Revelation 9: 1-11

I remember way back when, probably 2003, Jack Van Impe Presents had a picture of an apache helicopter painted as a locust. I'm not entirely sure if they were just making a funny which related to what they were discussing, or not.

Some people believe that Revelation is to be taken figuratively. As Les Feldick says, people don't want to accept that fantastic things will happen during the tribulation. The way I understand it, some things are to be taken figuratively- the things which say "like unto" or some such. But not always.
The verses below mention a bottomless pit (pause), with smoke ascending like unto a furnace. That does not qualify the entire line to be a metaphor, only the smoke. Which is like a furnace. To wit, it does not say "something like unto a bottomless pit." It says, literally, a bottomless pit. Not a bottomless-esque pit. "Like unto" is not a blanket term for the entire verse/chapter/book.



Right now, I am reading a site which teaches that the "locusts" are helicopters, written by some dude who thinks he's the prophet Elijah. Also, he thinks the Quran and Bible fit perfectly together. Weirdo. He has not updated his site since October of last year. I'm not grouping those who believe the locusts are helicopters with this stooge. I'm just using him as an example. I'm not a Bible scholar, but I do have half a brain and a lick of sense.


According to him, we are already in the tribulation- we were part-way through the tribulation in 1986 (the Chernobyl-being-translated-wormwood thing)! Wow. 1986 is the year the original Metroid was released in Japan, but I don't know about the tribulation going on during that time.



Let's start with the first two verses:

1 And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit.
2 And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.

(all quotes KJV) According to Willy, this is the Gulf War invasion of Kuwait, when coalition (USA) forces did their thing. Willy really starts getting slippery here, as he does not translate for us farm boys why the angel is given the key to the bottomless pit (or oil field). Even if "given the key" is a metaphor for "indwelt Saddam," it does not fit. Not unless you're paranoid. As I mentioned above, it does not say "like unto a bottomless pit." It says, literally, a bottomless pit. The bottomless pit- not a.

Next, Revelation 9: 3-5:

3 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
4 And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.

Verse 3: --points to demonic locusts, of course- let out of the bottomless pit. They have their king over them- Abaddon in Hebrew, Apollyon in Greek, meaning the Destroyer (I don't speak or read Jew or Greek, this is what I am told). No, I assure you, it is not me. It's an entirely different destroyer. He is mentioned in verse 11. They are given power as the scorpions of the earth have power. Later, it is clarified; they sting.

But Willy doesn't think so. He thinks they are helicopters- the "sting" is their tail rotor (what?). He believes the oil wells being on fire caused the smoke, and then the helicopters/forces came as a result. Strange John does not mention an army, nor does he mention airplanes (wouldn't airplanes be around too?).


Verse 4: --the locusts are commanded not to harm any plant life. Only the men who do not have the seal of God in their foreheads (Rev. 7: 1-8). Wet Willy thinks this mark is the telepathic bond of man with God- or believers with God. But, the plant life.

There are several problems with this verse and Willy's ever-slippery interpretation, like oil to water. Willy is the oil.
I don't think apache pilots were commanded to not destroy any plant life. In fact, the question is, if these are not literal locusts, why would they be commanded not to harm any plant life? If these were actually helicopters, why would they be told to go against a locust's natural course of living- "destroying" plant life? Why would it matter, if this is just figurative? This is a valid question no matter how slippery Willy is. Being slippery might make it hard to catch someone, but it doesn't make it hard to chase them. It makes it harder for them to run. Slipping...sliding.

Note that it doesn't say that they didn't destroy any plant life. It says that they were commanded not to destroy any plant life. Why would you order a helicopter not to destroy any plant life? Also, how could a helicopter tell the difference between one with the seal of God and a normal person?

Why would that verse backing up that these are literal locusts be there if they were helicopters? Getting a little slippery, eh, Willy? Well, he says that we used all sorts of damaging things in old wars, but now we have precision bombs. OK, it still doesn't say they -didn't-, it says they were -commanded not to-.

5 And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

OK, no matter how slippery Willy is, he can't slip out of this one. Or can he?

After all, since when was it a directive at that time not to kill anyone? If you're in an Apache GUNSHIP, you're going to kill. You don't land an apache and walk after people on foot. If you are in an apache helicopter, and you can get the thing to float off of the pavement, someone's gonna die.

According to Wet Willy the Slippery, the apache perfectly fits the description given in Revelation 9: 7-9 (10 later):

7 And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men.
8 And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions.
9 And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle.

Verse 7 sounds like a helicopter- sure. But crowns of gold? Willy thinks the crowns of gold were the rotors reflecting sunlight. Whatever. Why would John say the back rotors are stings, and the top rotor is a crown of gold? Wouldn't the top rotor be a giant sting?

Verse 8 does not work at all. According to Willy, this means that womens hair is a covering. That is in fact true about a womans hair. I Corinthians 11: 15:

15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

Willy uses the word here "covering." Notice John did not say "had a covering like unto a woman's hair." He said "hair as the hair of women." He didn't say "covering as the hair of women." He claims that these "coverings" were the camouflage netting that they apparently put onto helicopters when they landed.

John didn't say "sometimes" they had hair as the hair of women. Or "when they landed."

He then claims that the "teeth as the teeth of lions" are the teeth you sometimes see painted on helicopters. That's easy to claim. But it doesn't make any sense when you think about it. The breastplate is also easy, and so is the "sound of many chariots."

However, then it comes to verse 10.

10 And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months.

After "and there were stings in their tails" there is a colon. That means he is going into more detail. Then it says "and their power was to hurt men five months." I don't know how the tail rotors could have hurt men 5 months. Maybe if someone was hit by it (was anyone ever hit by the tail rotor of an apache?). But it doesn't say that- it implies that the stings effect a lot of people, not one unfortunate helicopter repairman who got decapitated.

Verse 4 says "but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads." I could be wrong, but I interpret this as meaning worldwide, or semi-worldwide. It's not so hard to believe, as a third of mankind gets wiped out within the next 14 verses, but I admit I don't know.

Now for verse 11, the last one of this judgment:

11 And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon.

According to Willy, the "angel of the bottomless pit" is Satan. And Saddam was just Satan's puppet like hitler or stalin, he explains excitedly. So, Saddam was being used, as a puppet of Satan...to command our apache helicopters.

I think I can just end this abruptly right here.


[end transmission]

Nail Command

Larry (irish accent, like Scotty from Star Trek):
"Captain, sir! Under attack, 3 clicks west of east end!"
Captain Naildo:
"Stop speaking in riddles! Define "attack!""
Larry:
"Sir, we're reading ..."
Grant:
"At least 9 clicks penetration!"
Captain Naildo:
"How wide is it?!"
Larry:
"At least two clicks! Doesn't appear deep!"
Captain:
"DAMN! Radio high command! Red alert! Get a rescue team down there!"
Larry:
"Watch your language, 'Cap!"
Captain:
"Yes, of course!"
Henry (radioing):
"High Command, this is Nail Command, Left Index squadron, we are under attack! 3 clicks west of east end, 2 clicks wide, 9 clicks-"
Larry:
"Make that 3 clicks wide!"
Henry (radio):
"3 clicks wide, 9 clicks penetration!"
Grant:
"Quarter click deep!"
Henry (radio):
"And one quarter click deep!"
Tom (over radio, to Nail Command):
"Roger, Nail Command. This is Tom at Brain Command, we'll see about removing obstruction. How is the damage?"
Henry (radio):
"Oh, it's terrible, High Command! We're sending emergency personnel--we'll get you a death count as soon as possible."
Tom (over radio, to Nail Command):
"Roger that, Nail Command. Attempts to remove the attacking structure have failed-- we're going to send backup personnel, over, Nail Command?"
Henry (radio):
"Oh, we'd appreciate it, High Command."
Tom (over radio, to Nail Command):
"Roger. Reinforcements on the way."




(Kev's mental depiction of how his fingernail and brain communicated when he got a splinter (1/3" long, about as big as a thumbtack in other aspects) wedged 1/4" deep in his nail)

Dear Diary: Water Day, June 27

Dear diary,
Today I went to the well and got 1,000 gallons of water. I had gone yesterday and gotten 500 gallons, as well as 500 gallons for my neighbor, Thirsty Wolf. He was running very low- haha, not to the ground! He isn't really a wolf! So, I went a day early. I got him another 500 gallons today. It appears he has a 500-gallon-a-day leak. Poor fellow; we need to contact him about it.

The people who lost their keys last Monday (June 25th) still haven't found them- or at least, have not pulled down their signs. They have a lot of them up. I guess they really want to find them? They are on a yellow keyring. I looked a bit around the well, but I assume they have already been found, probably on Monday, and the people who found them will go back next Monday and things will be straightened out. I feel bad for them!

As for me, I almost left my keys at the well only once, and I've gotten water over 145 times! And that was a long shot at losing my keys. Lately, it's starting to heat up, so the well trips are getting more dramatic. In Phoenix it's 112. Very hot, right? Kind of. Out here, it's 116. There are huge differences in heat between 112 and 113, and 114, etc., thermometers do not capture it. I long for winter. Oh, thy frozen lips, sweet Lady Winter...


