R from the A: I Have No DVD Drive, Part V

I have no idea why I forgot to make the fourth post IV instead of IIII. I actually like how IIII looks, but come on. I think I was caught up in the pure victory of remembering that that was the fourth post. Usual header blathering here.



Actually, I do, and I really, really like it.

But there's a problem.



You know that, since I accidentally destroyed everything on my computer, it has been one wacky, crazed, failed attempt and useless effort after another. It's as if the whole world is conspiring against my laptop. I never knew such myriad complications could arise from merely initiating a system recovery.


I discover today that, after running the pitiful Windows/or HP update a few days ago, I now have no DVD drive. Thus, I can't use DVDs or CDs for any purpose, and can't even see the drive in My Computer. And the HP Update client is on the fritz so I can't try to re-download the update.


And I'm on a schedule. I owe a recordering to David dataDyne and his family, and I owe a recording to Doug Carrot Top and his wife and their dogs, and I owe Lisa dataDyne TWO emails, and there's lots of good news, humble fool, but I can't discuss any of it right now. This is the place, but the time, oh, it's just not the time.


Normally, if I were not in this zany twilight zone of a beat-on-Kev's-laptop fest, this would be simple. I would edit the WMA for dataDyne in Serif MoviePlus5, then shred the WMA away from the WMV for the Carrot's in MoviePlus5, and then I'd send the WMA's to them and I'd get nice emails back saying "Wow, that was quick" and "Nice work, Kev!" and I'd STILL have time to send Mrs. dataDyne the two emails I owe her and on top of that I'd have time to make a "Happy Birthday Mom" post but no, no, no, my DVD drive is malfunctioning, and thus I can't reinstall MoviePlus5, and the general consensus is that directly after running Microsoft or HP's update, the DVD drive fails.

But through it all, I must remember that anger is not the solution. The solution? That's the solution. So I need to find that and use it, not just vaguely assume that anger will solve any of my problems. Women could learn a lesson from me on this, I think.




Depressingly, I enter into the sickly, malnourished dread-world of PC Tech Help. I could call either of my so-called-friend techies, but both of them are acting out Hebrews 10:25 as we speak. Or, I know the one is, but I don't know about the other. The other is a shady, deathly ghast of pythonic proportions. That and I haven't talked to him for a while.

This barren wasteland. "When are you getting up tomorrow? Depression is waiting as soon as you wake up!" my mom reminds me happily, as my brother coughs and chokes and spits in his room. The clocks tick too loudly. My dad's TV in the other room drones on and on.


I try uninstalling and reinstalling. Updating driver- no updates. Rolling back driver- driver never rolled forward. I just burned a CD the other day. It should be working, I think to myself.

I try deleting LowerFilter and UpperFilter, as prescribed for this problem. I tried using TweakUI (download.com), which lets you change the letters associated with drives...but it only recognized two drives, the two partitions of my hard drive, C and D. Darn it.

Now it seems I only have one hope: apparently, my HP Update got damaged. Thus it is my theory- every theory I have had has been wrong, so bear with me- that while in the middle of updating it was destroyed. Thus it did not reinstall my DVD drive. Oh, I need to hear Mr. Grinch. YouTube has its purposes. Stink! Stank! Stunk.


OK, I'm going to try a "Guided Help." If this doesn't work...I just may start thrashing.


Right. This (scroll down) guided help- which basically does some things- actually deleted both th LowerFilter and UpperFilter. Previously, I could only find the LowerFilter. But after a restart, my drive is still nowhere to be seen. After almost five hours of this, I turn in for the night, seething with rage.


The next morning, I awaken to the sound of "HEY KEV, IT'S TIME TO DO HOOF TRIMS, GET UP RIGHT NOW, AND BY THE WAY, YOUR DVD DRIVE IS BROKEN REMEMBER!?" Thus, everything about that morning that was bad was brought to my attention before I even opened my eyes. I was about as angry as a horned toad in December.

