Somebody's Daughter: A Path out of Porn

Welcome the 'tas2' tag.


So there I was, chillin'. You know me.

Then I saw the advertisement! It pulled on my heartstrings; the way it made itself look like an ax-murder flick (not that I like ax-murder flicks, but the advertisements are killer-neat), the way it offered me a view into modern-day Christian self-help on a very serious topic...I couldn't resist. It drew me into its world and there, captured my attention.

After four minutes of the same five, indiscernible words being sung fifty times to really bad contemporary christian music, I knew exactly what it was- a case of MDD. Music-driven-drivel.


"Blah blah blah I used to be a pastor, blah blah internet has made pornography available to everyone anonymously, blah blah blah blah."

Every episode (three of them, about twenty minutes each) introduced an agonizingly long, painstaking bit of music- and the last one had a grand finale of three words sang two hundred times. Two hundred times in rap = two minutes. Two hundred times in country = six minutes. Two hundred times "with feeling"? Man, oh man, that song never ended.

The not-so-bullet-pointed point of the movie was that some poor fool who is an pornographer is someone's daughter. This point, as far as I can tell, was only expressed in one song (and not the grand finale)...it seems more like a preview for an actual movie, yet they want to send this to every church in America. And they want me to pay for this.


\
Perhaps my negative feelings on this whole failed attempt at producing Christian self-help is based on what my mind came up with when I read the title.


Somebody's Daughter. (Lightning flashes over title. Dramatic music.)

A man, caught in the trenches of pornography addiction. No one knows. His daughter is at college. One day, he comes across pornographic images of her. Now he has a conundrum; he has to tell his wife about it, but then she'll know how he found it. A story of telling the truth, them having to deal with two disasters at once (and he gets his trust betrayed in a major way as well- and the parents, despite the awesome rift betwixt them, have to stay strong for/against their daughter), lots of tears, and finally triumph. And he realizes that all along, these women have been someone's daughter. Dunna dunn. Dunnnnnnn. Plot, storyline, tension, drama. Stories are like...well...I won't use that analogy, darn it.


Maybe I'm just bitter. Yes, that's it. I'm bitter, and the WHOLE WORLD is sweet. I'M THE ONLY CRAZY, BITTER ONE. JUST ME!







"I only went off course once in my life. I was fourteen and mad at the world. I even got a wonderful red leather jacket...loved that jacket. Few days later, as I walked past a corner, my first best friend hit me right across the side of my mouth with a baseball bat. Then my second best friend stepped out, and they started beating me with them...knocked out five teeth, shattered twelve, seemed to try to break my ribs below my breasts, split my left triceps open by blunt trauma. I kept repositioning...like getting comfortable in bed, but the goal is to not be hurt as much. I looked like a rotten, bruised banana once they were done...blood all in my hair. I cried."
-
"Wow.
"...
"What did you do to them?"
-
"I didn't do anything to them...I did burn the jacket and smelt the baseball bats, though."

Speed Racer FAILS

Via DRUDGE: Speed Racer Fails Utterly, It's All Erin Esurance's Fault - Top Execs: "Teaming up with Esurance was worst decision ever"


I think it's no secret that I do not like Erin Esurance. I have my reasons- you should know these reasons. So when a movie promo includes Erin Esurance, I typically begin my cursing rituals. But Paul says not to curse, so I had to leave this one to the wits of the populace. It's hard to stop cursing. When I need something cursed, what do I do? Apparently I'm expected to NOT curse them.

Romans 12:14:
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.



And so it goes uncursed. Thank God, the pitiful populace halfway pulled through this time. Speed Racer, aside from being a favorite target for seedy reviewers ("IT GAVE MY TEETH CAVITIES LOL THTS HOW BAD IT WUS- UHH LLOL?"), failed box office expectations.

Thanks to all the mothers who didn't see it on Mother's Day. You made my week.

Hours and hours and hours of Sailor Moon

Well, as you may know, I ordered the entire first season of Sailor Moon for my brother's birthday. His birthday was on uh, Friday. Yeah.


He was eh, so-so about them, because there were 10, and they were all wrapped individually. He thought he got 10 movies, but it was all Sailor Moon, LOL. He got sick of opening the gifts. My dad made a show of saying "Here's another" and "Only three more!" Hilarious.

Before that time, I had watched the first few to see how the sellers were. I don't...exactly trust people, OK, especially and uh, OK, and shut up, please, OK.


I have never said "Oh my God" so much during a theme song. My flesh burned. My skin crawled. Embarrassment ebbed. The world turned to ice. I think it was the first time in my life I have blushed. My eyes were bloodshot afterward, I'm sure of it.

I cringe looking back. It was sort of like that time that I almost needed my mom to hold my hand for the moral support to not try to gnaw my own arm off while Metroid Prime 3: Corruption loaded for the first time.

