Let me tell you a story

A story of when I was a youngster, a mere infant of 14 or so. Years. Please welcome the "Dark Memory Lane" label. Rofl.



It was a clear and cloudless night, about 8 PM I think. It was dark outside, so it must have been winter or something. There is no level of light outside that can be categorized as 'dark' when it's summer, after all. But I had this fear of the rapture. You know, of the church.

I figured that my fear of the rapture was normal, as when you're young, it's your duty to experience things, and it goes against your instincts to think that you might not be able to experience them. Plus, once you get older, you realize just how much this world SUCKS. Heh heh he. That was a shot at humanity. Suckers.

Anyways, it's the natural progress of things. I am over it now. But back then, I woke up late. I mean, it was like 8 PM, so I slept REAL late. I think I got drugged. So I woke up, without my glasses on (it was when I first started to wear glasses), and I couldn't see right. Then I went out into the living room to see what was up with my family. Sure enough, THEY WERE GONED!



Actually, this probably also has some relation to that time when I was 8 when my Mom was going to college, and I thought she abandoned me to go on a boat cruise and marry some rich guy, leaving me the words, "sorry my son, sorry." Oh, how I will remember that day for eternity!

The events of that night led to me and my brother almost being taken away from my Mom, and, also, led to a comet almost hitting the earth, obliterating all life forever! That night SUCKED, now that I think about it!


So anyways, my family was GONED! My parents weren't in their room, and, on the stove, THREE POTS BURNING AWAY! You could SEE the flames! Rising out of the pots like evil, demonic wisps of ASPS! Hissing their evil, merry hiss of delight! Rising forty feet high, into the heavens! Birds, charred out of the sky, the flames out of the roof erupting like DODGE BALLS ALIGHT! What horrific thing might have happened?!

Then it hit me! It hit me like a stale piece of bread, dripping with fire, dripping with BURNING ACID! The acid was also on fire! As you could imagine, it STUNG! I began running through the house, looking frantically in every crevice! I even invented a word to widen the categories of places I could look! I called it "Everice," from Ever(y) (cre)vice! Behind every bookshelf! Under the toilet! THEY WERE NOWHERE! OH MY GOSH! My last resort, I bolted to the back door! I THREW IT OPEN, AND there they were! I returned to my room shaken, and threw down the last of my whiskey. It burned, and then I realized how stupid it was. I had to get something in my stomach before it pwnt me.




I didn't really have any whiskey, it just made it sound interesting I think. So anyways, since I didn't have my glasses, I kinda mistook the steam of spaghetti, sauce and vegetables boiling, simmering and steaming, respectively, for the demonic licks of flames rising unto the heavens. Like I said, I didn't have my glasses, it's a common mistake amongst those who wear glasses. Normal.


Ever since that night, I have freaked out every time my parents disappear. Not often, but it happens. Like this morning. I am awoken by Little J, my Mom's prized fighting Pit Bull, "tearer of a thousand throats" is his nickname around the ring actually, but I digress. He was barking.

So I sit up, en angered. Steam begins wafting out of my ears, at least I think so, I didn't have my glasses on at this point, and it was dark so...I mean, whew, I'm practically hallucinating without my glasses AND in the dark. So I wait for my Dad to get up and start beating LJ. I hate beating that damn dog, he whimpers too much. It's like playing a violin (I assume). It's not hard to do, but it WHINES real loud. I digress.


When my Dad failed to effectively put an end to the dogs' rampaging, I had to do it. I got the beating stick, or baseball bat as it's more popularly called, and went out there. I was thinking, there was someone on the roof or something, and it like, alerted LJ. So I was on full alert. Then I realized my parents' door was open. This was natural to me, as it would mean LJ tore it off the hinges in his rampaging.

So I went to their door. "Hey guys, you awake?"

Nothing.


So I went and got a 1-gallon can of tomato sauce, and pitched it at their beds. They have two beds, one for them, one for the dog. Well, the dog takes the big bed. So I pitched it at their bed and waited.

Nothing.


So I went and put the 12" cast iron skillet in the oven, and set it to broil. About 40 minutes later, I got a beach towel and pitched it at their bed.

Nothing.


Then I realized that their bed was made! "Wow," I thought to myself. "They made their bed before they got raptured? Impressive!" But then I realized, maybe they were at work! They DO get up at 3:30 AM every morning to go to work after all. 17.5-hour work days FTW! I peered at the clock, and it was 4:30 AM! Once again, I was wrong. I hadn't been left behind. Curse that time where I thought my Mom abandoned me to marry some rich guy on a yacht! Curse that time to the PITS!!!1oneoen

[end]

I GOT THAT GENDERLESS MOONCALF!

Ohh, today was a most fine day! I got me a genderless mooncalf! I hate that damned thing! But I'm getting ahead of myself.


Today surprisingly I got water. With my Dad, in fact. Also, I got hay. It was fun! We took Little J, our dog, the only dog who can stay inside whenever he wants. Hannah can also. The other three are yard dogs. We got ten bales. And two loads of water, I should only have to get three loads this week. (does an "unmasked Midna smile")


Also, we've decided, or, by 'we,' I mean 'my Dad has realized,' that working on the weekend is pretty much dead end. My Mom wants to cut my pay. I'm making about $5 an hour as it is. She'll prolly want to cut me down to $2.50. So, I make $80 a week normally, and another $20 when they leave to work on the weekend. Then I get $20 from the neighbor for the water, so I can buy a little under a Nintendo DS Lite each week. It's wearing on me though, and I am looking forward to being cash strapped again. Currently, I am halfway to being mugged.