Then, it turns out we aren't even doing the hoof trims because, yeah, she lost the cutters.

After another 1.5-2 hours- during which I seek more solutions and physically remove the drive and put it back in in futility- my mom finally began to help. Randomly, she found a place which said to right click My Computer- then click Manage, and Disk Management. Alternatively, you could go Control Panel>Administrative Tools>Computer Management>Disk Management.

Then I simply right-clicked on the drive- which was recognized but unassigned letter-wise- and selected Change Drive Letter and Paths. Then I set it to E, and I'll later set it to X because I like E free for my external drive.


That's just fabulous. And I mean that in an entirely sarcastic and non-sarcastic way. Emergency averted. I then packed my bags to go work with Pa for the day. There were reptiles a-plenty. I'll post about that soon. I got some awesome pictures from M.L. I'll tell you who M.L. is. But now the search cloud; I'm not greedy for hits, I'm greedy for helping others and hoping they'd help me.



DVD drive not working
DVD drive not recognized
DVD drive not operating
Windows XP
Windows XP Media Center Edition
DVD drive not operational
DVD drive broken
DVD drive LowerFilter UpperFilter LowerFilter

Part II --- How I Somehow Deleted Everything on my Laptop (and then found it again)

Continued from Part I.


So I did the recovery. It took around an hour to complete...then after an ABSOLUTELY MIND-BENDINGLY LONG startup and setup process, I...found no files on my computer.

Nothing.


Just squeaky-clean desktop with factory icons on it. During this time, me and my mom sang some hymns to help us cope. She was dealing with her own problems, including but not limited to RSS or XML. I do believe I intoxicated myself; turns out, I'm really, really bad at making ginger ale, but I'm REALLY, REALLY good at making ginger ale. I mixed this supposed intoxication with some Rescue Remedy. The resulting Drugged Kev was both laid back, hilariously hopeless, ineptly deceptive, and very suicidal.


But by now, you don't want to hear about my suicidal rants, you're waiting for the deus ex machina. Hopefully, the hilarious deus ex machina. You want everything to be OK for ol' Kev. The tech guy calls ("By teh wai dud, I discovaried a tim machiney n we r ging bak 2 passt 2 sav ur filez!") or, an astronaut tells me I just need to hit Alt+F8, whatever that does.

Sometimes I don't get out of pickles I've pickled myself into. It's a sad fact of life. System scans revealed nothing beyond factory-installed .jpg's and videos. However, all of my installed programs were there- but none of their saved files or user information. It turns out, it did the opposite- saved all installed programs, deleted all pictures. All two years worth of pictures.



Well, seemingly, at least. My hard drive still had 57 GB of junk on it, with the same 3 GB free, but the files were nowhere to be found. I checked hidden and system files, etc. etc. Nothing.

I entered the C partition (the one that had the 57 GB on it), and there were no huge amounts of data anywhere to be found in that "folder." Only at most 5 GB. On the outside it said 57 GB taken up...but on the inside, I could find nothing. Except for one small ray of hope...the User Accounts folder contained all the accounts from my pre-Crisis and post-Crisis laptop. My old account would say "Folder Empty," but it would then say that "access was denied."

I held onto that slim ray of hope. It got me through a tough hour. I told Mr. dataDyne yesterday that I spent an hour crying under the table (it may or may not have happened! For once, that's a good thing!), and asked him if it was more manly to admit that or not, and he said that if I'd already done it, it would be more manly to admit it. So, I tell you now, I cried like a little girl, or so I think I did. Do babies cry in the womb? I'll have to ask when the asking is good, probably when the next godfather-able baby comes along.


Then, I found this page from Microsoft...um, I can't find it. I DID find this from Microsoft, which freaked me out. It says that files kept on the desktop will not be saved in the recovery...oh God, I keep ALL my important text documents on my desktop! And most of my pictures! And most of my recorderings, and most of my extremely huge downloads!

