepest, darkest dreams to own a digital voice recorder.

Well, yesterday, my Mom called. "Hey, Kev, why are you still in bed? It's 11:30 AM!" she said.

"Well, I was tired, Mom. And I was up until 2 AM. What time is it?"

"11:30! AM! Half an hour until Noon!" she replied.

"Oh."

"So Kev, I found a voice recorder at Walmart for $30. Regular $45."

"Wow! Get it! Does it transfer to computer? How many hours does it record? It's digital right?"

"Yeah Kev, it's digital. It has included USB cable - it's even the one you need to transfer pixxxs to your comp straight from a camera so you can stop taking mine! Also, it records up to 18 hours in low quality, and 10.5 hours in medium quality!"

"Yes. Get it."

"Okay."

It is an RCA. Model RP5030. It is neat! I am right now listening to a clip I took of my Turok 2: Seeds of Evil gameplay. 23 minutes of recording is about 2.6 MB. Which is neat.

It also lets you use it as a type of iPod thing. The only thing is, it isn't optimized for that, I don't think. Like, you'd have to manually select the file. I think. I assume, at least. I won't be listening to music on it. I think. At least, I assume so.

Lol, there went Adon. "Harpoon gun. Your oxygen is low." Some things she says sound reeaally like a four-year-old did it when played on the recorder. In the last second of some things she says...it just...sounds like...a little girl did it. She has a light, light english accent, and I don't think the VA has an English accent, so it f...ROFL, I went through some hell there. That was when that sharpshooter Blind One jumped me. Anyways, and her voice echoes. One of the best voiceovers...or...the best voiceover, I have ever heard. Her voice was crap compared in Turok 3. :(




My Mom is mad at me. I threw away some food. It was frozen, and it was unlabelled, and we need space for the beef. She wants me to- get this- OPEN UP whatever I throw away, and wash it off- unbeknownst to me what the hell it is- and THEN throw it away. Sowwy. Not doing that. The thing is, most likely, it is bad anyways. If it is unmarked, and it looks like crap, it's getting thrown away.


It's trippy listening to myself. I have a good voice, actually. I just need to learn to...I don't know. Talk clearer, I think. I will be ordering The People Under The Stairs soon. It is one of my favorite movies.


...ROFL. I just said, on the tape I made (after a horribly splattery sound) "...I just cut his head off." Lol! So matter-of-factly. Next on my list is a DVD Recorder. I need it by Monday so I can tape that upcoming bloc of Anime on Sci-Fi. I think at least, I probably won't like half of it. I cannot stand Adult Swim's commercials and bumpers. Lame.

TA Update

Well, I'm not getting a terribly far distance. In fact, I am going through a faltering period, much as when I was sick. Last time I was sick I completely lost the will to continue on with TA, and for weeks afterward. That's how I remember it, at least.

The old refrigerator (we had three fridges, and we have two stand up freezers, Al Gore would kill himself!) got taken away. Actually, we got our neighbors old one (it had a funny smell, and he's a Jew). So, also, my Dad's job needs a refrigerator. So we gave them our old one. And we WERE going to get this new one, the neighbors, but then we realized how much we LOVE the empty space. We could put SHELVES there for the pans and stuff! Oh baby!

Why is this relevant in a TA update post, you ask? Well, that fridge is where I was putting my tape. I put tape up and write on it with a marker I keep in the kitchen. So when I'm doing dishes or something, or cooking, I can just walk over and write down what I just thought of. It has to be tape so that I can then remove it and put it on aluminum foil, and then keep the hard copy. It's a thing I do.


I feel confident I could do some voices. Hopefully at least one of the main character's, and of course a few others. Such as the dudes who try to con people into buying stuff (think: Chet Rippo).

I still haven't figured out what kind of world they would be in. I don't want it to be as the current world (it might offend some people, honestly), but I also want to be able to make jokes about, say, the French. I was originally thinking of having something crazy happen during the 1500's or so, that changes the way things turn out. See, I also want common things- such as, I want ...say an AK-47, not some unnamed, made-up gun no-one will recognize.

The only problem about an incident occurring in 1500's is that then the US wouldn't have been formed. Of course, I could go off the theory that everything still happened as it did. Which I would.

Then again, I also want different things to happen. Such as, I don't want airplanes. Very few- I will attribute that to society's wishes (such as, people will travel less). Helicopters would be used (somewhat extensively) in their stead. Also, less space exploration. I don't know if there will be satellites.

Also, the continents would be closer together (some of them actually merging). Kings would still be around, albeit they would work off of a different system. I don't have the idea of this down yet, but I do know that the "enemy" (IE, not Team's continent) would have a face, or a King which is ...the popular King I guess. Then the actual King behind him, which doesn't make public appearances, but has the real power. The Face would be the dude who makes the speeches, and he would still have a relatively large amount of power. Also, he would be replaced somewhat often (rarely living out their "terms"), as he dies if the people so choose due to civil unrest.

