Crass Words and TMI

Editor's note: this post contains minor language used in an explanatory manner, describing an event that occurred today in which I used foul language but was unaware that it was, indeed, foul (I still don't necessarily grasp its foulness). If you are easily offended, get off of the Internet. Please. Save yourself some heartache, girl-friend. Go polish your nails.


The morning started out great. I got to sleep early and, as always, I got up in the middle of the night. I Here is the festering, maggot-infested tag of Things I Hate hate that, and it does not happen unless I get to sleep early.

The sun was shining (OK, it wasn't, but clouds to me is sunshine!), and it was one of those charmed days where you can almost hear extravagant background music set to whatever you're doing. It was chilly and, oh, you know the tale.


My Grandmother called and said she couldn't make it to church due to "explosive blasts of air emanating from the mouths of her husband and his uncle." She informed me that they do not cover their mouths when these blasts of air manifest. They are called sneezes. This would be my undoing.

After that, I updated her on what happened that morning with Popoe. He had escaped twice due to other people, and each time I had to capture him.

"Yeah...you know those two kittens that need their balls cut off?" I asked. She laughed. "Well, yeah, Kev. What about them?"

My mom began frantically waving at me. I continued, unabated.

"Well, you know Popoe? He's the one who REALLY needs his balls cut off!" She laughed again. "OK, yeah?"

My mom walked over. "Kev! That's crass!" I looked at my mom concernedly, not knowing what in the world crass could mean, and continued.

"Well, he escaped, and..." I told her the story. We chatted for a while, then I hung up. I then learned the definition of "crass." I had previously learned the term "crude" from a friend on the internet, whose name I will not divulge for fear of retaliation. They're more or less the same, I'd come to find out. I wondered at how such a basic household term could be considered improper.

I considered it more [easy] to say "balls" than "testicles." Testicles to me always seemed worse than "balls." Like saying "You've got some mustard on your brain-cover" versus saying "You've got some mustard on your face." Testicles is just too long a word. It's not necessarily that we curse in Latin at my house, it's just that we use words such as these that are easier to say.

Regardless, I now know I should say "testicles."




We then went to church. Dad decided we'd try a new route, and we didn't need directions. We were set to arrive at 10:25. We got there at 10:45. We walked up just to hear the bell ringing "It's time for church!" in its special way. I didn't know it was that loud from the outside. The door was locked again, but after banging on it for a few minutes, the lock just opened. I'm thinking about changing that lock, actually, if it'll open that easily. I'll do that this Wednesday.

[Pastor's thinking, "Oh, no he won't! I'll change his locks if he does that!" I recently learned Pastor is reading my blog. The shame of it! Now each time I speak of Metroid and/or Samus Aran, I'll exacerbate my nerdy video game image. Oh, also...excuse for a Samus/Metroid tag.]


...anyway, after the service (in which I drew a hand successfully! With ink and paper!), I mingled with the other attendees. Once most were gone, I wandered into the sermon room to see what all the fuss was about. A group of 5 were in there talking- the Justice, the Hitman, Mr. dataDyne, Don Pianta (he's still waay too tall), and Mr. Bruckner. I think it was Mr. Bruckner, at least. He's still leading the singing.

I wasn't too sure what they were talking about, but I was very comfortable in the back of the room supporting my face on the chair in front of me. I was considering taking a nap. It seemed as if Hitman had asked a question, and, magically, they all assembled to hear the answer. It was like the Wizard of Oz but with men. And no ruby slippers. Did I mention most of them were balding?

Then the Justice distributed papers on the subject from seemingly nowhere! They weren't made of plastic, but they sure were fantastic! Magical, poof out of dust! The Justice walked back near where I was (I was 10 feet right of the entrance to the sermon room), and closed the door. He walked back. I wondered why I didn't get any papers, and why there were only enough for those gathered. Then it hit me. They were having a BORED MEETING, as Pastor calls it!

I sidled out of there with haste. I don't know if pastor saw me or not, but I didn't want him to discover me when they were halfway through talking about the surprise Christmas gifts they'd be buying me with the church funds. Once back in the fellowship hall, as I deem it, I talked a bit with the pastor's wife, the Mrs. Support Justice.

My mom said, "Hey Kev, did you tell anyone about Grandma?" "No, what do you mean?" "That they were out sick?"

"Oh, yeah," I turned to the Support. "She's out today because her husband and his uncle don't cover their mouths whenever they sneeze, and-" I began, but my mom gave me that look again. "Keeev, you don't need to tell her that!" "Oh, I don't?" I asked, clueless, as pastor's wife put her hand up and said "TMI." We all got a laugh out of it, and my naivety was once more put on display for all the room to see.