Sadly, my computer continues to spiral in its pattern of slowness, much like a turtle missing both of its right-hand legs, continues in circles, unpreventable without intervention. I can't say I exactly know why, or even that I have a "draft" idea; it seems possible I downloaded something harmful. I don't recall visiting any new websites, bar news sites. I did download quite a bit, but that was whilst trying to fix the problem in the first place.

Even switching tabs in Firefox causes slowdown occasionally. Ironically, it does not have CPU usage problems anymore. Switching windows really causes slowdown; I am beginning to propagate a "burn" folder. I will copy all my programs, hand-picked ones which I an enamored of, such as Celtx, Firefox, OpenOffice, TextTally, Audacity, BiblePro...among other such instances. My Documents contains all text and pictures, so I am clear in that respect.

Chiefly, I am selecting programs such as OpenOffice, which is about 90 MBs. I do not want to download that again. And music- especially Portable Sounds by tobyMac, as the album is terridly scratched, not by me of course. Speaking of which, I have not copied dc Talk's album Jesus Freak to my computer yet...and terrid is a mix of the words terrible and horrid, which I made up, but turns out is an unofficial word, or better known as "slang" term. Hehe. Come to think of it, Music is in My Documents.

I attempted to create backup discs again, to no avail. It says "error 20." It burns the disc, then whilst checking it something goes wrong. I believe I can circumvent making the discs- that they are just if I want the extra hard drive space. I will do a "destructive" reinstallation. I do not like the idea of a "ghost" copy of my old system on my new system- what is the point, bar mental clutter? One of my concerns is saving my Firefox history- I don't know if it's possible, but I know I can save bookmarks, and I will be saving those, of course.


The gleaming, silver lining under this cloud of computer troubles and heat, or, the good news, is that last night, I downloaded the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Wii's Virtual Console. It is so beautiful! It just shines; not in a biased way. It looks great...not terrific. I suppose my main problem with playing "old" N64 games is not graphics (rare instances), but the paddle. I am disturbed by how loose the analog stick is- frankly, I am astonished it allows control of any sort!

I opt to play with the Gamecube controller over the Classic Controller; I have had that controller since the start, since I first played Super Mario Sunshine. It is black, along with my old black, now-bricked (I assume) Gamecube. I am going to use it as a bookshelf end if I ever get a bookshelf. I need one.

I recall I proposed I would download a Metroid game for the Virtual Console's maiden download, but the next Metroid game will most likely be Super Metroid, and I do not want to play that until after I play Metroid Prime: Corruption and Metroid Prime: Hunters, as Hunters takes place betwixt Metroid Prime 1 and 2, and Super Metroid takes place after Metroid Prime: Corruption.

My heart sinks considering just what comes after Metroid Prime: Corruption. I hope for another 3D game in the same design, and truth be told I do not see another way it can be done, but there was a 10-or-so year gap between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion. I am working off of memory, here, diary, I may be wrong about that order and duration.

My fear is, of course, another pause. I suppose they could recreate the Prime series as 2D platformers, or even switch the series exclusively to handhelds for a duration...either option I would prefer over a complete shutoff of the Metroid series spigot. Also, they could recreate the 2D platformers into 3D. Wouldn't that be something, diary- the 2D games coming into 3D, and the 3D games going 2D!

I am not barring the possibility that they will translate all the Metroid series titles into 4D.


Some more bad news, I have a sore throat. You know how these things go, diary. It will either clear up, or I'll die. Or wish I was dead.

Chrabe Salad, Oaty, Mealy (Oatmeal) cookies and Kev Shoplifts

A few days ago, when me and my Mom went to pick up my glasses, we stopped by Albertsons to pick up some chicken- $1.77 a pound. As per my suspicions, it was already halfway rotten when we bought it. Note: Do not trust sales like this on thawed chicken.

My Kev senses told me to buy some chrabe. Chrabe is a word for imitation crab. It probably is, at least. So, I bought a pound. I did not buy Shrimp or sausage, so I was not in for Gumbo heaven. And neither was my family, for that matter.

I went on a recipe hunt. I like Allrecipes- anything with comments is great, and I like the site layout. I usually search for something, then sort by rating, then manually sort by how many comments and votes. If something is 5 stars, but two people reviewed it...well, you know.

I came across this recipe: Crab Salad III. It worked good too, because it even called for chrabe!

I made it, and here I am. It is in the fridge, chilling.


Meanwhile, my brother's making his breakfast. He is MAD. I mean, he's ANGERY. I'll say something like, "hi, Mattsky!" and he yells at me about how annoying I am. I assume, by annoying, he means he is very, very jealous of me. He has a crisis of humiliation, much like much of the Muslim world. And he doesn't need an imam to incite him to murder. All he needs are his own paranoid fantasies.


Y So Angry, you ask? Well, he slept so late last night (he usually wakes up at 6 PM or so), he missed not only dinner, but also Power Rangers. So he's in a murderous rage (yes, missing power rangers is enough to make him throw around death threats).

I am grateful to God that he is not stronger than me. He would be a very abusive older brother. Granted, as it is, he could make an effort to stab me, but I'd only be stabbed once, then he'd find himself in knifeless, terrible world.

Believe me. People do not stab me then continue in their use of knives. They are stripped of most things they love, and live with regret and shame for years. They are stripped of the ability to cook all but the simplest...oh man...I just got an overwhelming urge to play the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker.

I love the sailing. It lasts juust long enough to not get tiring. And storms blow in...and it looks awesome at night.


OK, hurrying this up. I tried the chrabe salad. It is delicious. The recipe made a lot of it, too. 3 quarts or so. I've never had chrabe salad before, but it's apparently Macaroni salad with no pickles, and it has chrabe in it.

Hindsight, I would have cut the chrabe in slightly smaller pieces, put less sugar (I put a teaspoon), and put a full pound of noodles, instead of the 12 ounces, and increased the mayonnaise accordingly.

I did not put radishes (did not have) or lemon juice (did-eh-nay have). I put 2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar (ACV).


Yesterday, I made oatmeal cookies . My Mom says they're great. I don't know. I added more oats, half a cup more, and also put about one and a half cups of raisins (they're starting to disintegrate!). Oh, and a cup of walnuts. I guess they were alright- I could tell they'd be really awesome if they sat in a ziptop bag for a day or so. I like how you can either smash them flat and make crunchy cookies, or leave them in balls and have soft, chewy cookies. Nice recipe- I put half butter, half shortening...and I still have half the dough left. Heh heh heh. They didn't see that coming!

Also, I will save the shop lifting story for another day. It is time to...time to go. Yeah...

Ah! Thou dost parry well, but damn you!

Yesterday, I downloaded the Opera web browser. Note that the phrase "but damn you!" above is not supposed to be pronounced "but, damn you!"...rather, "but damn you!"- low emphasis on damn.


It runs faster than Firefox, I'll be nerdy here, and say "like the handling of an X-Wing versus an A-Wing." However, there is a lack of support for it from Google- Blogger and Gmail suffer harshly from this. And, if you aren't keeping attention, those are my blog and email sources!


I do like Firefox, hate isn't my reason for seeking to change. Simply, it still has the (unsolved) CPU percentage problem- I've heard that it is due to hibernation. We'll see. However, it is still "slow" on a fresh startup (slow is different from high CPU usage). I have three add-ons for it, so it isn't add-on ...addled. LOL! I CAME UP WITH THAT INSTANTLY!!

The 150k of memory problem isn't a problem for me. It is fixable anyways, I think. Some thing or other.


Sadly, I couldn't sign in to blogger with Opera. I had to jump through hoops. Flaming hoops. No simple task. And still, I have trouble signing in. After that, the lines of text keep jumping around! Sort of like certain bits of text are quoted- all misplaced...anything Google related, it seems, causes trouble- their pages load super slow, too.


Now, Opera has a lot of cool things, but so does Firefox.

Opera allows you to close the window, then open it back up- with no windows lost. That is awesome. Firefox also allows this (Options -> Main -> Firefox startup, select "open current tabs on startup" or whatever), but Firefox takes five-to-eight times longer than Opera to open.
More on this, Firefox's closing system, where you close the window then open it without window loss, replaces the "Open Home Page" option. That sucks. Adversely, Opera only allows you to have one "Home Page," instead of the several Firefox allows (as far as I know, at least). That sucks more.

One of Opera's major downsides is that you can only have one window open...so if I want three different windows, all on different subject matter (news, blog, research), I can't. Or, at least I didn't see how- I won't be that quick to judge.

Opera has an information bar (which shows lots of cool information! Time connected to page, speed, picture count, etc.), but I am almost certain there's an add-on for that for Firefox.

Remember how I told you Firefox lets you 'bookmark all tabs'? Opera doesn't do that (at least I didn't see how). It does let you open all tabs in a folder, though.

Firefox's main problem, for me, is speed. It is slow. Along with this slowness, my scroll wheel (or, 'track'?) is occasionally disabled- and that's unbelievably annoying. Not just in Firefox, either- in all programs. Once Firefox is closed, it goes back to normal, allowing free, clean, pristine scrolling.

That's a good line- Free, clean, pristine.

In the end, Opera loses, for me, due to lack of support. Even though it's faster, it's infuriating (for the sites I visit. Y'know, Google. I'm not using "for the sites I visit" as code for a Math or...or History site). I am going to go back to Firefox. I think NoScript hurt more than helped- it's a shot to moral, with the tab always popping up. I will attempt to refrain from hibernating or system stand by and see if that helps.