There would be two MAIN continents, and I would like a neutral continent between them. This one would, well, be neutral. There would be a few other smaller continents (like Australia). Weather would be slightly different. I'd like to see a man-made floating island on the other side of the earth, as the continents will be gathered together more-also, extensive sailing. I need to study up on the continents. What do they call that, continentography?


I am having trouble connecting the chapters. I have bits and pieces of the storyline together, including some serious ending ideas, but I need to think of more pieces. Such as, I can't figure out the beginning (you know, how it connects), but I DO think I have an idea for the beginning "enemy." That's right, I am going about this like I'm making a video game, and there are levels. Brilliance!



I don't yet have a grasp of how ruthlessly, brutally difficult it will be making a series like this by myself. Just making it is hard enough, but then I have to get voice actors to work together. It's bad enough finding someone to voice every once and a while, such as the voice for Ness's, uhh, I can't think of the word. Adoptive father, I guess? He will make appearances near the beginning, really all the way through. And definitely at the end, so I'll need someone willing to continue voice acting for several years.

Then, Ness's voice and, God forbid I need to find a VA (voice actor duh) for Dan. I could imagine, that the only way to fully finish the series, would be years of production. I guess an average Flash episode is like, 8 minutes long. And 15 minutes, people get bored. I would say each episode would take two weeks if I REALLY worked on it- and that's only after I have momentum from previous episodes. Probably a month if I didn't work on it THAT much, and some would probably take only a few days if I already had the stuff drawn and just had to animate a bit and put voices and sound effects.


But the voice actor for Ness would, first off, have to be talented. Which would cut off at least 95% of people I would meet in real life- it takes soo much more than the ability to act to be a voice actor. Then, she would have to stick with voice acting- probably often- for years. Or, I could go the other way, and animate it all, then in a few years add sound and voice acting. But boy, that'd be slow work with little payoff until I begin adding voice actors and publishing, also, I'd miss out on any suggestions they may have, and their acting of the characters lines may call for differing expressions or actions, or even lead to a different event occurring. You know?



Of course you do. So now you're somewhat updated, and I've thought out my plans somewhat. I do feel a strong leading from God to join a church. This would open alot of doors.

Like Les Feldick says, God generally talks to you by open and closed doors. If a door is closed, you don't push it, you just wait for the open door. And like Hal Lindsey says, God knows what's good for you, and praying for Him to change that will not end up right. Rebecca St. James is playing right now. I love this song. "Forgive me."


Soo, Song of the Day is "Forgive Me" by Rebecca St. James, on her If I Had One Chance To Tell You Something album!



SAMUS ARAN SAMUS ARAN METROID METROID PRIME OMG METROID PRIME SAMUS ARAN HAH! Metroid tag!1

Uhh, nothing really

Edited and updated Sunday, July 8th, 2007





Apparently, when you're younger, you remember things awesomely. I remember when I was ten or so, I owned Goldeneye's maps. Not so much I was great, but I remember a lot of detail about them. I sucked actually.

I still do to this day. Uhm, remember them, that is. Worded that badly.


Yet, recently, and I am smarter, I cannot recall many (if any!) of Perfect Dark's maps. Perfect Dark had almost the EXACT same engine as Goldeneye. The characters moved the same, it was...basically that engine with new characters and a little better graphics.

A game engine is what runs a game. For example, in Command and Conquer: Generals, they use a certain engine, the SAGE engine. For Command and Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars, they use the same engine. I am fairly certain some of the more popular FPS, such as Halo and, I dunno, like, Half life or whatever? Use the same engine. Also, Metroid Prime 1 and 2 use the same engine (or at least, they're very similar). Also, Banjo Kazooie and Donkey Kong: 64 used similar (probably the same) game engine. The list goes on.


Then when I was, I think, from 13.5 to 16 years old playing MUD games, or Multi-User-Dungeon. Online. They were text-based, so I had to imagine a lot of the stuff. Also, I had to remember the ways to places.

Every once and a while, I get a craving to play this game. Cause it only really takes like two or four hours a day to play (I mean, you know, more or less, some stretches could go 7 hours). I entertain the thought a bit, and think, well, I do have three or four hours of free time, during which I am bored.

I start thinking, you know, I could get this, get four of these and start a game, and now I have highspeed internet, but I know I don't like the game. I don't even know if my old gang is around. Lemme see. I kinda abandoned them you know, they haven't had any way to contact me for over a year. I didn't just LEAVE, but I left.


Well, it appears that Mike and Joe and Brian are still fighting the good fight, all in the same clan. Jason is inactive it seems. So is Amy.

By the way, I ordered my Mommy a new keyboard and mouse. She is going to be like, "Wow, Kev, you were smart to do that research! You are the good son!"

Hmm.

Be right back. I downloaded it and am going to log on real quick.