I was alright with it, though. Perhaps it is a bad thing to say that someone doesn't cover their mouth when they sneeze, but I don't consider it bad (as long as they stay home!). I mean, I tend to read the book of Job and get all depressed and start mumbling about how my strength isn't as the strength of stones and my skin is not brass and stuff when I get sick.

It's something I can't change (Job is my "what's happening to me isn't so bad but I can still relate and be depressed" book), and I don't go to church and tell people to let the day in which I was born perish and the night in which they determined I was a boy also perish. I suppose it is sort of private, I just don't think so. It seemed perfectly honest; it appears I have a lot to learn yet.



This post is longer than I had hoped; some day I'll develop the ability to leave things unsaid that need not saying. Like this entire line. Ah well. It was rife with embarrassing information, and even had a bright red line at the top, so that should make up for its length. Actually...let me edit it and see if I can make it shorter.


That's [a little] better. I've got things to do tomorrow, so off to sleep I go.

Church This Week (August 12th, 2007)

This week is a week late. So the details will be foggy.

Me and my Mom and Brother went. Somehow, we avoided killing each other. I didn't have as much fun as I typically do- here it is important to define "fun." I'm not talking video games, I'm talking interaction and fellowship with jokepots who share my sense of humor. I didn't have as much fun because there were ELEVEN MILLION PEOPLE THERE!

The whole BUILDING COMPLEX is only like, 200' by 70'! And it's two stories! HOW ON EARTH DID ELEVEN MILLION PEOPLE FIT IN THAT BUILDING IT'S IMPOSSSIBLE YET IT OCCURRED


Everyone was a little on edge. Church was out August 5th, so we had two weeks of lookin' good to do. Everyone used twice as much moose, shined their shoes, and bleached their socks. They went to a barber to get shaved, trimmed their ear and nose hair, plucked their eyelashes, and polished their nails. You could tell some had had brace work (teeth straightening) done over the week.

I had some stupid jokes saved up for the Hitman, so I was excited to see him. As I walked back into the entrance hall, there he was. Our eyes met, and we went to shake each others hands. Just about that time, crying was heard. Someone behind us piped up, "IS THAT SOFFS?! OH MY GOSH!"

Hitman had to hurry and see what was the matter. Soffs is his daughter. He went into the nursery. Shortly after, his wife, Manny, appeared in the doorway. She leaned against the doorjam and looked at me. She crossed her arms and grinned in a self-satisfactory manner. I made a type of attempt to expose her as that one guy did on that episode of the Twilight Zone. You know, he saw a gremlin on the wing. I guess the Hitman called her, because she looked sideways to the nursery and said "Coming, honey." She turned and looked spitefully at me again, seeming more satisfied with herself. Her look seemed to say "That's right, I'm his favorite." She dropped her arms, and turned dramatically and walked into the nursery.


You know who she reminds me of? Sophie Marceau. She has the same evil, spiteful look. Has the same evil ways...evil, bottom line!

What lengths will she go to to keep me and the Hitman apart?! Why would she even care if we socialized?! If she will (presumably) injure her own daughter, she will stop at nothing! This is the second time it has happened. I wasn't sure at first if it was Soffs or Manny, but now I know it is Manny. I never discovered who it was that asked if that was Soffs from behind us. Now I'd reckon Manny has learned how to throw her voice. Or mastered the art of mind control. If mind control is in fact an art.


I forget what RJ was preaching on, but it was something, let me assure you. It's hard to get it because the constant YABBERING he's doing! Man, if he would just not talk, his message would come across loud and...well...actually, maybe...not...possibly I just need to pay more attention. I know it sticks, because I remember it later, but I can't recite subjects he preached on easily. I remember if reminded what he was preaching on. I think it's a side-effect of the goat milk.

It is probable that I also need to start listening to it a second time from the church website.



I'm joking. Laugh with me. Laugh, man!

Church This Week (August 19th, 2007)

So, this week at church, I was very nervous going in. I don't know why. Maybe because I had just gotten a new Bible cover ("new" is not the word; "a" is the word, as I didn't have one to have upgraded from a new one from), and I am concerned with people thinking we're trying to look "holy." We sit up at the very front (really, we get to interact with the Pastor- why were the seats ever vacant?). We're typically some of the last to leave. Plus, we're so darn holy. So I get nervous when I add another holy element.

I suppose it's a stupid concern...or rather, not stupid, but exaggerated. I suppose it is an exaggerated concern, and I'm sure no one notices (or even would think to notice), yet still...


I am becoming concerned for Hitman's daughter, Soffs. This is the third time- third time in a row- she has been "mysteriously" injured as I said "Hi2u" to Hitman. This time, Manny did not do anything evidently evil. In fact, I have learned that she HAS mastered the art of mind control (actually, that's not so bad...she could probably mind control her daughter into crying, so I guess I'm not that concerned for her). She was- conveniently- in another room at the time Soffs was "injured." BRAIN-WAVE MANIPULATION! She immediately rushed out. "Oh, wow, what's wrong?" she said innocently.