Thus, I go through the whole process once more before discovering that, in fact, my desktop was saved. God knows how. Maybe PC recovery thought that my desktop was My Documents it was so cluttered. I would have lost nearly everything. Thanks a lot, you jerk, you made me go through it all over again. And now, HEY, I happened to find it.

What is the title of this mysterious, life-saving source of information?

HP and Compaq Desktop PCs - Unable to Access Data from User Accounts after a System Recovery in Windows XP

I think I went bonkers when I first saw it. Here is the description:

ISSUE:

When a user creates multiple accounts and saves information onto each account, the information is stored under that account name. If a non-destructive system recovery is then run on the system, the customer cannot access the necessary files of the account, although the files are stored in each account.

SOLUTION:

In order to resolve this issue we need to change the security privileges of the folder to enable access to each of the folders. Follow these steps to gain access to the folders:

Can you believe it? Basically, when I did the PC recovery, my old accounts were saved- and under each account, the files for that account. But they no longer existed as logins in my post-Crisis laptop. So the files were still there, but the account that could access them did not exist. Get it? This may help also (link to Microsoft).


Basically, I changed the ownership from my old Kev account to my new Kev account, thus allowing my new Kev account to log in. Problem, solution. I wondrously watched as the file's ownership was transfered.



In ending, disaster avoided! And here's a cloud of search terms, maybe somebody when looking for help in this matter will see this (when I add my blog to Google, that is):

PC Recovery HP Laptop Desktop,
Non-destructive PC recovery system recovery
Unable to access data in user accounts after PC recovery
PC Recovery data missing folders missing files missing PC recovery files deleted
System Recovery data missing folders missing files missing system recovery files deleted
Cannot access account user account access denied
Files missing after PC recovery system recovery
Data missing after PC recovery system recovery
Folders missing after PC recovery system recovery


Whew, that was a mouthful.

Fighting the Demon Tonsil

For dinner yesterday, my mom made me some potato soup. It was the garlicky It was meant for one purpose and one purpose and one purpose and one purpose only: to stave off the tonsil demon, which has returned!

I've currently taken out some insurance of my own...a vaporizer. I mean, air humidifier. Yeah, that's it. It's supposed to help in cases of normal swollen tonsils/sore throats, but quite honestly, this is not a normal swollen tonsil. It is a tonsil infected with a possessive case of multi-demon indwelling. The one demon returned with two or more more, and it developed a nostril.


Therefore, as a countermeasure...I filled the humidifier with holy water. Aw, yeah! Take take that, demon tonsil! Sorry about the repetitions and occasional double spaces (which Blogger won't display), it's so humid in my room right now, that if I had a sponge, it would not only develop into a tree (sponges are basically tree seeds), it would develop into some kind of semi-sentient, space-capable flying tree, able to achieve near-relativistic speeds and transport a human crew of 25, all while running on eco-friendly sunshine and massive amounts of nutrients violently pillaged from plots of farmland.



I don't know how well our efforts (to destroy this foul incarnation) are faring. It is now producing pus, which to me seems like the perfect "blood" for demonic manifestations to run off of...therefore indicating that it is "bleeding." Meaning we're hurting it.

However.



It has now developed...it has now developed a mouth. DUNNA DUN DUNN!

See this picture, depicting the Demon Tonsil with pus ebbing out of it (I think the pus is what I taste that I describe as "cadaverous") and with its newly formed mouth. Perhaps it has always had it, but it was laying low, and now it's actually cursing my name. And furthermore, it developed a jaw structure, perhaps formed a second eye (it's covered in thick pus- maybe that's like a developmental sac), and developed scowling evil eyebrows. I expect it to grow those arms and legs very soon...only God knows what it will do at that point.


Then something magical happened...


Its face melted.

Yes, I think the holy water did the trick. It wasn't actually holy water. The only method of holy water makery I know is the "How do you make holy water, you boil the hell out of it" method.