Okay, I am back. It appears they weren't online, just have stars around their names because they are staff. Lol, about the time I left all my friends became staff members (not many people become staff, like 5 or 6 out of 500 people were staff). Well, about seven of my old friends became staff. Weird, huh? I ran in the best crowd I could find. There were four crowds. One of power-hungry misfits, one of good players, another of good players (although somewhat dispersed), and one of lameasses. It occurs to me that if I stuck around another few months, I most likely would have became staff as well. I would have turned it down.

...and those are also divided into "skill-wise" and "personality-wise." So some of them sucked because they had bad characters, and some sucked because they were idiots.


Well, another day. I COULD leave a memo for one of them. Say something noobish, like, "how do i get 2 resthaven." Okay, I did it. I memoed Aeryn, AKA Brian. I am going to make contact with the people I knew more on a personal basis first. Like I said, I don't like the game anymore, so I will not become addicted.



Oh, and the point of this post was led astray. I will address it one day.

Let me tell you a story

A story of when I was a youngster, a mere infant of 14 or so. Years. Please welcome the "Dark Memory Lane" label. Rofl.



It was a clear and cloudless night, about 8 PM I think. It was dark outside, so it must have been winter or something. There is no level of light outside that can be categorized as 'dark' when it's summer, after all. But I had this fear of the rapture. You know, of the church.

I figured that my fear of the rapture was normal, as when you're young, it's your duty to experience things, and it goes against your instincts to think that you might not be able to experience them. Plus, once you get older, you realize just how much this world SUCKS. Heh heh he. That was a shot at humanity. Suckers.

Anyways, it's the natural progress of things. I am over it now. But back then, I woke up late. I mean, it was like 8 PM, so I slept REAL late. I think I got drugged. So I woke up, without my glasses on (it was when I first started to wear glasses), and I couldn't see right. Then I went out into the living room to see what was up with my family. Sure enough, THEY WERE GONED!



Actually, this probably also has some relation to that time when I was 8 when my Mom was going to college, and I thought she abandoned me to go on a boat cruise and marry some rich guy, leaving me the words, "sorry my son, sorry." Oh, how I will remember that day for eternity!

The events of that night led to me and my brother almost being taken away from my Mom, and, also, led to a comet almost hitting the earth, obliterating all life forever! That night SUCKED, now that I think about it!


So anyways, my family was GONED! My parents weren't in their room, and, on the stove, THREE POTS BURNING AWAY! You could SEE the flames! Rising out of the pots like evil, demonic wisps of ASPS! Hissing their evil, merry hiss of delight! Rising forty feet high, into the heavens! Birds, charred out of the sky, the flames out of the roof erupting like DODGE BALLS ALIGHT! What horrific thing might have happened?!

Then it hit me! It hit me like a stale piece of bread, dripping with fire, dripping with BURNING ACID! The acid was also on fire! As you could imagine, it STUNG! I began running through the house, looking frantically in every crevice! I even invented a word to widen the categories of places I could look! I called it "Everice," from Ever(y) (cre)vice! Behind every bookshelf! Under the toilet! THEY WERE NOWHERE! OH MY GOSH! My last resort, I bolted to the back door! I THREW IT OPEN, AND there they were! I returned to my room shaken, and threw down the last of my whiskey. It burned, and then I realized how stupid it was. I had to get something in my stomach before it pwnt me.




I didn't really have any whiskey, it just made it sound interesting I think. So anyways, since I didn't have my glasses, I kinda mistook the steam of spaghetti, sauce and vegetables boiling, simmering and steaming, respectively, for the demonic licks of flames rising unto the heavens. Like I said, I didn't have my glasses, it's a common mistake amongst those who wear glasses. Normal.


Ever since that night, I have freaked out every time my parents disappear. Not often, but it happens. Like this morning. I am awoken by Little J, my Mom's prized fighting Pit Bull, "tearer of a thousand throats" is his nickname around the ring actually, but I digress. He was barking.

So I sit up, en angered. Steam begins wafting out of my ears, at least I think so, I didn't have my glasses on at this point, and it was dark so...I mean, whew, I'm practically hallucinating without my glasses AND in the dark. So I wait for my Dad to get up and start beating LJ. I hate beating that damn dog, he whimpers too much. It's like playing a violin (I assume). It's not hard to do, but it WHINES real loud. I digress.


When my Dad failed to effectively put an end to the dogs' rampaging, I had to do it. I got the beating stick, or baseball bat as it's more popularly called, and went out there. I was thinking, there was someone on the roof or something, and it like, alerted LJ. So I was on full alert. Then I realized my parents' door was open. This was natural to me, as it would mean LJ tore it off the hinges in his rampaging.

So I went to their door. "Hey guys, you awake?"

Nothing.


So I went and got a 1-gallon can of tomato sauce, and pitched it at their beds. They have two beds, one for them, one for the dog. Well, the dog takes the big bed. So I pitched it at their bed and waited.

Nothing.