Also, since the second biggest thing I do on my computer is blog (first is "reading," news/research), I can't live without the spell checker, and I can't live with lines of text constantly rearranging themselves.


Now that I've spent six hours on this matter, it's time to go cook. I got a special request- Oatmeal cookies. Heh heh heh.

"What?! Well, Try Them On In The Morning."

You know how sometimes doctors don't listen to you?

You try to tell them, but they're too in love with themselves to listen?

You're like, (say you're at a shoe doctor, a footologist) "Hey, Doc, I have this pain in my toe, do I need special shoe inserts?" and whilst you're talking, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. You hear a quiet, "Hey, baby."

"What's that doctor?"
"Just admiring myself, is all. I mean, yes, you do need arch supports."
"But I already have arch supports- what I was saying, is that-"
"OK, let's get three more inserts in that shoe and CALL IT A DAY. (snapping gloves off)"


Well, I mentioned this happened to me at the eye doctors' office:

The lenses brought the cost up to $175. Ouch. My prescription in my left eye changed by 10%, and in my right by 20%. My right eye was a little blurry yesterday, though. I don't think you're supposed to take eye exams when your vision is blurry.

Am I a prophet, or do I have an uncommon amount of common sense?


I tried the glasses on, and the prescription in my right eye is so bad my eye is still sore. 19 hours later. I had the glasses on for 10-15 minutes. Ideally, I would want to return the glasses for a full refund, then go to CostCo. CostCo sells the best glasses. How do I know? I don't, but I assume. Oh, I assume.

But, while we were there, the lady told me, "Well, try them on in the morning." I shot back, "ah, well, see, my left eye is -perfect-, but my right eye cannot read those words on the wall. Why would my right eye be having trouble but not my left?" I thought she looked as if she wanted to sock me one, (just as I typed that, a song (Luv is a Verb) said "POW!"), so I raised my fists defensively. She backed down. She looked a little freaked out, actually.

Looking back on it, I guess I just asked that question, then raised my fists with a wide-eyed look of horror on my face...so yeah, I guess she was a little freaked out.


The good thing is, I got some shopping done. I got something that's been high on my list for a long while. Splatter guards. I'm going to see if they work tonight. What they are is screens you set over the pan. Apparently, they allow steam to escape but not oil...I doubt.

Also, I got a new knife. It's a Santoku knife, or "Japanese better-than-you-blade." Our old Santoku was 6". This one is 7". It's cool, with a red handle, the handle has silicone in it. Very sharp. Not as sharp as our newly sharpened 8" chef's, though. Speaking of which, I sharpened all three knives the other day- seagull, shorty, and chef's. Those are their nicknames!


Also, I got a lemon squisher. I know what you're saying- "Kev, lemon squishers are the things of demon fairy tales!" Well, I bought one. It works pretty good! It'd be tons better with lemons bigger than walnuts, though. Our lemon supplier sucks ...lemons. LOL I CAME UP WITH THAT INSTANTLY!


Also, I got a bell (DINGKING LOL), and two cutting boards. You know when the last time I bought a cutting board intentionally was?

Oh...it was...two years ago...

I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

I remember, right before you get to the maze with guards before Zelda...at this point, my Mom had done some shopping for Father's Day (I told her what to get). We got, for Dad, of course, a cutting board. A wooden cutting board. 21" by 17" I think...not entirely sure. We still have it. The point is, I had been playing Zelda. I was playing Zelda while harboring the gifts in my room. Heh heh heh.

Oh, and a razor. We still have the razor. Why does this apply? Well, two years later, yesterday exactly, I HAVE BOUGHT TWO NEW CUTTING BOARDS!

Some time ago, me and my Granny bought a set of Kitchenaid cutting boards, unintentionally. I didn't go "looking" for cutting boards. They're real nice. Sadly, my family does not appreciate the art of not messing things Kev loves up. They used...they...they used...


"It's OK, Kev. Just point to what they used."

(Kev points slowly to serrated knife)

"OK, Kev. And where did they use this? Show us on the anatomically correct cutting board."
(Kev takes knife, and looks down)
"Kev, it's alright. No one can hurt you here. You're safe. Just show us what they did. Can you do that?"

(Kev, after a few seconds, starts breathing heavily, freaking out, then starts sawing on the cutting board insanely with the knife, screaming without pause, eyes unfocused)
(someone in the audience breaks down crying, the jury looks shocked, the judge calls for order)





...uh, also, I got two new notebooks. My TA notebook is 2/3 of the way full. These ones are twice as big though, I didn't think of that as a problem...but it does pose a few. One, that the pen doesn't fit snugly in the wire binding, two, that it will take 8 months to fill it. And it is hard to hold...too heavy.

Got a few more things, as well. I got a new digital thermometer. The cutting boards are Real Small and Medium Sized, by the way. And I got two packs, one black, one blue, of new BiC Round Stics! As you may know, Round Stics are my favorite kind of pen.


Long post. Now I am off to be torn between playing Star Wars Rogue Leader: Rogue Squadron II, and cleaning the house. I had my parents pick up SWRL:RSII last Wednesday. It was actually cheaper at GameCrazy than Half.com. Go figure.

What IS This Thing?

Now, any young lad of 17 and a half occasionally comes across something that's foreign to him.

For example, math or history.

Just walk into a doctor office.
"What's that, doc?"
"That's a hydropoplentificaladronator."
"...OK."
Or,
"OH NO, WHAT'S THAT THING DOCTOR?!"
"It's ...oh it's so useless explaining it to you."
or
"Hey doc, what's that?"
"A needle, Kev, now hold still. Also, I am a not a doctor, I am a nurse."

Very common in professional treatment facilities. Heck, even in stores. But your own house?

I came out of my room. I slept an hour late this morning, because I was up an hour late. I really just laid there tossing and turning until I decided to get up, so I might as well have been up.

I was standing in my doorway. You know the way a deers nostrils flare and it's ears move when there's a hunter it thinks it sees? That was me.

So I got low to the ground, and snaked my way into the kitchen. Something wasn't right. I could feel it in my marrow.

Then I saw it. Sitting on the table. I wrenched back defensively, letting out a warning hiss, and grabbing two spoons and hitting them together to form a rattling sound.

What IS this thing? I thought to myself.
It definitely isn't a bar of gold. Gold is, what color is gold anyways?
I picked it up, and began examining it. Something like, 5"x4"x1/2". Hmmm. Plastic material- like a cutting board. Maybe that's what it is.


So I set off to examine the piece. I have no idea what it is. I thought,

Maybe it's a refrigerator magnet. Nope. As you can see, I have to hold it in place, and it has neither emergency/pizza information or a witty phrase.

Then I thought,

Maybe it goes in the breaker box? Nope. It won't fit, one, and two, it clearly has nothing to do with electricity- three, I wasn't feeling lucky today. Then I decided to try the next best thing- maybe, just maybe, it's a...

Sadly, I discover it is NOT a door magnet which mysteriously sticks only onto doors. So, I went the other direction- maybe it's a...

Tortilla? No. Darn. This is our tortilla pan. It is not an egg, either, I discovered. Then I decided to follow up on my cutting-board hunch...

Drat. It isn't a cutting board- and, as you can see, it isn't a banana, either. I am confounded. So, I thought, maybe,

Maybe it's a Jesus Book! Nope. Not a Jesus Book...maybe it's my

No, it isn't my left foot. Close, though. If that isn't the case, maybe it's a can of

The San Francisco Treat!...nope. Not a can of the San Francisco Treat. DRAT. It could be a half gallon of

Goat milk...but no. It doesn't say "MILK" with a date on it and pound count. :(
HEY, MAYBE IT'S...

Nope, still not a banana. Then I have one guess left. I've already tested it for being a car battery, table leg, television screen, door hinge, blanket, litter box, shoelace, stereo, pair of underwear, a website, phone, box of dominoes, box of crackers, a bowl, a chair, an airplane/rocket ship, a car tire, a transformer toy, a carpet cleaner, a windmill, a shotgun, dirt, teething toy, the game Super Mario Sunshine, a telephone pole, a light bulb, a 25 lb bag of bread flour...my final guess...



Oh drat. It isn't a Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Jesus Book.


Well then, I have no idea what this alien contraption is. I've considered it's a futuristic handheld gaming system, but I doubt...I may never know...it does not seem threatening, and I don't think it emits radiation. So it's probably safe to be around...but still...can you ever really know?

I mean, transformers- they are disguised as cars, right? Well, no. They are disguised as 30-foot-long sports cars. Those are easy to pick out. But this...this doesn't even have anything it's pretending to be! What if it's a comet?! OR A DEAD BODY IN DISGUISE?!


...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!! DEAD BODY!@

Islam Rage Boy! TAX, PLEASE!

I must say, rofldolf. TAX PLZ!

Link to JihadWatch.

It isn't too hilarious until you get into the comments.


anti-uffe:

Don't forget the obligatory "we're so mad we're torching our own city" and "upside down placards" variety. Let the show begin.

Ynkedoodl2:

I thought it was illegal in Islam to impersonate Mohammad.

duh_swami:

I think he is more than a professional demonstrator, I think he may be Mahdi.