INNOCENTLY AS A LEADER FOX


I also had my new Bible, and, once again, did not want to seem "holy." Nervous. I said hello to RaphRa (rayfra) on the way in. I want to get to know him better. He seems cool, but you can never tell with older people. Doesn't seem fierce, at least.

To my surprise, everyone else and their dead great-grandmother had Bible covers. So once again, unfounded nervisity (it is a word!) over nothing. I guess I didn't realize they had them until I looked.


The Justice had a really great sermon this week. I'm gonna have to listen to it again and tell him that he answered/touched on 2 or 3 big questions I had. Before the service, we talked to him about a site linked to our church website. Forum preacher wrote an article. Grr.

I don't know what it is about forum preachers. You know them...the people who have flopped (in this case, they became very legalistic). Flopped, by the way, is the act of having flipped. And flipped, by definition, means to have tweaked, or been tweaking, to the point of mental collapse. This is the "Bible Shredding" point. They get in SUCH a frenzy, they just grab a Bible and tear it to pieces to cope.

That's where the phrase "shredding Bibles along the way" comes from, IE, "He wrote a really great article, shredding Bibles." It also means to be stressed out to the point of mental overwhelm, IE, "I finally finished the taxes, but now I'm shredding Bibles in my sleep." "Shredding" is also acceptable. No Bibles were shred in the writing of this sentence?


RJ also has a Q&A set up for us all next week, whosoever shall come.

"I - AM - GOING - TO STRAIGHTEN YOU ALL OUT!" he railed. "I AM, I AM GOING TO GRAB YOU AROUND YOUR BRAINS WITH ONE HAND, AND STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT WITH THE OTHER UNTIL I CAN SHOOT YOU THROUGH A BOW!" he railed some more. "SO YOU HAD BETTER BE READY ON SUNDAY -- THE 26TH -- BECAUSE I AM GOING TO STRAIGHTEN - YOU - ALL - OUT! DO YOU HEAR ME?! ARE YOU BEADY EYES SEEING WHAT I'M SAYING?!" he demanded. He paused dramatically.

"I'M GONNA STRAIGHTEN YOU ALL OUT!" he reiterated, looking crazed, and seething. He had almost paid us a visit yesterday. I think he was going to straighten us out. I told him, "Well, you can feel free to drop in anytime to straighten us out." "I'll do that," he nodded as he spoke smiling, his trademark. I wonder how stressful his life is. Surely stressful enough without straightening us out.



We picked up a hymn book today. RJ let us burrow borrow barrow take one for a somewhat-limited duration of time. Mommy is going to teach me hymns, and we are going to sing them on the way to church. That way, we can avoid the bickering. Today we sang tobyMac songs. My Mom was trying to match her singing to mine, and well, it didn't work out too good. But it kept the bickering down to a minimum.

My Bible cover came with some cool note-taking material. More on the Bible cover purchase tomorrow or sometime. I may begin to post subject outlines...we'll see. There's plenty of failure in the Bible cover story, by the way, so stay tuned!

Once Upon a Water Day: Demon Vans

Today I got water. I am getting water for the Wilson's, and it's...bitter. Luckily, today is was only around 100 degrees. Joy. To my surprise, the Wilson's had someone deliver water for them last night, so I didn't have to get them water. It's about $5 an hour work, and...half of that hour is spent in full sun, the other half sitting in half sun. I am, out of desperation, going to buy a pump, which will reduce the time considerably (hopefully). Or else ask my Pastor to put a voodoo curse on them...but I don't know if RJ is in the business of voodoo curses.


As I left to get water, the haunted van, called the Skully Van, pulled into the well. There was a dead body laying in the back-passenger side (the door of the van was gone), and it was leaving a trail of skulls, softly glowing shades of zap green and electric blue. I didn't see a driver, but alot of fog rolled in, and I heard howling...huh. I ...wisely decided to wait on our property and read my shiny, new Bible. It is awesome. I learned that a Sadducee is one who disbelieves (kuffar!) in the supernatural (and according to Scofield's note, especially the Resurrection).

Anyway, I heard this deathly wail coming from...the yard next door. I got out of the truck to investigate. I figured it was a wandering demon-spawn from the haunted, Skully Van, and was thusly apprehensive. Then I realized the deathly wail was a deathly cat wail. And it was coming from our porch. I decided to investigate further.

As my investigation trudged on, the path to my porch seeming...turbid, and filled with crows...I realized it sounded like Vicious, our resident (token) being indwelt by Satan. I allowed the thought of leaving her in her pitiful wails to linger for a bit, but I decided against it. Curse my goodness and virtue. And ...valiance. And...imperturbability. Oh, and my humility. Curse that, too.