So I went and put the 12" cast iron skillet in the oven, and set it to broil. About 40 minutes later, I got a beach towel and pitched it at their bed.

Nothing.


Then I realized that their bed was made! "Wow," I thought to myself. "They made their bed before they got raptured? Impressive!" But then I realized, maybe they were at work! They DO get up at 3:30 AM every morning to go to work after all. 17.5-hour work days FTW! I peered at the clock, and it was 4:30 AM! Once again, I was wrong. I hadn't been left behind. Curse that time where I thought my Mom abandoned me to marry some rich guy on a yacht! Curse that time to the PITS!!!1oneoen

[end]

I GOT THAT GENDERLESS MOONCALF!

Ohh, today was a most fine day! I got me a genderless mooncalf! I hate that damned thing! But I'm getting ahead of myself.


Today surprisingly I got water. With my Dad, in fact. Also, I got hay. It was fun! We took Little J, our dog, the only dog who can stay inside whenever he wants. Hannah can also. The other three are yard dogs. We got ten bales. And two loads of water, I should only have to get three loads this week. (does an "unmasked Midna smile")


Also, we've decided, or, by 'we,' I mean 'my Dad has realized,' that working on the weekend is pretty much dead end. My Mom wants to cut my pay. I'm making about $5 an hour as it is. She'll prolly want to cut me down to $2.50. So, I make $80 a week normally, and another $20 when they leave to work on the weekend. Then I get $20 from the neighbor for the water, so I can buy a little under a Nintendo DS Lite each week. It's wearing on me though, and I am looking forward to being cash strapped again. Currently, I am halfway to being mugged.


I also made doughnuts. Yes, I made them with yeast! And oil! And they didn't turn out quite as good as my Mom's do. I made a little over a dozen...and glazed them. There were some cops outside of our gate chatting, so I made them as a joke. You know, incase they wanted to search our house, we could offer them some doughnuts to...leave us be, hehehe.


We had chili for dinner. Well, my parents did. I don't enjoy chili. I enjoy beans. I love them! Chili, that just makes me sick! Damn nasty chili. Eeehwhe (shudders)


I decided the stress factor here is due to the goats. Every single day, when my parents are on their way home, they're all happy, right? Then they get home and they're in a HORRIBLE IRRITABLE MOOD!

Then, on the weekends, they're fine until milking time, when they TRANSFORM INTO GOATMILKINGTON SUE AND ARNY! OH MY GOSH!


That's what I'll call them. Sue and Arny the goat milkers. I'll say stuff like, "heh heh heh there goes Sue and Arny, huh, Matt?" And he'll be like, "yeah, there goes sue, there goes arny, I wonder if they're gonna milk?" and I'll be like, "Welll what else they ever do?!?!11/" and we'll both laugh. Ahhh, good times. Good times...that...haven't happened yet..



The greatest part about today is that...tomorrow...WALKER, TEXAS RANGER'S TIME SCHEDULE RETURNS TO NORMAL! That being, 5 AM to 9 AM, 4 PM to 6 PM, and 10 PM to Midnight! That's right, eight hours of hard-hitting Texas Justice EACH DAY! AAAAAHHHHWWWWAAAAAAAAAA (voice breaks) aaaaaaaaaahahah (coughing)

Sorry...so, I told you before about that damn Pokemon named Mesprit, right? Runs like a tail-turning follybird? Well, it's genderless, and it's a damn MOONCALFY FREAK JELLYPANTS!! THAT'S RIGHT! IT WEARS JELLY AS PANTS! As in, you know, like, ...jelly legs. Like...feelers. You know what I mean!!!


This all started back when I got the ability to go underground in the game. I saw, "wi-fi," and I walked away. It turns out, it's only local wi-fi, meaning, if I had someone next to me, we could play together...not as in Nintendo Wi-Fi connection. So blah on me, I could have done lots better. Aanyways, I then discovered I could use the Heart Scale to pay the move learner! OH MY GOSH! You see...



...have I told you about Roselia? I didn't evolve her until she was past learning some great moves, so I missed out. But the move re-learner can...y'know, re-learn those moves! OH ME OH MIY! So, I desperately searched for some aid in capturing that fiendish Mesprit, that wenchy jerkward!...and, sure enough, Roselia could learn GrassWhistle, which puts things to sleep. So, after ...like 8+ hours of off and on Walker, Texas Ranger and desperately trying for Mesprit, I put it to sleep, and...it ran. IT WAS ASWEAP AND IT STILL RUNNED ><

But then, I caught it the very next time I saw it with the first Quick Ball. After I had used 20+ of those and 15+ of others with only two close shots. I caught Azelf with one quick ball, for the records. But oh, imagine my joy, when:

Gotcha!
Mesprit was caught!