I also made doughnuts. Yes, I made them with yeast! And oil! And they didn't turn out quite as good as my Mom's do. I made a little over a dozen...and glazed them. There were some cops outside of our gate chatting, so I made them as a joke. You know, incase they wanted to search our house, we could offer them some doughnuts to...leave us be, hehehe.


We had chili for dinner. Well, my parents did. I don't enjoy chili. I enjoy beans. I love them! Chili, that just makes me sick! Damn nasty chili. Eeehwhe (shudders)


I decided the stress factor here is due to the goats. Every single day, when my parents are on their way home, they're all happy, right? Then they get home and they're in a HORRIBLE IRRITABLE MOOD!

Then, on the weekends, they're fine until milking time, when they TRANSFORM INTO GOATMILKINGTON SUE AND ARNY! OH MY GOSH!


That's what I'll call them. Sue and Arny the goat milkers. I'll say stuff like, "heh heh heh there goes Sue and Arny, huh, Matt?" And he'll be like, "yeah, there goes sue, there goes arny, I wonder if they're gonna milk?" and I'll be like, "Welll what else they ever do?!?!11/" and we'll both laugh. Ahhh, good times. Good times...that...haven't happened yet..



The greatest part about today is that...tomorrow...WALKER, TEXAS RANGER'S TIME SCHEDULE RETURNS TO NORMAL! That being, 5 AM to 9 AM, 4 PM to 6 PM, and 10 PM to Midnight! That's right, eight hours of hard-hitting Texas Justice EACH DAY! AAAAAHHHHWWWWAAAAAAAAAA (voice breaks) aaaaaaaaaahahah (coughing)

Sorry...so, I told you before about that damn Pokemon named Mesprit, right? Runs like a tail-turning follybird? Well, it's genderless, and it's a damn MOONCALFY FREAK JELLYPANTS!! THAT'S RIGHT! IT WEARS JELLY AS PANTS! As in, you know, like, ...jelly legs. Like...feelers. You know what I mean!!!


This all started back when I got the ability to go underground in the game. I saw, "wi-fi," and I walked away. It turns out, it's only local wi-fi, meaning, if I had someone next to me, we could play together...not as in Nintendo Wi-Fi connection. So blah on me, I could have done lots better. Aanyways, I then discovered I could use the Heart Scale to pay the move learner! OH MY GOSH! You see...



...have I told you about Roselia? I didn't evolve her until she was past learning some great moves, so I missed out. But the move re-learner can...y'know, re-learn those moves! OH ME OH MIY! So, I desperately searched for some aid in capturing that fiendish Mesprit, that wenchy jerkward!...and, sure enough, Roselia could learn GrassWhistle, which puts things to sleep. So, after ...like 8+ hours of off and on Walker, Texas Ranger and desperately trying for Mesprit, I put it to sleep, and...it ran. IT WAS ASWEAP AND IT STILL RUNNED ><

But then, I caught it the very next time I saw it with the first Quick Ball. After I had used 20+ of those and 15+ of others with only two close shots. I caught Azelf with one quick ball, for the records. But oh, imagine my joy, when:

Gotcha!
Mesprit was caught!

Oh, joy joy joy. Well I'm not that happy. Moreso relieved! Now I can go after Uxie, and then go try to complete my Pokedex...then go face off against that jerk Ralph. He's my rival. I named him that so I can call him (offensively) "Raaaaaalphy!"...yeah. And, by the way, for the log book...yesterday I beat the Elite Four, and it was tough. Took me three hours. Or so...man. Then I got to the battle tower, and I can get- get this- in half an hour, 30k worth of stuff. I get 30k worth of stuff in 10 minutes when I farm the rich kids! This is madness! You're all CRAZY!

Pokemon Update

Well, I decided to name my character in Pokemon Vinsky. From 'Kevinsky,' my secret name. No one will ever identify me. To this day, my own mother has no idea who this mysterious Kevinsky is, with his blog which seems to eerily follow the many adventures of her dearest son, even going so far as to address her as his mom. Hehehe.


I've actually just cleared the eighth Gym. That jerkwad Volkner jerkwad gave me one hell of a fight. During this, I surmised I was weak to electric...Roselia was my only option. I could have, you know, caught a Abomasnow or two and basically sold out my team to beat him, but instead I just revived Roselia a few times. Since last post, I have dropped Heracross. I don't like him. He is a dung beetle. You know, the Beetle Borgs? "Biiiiiig baaaad beetle borgs!"? Well, that's him. The green one infact. The jerk.


I'm currently doing several things. One, I am collecting money. I am hanging out by the rich peoples house (the area south of Hearthome city, with the Mansion) with an Amulet Coin. Recently I discovered I could use the...Luck Incense as well. I'm not sure if that would result in 26k per kill, or 18k. But, I would have like 500-700,000 more gold! Curses!

With the money, I loaded up on Hyper Potions, Revives, Paralyze heals and such. Like 300,000 worth. Then I spent 200,000 on coins and bought a Flamethrower (thank God Gyarados can use it, or I'd be weaker'n tarnish against steel types and a little against grass). I might also go back and get a Thunderbolt TM for Luxray.