But as I peered through the screen, I found it was actually Popoe the kitten! Meowing frantically. As soon as he saw me he started wallowing towards me hazily, out of breath. He was clinging to the door before that. He knew that was where he came from...and the environment he was in was inhospitable. Most young mammals do think that when they step outside of air conditioning in Summer for the first time.
I imagine he was very happy to see me, because a few seconds after I picked him up, he began purring. He must have known he was safe now, for he fell into a crack leading to Hell, and I reached down and pulled him out. I surely would not abide long in this miserable place, he must have thought.

He started purring even more once I stepped inside the door with him, confirming his highest hopes and wishes and desires. His sweetest dream had come true; he would survive this day. I took him into my room (the coldest place in the house) and set him on my bed. He was exhausted. There he lay for two and a half hours. Poor little guy!

Popoe napping with Tiger. Picture taken around a week ago.


I got two loads of water for the Thirsty Wolf. He took 500 and 350. I'm so good to my neighbor-customers...oh! I got to wave at some road graders. You can't see right nor left when exiting his property, so I stepped out on foot to see if the coast was clear (safety first). There was the grader.

He was turning around, and coming back to me, turning from east to west. I was on the south side of the mock T-intersection. I got some pictures of what the road looks like before anyone rolls over it, below (picture titled: Road, graded and found wanting (apparently so, because they did a second pass)):

Just imagine if those rocks were diamonds and rubies! I'd be rich! On his return (it's around 100 yards to the main road), I waved. He waved back, and since I had a smile on my face, he smiled back. Great! So I pulled out. To my surprise, there was a second grader behind him! I backed back up...back...backly... ...back. I waved to this second grader, but he was too busy staring amazedly at the rocks and stuff flying up under his grading plow. Let's call it a grading plow. He was mystified...maybe he was imagining them as diamonds and rubies, too.

------------------------------

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--------Kev Meets the Demon Vans--------
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I exited TW's yard and got water for us. We took 900 gallons, and the rest of it slowly bled into our yard. Also, it rained this morning, before sunrise, hard but not long. It was lighting all night, and the power has been going out lately. A ghostly shriek is typically reported by someone or other right before the power goes out (the Blabbity loves this stuff). We were the ones that heard it the other day...I am usually awoken by the sound of my fan turning off, but this time...I don't know what I heard. I was asleep, so that counts as -SEVERELY- tired, so maybe I was imagining things.

On the way to drop the last load of our water, I got to wave at the graders again. They go through a bouncy ride on those things. Bounce, bounce, thwomp...they wear hardhats in the machines, need I say more?

They both waved this time. The guy who waved the first time seemed as happy to see me as I was him. I backed up out of their way, and typically, I imagine people do not do that. That would make me happy if I were a road grader.

As I went to lock the gate (I expected to have to go out again, thus left it unlocked), I noticed a fire brewing some half a mile away. Since I had no greater work to do, I valiantly drove to the scene. There was a van behind me. It began speeding up. I was watching, then noticed it was one of the Demon Vans!

I turned down a back road, hoping to lose him. He kept after me. Honking his horn, each blast sounding like a mixture of a typical horn, evil laughter, and wailing, while hungry, thirsting globules of darkness were launched in differing directions. They sizzled the ground, leaving small, 2-6" craters with walls that look like freshly poured asphalt.

The van bounced crazily along, while the 70 gallons I had in the truck kept me weighed down enough to continue in stability. I cut down a wash that thankfully "went through," now facing south. I exited the other side to see the other Demon Van, known as the Skully Van- dropping faintly glowing, zap green and electric blue skulls!

He was coming west, so I turned east. He had to turn around. I sped away, and soon noticed the other van coming towards me. I pulled up into an abandoned yard which has an equally abandoned building project of a house on it. Skully Van reached me first, and I used the momentary confusion to cut east, making my way to the main street. Demon Van had to turn around.

Once on main street, I turned right. The Skully Van was after me. Speeding up faster and faster. I turned into the left lane (no one was coming) and slammed on the brakes. Skully Van reacted much quicker than I had hoped, and Demon Van was closing in. I put it in reverse, as the Skully Van did the same. He was copying me. Stalling me.

I awkwardly backed into a side street. Skully Van did not turn, but continued backing down the road. Then Demon Van turned in, accelerating fiercely. I blew threw (we'll get that once we've had a cup of coffee, men!) a few stop signs, and finally had to turn. I knew Skully Van was probably heading to cut me off. I had to act quickly. I decided to cut up a wash. I knew it didn't continue long, but I may be able to use it as a ramp. Once in the yard, I began doing reverse donuts. I noticed Skully Van had pulled up...and was waiting. No matter where I went, he would be able to block me or chase easily. And Demon Van was climbing the wash. He had gotten stuck once already.