Oh, joy joy joy. Well I'm not that happy. Moreso relieved! Now I can go after Uxie, and then go try to complete my Pokedex...then go face off against that jerk Ralph. He's my rival. I named him that so I can call him (offensively) "Raaaaaalphy!"...yeah. And, by the way, for the log book...yesterday I beat the Elite Four, and it was tough. Took me three hours. Or so...man. Then I got to the battle tower, and I can get- get this- in half an hour, 30k worth of stuff. I get 30k worth of stuff in 10 minutes when I farm the rich kids! This is madness! You're all CRAZY!

Kev Let This One Slip Under The Fridge!

I like the Paper Mario franchise. It's awesome, I will tell you what. Moreso Paper Mario 2. One of the most awesome games I know of. The arena really stands out for me...I think it REALLY needed a bit more mystery (I would milk an idea like that for all it's worth, then some), but that's okay, I suppose. Also the other fighters needed to change ranking and stuff...weird. I would've put an entire team just on that one level. Why was it not so obvious to the developers?


I loved the turn-based fighting, too. It was so challenging racking your brain trying to beat those damn green-blue-purple Wizzerds. You know, the ones in the Pit of 100 Trials. Plus, you could walk away at any time. Fun thing, turn-based fighting. Good turn-based fighting, at least. I will play the first Paper Mario once it's on Virtual Console, for sure. I just...can't use the N64 controller. The analog stick makes me cry on and off, and it's just not good for either of us.


Now, usually there are months of warnings when a Nintendo first-party game is released. This game didn't seem to have that, as I let it slip under the fridge! Apparently Super Paper Mario was released last Monday.


...all I want to do right now is play that one level of Generals, where you have to avoid the stadium full of angry fans. But it's actually GLA Angry Mobs, but it's like...you know. With the trains. I think Black Lotus, too. I remember hackers, at least...man, I wonder if I ever beat that level? I remember my Mom brought home one of those Garlic bread, I think focaccia garlic bread things from CostCo. That bread is very nostalgiac for me. So garlicky, so little time.


I digress. Apparently, Super Paper Mario isn't the same as the previous two. It's a platformer. That's right. Like Super Mario World.


If you raised your fist in front of your face very slowly, then clenched it bitterly, I'm with you 100%. Apparently, the game is pretty good. I don't know, I mean, I DON'T get tired of Paper Mario 1 and 2. I don't think, "Man, this SUCKS! I wish Nintendo would make a game slightly like this but not like this!"


I don't mean to assume things, but ...I don't think Nintendo needs to worry about fans getting tired of repeated gameplay styles. Come on, for the last 500 years Princess Peach has been kidnapped, starting off a wild adventure. Nintendo's rabid fans won't get tired of mouth-watering RPG-centered Paper Mario action this quickly.


I will see about having my dearest parents pick this game up tomorrow. With mournful resentment that it isn't turn-based. From the explanations of it I've heard, the game is basically
a side-scrolling platformer with a crappy 3D mode and the only RPG elements are a leveling system, and you and enemies have HP. Let me go watch a video of the gameplay.

Okay, it's more or less that...the food system is still in place, and the partner system (although the partners appear to have no personality). Sheesh...I don't know about this game. In one month it'll be $20 cheaper.





I could throw in an extra $80 and get a DS Lite. I have been wanting to try one of those. See, if I would have just bought one months ago, I wouldn't have to consider this now. Do I want to look back on this in two months and think the same thing again?!


If I got a DS Lite, I would get Pokemon Diamond to go with it.

Weird, huh? Yeah, I like the classic gameboy Pokemon game, you wanna fight about it? The last and first one I played was Pokemon Blue. I would be skipping a few generations, and now the pokemon count is up to (close to) 500 (it WAS 149), so I would have to memorize alot of stuff.

I don't like pokemon, you couldn't say I'm a fanboy, but I liked the Blue for gameboy. I like the quietness of it. Just silence. Kinda repetitive. Maybe the newer ones are different. I definitely need DS exposure, that's for (attempts to hold back snicker) exposure! (snickering uncontrollably)





By the way, I was just too tired to post yesterday.

For the Super Paper Mario download, I had a download speed of 9.5 kbps, as opposed to the usual 70+ kbps. As you know, dialup users have faster than 9.5. So I restarted the router and now it's working fine again. It took me THIS long to realize how slow my connection was, lol, it's been messing with me for some time, my Mom too I think.

Is it just me, or does the Gravity Suit Samus figure look like the greatest thing that could be put on a wall and made a shrine out of? My God. That's the most beautiful representation of a gravity suit I've ever seen. As long as the shininess isn't simulated. Man. How shiny. Now I see why Israel got into idol worship!

They have Zero Suit Samus up now, too. Based on Echoes...uh, does she REALLY need all those lines in that thing? I mean, I can understand the power suit, but the Zero suit? They seem like they're 'obviously' going along with the theme...you know...like, not just a suit she wears, but like, developed by someone. You know what I mean? I'm certain you don't.