Two, I am every once and a while going after Mesprit. The sissy. Keeps running...I'm hoping I can find a Kadabra or something to hypnosis it to sleep. But it has to be able to beat its speed and go first. Oh sigh. I have spent, I don't know how long, and I don't wanna think about how long chasing this damned thing. I am saving my Master Ball for a Shiny which might run or something. I caught Azelf on the first freaking shot with a Quick Ball. I haven't gone after the other one. Uxie is it? Yes.


Third I am on my way to the Pokemon League! Imma beat the Elite Four! Currently I am trying to level Luxray to 56 for Discharge. Although I might still go for Thunderbolt TM.

Discharge is 30% Paralysis, and Thunderbolt is 10%. But Thunderbolt does 15 more damage. Same PP, ...woah, wait a minute. It hits everyone. Cool! So like, if I'm 2v2 on someone, say swimmers, Discharge would hit both of theirs. I do believe it hits mine, too, but I would have Roselia out at that point.

ALSO, I have the Discharge TM. So...either way. I think I will be able to get to 56 in time if I don't use Exp. Share. Then again, I could really use a higher level Gyarados. I also think Empoleon might need an Ice attack...I have the Blizzard TM, but...hmm, Bubblebeam is getting old. I have Waterfall, I believe, on Empoleon, so I think I need to go back and get Ice Beam... oh, wait...Empoleon is water type, he'd be pwnt by the grass types. Then again, freaking Gyarados is grass AND flying type! He would be pwnt mercilessly by grass types! I figure I will use Staraptor alot during the grass fighting.


I changed by team a little. I now have, usually in this order: Luxray (51 atm), Roselia (48 atm), Staraptor (4o), Gyarados (38), Empoleon (39), Medicham (41). I took Medicham out for a test drive, and it worked out great. I now only have problems fighting that one damn thing, the Steel/Psychic Bronzor. However, with Gyarados having Flamethrower, the steel will melt.

So, the change was I added Medicham. It's a...meditating Pokemon. I am not proud of it, but it's a game. It's a female Medicham (it's pink, what kind of an idiot has a male medicham?), and when I pwn the Lopunny to get the cash from the rich Mansion foo's (Lopunny picture at right, what a whore), I use Medicham. Apparently, Lopunny is Normal-type, so Fighting-type moves are very effective. So I use Medicham, and since she's also a female, she won't fall in love with Lopunny, AND she can kick the hell out of it, all while being resistant to the fighting-type moves Lopunny uses! AHAHHA1!!111

I really think I have a great strategy there.

So, I have a:

Fierce-looking part-wolf part-something electric, Luxray
Plant with rose buds for arms, Grass/Poison type, Roselia
Bird which looks like Elvis, Flying/(normal?), Staraptor
GIANT FREAKING SNAKE-WORM WATER MONSTER DRAGON, Water/Flying, Gyarados
Humanoid/Mewtwo-like thing, Fighting/Psychic, Medicham
Emperor Penguin, Steel/Water type, Empoleon

A rodent, a plant, a bird, a sea monster, an alien-looking thing, and a penguin. What a team.

The Elite Four are so close, I can almost reach out and poke their brains. Mwahahaha. I think Medicham needs some other move. I'll see. Wish she could learn not be pwnt by grass-types. That'd be teh win.


Until next time, suckers! Ahhahahah!

First Rattlesnake of the Season

Edited and updated Sunday, July 8th, 2007
Pictures will not be featured. Here is it dead: Dead snake closeup
Internet speed is still 160kbps up/360kbps down




So yesterday, I was playing Pokemon Pearl. Ahh, what a safe life I live, I thought.


In Pokemon, there are Pokemon called "alternate color Pokemon." I prefer "Shiny" Pokemon though. So, these shinnies appear like other Pokemon. Except that there's a 1 in 8,000 chance of seeing one. I've only see one in all the, probably over 80 hours I've spent on Pokemon Blue (Update: I got one in Pearl also, caught it, a Krikitune though). It was an Abra. Didn't catch it either :(

It ran away. But anyways, when I'm playing, I'm CONSTANTLY in the frame of mind of, "Is this pokemon I've never heard of before colored differently?" then I have to catch it and find out. The powers that be say that stars appear when it's a shiny, but I don't wanna take any chances until I know what those stars are like.



Last week, Friday actually, I requested my parents search for a BB Gun. I wanted one in case of a rattlesnake attack, so we could kill it without having to noose it then behead it. They were all like, "Oh, we should get it online." and I said, "well, I think you should just get one." So they got the Remington with a Scope model (official name!) and over the weekend I got a bit more accurate with it and stuff.


So...yesterday...I had to go dig a grave. A goat is gonna die. If you must know, he has urinary calculi, and he can't pee, so his bladder is currently filling to the point it is going to burst inside him and he will die. Farm life. Actually, at the moment, he has a hernia. Just...you know...in the front. *shudders*


So I went to dig his grave. I was still in that state of mind I am when examining Pokemon for a shiny. I was looking, thinking "rattlesnake rattlesnake rattlesnake." I had to go into the garden to get the shovels. Yes, I dig with TWO shovels. You wanna fight about it?


And there he was. One of the biggest, most fearsome Here the the festering, maggot infested tag of Things I Hate rattlesnakes I've ever seen! Three feet tall! FIVE TAILS, two heads, and TEN TONGUES! Two horns, and snakes protruding from its eye sockets instead of eyes!!! I ran inside faster than a steam-engine train burning nitro glycerin!