I peeled out through the yard, back the way I came, to the main street, not stopping as I blew through to the opposite street. Skully Van was close behind me, and I was pushing the truck to its limits. Worse, someone was coming at me, and the road was not wide enough for two cars!

Luckily, they turned into a driveway to let us pass. More bad news: a dead end was quick approaching. Skully Van had slowed some, and I had sped some. I braked hard and cut the corner, flying up over the lip of the road. It was only a foot or so high, and it was relatively soft.

I realized I couldn't turn in...midair, so I half kept going straight. My heart fell as I discovered cars in real life don't "catch the road" and turn whichever way they're pointing. I slid to a stop, hitting the lip of the road which was at that point almost 3 feet high. I backed up and hit something...the Skully Van, no doubt. It slid a few inches, then its tires dug into the ground, notifying me with a sickening-feeling thud of denied movement. I felt trapped. As I put it into drive I heard the horn honking. Wailing, laughter, and horn...

I caught part of the lip, turning the truck a bit sideways. No...it was the Skully Van. It was pushing me sideways. Luckily, that caused him to get his front end stuck in the same fashion as I before him. I suspected Demon Van would be coming to cut me off again. They seemed to be able to coordinate. My fears were confirmed.

He was about a quarter mile from me. Acting quickly, I took the first left into a working yard of some sort. I could ditch the truck and hide in an old, dying classic car. It turned out to be the Grader business. I wondered what Mike and Tim (that's what I named the two road graders) would think when they found me dead in my truck, all crumpled up. I held back a faint sliver of hope that I could escape from this corral of death, but then where to?

The vans seemed to know they had me cornered. Demon Van approached, then sat waiting for Skully Van. Skully Van showed up in short order, then they turned in unison. In an evil manner.

I resounded to at least hit them once, to go out fighting. It's strange the things that race through your mind at a time like that. Knowing there are no consequences for the actions you're about to take...you'll die if you fight, and you'll die if you don't. I didn't even know what kind of horrific, demon armor these vans might have acquired in the no-doubt many days they spent being tuned up in Hell.

About that time, some yellow thing flew into the side of them. It was a road grader! My eyes were irresistibly drawn to the tires. I remembered the days spent on a borrowed tractor, how the engine struggled to torque against the traction of the wheels. Like a lean horse, muscles rippling under fine, shining hair. The tires trembled evenly and skipped treads as the grader pushed the vans sideways slowly, crippling them. I loved the sound it made. Just like the old, struggling tractor. Except this was on a much larger scale.

There was enough room for me to drive around them, so I did. As I passed, I saw it was Mike in the grader!

Mike and Tim travel around together. So I can wave at one then the other. I looked back, drawn to the morbid scene of the vans stuck in place.

Tim had driven his grader forward. He drove beside them, then made like he was going to make a circle about them. He stopped, then cut his wheels and put it in reverse, crushing the driver's window of the Skully Van with his gannon. I drove out of there, headed for home.


I know of few times I have been happier to be here. There's a moral in this experience, looking back. If you outwardly let people know you're a friendly person, you never know when they may come to your aid. Otherwise, why should they bother? Also, wait until it's a forest fire to care next time.


...or...no, wait, none of that happened! Oh, man!



...okay, guys...welcome the "Exaggerating Grossly" tag...

Church This Week --- Sunday, July 29th

Well, my Dad didn't go to church again. He cried car-trouble-foul, and spent four more hours covering up hay just in case it stormed (FMI, I have decided against a playthrough of Wind Waker so close to OoT). Speaking of hay, I need to go get some hay today. There's tons of reasons my Dad couldn't have gotten hay yesterday while he was home for eight hours covering up the hay. I'm not too annoyed.

Last week, me and my Dad went in the '89 Ford, and my Mom and brother went in the '96 Pathfinder. Afterwards, we went to Savers. My brother did not know we were taking separate cars, and he was very upset. Angry upset. The kind not provoking of compassion.

This week we were going to attempt to have my Dad and brother share the same vehicle, and maybe that way he'd be less angry ('hurt'). This week my Dad did not go, as I said, so me and my Mom just went. Pastor Justice had scheduled us in for a sit-down, and my Dad may have wanted to avoid that. Either way, in the crossfire, brother missed it, too, and that's a good thing.

My Mom asked me if I wanted to try to make it to Sunday School. I said, "sure," and shortly after, we were off!

When we arrived, there was a couple heading to the church ahead of us. They slowed as they saw us. They seemed to be looking at me, probably grateful I had shown up so early! After they had slowed, they sped up. We were walking about 15 feet behind them. I never knew old people could take stairs so fast! We heard a "click" when the Church door closed behind them. Funny thing, I guess they accidentally locked it. The lights also went out, so I assume when the door locks everything shuts down. I banged on the windows for about 10 minutes, and they let us in.