I couldn't imagine Samus going into a tailor and saying, "Hey, I need a flight suit made to go along with this (activates power suit)." I don't know about you personally, but if I were a tailor, and some chick walked into my tailoring outfit (tailor humor, you wouldn't understand),
and said she needed a suit made to go along with SPPPPPUUUSHHHHH some crazy orange power suit thing, the likes of which I've never even heard of, I'd play dead and hope she splits.

More tailoring humor, there. You know. Splits. Like, banana split. You know...car tire split. See, you just wouldn't understand. I like the blue, though. It makes sense. Who would expect that orange ball of hate to contain, among other things, something blue? Not me. Okay, well, I would, but if I didn't know ...(sighs) you know what I mean.

Also...is that suit just a liiiiiittle too tight?


I think it's just a liiittle too tight.

Kev the Destroyer: Kitchen

Well it's been 2 long weeks since the Kitchen laid its mess at Kev's feet
And it burned inside its cupboards the way it suffered that defeat
In the darkest of its bowels the Kitchen hatched an evil plan
To tempt Destroyer's brother for he's just a mortal man
"His brothers hunger," the Kitchen cried is what will do Kev in
"I thought we had this settled, why're you dirty again?"





Welcome the 'Things I Like' tag!
Man. There's this Asian chick on GOD TV (this channel seems like it pwns!), and she's PSYCHO. I mean, like, just her style of preaching is psycho, but not in a bad way. She seems pretty sharp, unless she uses the same routine every time...

I like her pants. They're awesome. Kinda like, I think cargo pants, but they're not as loose as cargo pants. Halfway between cargo pants and jeans, with jeanlike pockets (5 pockets instead of 50), and an elastic band at the bottom of the pant leg, and they go 1/3rd down her calves.


A few hours later, I continue writing, and now Joyce Meyers is on. Eww.


Me and my Mom had a fight (not so much a fight, but an 'argument'). She says I'm turning into a jerk, I used to be a nice person, etc. etc. Blah blah blah on and on!


...me and my parents have an arrangement, any time I have to cook dinner while they're gone, I make $20 (seeing's how dinner takes some hours, then usually the rest I am 'watching' Matt). So today I made $20, and made some more money earlier this week. I haven't yet decided what to spend it on. I already donated $40.00 to Les Feldick, and I am considering getting a BB gun (Blowgun isn't that accurate up to 200 feet I guess?!), and I need a curtain. I should at LEAST pay for the materials (thanks for agreeing to make it Mom!). I want it big, and bordered and held up by Velcro- that way I can completely remove it when it rains.

Also, for some strange reason, I don't want an LCD TV anymore. Oh... wait... maybe it's because the use for a computer screen and for a video game screen is moot because I can't use either.


Now onto the subject of this post!

Today I realized the kitchen is a mess. Not good. It took me three hours to get to the point where I could begin washing dishes. It wasn't as bad as it was last kitchen post, but it was pretty bad. I got the sanitizer and off I went...I threw an entire garbage bag of pans out. And a crock pot. The only thing I could justify saving for a Goodwill was an electric (plug in) ice cream scoop.


I used two cups of sanitizer. Sprayed from a spray bottle. I love this stuff! It seems to loosen grime better than normal water. Joyce Meyers is off now. It's Battlecry. This channel seems to be geared towards radical, cool teenagers, of which I am one! This appeals to me, most definitely! LET'S GET READY FOR BATTLECRY!

Oh my gosh! It's so dark! Now some lights. Humming. More humming. RED FLAGS OMGWTF NAZISOVIERT DUUDE OH NO IT'S AN INVASION OH NOES NOW THERE ARE RED DANCING BALLOONS!!!!!11111 GOD HELP US, THEY'RE COMING TOWARDS THE CAMERA! OH NO! OH NOOOO! THEY'RE AIMING THE RED FLAG OF DEATH CANNON!!!!!

Now some teenagers are screaming for mercy! I think, but all I can hear is cheering! OH NO THEY'RE DANCIGN IN A CIRCLE

NOW THEY'RE SUMMONING A DEMONprobably! NOE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ALL THOSE CHRISTIANS! THE MUSIC IS OH NO IT'S GETTING LOUADER!

Okay, the glags OH MY GOSH


They're doing kicks!
Now they PUNCHED THE GROUND CAUSING VOLCANOES TO ERUPT THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY KILLING BILLIONS!!!!1one OH NOOOOO

THeY'RE

OH NO THEY GOT THEIR FLAGS AGAIN OH NO

They're.... CASTING AN DEMON SPELL!


NOW THEY'RE CIRCLE DANCING AGAIN! OH NO! All right! They're retreating! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU DOPPELGANGER WANWAIRS!

OH NO THEY JUST SHOT SOKME KINDA OF


OH NO A GIANT RED FLAG! AND THEY HAVE SOMEONE CAPTURED! HANGING IN FRONT OF IT!