Mahdi is the Islamic messiah (or, you know, I guess Mahdi means anti-Christ in Muslim). They believe he's in a well, has been for some time, and that he's coming back. They also believe that, through actions such as Iran's (eradicating Jews, global indiscriminate holocaust, etc. etc. yada yada), they can hurry along his coming. If you want to know who he is, here's a hint: He's one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Shh.



johndoe:

ah that's a sight for sore eyes.....I really missed him! I vote him best Performance Artist in the Rage category.

ebonystone:

A poor moslem, if you ask me. He should be busy stoning that "uncovered meat" standing next to him.

pismopal:

If I had a dog that ugly I would shave his *** and make him walk backwards.

Brett_McS:

Islamic Rage Boy and his mates should be careful about throwing around that "pigs and monkeys" jibe. Charles Darwin would have been able to silence his critics in one fell swoop with that photograph.

Rogster:

I feel sorry for those 72 virgins.

Every once and a while JW has one of these things where everyone makes fun of Muslims. You know, it's only fun making fun of someone if they react with blind, seething, demonic rage.

In fact, it's one of the ways to fight/expose them. Because they are so deeply insecure that they...for instance, look at the Danish cartoons. Oh. Man.

You probably haven't seen it, but there's this one cartoon, where a kid draws a picture of Mohammad (during art class?), then he is informed they'll have to kill him for it. Hilarious. Because it's true.


Looking for the cartoon, why does typing "we'll have to kill you now johnny" in Google bring up discussions about Muslims and Islam? Probably...probably the Jews again.

I Had a Bad Dream

I've had dreams before where my family dies. I've had dreams where my Mom dies, my Dad, my Brother, heck, I had a dream a few days ago that al-Queso kidnapped my cat, Precious, and were going to behead her.
It's been at least 8 years since a dream made me tear up. Now I can start that timer over.


Today I had a dream in which I was riding along our highway out here on my bike. I was going to my Mom's job, and I was trying to find Samus.

For some reason, I thought Samus was dead. Or that she was at my Mom's job.

Once I got there, and discovered she was not there, I went to commit suicide, I was so depressed. I joined with a troop in the city defending against an attack (WWII-era). My goal was to get myself killed. Like during that battle, the guy asked Muhammed, "Hey dood, what do I have to do to go to paradise?" and Muhammed said "Well, you gotta go out there and die."

So the guy threw down his dates, and went and fought until he was dead.


If Samus is dead, I'm going to hell with her.

So, I showed up just as the enemy was advancing. I guess they all just stood around until I got there. So, I was gonna run out there and shoot and be shot, but someone in charge told me I couldn't because A: I had no armor and B: I didn't have a gun. So I manned a machine gun. The advance didn't even make it to me. Foiled.

So I went to one of Samus's favorite hangouts - a half pipe. It was styled after that Chozo-themed one in MP- I forget exactly, someday I will clarify. It's dusty in the room, and there's one door (north), one (east), and one (south). It's in the area with the giant stone toads which eat you. But it's not the half pipes which are pools- you know, like the one that the missile recharge station is off of. No, it's an empty room. Just one level. I'll clarify someday.


Anyways, there were mourners at her half pipe hangout, all bunching around the place where she usually took off into the half pipe for hours of morph ball fun.

I was walking, and I realized there was another area. So I walked through, and there was Samus with a pink gravity suit on (Metroid: Zero Mission)!

Now, for some reason, I had thought her dead- not just missing. I was happy! So I went up to say hi. She informed me she had to go to a certain planet, because she learned she could become really powerful there. The trip would take a long, long time. Just like when Superman went and dwelt in the middle of the sun for a thousand years.

Her trip would take 20 or 25 years.

Needless to say, I tried to stop her.

The area was a square room, a 30' box (even 30' high, but it was beside the half-pipe, so I was already 20 feet in the air). I was frantic. There was a walkway lining the walls, and there was some sort of fluid- it resembled boiling acid- in the bottom of the room, along with her space ship.

I grabbed onto her arm cannon. I couldn't really do anything. She had her power suit on. However, she was trying not to hurt me, so I slowed her down.

Then the mourners showed up.

She informed us that she can defend earth much better if she has that power she has to travel 25 years for (12.5 there 12.5 back?). We told her we still didn't want her to leave, that we'd rather have her here for 25 years, then be eradicated.

She was looking at us, like she was trying to make her decision, and then I woke up.





I'm comforted that she appeared to have been leaning towards staying. I was still very troubled.

Is there something wrong with me?

Take That, Firefox Fiend!

Firefox is buggy. A recurring problem is CPU usage- 80%, 90%, 97%, 98%, and finally up to 99% of system resources, CPU usage. There's a rather simple solution or fix for this slowdown. But you'll have to read my post first. Heh heh heh (or scroll down until you see the checklist and skip the praise of Firefox and explanation of the programs).





In case you're a fool, like I was, still using Internet Explorer, Firefox supports "tabbed browsing"- which allows you to have a number of windows open in the main program. So I have one Firefox window open in my system, then like 12 open inside that window. It's awesome, and you cannot go back to non-tabbed browsing after you've experienced tabbed browsing.


Unless you're my Mom. There are a few downsides to this: The main Firefox window takes up a lot of system memory (135k currently, and Media Player (which I might replace soon) is using 111k). That's fine, because if it were IE, you'd have ten IE windows open each taking 15k- and your precious system taskbar tabs.

There's one other problem aside from memory usage (which isn't bad) that I know of. Firefox sometimes "jams"- I don't know how else to explain it- and it takes up 80%-99% of the CPU. This effectively cripples Firefox. However, other processes still work. You can close it down, for example, or open another web browser to see how to fix it. It's a real pain.


It was so cool whenever I first downloaded Firefox. I knew nothing about it- except that I have always heard screaming about how cool it is. Right before I opened it up, I thought, "Man, I wonder if this will allow you to have windows open inside the main window."
The idea came to me years ago whilst I was having trouble with my programs stacking. I thought, "Huh. I wish it could do that inside the program..." and to my surprise, it did have what I would come to love as Tabbed Browsing! And here I am. I am a genius! Tremble!


So, there's lots of reasons it jams, I assume; I am only aware of two though, as I've only had these two problems, they're the only ones I will address. The first problem has to do with Flash.



If you're an idiot, YouTube is Flash format. A lot of ads are Flash format- cartoons, some commercials, Flash. I assume pornographic websites contain Flash. I also assume Math.com contains Flash. I do not know, as I do not frequent websites such as these.


The fact is, for some reason Flash messes with Firefox. So, I downloaded the add-on, Flashblock. Flashblock is, well, how do I say it, awesome. You know how sometimes in a forum (such as a combat boot forum) you'll have several windows open, and you'll hear a YouTube clip playing (in this case, "The Combat Boot Babble Bit," where someone makes two combat boots talk! EEE!)? And then you have to go through all the windows looking for it, scrolling down, to shut it off?

Well, Flashblock blocks all of that. ANYTHING that's Flash. For example, you know how you open up a YouTube page, and it starts downloading? So you open ten YouTube clips, and they're all downloading...and you can't watch any of them until one's finished?
Flashblock stops the connection, so it does not start downloading them. So you can open as many as you like, then you just press the button to enable the Flash content. It's handy and convenient.



This fixed the 99% CPU usage for months, for me. Months. I had almost forgot Firefox did it. Until it did. Oh, darnit! Doing a little research, I discovered that it was most likely due to JavaScript. I don't know what that means. I thought Java was another word for coffee. You know, like, a Java hut. Or a pool full of Java. It also rhymes with lava, so it's cool (or hot! LOL! I CAME UP WITH THAT INSTANTLY) with me.
In the future, I halfway expect a Java area to be added to Nintendo's array of repetitive (somehow, very justifiably and welcomely so) areas. If there can be a "Chocolate World" in Super Mario World...uhh...


...where was I...oh yeah. So I unchecked the "Enable JavaScript" checkbox in Firefox's content area (Tools - Options... - Content). To my surprise, it fixed the slowdown horrible, horrible slowdown. I think. It hasn't came back, at least- and that's good. However, I can't add labels to my posts. Or, couldn't.

That is, apparently, what JavaScript does (it might also make sandwiches- I have no idea). So, I set off in search of a JavaScript blocker. I found one- NoScript, a Firefox add-on. This allows you to whitelist sites you want JavaScript from. So now I can add labels, because I added Blogger. I also think it blocks Flash, but probably just "allow from Blogger," not using Flashblock's system.


I also downloaded what I'm sure is to become my pal, Advanced WindowCare V2 Personal. Supposedly, it's super-duper. It was either NoScript which fixed the freezing, or this. I am fairly certain it was NoScript, as it also stopped once I disabled the JavaScript in the Contents section.


So,

1. Download Flashblock, which will solve most of the freezing
2. Download NoScript, which will eliminate the rest.
3. Sit back, relax, claim you discovered it yourself. Good work, man!
   

One last word on Firefox. I do this for you, because I would have wanted you to do it for me.


Sometimes, I have to restart my computer- either

• Space aliens (God forbid, pirates!) are attacking and are going to probe me, and I don't want them knowing what I was reading/watching
• Or there's a scorpion on my foot and I somehow think restarting will remedy the situation
  
• Or there's a download installed which needs a system restart
  

• Or, my computer freezes due to being hibernated for 10 days.