I immediately went to critique the refreshment table. They had banana bread. "WHO MADE THIS BANANA BREAD, THE EASTER BUNNY?!" I railed. "BECAUSE, THIS IS MORE LIKE BANONO BREAD!" I paused to laugh hysterically. Then, leaning on somebody, I forget who, I said, "WHAT'D YOU MAKE IT WITH, BANANA PEELS?! HAH HA HAH! OR MAYBE YOU JUST THOUGHT OF BANANAS WHEN YOU MADE IT, AND INSTEAD USED DIRT!" I threw my head back laughing, and pounded on the table. "I'LL PASS!" I spat, spraying banana bread crumbs. Man, those were some zingers!

"HEY, Pastor RJ! How's it going?" I asked, not skipping a beat. "Fine, Kev. Fine," he said dully. "Me? Oh, I've been fine! We got some rain, even!" I announced. Someone else, an older woman, I think, spoke up. "Oh, really? We got some rain out wh-" I cut her off. No sense in letting the senseless lead the blind! I thought. However, in the process of thinking that, I actually said it. Later, my Mom told me the lady had leveled her eyes at me, her nostrils flaring. Later, I found out she was the one who made the Banana bread. Some folk can't take a joke. Or insults.


Sunday School was cool. It provides the diversity from the main sermon to keep it from getting boring, I think. Speaking of which, I missed Les Feldick today. How did I manage that? FYI, he thinks the demonic horses are tanks from Asia. I disagree on the grounds that it does not fit the description. Sadly, he skipped several key verses. I don't like how he said that we don't believe nowadays that the miraculous judgments can happen during the Tribulation, and then he disbelieves it himself unless it was something that has happened before.


After Sunday School, there was a 10 or 15 minute period before the main sermon started. Me and the Pope's Hitman were talking, and then the music started. Well, they had began singing, anyways. His wife is jealous of me. They have a young daughter, and his wife is so jealous, she actually dropped the child then needed help with the "crisis," tearing Hitman away from me!

"Oh, I don't know," his wife said innocently. "She was just laying on the floor, then she started crying." Hitman walked over and took his daughter, and his wife looked over at me, smiling spitefully, happy with herself. She's EVIL! I just KNOW she dropped the small child with the cool name! EVIL!!!


The sermon mentioned, of all things, prayer. Something I was going to ask about- is it, or is it not, a sin?
Also, they had some material on prayer- probably the most prominently displayed materials- on "audiocassettapes." Oh, how I despise them. Thankfully, I randomly had access to a tape player. And guess what? It didn't eat the tape! I only played one, though. I got [the tape] from the miniature library we have at the church. It's not used that often. Actually, there's so much dust on the stuff in that library, just the force of glancing at it from across the room causes it to be obscured from the cloud of fine dirt. Nobody sits within 30 feet of it, and fewer venture close to it for libraritary uses. What? Libraritary isn't a word? Librariatarial? ...no?

After the main sermon, the plank had a meeting (in business it's called a "board," but this is church). Then Pastor RJ came to talk with us as his wife chatted with the stragglers, until they left, then she joined us. She's cool. We all talked for about two and a half hours.

RJ kept bringing up random verses, only a few of which I remembered. Like I John 2:

15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

He put extra emphasis on pride of life. Huh. He also quoted Mark chapter 7:

14 And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:
15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.
16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.
17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.
18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;
19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?
20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:
23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.

He then brought up I Corinthians 13:

4	Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5	Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

He said the bold part with frustration, looking at me. Gritting his teeth...he finally asked for the women to leave. "Kev," he started. "Is any of this getting through to you?" "Well, sure, Pastor RJ!" I said. "But shouldn't we be asking that of my Mom? Because I don't know if any of this is getting through to her! HAH!"

He paused. "OK, Kev. Listen, we need your Mom to get this. And I mean, really get it. So I need you to study up. Your Mom is annoying, and outrageous. Do you understand that it isn't right to be like that? To constantly yap and talk, loudly, and annoyingly?" he said.

"Well, of course I do, Pastor RJ, so, l-" I began, but he interrupted me by putting his hands up. "Kev, I need you to be an example to your Mom." "Oh, alright, RJ. How do I do that?"

"Well, the first thing you need to do, is to quit talking badly about the snack table. And now, it doesn't matter if you're joking. Someone is the butt of that joke, and that's painful when there are 20 people around." "Oh, OK, Pastor RJ." "Praise God," he said under his breath. Probably so grateful I was able to do this, as he was nervous about having to talk to my mom directly!

He then went on, telling me all these things I need to do. Whew. Stop singing so loudly and annoyingly, stop thinking I'm the center of attention (he mentioned the pride thing again), and learn to mingle successfully. What he means by mingling successfully, I did not know, so I asked.