Or if it wasn't the holy-water-in-the-humidifier trick, it was the gargling-with-saltwater trick. Really, most of the time, that will instantly make your throat feel better. I usually gargle several times, then swallow some of it to coat my entire throat, then I don't drink anything for a few minutes to leave the deadly salt in my throat. My mom claims that it will even kill strep throat virals. Maybe she'll comment on that.



For my notes, two days ago I ran defrag. Command and Conquer 3 is my computer performance test, and I think it's running a little faster.

Force Refresh. It's a good thing. I think.

You'll notice, in yesterday's post (link to my blog, Pitter-Pat, Kev's Back.), I didn't use many "rich text" elements. By Batman's beard, Blogger's "Compose" mode was gone! You know what that is if you use blogger. Otherwise, there's three modes: Edit Html, Compose, and Preview. (Preview previews the post in a cheap way. It's underpowered, yeah.)

"Compose" mode is a rich text editor, but not too rich. "Edit Html" is basically Notepad, except that if I typed the HTML tags <i> and </i> it would, in the final publish, appear in italics. I could not see it in italics until published, though. (Go here, to Blogging Basics 101, to see how to display the tags without the browser converting them. Bookmark it. It's cool!)

I could not see a list of my labels. Adding pictures would require more than clicking "upload to blogger lol". Simply put, it was hell on earth. As I pored over the myriad help articles and forums, all hope seemed lost. The only conclusion I could come to was that I recently installed a new Java update...maybe that was it.

As a last-ditch test, I opened Opera. (A browser; you know, like Firefox.) Sure enough, it showed the Compose mode. How sweet to look upon its ...interface! (That's clever.) Then that meant...it wasn't Java.

And for the third time today, all hope seemed lost. (It's been a rough day.) Then I opened up this forum. In it, they said to do a force refresh. Following their instructions, I pressed Ctrl and F5. It's like a normal refresh, but it takes a long time. I have no idea on earth what force refresh is, but hey, it fixed it despite my lack of knowledge! I can't find any information on it. What I could find seemed to hint that it sort of renews your cache of the website. So...something must have been missing from my Create Post page, and my browser couldn't detect that it was missing. That's probably wrong, but it's the best my 10 minutes of research could do.

So if you're ever in the position I was, try force refreshing. I'm sure it's common knowledge for some people, of course. If you use some weird browser, you may need to get the command for that specific browser; it may not be Ctrl+F5. Chances are, you'll never need it. They say that most police officers never use their gun. But they still carry it.


Alternately, your problem may be that you accidentally turned Compose mode off. Go to Settings > Basic and turn "Show Compose Mode for all your blogs?" on.

If it's already on, it could be a few issues, probably some that haven't even happened yet. Take the keywords "Compose," "Compose tab," "Compose mode," "Html and compose mode," and go look for yourself. Combine them with words like "not working," "not showing," "damn the world," and you're sure to find whatever you are looking for.



Whateeeever that might be.

McCainiac

Well, I had a dream today. It was simply eerie. (Audio link is above lyrics, after recounting of my dream.)



John McCain had drowned. (HaD. In my dream. I don't want him dead, of course...I don't like him, but that doesn't mean I'd ever want him to be killed.)

The video footage was graphic; they drug him out, and he was waterlogged and still partway alive. His brain was dead, but somehow he was moving and trying to talk. Great last moments, dude.

You know those people who host "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live? ...well, I just trudged through the Saturday Night Live site for 10 minutes, but I couldn't find them. Now let me find them in half a minute on Wikipedia.

Lol, I love it when I'm right. It was Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Jimmy Fallon. Once I found Tina Fey- the only name I remembered- I found the other two easily. They're the ones who hosted the Weekend Update, but not all at the same time.