I got the BB gun and the pellets for it. It holds BBs too, but pellets don't ricochet as easily, if at all. He was still there! Panting, practically inhaling my very being! It sounded as if a plane was taking off with each rise and fall of its nine chests. Whooooosh, WHOOOSH. Whoooooosh, WHOOOOSH. And every once and a while it even sounded like a helicopter taking off!


So I took careful aim! AND I PULLED THE TRIGGER! I missed, and shot a bit below its head, causing it to recoil and begin to rattle frantically. Whew, creepy. It was about 1.5 D batteries around, and like 3 feet long or something.

I then got another vantage point. I turned around, AND IT WAS GONE! I thought, "hmm," but was cut off in my thought by the sound of a car revving. OH MAN, SOMEONE'S STEALING THE CAR TOO! I thought. Then it peeled around the corner, heading right for me! IT WAS THE SNAKE! It had its ten rattles hanging out the windows, hissing hysterically, and it had apparently grown arms! I jumped into the armored fortress that is the brokendown F250 with Hydraulic Lift support! BAM! it went! CRA.........wait...

Okay, sorry, that didn't happen. Sorry. So uhm, I got my other vantage point, and took a shot at it. I pierced it good. I then realized it was stuck inside the chickenwire of the garden! Note that when I had first found it, I was about five feet from it. I saw it before it rattled. I saw it, then heard rattling. Oooh, the nerve. It was looking at me. Both heads. Flicking its black tongues. All ten of them. Creepy.


So I took advantage. At this point there was no going back. I was about to give up. I shot it again. This time, I pierced its bladder. Urine was flying everywhere. Green urine. I shot it several more times, and pierced several more of its bladders, most likely amnionic sacs, all of them spewing different colored, acidic, demonic liquids of urinic qualities. Then I shot it some more. At one point I thought it was dead, so I shot it again, and it moved around all angry. Fifteen shots later...oh and...


A shot...is ten pumps. Hard to do 15 shots in a row. I am SORE. Each time it took me about two minutes to reload and another two minutes to aim. I was out there for at least an hour. So, it looked dead. Then I called my Dad to update him. As I was talking to him, it started writhing. CREEPED ME OUT! OH MY GOODNESS THAT WAS THE HANDSDOWN CREEPIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! PERIOD! BY FIVE TIMES!

...and I've seen about five goats give birth! Heh heh heh. So anyways, IT WAS WRITHING AROUND IN BITTER AGONY, suspended, about in the middle, by the chickenwire hole it was stuck in. Its head end and rattle end were both flailing independent of eachother. It was SNAPPING ITS VENOMOUS FANGS, all eighteen of them, everywhere! It struck the ground several times, and bit itself about five times. Bit itself.

That's how violently it was flailing. And this was just the time I could look at it, the rest of the few minutes were filled with uncontrollable shuddering and exasperated CREEPOUTEDNESS.

EWW THAT CREEPY JERK! Man. Creepy. It finally resorted to- get his- sinking its fangs into and holding onto its own neck.

Several minutes. I shot it several times. It still held on, biting itself. It comitted suicide; Rattlers aren't immune to their own poison apparently. I couldn't get closer than four feet from it loooong after it was dead. I got a few headshots in, and finally threw a bag of turkey feed (we don't need it anymore, the turkeys were killed by the dogs some time ago) on it to cover it up. Coincidentally, this cut it in half where it was hooked in the fence. My parents say it was one of the biggest rattlesnakes we've seen. I had to kill it all by myself. Thankfully, my father 'exported it' to the neighbors yard. Heh heh heh. Their problem now.


So yes, the first rattlesnake of 2007 was slain by Kevinsky the Destroyer!

But let's look at this. Imagine I had not been so heartstumped on getting the BB gun. I would have been unable to shoot it with the BB gun. Now, imagine how much closer I would have been to it if I hadn't been playing Pokemon, and in the "shiny, shiny, shiny" mindset of constantly scanning for something?

And imagine if it hadn't been stuck in the fence?

I thank God I had it in me to get that BB gun, and that I was playing Pokemans's, and that it was stuck in the fence. That thing could have been a few more feet in, and I'd be A DEAD ZOMBIE CORPSE!!!

It's not endangered, so it was a clean, legal kill. I look back on it, and I feel bad because it got hurt. That sucks. That's the worst thing about the whole memory is that it got hurt for no good reason...it was just unlucky enough to come up against Kev.


Kev the Destroyer.










Jayme stumbles out of building; mist exits rapidly, walks down the few stairs, goes towards Dan and Ness, Dan scrambles out of the way horrifiedly; Dan and Ness have not seen Jayme for several months.

Jayme (leaning on Ness):
(out of breath, swallows) "You know what a horse is right?"
Ness:
(nods with concerned/worried expression)
Jayme:
"You know what a mace is?"
Ness:
(nods, faster this time)
Jayme:
"Good girl-" (shoves away from her and collapses in grass)

About that time, some dude appears in the building where Jayme was, on a horse (horse is rearing up for show), wielding a mace, cackling hysterically.

Ness looks with disbelief at Jayme as the mace-wielding horseman charges her. Looks several times between the two.

Kev Chose Pokemon Pearl. What's wrong with that boy?

That's right. The 'Pink' version. With Palkia.

Pictured at left.

Remember that time all those dead turkeys were in the yard?