OH NO NOW SHE'S UPSIDE DOWN! wow is she a pole dancer or what? THEY'RE NOW BOWING TO HER! SHE'S THEIR QUEEN!!!!! THE RED QUEEN OMGWTFWarp


There they go! They're going to eat the audience memebers!!!

SHE'S GIVING ORDERS BY THE TWIRLING IN THE AIR SHE'S DOING! Pointing out targets!

OH MY GOSH THERE GOES A RADICAL SOVIET CHaNT!!!! She's .. ON THE GROUND RUN OGM!!!!!11111


It' OH NO THEY JUST BLEW THE WHOLE PLACE TO SMITHEREENS!!!!!11 A NUCLEAR BOMB DOOOD


NOOO! IT'S THEIR VICE-PREMIER, VLADIMIR SUKOWA! He is demanding they ................oh...........................

oh...no wait, he's a preacher. Ohkay. That makes sense, 'cause they didn't look particularly evil...


So uh...yeah, I cleaned the kitchen. Then I made Salmon, baked with butter, and some rice and green beans. Then I made a sour-cream, horseradish-caper dip. It needed more capers. Like a fancy tartare sauce I tried unsuccessfully to invent...I will try it again, maybe with beef though. Yeah...I'll make it with beef!

So anyways, I am tired. I am going to read this thing about the human skull then go to sleep. I'm gonna study one body part at a time until I read about all the body parts, then I'm moving on to how they uhh...operate. And go into detail, from skull to eye/ear/nose/mouth. Pretty soon, I'll rule the world! People will come to me and be like, "Hey Kev, how many eyes does a skull have?" and I'll be like, "two dude." And they'll be like, "wooow, you're s'cool kev!"



No Song of the Day. Not listening to enough songs to have one...because I'm listening to KLove, and I rarely post SOTD's for songs I don't own. I try not to at least...

Resident Evil

Oh yes. When I order a DVD, I expect it to work. When it doesn't, well, I've usually planned to watch it, and if I can't, I have nothing to watch. Then I am alone with my thoughts, and I don't know if they are armed or not. You know what they say, "the thought you don't know if (is) armed is the one that drives you mad."

I was ready to watch Resident Evil. Then ... I put the disc in ...

A few minutes of trying to read the disc ... "bad disc"

They didn't even bother to put a period. Just "bad disc" like a slap in the face.

I don't personally mind getting counterfeit DVDs, as long as they work (and I have no knowledge they are counterfeit.) I'm a boy scout, not a ...miracle worker. Yeah. You know, like ... yeah. You know how we do.

I tried cleaning the disc. No good. Let me plug it in and try again.

OH MY GOSH! The DVD is working now! I see red lines, a thing, a TRAIN TRACK! IT'S THE HIVE! I AM TYPING WITHOUT LOOKING AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN I CANNOT TAKE MY EYES FROM TEH FLASHY HIVE THING!!!!!!! oh boy. Okay, it stopped being flashy, now it's on loop!

Imma gonna watch this real quick. Hold up.

(a few minutes later apparently?)


Alright, lots more on the DVD it seems. Like there's a 10 second thing right before the first zombie lady (scientist in the water) comes to life. A few more things too, I forget. Flowers. No flowers in this movie, are there?





...I like the style of Resident Evil. For example, there's a scene where some guys get cut up like hell by a laser grid. It cuts one lady's head off, which is kinda graphic...I mean, I guess I just find different things graphic. Someone having their head cut off leaving a steaming, exposed neck I don't consider graphic.

Someone ... uhh... I don't know. Let me think about it, I will report later. Also I digress.

The other people who die, one guy is cut in half. They don't show that. Then another guy is cut into ...probably 4" squares in a laser checkerboard pattern. When he falls apart (of course he has to magically suspend himself for a few seconds), the screen blurs out so you don't see the detail. I like that.



So, the positives and negatives list!

Weaknesses:

• Beginning is a little silly (nitpicky there I would say)
• Characters avoid shooting zombies in the head until they're told to
• Characters...unrealistically fall apart
• Low-budget CGI monster <=(

Stengths:

• Zombies
• More zombies
• Video game-esque look and situation (Special Forces running out of ammo hehe)
  
• Homicidal, maniacal computer (seriously, how many enemies do they need to have?)

Actually, I'm certain there's more, but it's late. Fact is, Resident Evil is a film you're going to love or hate. I think I've seen it enough to be bored of it by now though...so...I guess this is it. What does that "I guess this is it." remind me of. I think ... I dunno.

Something ... oh yeah. That one chick that teaches you how to ground pound/spring jump/hammer spin thing in Paper Mario: TTYD. Is it just me, or do all those Mushroom Kingdom chicks look the same? I guess it's true what they say- don't shoot what you can baton, don't baton what you can pepper spray, don't pepper spray what you can walk away from. Unless you're a cop. Then don't shoot what you can ... OH MY GOD HE HAS A SCREWDRIVER SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM AGAIN!!!