In the dream, one of the women was named Mindy. They reported on McCain's death- they were serious reporters- then they for some reason came to my house! I was apparently a rabid fan, and I wanted to ask Mindy if Midna was a nickname for Mindy. I always ask people if their names are derivatives of other names, like they're experts on their own name or something. Y'know, that was the first brainstorm I've ever had while dreaming. I hadn't thought of Mindy and Midna being alike.

I guess they were investigating McCain's death. They were being very conspiratorial. They would talk amongst themselves and such. Then, Jimmy Fallon showed up. The next part is very foggy...it probably just skipped to the next scene; them trying to frame me for McCain's drowning.

They were leaving, so I was saying goodbye to them. Their car was in our car's place, and also was our car. Then, Fallon handed me a handful of vials, two that were dripping with liquid, almost like syrup. It reminded me of how corn syrup "sticks" to you as if it were a layer of oil.

At that point, I got the idea- somehow- that these were extracted bodily fluids from McCain or [some other method of proving whoever had the vials committed the crime], the newscasters were the ones who drowned him, and they were now trying to frame me. Smartly, I set the vials on the top of their car, so they couldn't leave. I started banging on the side of the house to get my mom out there to keep an eye on them, then I ran inside and got the camera to video tape them with the vials. I then woke up.


My question is, where does this come from? I haven't watched Saturday Night Live for months and months, and I haven't handled corn syrup for about a month. Yesterday, I was examining the side of the house, though not in the area I was banging on. And I have had increased mental thought on my camcorder lately, as I'll be bringing it with me to California.

That's about it for the "logically, this should be in my dream" part. After that begins the "Where on earth did I come up with that?" part.

I then woke up with the McCainiac song stuck in my head. That's the most comforting song since the Zelda Rap.


Aha. It took some digging, but I finally found it. Link via J.D. Hayworth's audio section: McCainiac. I'm not a fan of J.D. Hayworth- he talks far too slowly- but I tuned in and managed to catch the tune.

Lyrics:

Just a seventy-year-old from Arizona
And I'm making my last big run
Pushing through New Hampshire on the straight-talk express
With my old pal Joe Lieberman

Changing stories faster than I can change shoes
On amnesty I will say this:
It is not amnesty, because I say so
It is simply illegal bliss

You must join up with me
Cause I really know what's best
I deserve the presidency!
Ambition beats within my breast

I'm McCainiac, McCainiac in this campaign
You better vote for me or you will feel some pain
I'm the McCainiac, McCainiac it's true
And you'll vote for me just like I tell you to

[AUDIO SOUNDBITES FROM MCCAIN]
I always do the right thing, and it always turns out alright. And I know what the right thing is.

I'm worried about our nation's security, and if you or anyone else has a better way of securing our borders, people are here illegally, I'd love to hear it.


[RETURN TO SONG]
Sure I oppose Bush's tax cuts quick as a wink
And I want to close club Gitmo
But you know I really don't care what you think
After all, I am a hero

Cause the fact is I am destiny's man
Even the newspaper[sic] know that it's true!
And you'd better listen to me right now,
Cause I want to tell you what I will do

I'm McCainiac, McCainiac in 2008
You will vote for me because I'm absolutely great
I'm McCainiac, McCainiac it's true
You will do just what I tell you now to do

McCainiac, McCainiac it's true
You will do just what I want you to go do

A $2 Bill

Curses...I could have sworn I saw a DS game called "Bible in minutes a day." You know, like a Brain Age game. Ah, it was The Bible Game for the GBA. I don't like the reviews, doug.



One of my mom's freak friends- those are the only kinds of friends she has- sent payment for a small amount of kefir grains. Kefir grains culture kefir. It's like yogurt. My mom charges around $4 per batch.

I usually check the mail. Coincidentally, her friends usually only send $3, unless they send a check, then it usually remains $4. But this week, one of them sent only $2. Coincidentally, I found a $2 bill. In the yard, of course. Great coincidence.