That means I may have 10 websites open, so I have to just, you know, leave them. Thanks to Firefox, I no longer have to. I simply click "bookmark all tabs"- and all my tabs are bookmarked (created in their own folder to keep track of them), so I can restart.

That's alright in itself. But what is really awesome is that you can then select "Open All in Tabs"- opening all the tabs in that folder. So I could bookmark the 13 tabs I have open, then reopen them just as easily. Now, be a good lad, go download Firefox.

Three hours later...

Whew. That was nuts. Alright, so, I've been to the local Demon-Possessed Screaming Banshee get-together. They howl, they scream so loud. And church is NOTHING like a band of screaming Banshees! That's good.

I met this one dude named...actually, I'll withhold his name. He was older, I don't know, maybe my Dad's age. I am hoping to meet some friends my age, or around my age, but it's obvious that isn't gonna happen. That's just as well, though, the last thing I need is people wanting me to go do stuff with them.

"OH WOW KEV YOU CAN DRIVE?!?! K00L! LET'S GO RACE ON THE FREEWAY!!!" yeah, right. "HEY KEV WANNA GET STONED?! LOL ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GO TO SAUDI ARABIA AND CLAIM WE'RE GAY GET IT LOL" I'll pass, freak show.

...yet...I'm so terribly, terribly lonely...



The service was alright. I wish I had taped it- and that I understood more. I can almost follow, but boy, he moves fast. The hour and 15 minutes was over in what seemed like 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it. It was great, honestly. And this stuff is hard to get your head around. It takes weeks or months, then it gels. Like, we concentrated on six verses (Ephesians 2: 11-20 I think), and he explained how Jesus blew a wall to pieces. See, next time he mentions this, I'll understand. Or at least make a correlation.

The batteries in my voice recorder were dead, so I didn't tape it. The church is small, and I suppose we need to get a group of people to talk to after the sermon. I "met" another guy whose name I will not disclose. He is older or younger than my Dad.

He noticed my "Pocket" Bible. My pants have pockets big enough for a full-sized Bible, and I would have my Mom tailor any that didn't. He was astonished. That'll be my trademark.


I'm looking forward to next week, but not necessarily looking forward to my brother going. He's going to cause trouble. With a capital T. Trouble.

I wonder if anyone there is computer literate.

"Breaking" news: Prison Break

(Jayme and Dan escaping makes the news before they expected it to. They are in a hotel at this point.)



Reporter (Cindy):
"We bring you now to the scene of an attack on a military detention center which left one guard wounded and 2 male prisoners missing, either escaped or kidnapped as political prisoners. Signs point to escape. As you can see by the hole in the fence, there were explosives used.

According to one gate guard stationed about 400 yards from this spot, a young woman was spotted running along the gate. The theory of the investigators is that she climbed over the fence- blood and flesh was found on the wire- then knocked the guard out, and used one of his grenades to blow a hole in the fence.

There is an extensive search out for the escaped prisoners and the woman...hold on...OK, we're transferring you to the Harren's Hospital 42 facility where the injured guard was taken, Richard?"


Reporter (Richard):
"Yes Cindy, I am here with the guard, Mark, I am not allowed to disclose his full name, who was knocked quite senseless by the young woman suspected of assisting the prisoners in their escape. Sir, could you please recount to us the events which occurred today?

DCG (Mark):
"Well, I was just MINDING my business, when I SAW her, and it looked like she didn't BELONG here- talking to the two prisoNERs. I lobbed a grenade AT her, and-

Reporter (Richard):
"Sir, you threw a grenade at her?"

DCG (Mark):
"So, then I got out my paint BALL GUN, and I shot them up. I had run out of P-PEPPER-filled balls, or it would have worked better. They took off RUNNING! And about 5 minutes later, I got knocked into the DIRT."

Reporter (Richard):
"What happened after you shot at them?"

DCG (Mark):
"Well, I had to get my maCHINE GUN. It's the mounted kind, it's HEAVY to move. I was wearing a lot of ARMOR-"

Reporter (Richard):
"You're telling me you didn't follow after them?"

DCG (Mark):
"Well I, -I couldn't- I tried wobbling for a WHILE, then I got TIRED, so I just, uh...I radioed headQUARTERS, and told them we had a TRESpasser!"

DCG Mark is getting annoyed.

Reporter (Richard):
"We were told no transmission had been received, and you were there for hours in the sun?"

DCG (Mark):
"Well, it- they had radio jammers."

He has stopped his psychotic, anger-filled screaming of random words.

Reporter (Richard):
"Sir, you're aware the radios you use use a certain feature, and they will continue to attempt to transmit the last transmission until the signal clears?"

DCG (Mark):
"We-"

Reporter (Richard):
"And that there was no transmission in the queue to be transmitted?"

DCG (Mark):
"OK, now, maybe I was hit before I got to transmit it. The guy hit me hard."

Reporter (Richard):
"Yes, a dented...your dented paint ball gun was found at the scene- the prisoners are all barefoot, correct?"

DCG (Mark):
"EAH."

Reporter (Richard):
"Sir, you're aware the only barefoot prints found near you were facing the wrong direction to have hit you?"

DCG (Mark):
"Well, th-"

Reporter (Richard):
"And that there were shoe prints found positioned perfectly to have hit you, and the only suspect wearing shoes was the woman?"

DCG (Mark):
"S-"

Reporter (Richard):
Additionally, she was the only one known to be bleeding, and blood was found on the gun-"

DCG (Mark):
"Well, it couldn't have been her- I was knocked, you know, I was hit, knocked me cold- a girl couldn't have done that."

Reporter (Richard):
"Sir, you're aware that the prints lifted from the gun did not match either prisoner?"

DCG (Mark):
"No, that couldn't have bee-"

Reporter (Richard):
"There you have it, folks. Whupped by a young woman- probably a weak young woman at that. A small girl, if you will. Investigators believe she was a highly trained mercenar-"

DCG begins looking alarmed (probably seeing his reputation going down the drain).

DCG (Mark):
"WELL NO, that's not it! She, it wasn't- she wasn't a normal girl! She had HUGE teeth, and she was like, nine feet ta-"


Station goes to static, pause.


Reporter (Tom, at office):
"Sorry for the inconvenience, folks. That was Richard Knowles reporting from the Harren's 42 Hospital. That is, apparently, sensitive information- we'll see if we can get clearance to show it. Of course, the police are requesting the prisoners returned, and promise to exercise leniency if there's a peaceful surrender.

As a result of todays excitement, expect to jump through extra hoops for all aircraft activity. And, speaking of hoops, we now bring you to Warren for the sports segment. Warren?"

Reporter (Warren, at office):
"Thank you, Tom. With my expert filter of sport over my eyes, I can see that that girl must have been pretty sporty to jump that razor-wire. But even someone as sporty as that couldn't help the Planter's this season, which is turning out to be a bad one for them, losing..."


Jayme:
"Huh."
Dan:
"We should wake Nessa."
Jayme:
"Naah. I wanna let her sleep as long as she can undisturbed then make a crack about how she slept late."
Dan:
"Heh heh heh."
Jayme (mimicky tone):
"Hey, morning eyes- I mean, morning eye lids. Hey, sleeping beauty- that kiss never came, huh? Hey, pillowface- I notice you slept so long, you got an indention in your face from your pillow. She's going to regret every second of sleep."
Dan (after pause):
"I bet you don't muster enough courage to say one of those."
Jayme:
"Hey!"

Kev Stepped Foot in a Church

That's right. I've never been to church. Except when I crawled on that one dead, evil, drug-using Satan-worshiper.

That was when I was one or two, though. I do not remember it. Except in THERAPIIIIIIIIII! AHHHHH!


So, last week, my Mom and Dad went to church. We were all planning on going this week, but my Dad chickened out. Oh, by the way, insert lame, "burst into fire as soon as I stepped into the church" joke here.

So me and my Mom went. She drove. There was a dude broke down on the side of the road, and he had began walking. My Mom asked me,

Kev's Mom:
"Hey Kev, should we give that dude a ride?"
Kev:
"Well, it is the Christian thing to do. And on this day, we're all about JC."


So we stopped and backed up. The dude was really happy. His name was Jeff, and it turned out he was actually a Christian, too. He used to be an alter boy. Save your jokes for Sunday School.

We talked a bit, and ended up giving him Les Feldick's Questions and Answers from the Bible book. The book costs $11. We also wrote down our church's website address, so if he likes Les Feldick's teachings, he has the URL of a church.

Jeff said he had left the Catholic church some time ago, but I don't know why. We only drove him 10 miles or so. But boy, it was already heating up, and he had no water. He would have died.

We still don't know if he was a carjacker who decided it wasn't worth the risk, or not. I told him, "Yeah, but in these days, you have to be just as careful getting into the car with someone! I mean, the driver has all the power- they roll the car, and we all die."

I don't know if he caught the humor in that.



So, then we got to the church. Picking that guy up really encouraged me. Even though I was going to be locked up in a room with 30 people for an hour and a half, people I didn't know, I wasn't nervous.

We stepped in the door, and were greeted by Pastor RJ. We decided to go claim our seats. An older woman came up and introduced herself as Suzie. I introduced myself as THE DRACULA BORN OF THE DEAD!, I think she caught the humor in that. I really didn't say that.