What's wrong with me?




Anyways... once I got through the first theme song, I started remembering why I like Sailor Moon so much. She/it's very endearing. It was my favorite cartoon at a point, if memory serves. It was the one ray of golden light in my troubled, troubled, carefree world.

First, she's the ONLY, and I repeat ONLY, entity that I have ever seen pull off pigtails. Pigtails, they bother me. I think it was one-too-many kids stories as a kid. Second, she's psychotic, and you know how me...uhh, and Kane, like psychotic blonds.

Then there's the completely moronic, so-bad-it's-good,-but-oh-man,-come-on,-that's-just-lame...-but-still-good-somehow fight scenes. MERCURY BUBBLES! is my favorite. LOL. Then there's the theme song. It's perfection! In fact, my brother is singing off-key and failing to form coherent words to it right now. Oh, and then there's the point where Sailor Moon tries to teach us kids a lesson. Kids, don't play with too many knives.



So anyways, my brother has been watching Sailor Moon for the past five hours. No end in sight.


Happy birthday, brother.

TWTTWTW #3: Sick and Sick Again. Again. And Forbidden Planet.

Welcome to my third update post, the series of which is called TWTTWTW, for Those Were The Three Weeks That Were (or That Was The Three Weeks That Were, whichever you prefer). Because I took a break from March 3rd to March 22nd, I need to cover everything that happened. Sick and Sick Again is located at the link over the words "Sick and Sick Again." That was the second update post. This post...is obviously the second part of that post. Got it? Good.


So, I discovered that the Asian woman- her name is Sandra- from Command and Conquer 3 is General Granger's "intelligence officer." Kind of, at least. Kirce James- the psychotic woman who seems as if she has rabies- is the "Commander"'s intelligence officer. What a twisted web we weave. Next week on Video Game Characters, we examine the stunning similarity of Ajay and my Pastor, Arjay. But who could Pastor's Kane be? Also, I digress into raves about my morals, and how they restrain me from insulting TWWMNBN (she must not be named) in the best possible way. I name in detail, with the swear words made blank, all my favorite ways of insulting both her abilities and her fans. And her breasts.

Also, I go on a raving mad rave about the most dread, heart-dropping, horrific media I could imagine...a Metroid Movie. I quip that I would buy a .45 caliber handgun at the same purchase as the movie. Pastor says that a .45 to the temple is the only way out of this world, and I would be vacating shortly thereafter.


Tuesday, March 11th; 9 days in (into the Blog Break.)
On this day it officially hit me that I was sick. Ooghu. My flesh ached, my joints were sore and tender, and I constantly had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to get up. This led to several long introspective sessions of considering the ups and downs of just...y'know...not going to the bath room. Common sense and potty training won out every time.

I took my temperature. 99.5 degrees. I had to take it with the kitchen thermometer...the next pork chop that's tested with that baby will definitely get sick before it's eaten. If the temperature of the porkchop isn't high enough to kill all the virals. I considered calling Pastor for a miracle healing, but that wouldn't of worked out. He never wants to miracle heal anyone. I sent both him and Don "Feldick" Horsegoggles an email stating I would miss Bible study the next day.


Thursday, March 13th; 11 days in.
Drat, I missed Wednesday service and so did my dad. Pastor supposedly taped it for us. He's a liar and a thief, so I'm not sure if he did or not. Though, he's very reliable.

When I miss a service, I usually end up crying myself to sleep. Which I did last night. Twice (I had to go to the bathroom mid-night.) That's why after I miss a service I usually have a few new wrinkled pages in my Bible. Those tears are a memorial. "I hate crying myself to sleep," they say. Also, they ask "Why do I cry into my Bible when I know it's made of wrinkleable paper."


I was feeling a lot better on this day, but nowhere near 100%. First it was "popsicles that aren't medicated," now it was "lollipops that aren't medicated." Darn it. Solace came in the form of a DVD Don "Feldick" Horsegoggles gave me out of the back of his Solara. It's called Space Cowboys in Space Forbidden Planet. Wow, Bowser! What a movie! It was very mushy. Very mushy.

Forbidden Planet is an older movie, but it has color to it. Ignoring the mushy scenes, I give it a 9.5. I don't think any movie I've ever watched has gone beyond a 9.5. It was before computers went Hollywood, back when they didn't call it "programming," but "monitoring." Programming didn't exist I guess. They calls it monitoring, the foolses.

The movie reminds me a lot of Metroid. The atmosphere is very similar. It even has an oddball blond in it! Though, I think she's fully human, and doesn't have another species' blood coursing through her veins. And I noticed a distinct lack of "implants" in her. You know, implants...like...y'know...the one in Samus Aran's left hand. So you know, she is solely responsible for me thinking the Mark of the Beast goes in the left hand. Link, Zelda, and Gannondorf are the ones with the Marks of the Beast in their right hands/forehead. Got to keep that straight. Yeah..................they've got the Mark of the Beast......in their hands...and/or forehead. "Picz or it didn't happen," you say? Fine, I'll detail it later. Remind me.