He looks majorly cool in animations...you know, like, CGI.


One good thing about Pearl is that, from the rumormill, there are about two times as many Diamond's selling. So I will have more of an opportunity to trade if I want to.

This game uses online trading and battling through the Ninty DS's WiFi capabilities. You can even talk to the people you're battling. I don't know if I'll be battling online.




Also, the Diamond version has a dumb looking dog thing. Picture at left. I call it a horse with a bad hair day, or a dinosaur with dog legs and bird tail. Hehehheh. Poor fool.

The game's addicting! But moreover, I chose pink because I am secure in my manhood. And I like the color pink! Not so much lameass pink. More like, you know, not 'baby' pink. My three favorite colors are ranked as follows:

Green
Pink
Blue

So, if you're ever buying me, oh, say, a briefcase with $3000 in it, I would prefer it to be green.

I like the deeper colors of blue and pink, and I like the whole spectrum of green.

Suckers.



So far, I have logged 25.5 hours. Eight and a half hours a day. I've been getting very little sleep.

But it's been great playing while watching Walker: Texas Ranger. Also, my penmanship has improved tons. I just stare at it, wondering if I really wrote it. Then I realize I did the next time I write. Then it doesn't look so good. Repeat process. That stylus is the awesimnity! However. I today developed DS Claw. Which is where you're holding the stylus or somesuch, playing a great game for WAY longer than you should, and you cramp up. I couldn't straighten my thumb in a natural fashion, so I took a break. I washed dishes and got the counter soaking (can you believe how wrong that is?) and here I am.

I'm uh, going to enter some contests with Roselia. Roselia is the only female in my party (of six Pokemon), which is just how I would want it. See, cause Roselia has rose buds for hands. Didn't know that when I caught her. Don't want a boy Pokemon having rose buds for hands, after all... Not sure what the purpose of contests are yet, but they're fun enough, and Roselia is the only one I have ready for contests. It's like a dog show but for Pokemans.


You can make Pokemon food. You have to stir this pot with the stylus. I have five scratches now- they're completely, hopelessly invisible when looking at the screen, and can be seen only with the light reflecting. You collect berries. I'm serious man. You collect like, bitter ones, or sour ones, then cook up a Poffin (the Pokemon food) with the berry baked into it. Then you feed it to them and it makes them happy, and shines their coat, and improves one of the contest category things. Like it'll make them look smarter, or tougher. Fun stuff, probably more fun once I learn just what the hell contests are for ...


Funny thing, Roselia evolves from Budew. I had it unevolved until level 31. That means I missed out on learning some moves, sadly...but man...it should have evolved at like, level 14. But nooOOoo. I do believe it has a third stage, so we'll see.

Currently my party is Prinplup, Gyarados, Luxray, Roselia, Stararia, and a baby Heracross. Or well, baby according to...well you know. It's level 20, the others are mid-thirty. I have Exp. Share stuck on it, so it won't be long. Heracross is one of the most powerful in the game, but I'm using it so I have a bug and fighting type.


That's about it. Next up is the Rattlesnake post.

Oh, my Gosh, Kev is, like, watching Pokemon.

That's right. I figure I should at least watch the first episodes, if I'm planning on playing the game.



Oh man. "It's time for adventure- Diamond and pearl- (something something something) we can change the world!". Theme song already sucks. Backgrounds are nice.

I never understood why they got rid of Misty. I wasn't following Pokemon at that time, but oh well, maybe she got shot in a gang fight. The new Misty is apparently called Dawn. From Twinleaf town, how original. First pokemon they show is uhh...the fire starter, Chimchar I think. Aha. Piplup. Ewww, Pokeballs have such small...buttons now.

Turtwig looks like a freak. Hmm, the style is strange. ROFLDOLF, wow, what kind of 10-year-old wears lacy nightgowns? With uh, like a built in bra? 10-year-olds? Clearly defined bra section?


Oh wow, now she's riding her bike. Her skirt is about 2 inches long. lmao, this show is awesome for its lamity. Now she's narrating her movements. Wow, this guy is AWESOME. He looks weird. The new Professor Oak, I assume. Oh no, please God, no. This show is winning me over!

...wow, some aides got OWNED. Now Dawn got owned by the Piplup. Now Dawn is owning the Piplip. OH MY GOSH ITS SPIDERMON! Wow, they can fly or something

Man, Bubble Beam is powerful. Leaves smoking piles of dust. Piplup used...bide? Oop, he just died. Oh well.

There's Starapter. Evolved form of Starly. See, I'm getting it now. That there looks like Mew? Celebi? What was it. Hehehehee! She just got her "Pokedex," which is an upgraded DS Lite! Owned!


There's Ash. Sounding like a fag. Oh man. Team Rocket is still around. Ash sounds like a PERV. James sounds like a freak. Jesse looks like hell. Ash's cap is cool though ...Jesse's voice is alright. Waboffet hilariously said "Waboffet."



Ouch, the lamity is starting to hurt. Oh boy, that expression is teh win. Lamity isn't hurting so much now. Rofl, the dumbass waited too long to throw the pokeball. It's a Pikachu! Piplup got owned. So did Short Skirt's Bike. Hah. Short Skirt. So THAT is a Mime Jr. How ...teh lose.

They need to stab the freak who draws this, or use a better whip. James looks horrible. This IS a great way to memorize the Pokemans though. Jesse and James have waaaay too many pokemon...