At first, I wondered what type of freak would try to fool someone by sending them a dropping a $2 bill randomly. They aren't real currency, after all. Then I did a bit of research. Wikipedia claims the $2 bill is real.

CNN also says that the $2 bill is real in this article, New $2 bill series from June 12th, 2003. I need to spend around $800 in video games to outlast the coming economic collapse, apparently.

Furthermore, the government confirms the $2 bill's reality here.

Question: Why did the Treasury Department remove the $2 bill from circulation?

Answer: The $2 bill has not been removed from circulation and is still a circulating denomination of United States paper currency. The Federal Reserve System does not, however, request the printing of that denomination as often as the others. The Series 2003 $2 bill was the last printed and bears the names of former Secretary of the Treasury John W. Snow and Treasurer Rosario Marin. As of April 30, 2007 there were $1,549,052,714 worth of $2 bills in circulation worldwide.

/

I don't know about that. This bill does not have Rosario Marin's name on it. It has Anna Escobedo Cabral's name on it. John W. Snow's name is on it, sure enough, but not Rosario Mario's. Oh, no I didn't!


This bill is from the 2003 Series A. I can't believe it's already the 30th. I can't believe it's already 12:30!

How to dress a Wound

Original post, or introductory post. Whichever you want to call it.


NOTE: this post will have graphic pictures of blood on a wound (it isn't that bad), and later the cleaned flap of skin. The picture of the wound held open will not be display but linked to. The dried blood on the wound will be the most graphic.


This is how I dress wounds. I only do this if I want the wound to heal expediently, or if it's a serious wound. In this case, I only did it because I felt like it.

OK, first things first, let us examine our enemy. Err, our uh, patient. Chyo Wazz Y'up once said that the path to enlightenment is not to kill, but to maim and then render aid.


Now, I've heard the TV slogan "Dirty mouth? Clean it up, with new Orbit-", but I would advise against applying that (or, spiritualizing that) as "Dirty wound? Clean it up, with new Orbit-". Peppermint is NOT something that you clean wounds with. It's something that you chew to piss you off, apparently.

I do not know what the little popcorn-looking thing is. Ain't that wound a beaut? OK, so I went to the bathroom and got the water to such a temperature that I could not feel it on my foot (it'll hurt badly enough without it being too hot or cold), then got a cup full of it and slowly poured it over the wound to loosen some of the dried-on blood. I then wiped at it several times, and discovered that if I wipe INSIDE THE WOUND ITSELF it hurts less than if I wipe around it. Go figure.

OK, see the cleaned wound, below.

Graphic picture (would held open) #1
Graphic picture (would held open) #2

Right, now that it's cleaned, what do we do? Put a bandage on it? No! We disinfect. So let's look for a disinfectant. First, I considered this:


But thought against it. Whew. You think I'm really THAT stupid to put soy sauce in a wound?! LOL, you moron! That'd probably hurt like the burning fire pits of hell! I'd never do that!






So, I used one of me and my dad's favorite disinfectants. See picture, below.

Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Apparently, lemon juice stops bleeding and cauterizes the wound (google "Lemon juice stops bleeding"). I am unsure how accurate that is, but I do know that it stops a wound from hurting (seriously, you'll forget you even have a wound once you hit it with the juice; at least I did) and speeds along healing by 2-3 times. It really is our favorite. My dad busted his chin open with a pair of pliers a few months ago (or longer, I forget, but I did get a picture!), and I made him put lemon juice in it. Aren't I the good son. Speaking of which, me and my mom need to organize our pictures. If she could get them all to me, I could do it. By month is good enough, I think.

Now, squeeze it into your favorite shot glass. Or only shot glass because your deadbeat family doesn't know how much you love shot glasses even though you've been telling them for years. You think I'd use an Oregon shot glass if I had a choice? Pffsst. If I had a choice, you know I'd want a Samus Aran shot glass. Or at least one painted...orange...and...gray...with the green shoulder-pad lines...and a cannon dividing the glass on one side...oh, when I'm in glory, I'm asking Jesus to make me one of those. The thought brings a tear to my eye!