I had a really tough time getting water that week. In fact, I only got one for The Thirsty Wolf and one for us. We needed two or three more, I am not sure when I got that. We had pizza for dinner. It was triangly bread with sauce and cheese on it, as always.

I also saw a CNC3 Tank Rush executed for the first time. It's quite a strange maneuver. You get a crazy-go-nuts economy established, and build a whole lot of tanks. Or "rocket guys." Then, your little wave of tanks clashes against the other guy's wave of tanks. Whoever wins destroys a few enemy buildings (best case), while both sides build more tanks for a second battle. I am horrible at combat. My wheels just don't turn that way unless I practice for a long, long, long time. Then I end up being the best player in said game. It's a curse. CNC3 is a bit too graphics-intensive for my laptop, so I really can only do 1v1 games. 1v1v1 or 1v2 games can slow pretty bad if either enemy is being infantry-centric.


I also finished the Nod Campaign for the first time! I couldn't make it last time. I had played too much and was bored so I didn't continue on. The ending was HORRIBLE. The ending was so bad, that if that ending was a horse, and the rider was a redneck, uh...I don't know where I'm going with this...uhh...you mow your lawn and find a car. It was THAT bad! Recovery depends on how they handle it in Kane's Wrath, the expansion pack, or "next part of the story" for you humble fools.



Time to end this unholy affair. Looks like there might be a Sick and Sick Again. Again. FOR A THIRD TIME. post. You know, I think that if I shorten my post length any, I'll miss transmission of valuable backstory. What do you think? Are my posts too long? Should I do a poll about that? Y/N? ASL?

Hold Up, Wait a Minute

Put a little love in it!


I've been reflecting. Uh oh, you say. Uh oh, indeed.


Well, usually, things in my life happen because God is playing another prank. Usually His pranks turn out pretty good though. Examples, that one time ...and the other time... OH, and when I was sick on my birthday.


I'm reminded of what Paul said (Philippians 4:11):


11: Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.


I feel the same way with this statement as I did the first time I played Metroid Prime. If Samus can do this, I can. I'm not psycho. But if Paul can live by that, I can live by that. Doesn't mean I have to like it, but I can live like that.

It's not such a horrible curse, not being able to use computer chairs. It's just so inconvenient; all the cool kids have desktops for mouse using, and all the cool kids have external speakers on their desktops, and they also have full-size keyboards. They also have the coolest kids as pals! And here I am, complaining even though I have a laptop which I can use! Ooh! Life is just so hard.

[/sarcasm]

Still, seeing's how I can't really sit down and draw for more than twenty minutes, I will have to make little "chips" and "nags" at it like I've been doing. Fun. It's actually better if I think about it...actually...no. What angers me, though, what really toasts my crackers, is thinking I can't do it.

I've never thought I had to prove anything. I don't know what it means. I have no idea. I've never experienced it before. Does it mean I hate myself? Does it mean I'm a narcissist? I don't know! Does it mean I've been spineless all my life? Or that I'm turning into a- gasp- a closet drunk?



Logically, as I brainstorm with ...myself...with my limited, one-minded rapport...it only makes sense that it's related to this being my dream. I never knew what a dream was. I never had dreams. Never once in my entire life. Sure, I've had short-lived dreams, like the dream of being sick on my birthday (fulfilled, 16th birthday!), or my dream of having a laptop (fulfilled, August 2006). But dreams like that are just the cheap whores of the dream world.

So what conclusions do I draw? Well, ...obviously... I don't know. I suppose the first step is to research just what a dream is. And try to find out what it means, psychologically speaking, to have to prove something. Until then, I will be listening to the CD I ordered by Family Force 5. The song that got me to order the CD is on Gotee Record's site. All the music is great (Dec. 2007 note: I am referring to the music on Gotee's site, not the FF5 CD), but if you want to listen to that particular song and don't have time to waste (dude, you're on a computer- get with the program!), click Love Addict.



Song of the Day is Love Addict by Family Force 5 on their Business Up Front, Party In The Back: Diamond Edition, and also their non-diamond edition CD by the same name.

Dec. 2007 update: After reviewing the FF5 CD, it seems non-Christian. Only the last few songs are near Christ-glorifying, and those, if memory serves, were not included in the "non-diamond" edition. Count it as secular music; on top of the lack of Christ-glorifying songs, there is an unpleasant centering on partying, being better that others, pride, and girls.

X-Men: The Last Stand

I typically look at movie reviews before I say something bad about a movie, just to make sure I wasn't just being a jerk. They always echo my thoughts. Usually. Sometimes. I'm more cynical, I think, because I hate Hollywood on top of hating their movies. Hate is too strong a word. Dislike.