The atmosphere was neat. Knowing that all those people are your friends. Like, wow, they're all so relaxed, you know? I've never been in an environment like that. For example, I've been to the local Demon-Possessed--- OH NO THERE'S A SPIDER CRAWLING ON ME

WHEW. I smacked it down! It was half an inch around! And black! AND EVIL! OH NO, I THINK WHEN I SMACKED IT, IT BIT ME! OH NO! OH NO! I'M GONNA DIE! THEY'LL HAVE TO CUT OFF MY ARMS! NOOOO! OH MAN, I CAN STILL FEEL IT ON ME! AHH! IT'S IN MY EYES! N!O GT OUT! AHH! IT'S IN MY NASAL PASSAGES0000p1!!!!!1111 IT'S GOING TO EAT MY BRAIN!!1

I'M COMIN HOME JESUS

OH NO! MY LEG IS SWELLING UP! OH NO! OH NO! OH N...OH NO! NOW IT'S TURNING WHITE! OH NO! OH NOOOOOOOOOGARGOYLES! *blacks out*

New Morning Drink and the Book Reading Shelf is pondered

I'm having trouble thinking of a title. In fact, I am having trouble thinking of what to post about.

I know.

I'll post about my new morning drink. The recipe is a quarter cup of coffee, two tablespoons milk, and a cup of vanillae vodka. No, wait.

Sorry. The actual recipe is

• 7 ounces coffee
• 1.5 ounces milk
• 1.5 teaspoons maple syrup
• 1-1.5 teaspoons vanillae vodka (vanilla extract, homemade, made with vodka and vanilla beans)
  

I am going to go get one of those right now. I am tired. See, I got up too early today.


That's better. Oh, I read 2/3 of the way through the Left Behind: Second Chance book. It's a 40-book series (they're small books). It's great- I don't know if it's better than the main series or not yet, but so far it's reading like Tribulation Force reads. That's good.



I am also reading To Hell and Back. It's interesting. I do not know how scriptural it is, as I stated, but it seems cool. I have a new idea, by the way- imagine a piece of glass over your bed, you could lay down, put the book over the glass, put a weight on the book (to keep it flat) and read it through the glass.

Except that glass is sharp- and, as the cut on my right index finger proves, dangerous. It's about 1/16th of an inch deep, nothing serious.

So, Plexiglas is the solution. I stole got a picture frame, popped some holes in the wall above my bed (four of them), and rigged it up. It works pretty good, but Plexiglas would work better. You can drill holes in it, so I could use hinges, and have a type of decorative chain supporting it. So it'd be like a shelf.

I want it to be about 2 feet wide, and 1.5 feet out from the wall, so there's plenty of room. I don't know what I'd use as a weight. I suppose I could pop two holes in the Plexiglas, then have a "bar" of Plexiglas.

So, it would be...a bar, a little less than the length of the main piece, about 2 inches wide with a chain at each end, the chain secured to the main piece. There would be 2-4 inches of slack, so you would push the book down until it fit under the bar. This would spread the book apart. That'd work, without adding the extra weight.

So I would need a 2' by 2' piece of Plexiglas, two small hinges, and a fine chain of some sort. I could put a keyring near the bottom of the supporting chain, where it connects to the Plexiglas, then when I "fold" the shelf up, it could hook around a pin of some sort.

Like I said, I have a SMALL shelf set up right now. It's probably 10" wide and 8" out. It works OK- but it reflects light, and makes it extremely difficult to read. But of course, that's with no book weight- so I have to look at the words, at an angle, through reflecting glass.


I don't know when I'll get my greedy hands on some Plexiglas. We'll see.

See Kev See The Eye Doctor

Welcome to the 'MEDIC' tag, for all sorts of illnesses and injuries, replacing both the "Sick" and "Injury" tags.

Yes, I went to get a new pair of glasses. I was going to get contacts, and get new lenses in my current frames (using the contacts until my frames are back), but everyone said "OH NO PLZ LOL" so I just bought new frames. They cost $90.

The lenses brought the cost up to $175. Ouch. My prescription in my left eye changed by 10%, and in my right by 20%. My right eye was a little blurry yesterday, though. I don't think you're supposed to take eye exams when your vision is blurry.

The only thing I can do is pray that they work out. Otherwise, they had better provide a refund. That's, you know, one step away from stealing from me. I told the doctor my vision was a little blurry, so it's not like he didn't know. But...well, you know. What do you do in a case like that?


Also, I had a dream on Thursday that I got shots in my eyes.

That dream proved to be "prophetic."

It was shots of eye drops.


Dropped into my eyes.

It burned. Like lemon juice. Yes, I have gotten lemon juice in my eyes before. When eating some homemade Fish Tacos. I will post the recipe some day.

Then, my pupils dilated. My eyes were so big, I scared myself. I could faintly make out the face of a demon, screaming angrily in my pupil...nah, probably not. Lol, that's impossible. (concerned look)



On the Box Front, dc Talk's album, Free at Last (1992) arrived today. It's totally awesome. Especially the first few songs. It's some sort of freaky hipster stuff. Now that I know it was the fool who sent the Jesus Freak album who messed up, I'll be all over them like a bear on honey.

Prepare for war, you pitiful fools.


Also, the other Left Behind: The Kids book, "Second Chance" came. It's OK so far. I am reading To Hell and Back right now, so it'll have to wait. To Hell and Back is interesting, even if it does have a leaning towards TBNism. I don't know if the doctrine is correct, but that's not the point at the moment. It's informational beyond the main topic of the book, apparently. We'll see.

I'm not one to damn to hell, but...

DAMN YOU TO THE BLOODY PITS OF EVERLASTING INFERNO, YOU ACCURSED MELON GROWER!

DAMN YOU!

DAMN YOU!

DAMN YOU!

DAMN YOU TO HELL!

YOU GROW THOSE MELONS ALL ALL ALL ALL ALL THE TIME, WATERING THEM- ATTRACTING This is the maggot infested, rotting tag of Things I Hate FLIES! DAMN YOU TO HELL!


YOU DON'T CARE IF IT ATTRACTS FLIES! DAMN YOU TO HELL!



Oh, man, I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me...I especially feel bad when I realize that the dude probably is going to end up in hell. I take back my wishing the melon grower to hell. I double up on condemning the flies to hell.

I was just outside waiting patiently (like a dog) for UPS, when the flies overwhelmed me. Just instead of being overwhelmed as Mohammed- he went to his friends house, saw his friend's wife in her underwear, and she was so Sand Heat, he ran away (later, Allah had married them, and someone had to tell his friend the bad news! Ouch!)- it cut out about right before I got married to the flies. Instead, I damned them to the pits.


My one comfort, and I am serious, is that I know God has a fiery pit reserved in hell for every single fly.

Every fly.

Every last one.

Burning.

Lava.

Pits.

Inferno.

Rotting, demon-infested depths.


Lava.

The Coolest Christian Black Dude with a Fitness Show Wearing a Partly-Yellow Shirt Ever

Welcome the "Video/Flash Animation" tag.

Below is an embedded player from GodTube.com. Now, either Christians are real smart, or GodTube has tons better video quality than YouTube. I think they do have better video quality, because all the videos look better...and us Christians This video is very long (9 minutes), I mainly enjoy the first part, where he shuffles back, claps, then waves forward. Awesome.

Unlike Scroogle.org, GodTube does not redirect to a porn site if you put .com instead of .org. I just...y'know... wanted to set your mind at ease about that. GodTube watches all videos to make sure they're Christian. I do not know what they're to do about the comments. It seems pretty mild at the moment, I wonder if they just monitor like crazy?





No dc Talk albums today. My Dad's Father's Day book got here- welcome the "For me?!" tag, for all that is a present to someone, birthdays, deathdays, and Fathers Days. I can't believe I'm going to spend money on my Dad for Father's Day. What is wrong with me, Suzie?


I finished reading Left Behind: The Kids #1: The Vanishings. It was just great. 8.5 out of 10.

Welcome the "Book Rating" tag, as I find it different than a review. As I do not know much about books. So I...like...you know, just rate it instead of "review" it. You know?

Dear Fanboy,

I am hale, and pleased you are in good health. I am also very sorry to read this.

As you stated in your letter, I do believe the problem may be remedied. With further weapons upgrades available. However, the overall tone seemed to hint at a type of disinterest. If that is the case, no amount of weapons upgrades can compensate for it.

Please accept my sincerest apologies for environmental failures. In the future, we will aim to correct accordingly. We welcome you back anytime.

Be well.

Adon
Speaker, Chamber of Voices

Dear Turok 2: Seeds of Evil,

Greetings, and salutations,

I hope you are well in health. I am. As I am considerably certain you have noted, I have been lacking in play time, and, speaking on this regard, there is a matter, most urgent, I believe we must discuss.


It has came to my attention that I no longer find pleasure in playing you. The Fifth Level has visually repetitive areas, and the new weapon is found wanting; it does not do a satisfactory job at dispatching Mantids. This troubles me. If you consider a way to remedy this occurrence, please be forthwith with your reply.

Furthermore, I consider the Sixth Level as a future headache. Backtracking over the Levels collecting the Primagen Keys is not close to the top on my register of events I desire to have accomplished in my existence.