"Well, Kev, it's good that you asked. Asking is how stuff gets done, you know that, right?" I nodded. He continued. "In John 16, it says 'ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.'" I nodded again. "What I mean...is to...not be the center of attention. Your Mom needs to learn not to do this. What you do is find a group of people, who are talking, and wait until you have something- something worthwhile and meaningful- to add, then add it. If you have to walk into the middle of a crowd, you're imposing...just stay on the "defense" until you have something to add. Listening is 90% of a conversation...and that's why God created crickets," he said cheerily. I liked that joke. He delivered that last one with a chuckle and smile. I haven't seen him smile in weeks! Maybe there's something to this listening thing. I'll try it next week, along with some of the other stuff he suggested. After all, it was what made him smile. The listening.

I just hope my Mom isn't too prideful to learn form her son's example. Maybe I will hit her with that 90% of the conversation thing.

God Help Us, Skynet Will Wipe Us Out

Skynet. The sinister AI in the Terminator movies. Evil personified, Satan incarnate...all manner of prejudiced label and derogatory teachni-racial baseless slanderous slurs have been attached in an attempt to demean and discredit the very idea of it.


Currently, Britain is launching a satellite network called "Skynet," with plans to have it turn on them once they turn control over to it to stop a virus. They already have that nifty little program written.

Yes, with the invention, and soon integration, of killer UAV (Unmanned Aerial Vehicle) drones armed with differing armaments (they're still developing the "cream pie" thrower-launcher), one can only observe in benumbed wonder as the events of Terminator 3 unfold before our eyes.


You will note, that in the US, they are manufacturing them in California, much as in T3. As we all know, the Terminator movies are directly from God, thus they are prophetic. It's exactly like the movie. Except that, well, it would take years and years and years for the machines to be able to take over, as we do not currently have a system set up for them to fuel themselves. If they tried before that, they would fail utterly.

They would run out of fuel very, very soon, and not to mention ammunition, or any manner of other needed assets (Tin Man's oil can), as they do not have opposable thumbs. That is why we eat them.


Just incase you're thinking, "wow, those sound scary," you're a bit wrong. These are basically the Predator drones- unmanned airplanes. I personally thought of the freaky UAVs from Splinter Cell...the ones which have machine guns and shoot to hell anything which they see. I don't think Predator drones quite have the capacity to control themselves, intelligently seek out targets, or take over the world.

I am not terrified. Once they get the ability to hover, turn in a fast manner, and control themselves accurately enough to avoid fire, then I will begin feigning "terrified."









(first part taken from May 8th scene)
James:
"Hellooo and welcome to The Arghbabble Hour with James and Hilson DeWeran!" (Dee-waYR-inn)
Hilson:
"Yes, and today we have a special guest. He will be joining us for a considerable portion of today's show."
James:
"He is going to share his discoveries on...of all subject matter...pee! You might have thought you knew all there was to know, but stay tuned, I think we're all about to learn something new."
Hilson:
"And around here, that's nothing new."
James:
"That's very true."
(James, Hilson, audience chuckles)


James:
"And now please welcome Dr. Gerald Spfanally!" (sssphfanally)
(audience applauds as man walks onto stage)
Hilson:
"Now doctor, could you please go into a little detail of your field and studies?"
Dr. Gerald:
"Yes, it would be my pleasure, Hilson. And thank you both for having me on the show today. I am a great fan, although admittedly I don't always have time to watch."
James:
"Oh, go on." (cutely)
(audience laughs)
Dr. Gerald:
"I am a urologist, specializing in, as you said, of all matters, pee. Over the past few years, I have worked together with another scientist, a Hematologist, which is a blood doctor for short, Dr. Richard Murfarry, who wasn't able to attend today. We were comissioned under a contract for the Betterment of World Affairs organization, the Lenarad center to be more precise. They're also the center responsible for many diplomatic relations studies, as you may know."
James:
"Yes, and I would ask you to continue, doctor, but it is now time for a very short commercial break. And for those of you out there which enjoy commercials, we'll have some longer commercials (with a wink) just for you later in the program."

That Dead Goat Again

Well, remember that goat I mentioned? The buck, the one who has "urinary calculi?" Which resulted in...like...I won't describe it. But he died recently, and it took tons longer than we expected. The end result is a urine-smelling carcass. Luckily, I dug his grave yesterday. I mean, he died, so I dug his grave, but it was still lucky. I just don't know how yet.


I made the grave 3' deep by 3' wide by 4' long. I got five blisters. Oh, whiney whine. I did get a damn hell tan too. Sooo close to a sunburn... Oh! And my shoes arrived yesterday, too! They're one size too big, so I will send them back. They seem comfortable, and are dressy. Like, they're going to draw attention, they're so dressy. I love them! Currently, they're a bit uncomfortable, as I lose traction because they're too big, but that should be fixed with the size down. I am going to buy some new ...uhm...sneakers, as well. It's waaay too filthy out here to wear dress shoes.



Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go outside and feed, water and milk. Tomorrow, we're getting rid of the cows! YES! Brownie and Blackie, those accursed fiends! We'll take their bathtub, too.


Oh, right, you don't know. Well, we have a...oh well, I need to get outside. It is 4:11 PM. Be back, soon.


It's now 6:23 PM. Damned goats. I am back! I found a baby chick outside in the chicken pen. It is prettyful! I am going to name it Stompy. I think.


So like I said, you probably don't know, but we have a bathtub out by the cows. It's their water dish. So once the cows are gone off to slaughter tomorrow (double yay!) we're gonna...AWW MAN, I just remembered! I forgot to make my Challah bread! Be right back! 6:25 PM!

I am back, and it is now 6:30 PM. Yes, I made a loaf of bread in five minutes! Behold!

Okay, so crud, I'm going to be eating around 8:30 tonight. Oh well. I can live with that.


So yeah, their water "dish" is a bathtub. We'll be giving that to the goats. See, the goats have about 20 gallons of water. They drink 20 gallons of water by 11 AM. So they go without water for about 7 hours unless I fill it up, which I do. Strange thing is, they only drink about 10 gallons between 11 AM and 5 PM. Well, I guess that's not so strange, but you know what I mean. When we get the tub there, it'll be easy sailing. Unless a goat drowns in it.

My parents are picking up a horse trailer today. We're going to take those cows to slaughter ourselves.


Strainge. I went to Coast to Coast AM just for kicks to see how their "strange craft" was doing. Apparently, the writing on it is some sort of Klingon. Rofl.

Also though, I called my Dad to let him know. He had thought it looked "real" too. Of course, if it was "real," my opinion would be that it is a demon, as that is my view on UFOs. They move too fast to ...be able to move that fast. They would disintegrate, right? Anyways, so I called my Dad, and it turns out they are trying to find an autoparts store.

"Oh. Well, you need my help? I just got inter-" about this time, I am cut off by "YES!" a few times. I learned a while back how to use Google Maps, whilst on the great Wii hunt (my Mom also blogging= rocks). I also helped my Aunt once. I get a feeling of satisfaction, because well, if someone calls me, I can help them find a place nearby, and that's important to them. Such as, when me and my Dad broke down on the freeway, I could have called me and I could have found myself a store. As it was, we had to walk through gang territory, and they murdered us! Our bodies were found, dead, the next morning.


So, I guided them to an autoparts store. If I didn't open two map windows, I would've gotten them one within a minute, but it took like ten because it was a bit slow. Also, every time I would find one ahead of them, they passed it, lol


So it seems something wants me to not tell you about the cows. They stopped by the autoparts store to get a connector for the horse trailer they borrowed. Oh, but look at me, I'm rambling. Tomorrow, the cows are taken TO LE SLAUGHTER! AHHHHHAHAHAAHAH!

Layout Update

Subtitle: I Work All Day, Every Day for You - Now's Your Chance to Return the Favor!


Today I spent a few hours working on the layout. Before, past-tense here, it moved the sidebar all the way to the bottom in IE. It might still, I can't seem to raise my Mom to check. As for me, I use Firefox. I'll make a post on FF sometime...I have it drafted for now. Don't think less of me because I use Firefox. I'm not a psychotic freak who thinks the end is coming and the only way to stop it is to use open source programs. Those people are freaks. And psychotic.

So I like my blog layout. I think it's simple. What I love about it is that I can put two medium pictures side-to-side...also, I despise blogs which have a length of text that's like 5" long, which, if you place a large picture into, COMPLETELY CUTS OFF the rest of the post. So you're like, "Wow, the text disappeared." It has to be at least long enough to place commentary next to. Also, man, when only a third of your very small laptop screen is taken up...then it's time to bash some skulls.
I like JihadWatch's layout alot, and if I can't get this to work, I will probably switch to one more like that. I don't know if I'll get it to work or not...time will tell, as it might be easier to adopt that sort of a layout then to edit that one.


I will be doing general updating, adding more tags, more links (WHERE will I find links?!), also updating the header text. A few very minor flaws in it, so... ...ANYTHING to procrastinate.

Not much to report on today. I think Winter is ending. I just don't want to admit it. I wish I were more mature.


Oh right, I need your help! By telling me if the layout works. See? Then I do the work, you say "Wow Kev looks like crap" and I go back to the drawing board. Welcome the 'ION', 'Updategrade', 'Things I Dislike' and 'Conspiracy!' tags. Updategrade is an upgrade. Such as this layout update. But it's a upgrade. But doesn't make sense, so Updategrade it is.

Four new tags...