They killed a few major characters, and, well, the movie really, really sucked. I don't see how even the brightest (that is, in the ditsy sense), most naive and quixotic young intern assisting in the development of the film could have expected it to be any other than a worthless, atrocious bust. Sigh. Maybe I just don't like movies. But this, this was supposed to be a smash hit. It was horrible.

Come to think of it, I liked alot of the scenes, but the movie needed to be about 4 hours long, instead of the measly 1.5... a lot of the scenes seemed unfinished. That's a bad thing. I think about a scene I liked, then there's nothing more because the entire 5 minute scene has two (irrelevant) things happen.


And on top of that, they managed to kill my respect for nearly every character...I don't think there's one character who they didn't ruin. What losers. Hollywood has an agenda to SUCK.


You see, I really expected 200 mutants on the good side against 200 on the bad side, with 400 different powers; not 100 being frogs, and 94 being punchers. Which is what happened in this movie- oh my, oh my, how were they so stupid? I wanted a really awesome fight of hundreds of mutants, lasting for like 20 minutes- carnage, little chatter. But no.

I give the movie a 3 out of 10 with an extremely low "replay" value.

Judging on the "what it could have been" scale, this movie gets a 0.5. Sorries.

United 93

Me and my loved ones watched United 93 on 9/11. It was a great movie. It was somewhat disturbing though- you keep thinking, "I've seen this before - any time now, Schwarzenegger will jump off of a mountain (in a speed boat), crash into the plane, and start shooting terrorists."


But it doesn't happen that way. You already know it doesn't, but you still think it'll end happily.

Damn terrorists.

Then President Bush made one of his speeches in which he attempted to appeal to Christians. I really hate it when they do that.


We had Pizza and Cinnamon rolls while we watched it. Both were homemade, and once again I remind you store-bought rolls aren't fit for cockroaches. Basic delivery pizza isn't far off- cockroaches will eat it though.




The Pizza recipe was Alton Brown's. His Pizza Dough, and if I were clever enough, I would have used his killer, heart-wrenchingly delicious Cinnamon Roll recipe. I did not though. I regret it. Uhh, may the Pope bestow his blessing of forgiveness on me?


We had no popcorn. Popcorn is not freedom food. The people who discovered it are mostly dead now, their country is conquered, and their pagan gods are feeble traces of dust on the winds. The cinnamon rolls were terrific, and most likely the founding fathers ate them whilst they slaughtered all those pirates and ghosts of dead pirate ghost soldiers. You know, the ones that tried to take over China? Man, China still owes us big for that!

..."happy" 9/11. May God bless America. We need it.

Ultraviolet

That's right! Ultraviolet!

It all began when I saw a commercial, that featured soldiers that can turn into balls. This copies Samus Aran, my favorite video game character. Of Metroid fame. I, of course, took this personally- steam began wafting out of my ears. Veins of black, pure, rotting, hatred erupted on my forehead and neck. Probably on my heart, too, I could not see my heart, duh.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I like something a lot, and someone shamelessly steals an idea from that thing that I like (laughing in the credits, I am sure! "HAH HAH AHH, WE GOT KEV GOOD! LOL!!!"), I say stuff like "Hey, you jerks" and "Wow. Didn't Nintendo copyright that? Consarned COPYRIGHT OFFICE!"


I'm sure you say the same things. Did I mention there will be minor cursing on this blog? (Overhauled- I no longer find foul language- even minor- for the sake of humor acceptable.) Yeah. I'll try not to make it too bad though. [removed.]


So I order the movie from DirecTV.
The first scene is the ball-soldiers. Imagine my outrage. You SWINE! ROT IN THE PITS, FOUL DEMON-FLESHED FOOLS! ...I mean, that hurt my feelings!

The movie was boring at best. The plot was...well, I don't think there was a plot. At first I thought I was stupid, but then I looked at some reviews. I still don't know what happened or what the movie was about. I think it was a documentary about Smurfs. The only good thing is the name, which is, possibly, one of the best-named movies I know. That's personal, though.


The graphics look like claymation. How they managed this, I don't know. I'm not joking, you know. Claymation. At least in a few scenes. She can dodge bullets (i.e. she is never hit), and is invincible. I assume this all makes perfect sense if you've read the comics.
If you like wasting time, have a friend tell you not to watch the movie.

That's all. It was a bad movie with a bad, hard-to-follow story. That isn't to say it will not have its fans, of course. I did not get anything out of it.

There was a scene in which Milla Jovovich was shown nude from behind. Of course, this was necessary. Because...uh...it...yeah...sure, Hollywood. Sure.



Update 08/10/08: See post, My Thoughts on a Metroid Movie.