I think I'm gonna learn to make screen savers some day. All it is is like, a series of pictures.
I would be famous. They'd call me "Screen Saver Kev, when you're screen saverless, he's there to 'saver' the day!" hehehe. I will post a TA update tomorrow. It IS tomorrow...sheesh...1:28 AM...here I thought it was 11:30. Oh well, 30 minutes until Star Trek is on. Cookin' in Brooklyn is on right now.





Reuben Sandwiches for dinner tomorrow. Poor (my brother)...he doesn't ever eat dinner. He is too picky. No vegetables, no side dishes unless it's a noodle, and then only if it doesn't have veggies in it. One day, it will click, he will realize THE VEGETABLES TASTE AWESOME, there is nothing wrong with eating them. Until that day he starves however. A hard lesson to learn...

On Battery Power: A Kevinsky (fails to) Plot Post

Yes, it's battery power time. Which means...hold up, lemme lower the juice flow into this mad dog screen ya'wazz's.

Awright. It's a bit hard to see, but the battery will last longer. I always do lots of research for my posts; I would finish a post in about 25 minutes, but I do tons of fact-checking...usually 2.5 hours worth. Go figure.

So, my Mom and Dad got me a book by Tim LaHaye. Tim LaHaye I like. Jerry B. Jenkins...man, my left arm hurts. Hard to type kinda...anyways...Jerry B. Jenkins wrote the Left Behind series. I know HE wrote it because if Tim LaHaye would have wrote it, he would have called it Left BeHind.

If you don't get that joke, I suggest a reactive fusion reverse humorologist visit. Because most likely, you are stupid. Like, Tim LaHaye. The 'H' in LaHaye is capitalized. So the 'h' in Left Behind would be capitalized too if he got his way. Nevermind, you ruined it already. Just for that, I am going to drink a warm Sparkling Water. Eww, yuck. Here goes. You jerk.


Man. It's like sand paper. So ...what's the word...coarse. So coarse...so, the book is...

...here is a link to a Flash I made. All I really did was just type in what the book says. You know, like, on the back, and in the preface.

So, being presented with this (it had perforations so they could tear it out easily, and the back panel was one big sticker that could be removed, revealing an inspirational message!), I wasn't quite sure just what to think. It seems my parents followed the advice, too.

"Wow Kev, we are certainly sorry we had to go to get kidney-stone dissolvants due to the goat which has 'sand' stuck in there! We care about you very much!"

I'm like, I was JUST half-way through reading the last bit there.

"Yes, you are a great son- that is most definitely for sure!"

Then I started going along with it. Now I am the one who holds the cards. Mwahah--- AWW MAN! I didn't get any plotting done! Sheesh. I'm gonna have nightmares now. Aw man, it's even midnight- the night of midness which is the ripest for formulationating bad dreams. However, I have good ideas in dreams. Like that one store. Coolest convenience store-slash-cafe ever.


...I sure do wish I got a chance to plot. I'm too tired now...I spent five-and-a-half hours on this post. You should check out GodTube.com, it's like YouTube, but Christian. Not quite sure how they'll keep the kuffars off of it...a kuffar is an unbeliever. That's what Muslims call them. Kuffa, kaffur, they aren't sure how to spell it. So, a kuffar (coo-far) is an unbeliever in (muslim).


Remember earlier I said they (parents) had to go get a kidney-stone dissolvant? Well, it's for our herd buck. He is the one who gets the does pregnant when we want them to start producing milk again. He had uhh...well...he...can't really perform his duty. At this time.

Also, he cannot pee. He will die tomorrow, and I will dig his grave. Also, I will drag him to it, and throw him into it, and cover him up.

He could be dead right now, I don't know...poor guy. If I was a real evil bastard, I would go out there and pee next to his pen just to (snickering) "piss" him off. (rolls over laughing)



Hey, I just discovered it was April Fools day. Weird, I didn't get pranked. Or maybe the book WAS the prank. Or maybe the buck is really alright, and God was just playing a prank on us. Hmm.




...I am shoe-shopping online. I want some classical, lame-looking shoes. They have to be leather and look kind of dressy. I think I have my sights on a certain pair...you see, my feet, they're like, size 14. I am actually wearing size 16's at the moment (they fit well, but are falling apart, and I don't like them). I have had these for ...like, three years. Got them at a yard sale...they're like... eww, they're basketball shoes. I ...ew. Basketball, football, hockey...now, Curling, there is where it's at. Awesome. However I still would not waste my life on curling. I prefer to waste my life doing nothing really.



Goodnight, tomorrow we see if the buck lives or not. I bet I will have to shoot him...damn ... shoot ... goat. I think I might watch Resident Evil tomorrow. I will take notes and report back...if I do watch Resident Evil, that is. Busy busy busy day...



Kevinsky spent six hours, twenty minutes preparing this post, and did not rely on battery power, and did not get any plotting done.