There's a Nurse Joy. Shouldn't she be dead by now? Yes, she should be dead by now. Ash has a really skinny neck. There's a Cop Jenny. Shouldn't she be dead by now? Yes, she should be dead by now.

So, this dude is friends with Dr. Oak, yet he doesn't have ANY idea who Team Rocket is. Aren't they horrible? Don't they steal things? Shouldn't they be a, like, a concern?

Oh well. I don't know yet if I'll be a fan of the anime. Probably for a bit, then I'll snap out of it. Definitely. Hope so. Good day. Hopefully, I can hammer out an agreement with my parents to get Diamond or Pearl on Sunday. I'm hoping they go northward, for the whole, "Oh, you guys might as well pick up a pizza and a slice of chocolate cake!" thing. It will be a new tradition! Yes!

Water, Bees and a DS Lite

This water getting day was the first day I got to use my DS Lite whilst getting water. There was only one thing, which was many things, which stung, which stood in my way, in midair.


That's right; bees! I got to the well, busy as a- you guessed it- anteater, and stepped RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE BEES! A couple hundred of them!

Note, please, that I had just driven a 20-foot-long truck over them.

Then I stepped into their bee flying patterns.


I remember that one time I got stung by that wasp. Oh, that wasp pwnt me good. It went RIGHT INTO MY ARM! They had to amputate it, actually. Oh, I was so depressed. Every time I look at my arm, I remembe...oh...I guess they didn't amputate my arm actually. Anyways, I think my Mom put baking soda and vinegar on it to draw my attention away from the pain.


So, I didn't get stung when I was standing in their little swarm. I didn't even know they were there. It was a few seconds after I had left their flight patterns that I noticed the buzzing. Bzzz they went.

I was weary at this point, it was early morning. Like 8 AM. Kinda early, speaking in terms of water, as few people go at that time. One landed on the back of my neck, so I swatted her. She fell to the ground after a dramatic death scene. I finished the act with my foot. Another one was crawling above my shirt pocket dangerously close to my neck! Like a MORON! Dum de dum dum, ohh, let's see, this is soft material, I will crawl here like a LUNATIC!

So I came back to the house. Then I hatched an evil plan! I would use VINEGAR on the stingy charlatans! Note that, that is 'sting-ey,' not 'stinge-ey.' Thanks.


Then I hatched a second plan! One for glory, and riches, and power, everlasting! YES! YES! YEEEEEEES! AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAH!

I would fill two spray bottles up with vinegar. I DID IT! Then, I would label them "Vinegar, Undiluted (5% acidity)." YES ACCOMPLISHED THIS FEAT I DID! Then, I would write on them,

This vinegar helps repel the Bees.
Use it as you please.
Then leave it for someone else to use.

(switches to different voice)
Yes, I did it! "Oh, they will remember me in the hallows of history as the Good Neighbor!" I cried. "Oh me, oh my, how everyone would look up to me! Adore me! Dare I say it," I said with a wiry, toothy grin playing at my lips, my eyes slanted left, almost tearing up with slyness, and barely above a whisper..."worship me!" I let the words rings in the silence. My path was set. All I had to do...was be there.

I set off to better the well-dwellers. I also took occasion to gather another bottle for my own vinegar use. No use in using theirs. They need it more than me. As I would so soon find out.

I happily drove to the well, the gate seemed meaningless to me as I swung it open mindlessly, so blissfully imagining my soon-to-be-acquired fame and fortune. How history would view my great accomplishments! The wonders which would be erected in my name! "Oh, the glory!", I breathlessly exhaled, almost involuntarily, overwhelmed by the thought. The glory...the glory indeed.


When I arrived at the well, a short 100-foot drive, I could just see where they would start. They would rename the pump "Kev's Pride," and the well "Kev's Favored." Everyone would wave. People would be lining up to lend me a cup of sugar, or, mayhaps, just two eggs, hoping against hope I would need to make a cake. I would accept, every once and a while, an egg or two, half a cup of sugar...just to humor them. They would collapse under the weight of being accepted by the likes of such greatness. Oh, how the world would be indebted. Indebted indeed. Glory.


I put the first bottle in the eastern side. It fit perfectly. Like peel on an orange. Someone was on the other side. I could hear him. I could just feel his desperation...I could almost taste it...piercing through the very fabric of time and space...his visceral need for someone...somewhere...to care enough to supply bee-repelling vinegar in a bottle emanating like heat from a wildfire. I was that person. I would supply the bee-repelling vinegar. Glory.

Someone pulled up behind me. I flashed them a charming smile... almost an embrace through the air...yet how could they know that soon... so soon... they would desire nothing more than to have their very existence somehow legitimized by my acknowledgment, to know that I approve, accept, and that their lives are not in vain? Surely they could not know. But surely, they would find out. So soon...glory.

Then someone pulled up behind the person who was there before...so I was forced to grace him with my presence, as I handed him the bottle, and asked him to place it in the box. Oh, the glory of it all! Glory.


I had to get another load of water. I could imagine the crowd...overflowing into the street. Acres and acres of adoring, loving fans. I would be as the Pope. Waving to the people. They would want...so badly...to jump onto the truck...to try to open the doors, and drag me out, and hug me to death...but their respect of me would not allow them...they would be too awed by my very presence even to breath...even to move...glory.