Please note, that reasons above are not entirely rooted in that I have played Metroid: Zero Mission. If blind of the fact, I find the overall experience still severely lacking; indeed, I cannot clearly suggest a reason for playing.
Further, this predominant dread, coupled with the toweringly, extraordinarily magnificent experience of said Zero Mission, you are found, as a whole, inadequate, on more than one level.

The first four Levels were satisfactory in their difficulty, and their length. For that, I thank you. Nevertheless, I do not consider I will find occasion to play you any more.

In light of said matter, it is expedient that you not find this letter as containing offense, or as containing vitriolic statements, and find it free of deviltry. If I have left any matter unresolved, or failed to mention any matter, I pray you, respond posthaste.


May God have His blessing on you, and be well; furthermore, goodbye.
My highest regards to the Speaker,










Kevinsky Stewartsky
Christian Infidel. Human being.

The Dinner Dilemma

A few days ago, my Dad made chili verde. Our version is cubed pork with yellow hots, onions, and green chili's. Green chili's and yellow hots are roasted on the grill or in a pan, and they make you cough real hard and your eyes water and all around feel like you're in a germ warfare arena. Especially with 500 degree air baking you off of the grill and the sun beating down on you. It's enough to drive a man to suicide.

There are two ways to make it: the good way, roasting the peppers, then blending them up in the blender, or the bad way- cutting them into rings and just making a soup out of it. This way is easier but it tastes like crap. He uh, made it this way, then added shredded roast. Weird. Weird.


He took out about 12 pounds of pork. Why he did this, I do not know. He only used 6, so there were 6 left over. I cut that 6 pounds up today, and decided to grind some of it.


I found another use for those wonderful gloves I may have mentioned. They make everything better. The picture is one of them over the pusher for the Kitchenaid meat grinder attachment- I don't want pork, or chicken, on the pusher. It is made of wood, and wood soaks stuff up and becomes waterlogged, right? Right. We don't want it to become porklogged.

And here is a trick I learned watching Good Eats. You put bread through your grinder and it does most of the cleaning for you. It works pretty good. Definitely less "yuck." And yes, that particular part of the kitchen *does* scream "axe-murderer-lives-here."


Ground pork is like the drink Sex on the Beach. You can say, "I'll take a pound of ground pork- either the drink, or the real thing!" to a burst of laughter and applause.

So, what to do with this precious bit of pork, I thought. I made 3 pounds. "I know!" I answered. "I'll make meatballs!"

"No, no! that will never work!" I cried. "What do I do with them once we've made them? Throw them to the dogs?!"

"No! Make spaghetti for dinner! You can make that sauce, and make some meatballs, and everyone will love you!"

"I'LL DO IT!" I answered excitedly, anticipating the thunderous applause I would receive...


So, I got the sauce started (Giada De Laurentiis' awesome, easy recipe, which I ). Now I realize, I do not have any spaghetti. And it's too late to make it from scratch. I am up against a wall, very much like Sarah Conner was before the terminator was killed in the first movie. My only hope is that my Mom will read this post and pick up some spaghetti from the store. That would make everything better forever.




As a bonus for you, my valued slave friend, here are a few pictures I took last night. If you must know, I was...uhh...I was...on a date ... with...Jack LaLanne's daughter ... Jackie LaLanne...yes, that's it. I was on a date with Jack LaLanne's daughter Jackie. What a clever excuse! That's the cold, hard truth. Flash Tag because that's a-some nice-a scenery-a. Ah, Mama Mia. Pepperoni. Ah-ravioli.

"China products choke, burn, drown, drop, trap Americans"

Article from WND.

You probably don't know, but pet food is just the beginning of tainted items from China. China is also using lead paint in children's toys (article-that's the coolest looking kid ever), as well as raising seafood in sewage. Untreated sewage. They then treat it with dangerous chemicals (banned by the FDA) to make up for it.

They're also attempting to make us eat their chicken:

China has become America's leading supplier of apple juice used as a food sweetener, garlic and garlic powder, sausage casings and cocoa butter.

China has also attempted to export hundreds of thousands of pounds of chickens and poultry products to the U.S., even though it is not yet certified to do so. Chinese exporters disguise the meat by labeling crates "dried lily flower" or "prune slices" or "vegetables."

Despite the deliberate deception, the U.S. government is about to certify the Chinese to export poultry legally.

That's not what I'm concerned about, though. I mean, all of it concerns me, but this is what really gets me:

Oscillating tower fans whose faulty wiring results in fires, burns and smoke inhalation injuries; (emphasis mine)

My Brother has one of those. The way I see it, he could die any second now. I think I'm gonna put a smoke alarm in his room. Just in case. If there's a nuclear meltdown in his room caused by a fan, I want to know about it.


As a note, today it is cloudy. 85 degrees. Yesterday, it was 110 degrees. There's contrast, for ya.

When It Ships, it Pours

Today, six packages arrived. I could barely carry them. I managed to carry them in one hand- my left hand is injured, due to using a pole-driver yesterday. Steely iron laying in sun + force exerted on hand + shock of metal impacting metal (which my hand cushioned) = very, very sore, sensitive hand. Next time, I'll have my brother do it. The items:


The People Under the Stairs DVD
Left Behind: Apollyon
Left Behind: The Kids: The Vanishings
Live Like a Jesus Freak (bigger than I thought it would be)
These Will Not Be Left Behind (stories of those saved from the fiery pits by reading Left Behind series)


And the album I totally ordered from the rock band Aberdeen City, The Freezing Atla-...wait just a slip-slappin' minute here!

I didn't order an album by Aberdeen City! I order two albums dc Talk! I order, they arrive, I play CD player- everyone happy! Everyone!

To make matters worse, the people I ordered dc Talk albums from are both in California! So this isn't just a badly executed attempt at slapstick humor here, people- this could be a bona fide case of SIBER STOCKING!


This one came from Colorado. I didn't order nothin' from Colorado- the last thing I ordered from Colorado was a pizza, and that was during my rebelling years (5-7 years old), and it was only to give a pizza deliver man trouble. If you're reading this, pizza delivery man (Hank), I am truly sorry. Please forgive me.

The person seems to think it's from eBay, so let's humor the witless dolt and check eBay...... oh no...nothing ordered on eBay...



MOMMY HELP I HAVE A STOCKER

Metroid: Zero Mission

My first ever 2D (that is, side-scrolling, as in, not 3D, as in, grow a brain you fool) Metroid adventure. I always thought these 2D games, the newer ones, were a little silly. Was I wrong? Was I hopelessly deluded? Should I feel ashamed of myself for months?


The answer to those questions and many more is a strong yes, I was a moronic slave-zombie to the masses of anti-Samus girlphobic fools. The game is purely outstanding. At first, it feels a little strange. Then it sets in that this is a Metroid game. Then you're happier than a leaping frog in zero gravity! "WHEEE!" the leaping frog joyfully croaks!

Zero Mission is the original, 1987 Metroid updated with new graphics, and an engine like the one in Metroid: Fusion. The physics are different (from the original), and it has new items. I don't know what kind of new items.

It also comes with the original 1987 Metroid, unedited, unlockable at the end. I did not play this version. Soon enough, I'll play the original and see what new stuff was added.

I give the game a 10 out of 10. It created a very Metroidy atmosphere (which is fabo!). It is definitely, without a doubt, one of my favorite games. Easily. It is short, though- it took me 4 hours and about 45 minutes.

That is not a drawback- I don't know why. There is so much packed into such a short time.

Onto the spoiler review!


Metroid: Zero Mission spoilers follow.





You start out on a deserted planet. No...wait...it isn't.

It sure looks deserted, though. It is apparently the Space Pirate's base- their security is lax at best. You must destroy the Metroid species, along with the Space Pirate's base computer, the Mother Brain- a giant brain. I mean, like 7 foot tall! GIANT. PILE. OF. BRAIN.


There are items scattered everywhere. The high point for me was when I found that energy tank on the ceiling- randomly. Oh man, I was elated. The game succeeds in making some of the smallest tasks satisfying. Such as destroying your first Metroid- awesome. I thought I'd never get used to fighting them...I do not like killing Metroids as much in the Prime series. They're more of an annoyance somehow. And they're much bigger in this game, aren't they?


The fight with Kraid was fun- he's freakin' huge! And launches missiles out of his belly! GIANT ORGANIC MISSILES!

The fight with Ridley was also neat. I...I died three times as I attempted to kill Ridley, I admit it. I also died once before that. I whipped Kraid's Kraid butt, though. I loved the cut scenes leading up to Ridley- just like in Metroid Prime. Harrowing.


Mother Brain seems to pop out of nowhere. I didn't expect to see THAT thing at all! Whew. It took me several- and I mean like 8- attempts to kill the Mother Brain. It was frustrating, but once you get the hang of it, it's fine. I have a bitter hatred for the defenses around her. Grrr.


This is when the old Metroid left off, right after Mother brain. This one, Zero Mission, has the "rest of the story."


Samus is shot down and lands near the Space Pirate Mother Ship.

Her Suit is malfunctioning- she no longer has it, in fact.


All she has is her body, her zero suit, her ponytail, and a rather useless energy pistol.

She even says so herself. I forget how she words it. But it is something along the lines of "a rather useless energy pistol." She retained the previously gathered energy tanks, though, and the Power Grip (allowing her to grab onto edges, oh joy!).