OK, now that you've got your lemon juice, guess why it's in a shot glass.


That's right. So that you can invert it quickly and hold it over the wound, effectively submersing the wound in lemon juice, and mix it around. A soda cap is also good for this, but you can't tell how good it's swishing around. Once more, I'm not a doctor. You take this advice on your own foolishness.

So, go ahead and do that. What I did was inverted it over the wound and shook my foot to make sure it got to every part of the wound. I held it there for three seconds (+/- 1 second), at which point the VOP (volcano of pain) got to the point that I had to evacuate the island, if you know what I mean.

Now, curse whatever you curse when something like this happens. You could curse Satan, but it's not Satan's fault lemons burn...but I MIGHT AS WELL BLAME IT ON HIM! DAMN YOU, SATAN! CURSE YOU TO THE ABYSS, TO THE PITS OF DESPAIR WITH YOU, YOU RAGGEDY GAGGER!

If you're still angry, go ahead and curse whatever caused you to be in the predicament, even if that means calling them and yelling "AHRAAAH!". Do not progress beyond bestial screams of agony, despair and anger, however, or you may offend them. Simply hang up, then enjoy and revel in their confusion when they call back several times. Ah. Life is good. But in my case, I got to curse mine enemy to his misshapen FACE.

DAMN YOU POPOE!





OK, that part is over. Lemon juice. It'll cause you to stumble backward, curse, grunt like an ape, and act like a wild dog for a few minutes, but boy does it work!

This is the biggest/deepest wound I've used lemon juice on yet. It hurt very badly, but it is completely worth it. I did not know if it would hurt very badly or not, luckily...not too bad. Below is the completely cleaned, disinfected wound. Note the lemon pulp on my foot. Once, I got lemon in my eye, and it didn't hurt so much. What's wrong with my eyes that causes them to be more immune to lemon juice than to water? Anyway, picture below.


...OK, so you could use peroxide if you want to, but I prefer lemon juice. I still advise the inverting-and-swishing method to get the peroxide in the wound (it's dandy!), but I can't recommend holding it there too long, as I do not know the health implications of "soaking" a wound in peroxide.

OK, now to bandage it up. I put a 2"x3" bandaid first, secured that with a 1 1/4"x3.5" bandaid, then on top of those a 2.5"x3.5". It should look like the below picture. If it doesn't, rush out and buy bandaids that are the exact same as the ones I used.


Next, wrap it in one of those elastic bandages. I've heard them called "Ace Bandages" before but I reckon that's incorrect (note: I only put this because it's on my foot, and the bandaids don't like to stick; otherwise I don't wrap it).

OK, so wrap it...and wrap it...and wrap it, until your toes turn purple and/or blue.

Perfect! That's how you know it's wrapped properly. Try not to get it too tight, or your toes will fall off. There's Popoe. Curse his bones!

Then just keep wrapping until it looks like this...

And then ponder why cowboy boots have the point directly in the middle of the shoe.


And that's how I dress a wound. The last step is to affect a sympathy-garnering limp. Yes, yes. In fact, the limp elicits so much sympathy, my brother even asked me what was wrong. Hehehe. Now I am off to make dinner; baked spiral ham, scalloped potatoes au gratin, steamed beets, and biscuits. My mom loves beets, I love all of it (I'm real easy to cook for; just no overly-crunchy onions and I prefer my meat trimmed of fat and bone), my brother likes all of it, and my dad LOVES biscuits (you turn a meal into an amazing meal for him when you make biscuits). I'm going to try Alton Brown's Southern Biscuits.


Since this post was made a day and a half later, here is the picture of it ...a day and a half later. It looks pretty darn messy, but it is holding together really well. Picture: GRAPHIC/GROSS.