Then I arrived. Surprising, I thought. The crowd, which is supposed to be overflowing into the street, must be hiding somewhere. Hmm. Trying to surprise me, probably in an attempt to garner my approval. I could taste it...the glory.


I opened the register, or "the box," to get the water. Then I realized...the bottle was gone! SOMEONE STOLD (sic plz) IT 30 MINUTES AFTER I PUT IT THERE! Worse yet, the crowd, despite my suspicions, was NOT hiding in the register!!!

At this moment, I realized that I would be getting no glory for this act of hospitality. No parades. No wonders erected in my honor. No loving adoration, no lending of eggs OR sugar. Needless I say, I wept.


Then I got out my Nintendo DS Lite. My only friend left in the world. Then I played it. And I was happy. The end.


True story. Welcome the Drama tag. Oh uh, true story, but it WAS dramatized a LITTLE. I actually...you know...experienced no thirst for power and glory. Aaaaanyways...

Kevinsky's Brother's Birthday

So, I made a chocolate cake with brown sugar buttercream frosting. I cut the words "Happy Birthday Mattsky" out of a piece of paper, then put the stencil on the cake and, since the frosting was whitish, sprinkled cocoa powder over it, effectively leaving a beautiful imprint on the cake. If it was dark frosting, I'd'a used powdered sugar. Picture at left.

He got a desk (a nice one), Super Paper Mario (I even let him take the Wii to his room, the fool!), some other things, a pack of 20 scissors. Other things. Something else.



Not much to mention. We did a hilarious series of photos, where I was in the background in almost every shot waving all happy, taking the attention off my brother, Mattsky. I didn't realize I was so in the picture, I thought I wouldn't take the attention off him. Glad he doesn't care about things like that.


I was in a really, really good mood today. I was enjoying blogging (I made several drafts), and I wondered why. Naturally I set out to find the cause, lest I turn on myself like a steel trap. SWAP! and I'll never get out, as they say. Then I got bored of trying to find the cause and picked up the DS Lite. Then it hit me! There was a birthday party yesterday!...no, no actually, it WAS the DS Lite. I have been unable to enjoy games to their full extent lately...hold on, I'm going to play NSMB for a bit! HAHAA SUCKERS


But yeah, so I was all happy, it even rained pretty good! Yes sir, things were looking up, up, up!


Then my parents got home! Owned!



Oh well though. Not every day can be great. I mean, it wasn't like any normal 'parents got home fun ruining advent.' This was a super 'parents got home fun ruining advent.' Pretty crappy end to a great day. Strange though, just as I was so happy that I could finally game again, I got dropped down fastlike.


You know what they say, you're more easily conned by the guy in white with a pinstripe tie.

That snappy-dressing jerk. Goodnight, I am really tired. For twice.

Nintendo DS (Lite) Update

...I ADMIT IT I WAS PLAYING THE NINTENDO DS CAUSING ULTIMATELY MY ARM TO START HURTING THERE ARe you happy now! My pampered left-thumb lately has had nothing but analog sticks to deal with, now I have to develop directional-pad calluses. Curses. Although, as fun (and convenient) as this thing is, it won't be hard to do. It takes more effort it seems to use a d-pad.

You see, analog sticks are smooth, and for the equally smooth, fair-skinned losers of the world, mostly women. Although in that sense it isn't really an insult. OK, hairy is an insult that works on both sexes. So, analog sticks are hairy, and for the equally hairy, fair-skinned losers of the world, mostly women. Fixed. Kind of.




New Super Mario Brothers is still the only game I have, and I was kinda hoping if I just sat idle that that would magically change. Guess not...so I'll have to take action. Pokemon Pearl is coming out next week. I'm considering more Pearl, as Diamond is see-through and clear, but Pearl is opaque and hard to see through, like a pond of pond scum. Minus the pond. Just pond scum. So no water. You know what I mean?

OK, really, Pearl is- in color terms- 'pink,' and I have a weakness for the color pink. I love it. It's pretty! Except on Princess Peach. She wears pink REALLY badly, unlike Princess Zelda, who made the color. Pre-Princess Zelda, pink didn't exist. They blended a new color for her when they created her. They were gonna call it "Zelda," but they didn't want that one lady with the pink hair calling her band Zelda, so they called it "pink" instead. They carefully avoided even using any letters of Zelda's name, as to avoid confusion. Cleverly, they named the hero Link. A little too close to Pink for comfort, wouldn't you say? Yes sir. Clever, very clever, good sirs!





While browsing, I found a neat site. Or blog. One of those blogs with six different posters who all post eight posts a day or somesuch. It's called DS Fanboy. They're having a top five week, each poster posts their top five DS playable games.



It is a strange thing, but it's people like this that I actually look up to. I have this thing with games, and especially game stores, as everyone there wants to discuss games. I have had a fear of going into game stores for years. Maybe it was that one episode where I called a game store and asked for a game which they didn't have ("Noo, don't have that one, AHHHHHHAHAHHA!"), so I stumbled in there with my Mom and start looking through the games. Innocently. Artist rendition of the Game Crazy employee at right. Note his hands are resting on the counter. Maliciously resting.


He asks me, "You looking for anything in particular mwahahahahah?" in his nasally, metallic-sounding, "itchy" voice, like his throat is itching. I respond "yeah, (gamename)" then he responds, really annoyed, like I'm a real jerk, "I told you already, we don't have that game." I think it was such a scarring moment because he was nice at first, then he was mean, and I didn't understand why. I was 16 and a half when this happened.