I love the text of her talking (no vocal speech)- like she's keeping a diary. This was definitely missing from Prime. She goes on to say that it probably isn't the smartest thing to do to sneak into the Space Pirate Mother Ship with only a worthless pistol, but after all, she has no choice.

Here is a brave woman. Here is the epitome of bravery. She knows what she has to do. She doesn't exactly like the idea of infiltrating the ship, but she has to. Or she'll die.

She looks awesome in her zero suit, by the way. I mean, not like, awesome in that way. I mean she looks cool. The pistol can charge. It does so automatically, and when charged- which takes 4 seconds or so, if memory serves- it can stun things for a brief period. Otherwise, it's useless for all but destroying wall panels.

What follows is quite possibly the greatest slice of video game I have ever experienced.

You have to run from the Space Pirates.


You heard me. Run. Run like your life depends on it. Because hers does.

They scale walls, lock security barriers to block you- follow you through doors, crawl after you under spaces, and shoot at you. Each shot does 100 damage. They fire two at a time. It is splendidly avoidable- it's hard to avoid the shots, but it's so possible. I can't describe it. If you touch them they also do damage- I think 100 as well, not positive.


So you RUN, RUN through the ship. There are save spots. If a pirate sees you, or a sensor picks you up, the alarm is sounded, and the chase is on! Pirates flood out of NOWHERE. Through this door, through that door- as I said, THEY CLIMB UP WALLS.

So you're bounding ledge over ledge- and they're crawling up the wall chasing you. The energy pistol is splendorous. It allows you to make split-second decisions- to shoot a pirate following you, and slow him down, or just keep running and shoot him in a few seconds- or just concentrate on running.

It's frantic, and it's amazingly fun. This is the part that put Zero Mission over the top, brought it from a 9 to a 10.

The chases do not last forever. You hide on ledges, and a pirate will run past you- that is, if you're hidden well enough. It's mind-wracking waiting to see if the pirate is going to run past or spot you.

And there are times when you have no choice but to sit down and hide. And you know if the pirate follows you, it's game over. And...he doesn't. Yes, this is a wonderful part of the gameplay. It is just amazing. You really give up- you know you're dead if he sees you. Nice. Very nice.

I won't spoil anymore for you. I mean, if you've read this far, you've hopefully already played the game.

I died several times, I mean, probably 25+ during the Space Pirate Mother Ship section. It's tough. It's more fun than tough, thankfully.

When Samus dies, she is shown in her Zero Suit, unlike the original Metroid. In the original, she was shown in a bikini. This is what really confused the girlphobic, sexually insecure boys who thought Samus was a dude.

"Man, that dude's HAWT!" they railed as their eyes twitched uncontrollably. "HE'S A DUDE." "WOW HE IS WEARING A BIKINI THAT IS HAWT," they tried every manner of justification, never wanting to accept that Samus is a girl. As a result they became very confused and frustrated. End result?


These people grew up to be child molesters and rapists.*


*-uhm, probably.

Video Games: A Digital Addiction

One thing I hate is for someone to challenge my views. LET'S RAWK


[http://www.thercg.org/youth/articles/0201-vgada.html]

VIDEO GAMES
A Digital Addiction
Why is society so wrapped up in video games? What do studies and research show? What is behind the video game addiction? What is God’s perspective?

Notice here how the author, Kevin D. Denee, immediately brings God into this- as if his personal views reflect the Almighty's stance.

Beads of sweat form on your brow as you grip the gun. Your heart is beating out of your chest as you creep through this virtual world. You are in control. Law—what law? Go ahead, steal a car, shoot innocent bystanders…

Obviously he isn't talking about any video game which exists. Nice try Willy- smear some more, will you?

Crouching on a rooftop, you patiently wait, not making a move. Suddenly, there is movement—the enemy. He comes into the crosshairs of your rifle’s scope. You pull the trigger, his neck explodes and blood splatters on the street…

Getting more slippery now aren't you Willy? Stick to the facts- if you have any facts to stick to, that is. Or, maybe, your problem is that you're too slippery to stick to the facts?

As the general of your army, you are the commander—the conqueror! Tremendous power lies at your fingertips. At your command, tanks will enter a city, killing whatever, and whoever, is in sight. Commandos will stealthily sneak in and blow something—or somebody—to pieces. The enemy doesn’t stand a chance…

As it should be. As God intended.

Real?—Almost. “Thrilling”? “Heart throbbing”? “Captivating”? “Addictive”?—YES!

Notice here how the author is intent to put fake monikers on a subject he obviously has no grasp of.

The video game industry is exploding. People of all ages are enjoying them, whether on a computer, game console, or the Internet.

To further our understanding of his ignorance, he now implies the "video game industry is exploding." He is clearly lying- the last time I looked, the video game industry was thriving, not being driven into the ground by random explosions. Or maybe that's just it- maybe he wants violent force to be used against the industry? Now you're exposed for the fraud you are, Willy.

Everyone is talking about them. Notice these recent headlines: “Top Activity for National Goof-Off Day: Playing Video Games!”, “Video games, not TV responsible for obesity in kids…”, “Video Games Approved For Teens Often Contain Sex And Violence, Study Concludes,” “Violent video games are training children to kill,” “Are video games breeding killers?”, “Video games ‘increase aggression,’” “Electronic Nightmares: Sex and Violence Invade Your Game Console,” “Child’s Play? – Grand Theft Auto III Provides Video Gamers With a Virtual World of Extreme Violence,” “Boy grabs knife after dad unplugs video game.”

Notice here how he once again smears a subject which he obviously hasn't seen first-hand since the Nintendo 64. What's wrong, Willy? Can't take the heat? Then maybe you should stop stoking the flames.

You'll see National Goof-Off Day, which is akin to every single Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. His argument falls apart once the questioning begins. He mentions Grand Theft Auto III, could it be he is a closet gamer? The truth is coming out now, isn't it, Willy?

Video games—a teenager’s paradise. Or are they?

Why is society so wrapped up in them? What do studies and research show? Why are people so enthralled by them, spending countless hours in front of a screen?

Most importantly, what is God’s perspective on this form of “entertainment”?

See here, he once again shows off his gross ignorance. He doesn't know what to call it- is it a "form of "entertainment"?" he cluelessly asks. Poor Willy, can't even categorize his favorite new smear topic- maybe it's time to find something else to smear, hm?

Rampant in Society

As mentioned, the video game industry is booming. Recent statistics show that annual video game sales in the U.S., including hardware, software and accessories, are $10 billion dollars! It has been said that enough video games are sold every year to put at least two in every household. Over 90% of U.S. children play video games.

The only thing "rampant" in society is his blaring stupidity. Notice here how he says "over 90% of U.S. children"- yet he does not give reference to this mysterious, "mystery" poll which seems to fulfill his every seething, hate-filled desire- what's next, Willy, "new poll names Slippery Willy as President of the World by 90% vote?"

Then there is the Internet, which is revolutionizing the “gaming” experience. Online gaming is bringing video games to a new level, one in which the game is played entirely on the Web. Today, Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPGs) are the “in” thing. People of all ages enter a virtual world in which their characters go on quests, build experience and strength, gain material goods, etc. It’s a life teens can enter, and do whatever they want—and with today’s technology, it seems and feels very real.

Yes, blame the children. The ones who cannot defend themselves this time, eh, Willy? And what if you had your way? All those deemed "apostates" would be wiped from the face of the earth? All those who don't follow your cookie-cutter "achieve perfection" course? Nice try Willy, but we're not buying it- go attack someone else.

You can even take this virtual character that you have created and sell it on the Internet for hundreds of real dollars, or sell equipment that you have acquired while playing the game. Many who get involved in these games play all day, every day. One person commented on how he became addicted to it, playing it all the time except when he was working. Before he knew it, a few months had passed. He realized what his life was becoming and had enough self-control to stop. However, unlike this person, many do not notice how addicted they are, often playing “24/7” for a whole year!

Oh, yes, take extreme cases- exaggerate, smear, and contrive them. Hey, while we're at it, why not just invent an argument, Willy? That seems the logical next step in your facade of non-sensible logic. Notice here how he displays his hatred of the system America is all about- making money, having the freedom to make money. He rails about how people playing games for a living can make hundreds of *real* dollars. Tiny bit jealous there, eh, Willy?


I don't think I need to go on. It's clearly obvious that this man is no more than a prude, like gum stuck to the bottom of societies collective shoe.

You can practically taste the self-love and pride dripping off of him. What does he think he is? Who does he think he is?

I think it's obvious to all of us who he thinks he is. And I think it's obvious to all of us who he really is.

He is the Antichrist.



This post was written, QUITE OBVIOUSLY in a joking manner, because I enjoyed Author's article, and I felt like doing it in this style. Notice how I called him the Antichrist, even though there's no grounds for that. Joke. I just hope I didn't go overboard with the insults at any point. It's meant to be humorous.

And notice how I constantly make unfounded personal attacks. Once again, joking. There's no basis in reality for these. Constantly misquoting, and calling him "Willy," and implying that he can't stick to the facts because he's too slippery. Pure parody. I suggest reading his article, and I'll probably be writing him an email. Probably begging forgiveness. Probably soon.