...really though, I would say I was seven or eight. Great thing to have a scarring memory of, huh? As far as I know, this is the only truly traumatic event I have experienced, and from which I still suffer wide-ranging side effects to this day.

It is a deathly, nervous fear. I called a pizza place a while ago, a month or two, and I was almost in a cold sweat. My adrenaline was going, it took about 10 minutes for me to calm down...and get this. The lady was really nice. So just imagine running into the demon bug again. I wonder if my Mom remembered that episode. With the buglike monster employee. Demon. Puppet. Branchair. What it is.


I guess I have a general fear of talking to people about video games. They're bound to think I'm a freak.


...so anyways, I should go. It's midday, and it's...well...midday. I should clean some dishes and plot dinner. What to make, what to make...no chicken...we have pork which can be cubed, and hamburger. And steaks. Hamburger it is. What kind of hamburger though? Hamburgers are out of the question. We'll see. Good day! I will go have a glass of chocolate milk. Chocolate milk makes me happy, because it's milk, but it doesn't taste entirely like milk.

Slacker Jacks (Recipe Included!)

Yesterday, I ordered...I mean...hah, asked my parents to pick up dark corn syrup and dark brown sugar. Alton Brown has a recipe for Cracker Jacks, called "Slacker Jacks." He even had a box made up. It had "Not The Original" on it and "slacker" instead of "cracker." Nice.

Here is the recipe. It's a little tricky, I actually put the syrup in the popcorn in two batches because my two-gallon bowl was outside. And it is dark. And, hell, I value my life!


In hindsight, I would actually bake the popcorn to 250 first, so the syrup doesn't cool down as fast. It was a bit thick. Still pretty good, better than cracker jacks, but better with more even syrup. And more peanuts! THAT CRACKER JERK NEVER INCLUDES ENOUGH PEANUTS, IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE PEANUT CONTENT INTO OUR OWN HANDS! RRHHAAAW!!!


Wow. Sorry. So I had a joke thought up about thick. Someone says, about an accent, "eh, it's a little thick." Then the accent-er says something. Like..."that's what they said about (something)." See, this is why I write stuff down. Also I made more Popcorn salt! Blend it in the microwave. It tastes tons better than the crap you buy, for some reason, I have no idea as to why...if you don't have a microwave, you can put it in the blender or the food processor.


Goodnight. Tomorrow we celebrate my Brother's birthday.

Kevinsky bought a Nintendo DS Lite

In Onyx Black. This is a long post for some reason. It is so long, I didn't post it, split the post into two different topics, and edited the hell out of it. It's a bit better now.




Today I spent several, if not three, hours researching, once more, the Nintendo DS.

Apparently, my Brothers' birthday is on Monday. "What should we get him, Kev?" My parents said that. Heheheh. "Well, dearesteth parents, whom trusteth me, whom trust my will, I have not, and shall not yield ye fruitless decisions;" I says. "My intentions are purest in the forthright, and my motives true, verily; behold, I advise, buy him Super Paper Mario; he thoroughly enjoyed the others. Hee heeth."

"Wow, Kev, how did you know what to get him off the top of your head like that?! You're brilliant! We love you MUCH more than Matt!" they exclaim. Hehe. Suckers don't know I was gonna get it anyways. Off the top of my head, pff. Suckers.

However, I decided I should at least spend $25 on the game. I think I might throw in the other half and then put 'from Kev, I love you more than they do' on it. However, I started feeling bad. If my brother was getting $25-$50 on a game for his birthday, why shouldn't I get me $180 worth of games for myself? After all, I DO have over $250 burning a hole in my pocket like a white phosphorus grenade through an engine block.

My logic is without fail, I reason to myself. It IS without fail; I am miserably brilliant. Bwhahh.

So, as I said, I was doing research on the DS Lite. I asked my parents, whilst they were in town, to see if they had any DS Lite's in Onyx. Onyx is black, and the other colors are coral pink and polar white. I like the black because it makes it easier to play in the dark. I did not know this at the time.


So, it turns out, Walmart DID have a DS Lite in Onyx. Or several, I assume- I did not ask. I thought about it for about an hour, then I got the call- it turns out she forgot to call me before they left for the final decision, so they had to double back. I obviously want the damn thing, if I'm still interested months later, I reason to myself. And now I have the money...plus, they're so popular, if I wanted to sell it, I could pawn it on Amazon or something and break even. I would lose out on the game, but I love the style of having a game for a system I don't own. It's cool. At long as the system is cool.


So, I put together a list of games I want for the DS in the future. I got 11 on the first pass. Plus there are the GBA games. I'm gonna get it eventually, I murmur to myself. I always liked that word. Murmur.
Gameboy Advance (GBA) has remakes of classics, like LoZ: ALTTP. And the classic Metroid, along with the new Metroids. All in all, lots of soul-sucking demon jellyfish. I can be honest with myself. Soul-sucking, demon jellyfish. It sounds almost too comical to be satanic in nature.


So, they had New Super Mario Brothers (NSMB) and Metroid Prime: Hunters for $35 each. Hunters is on Half.com for $20 total, NSMB for $24 total, so I cut my losses by $4...but I was also concerned as to having to get too deep into Hunters to enjoy playing it while getting water. Imagine playing Metroid Prime and every five minutes going to the bathroom. 500 gallons worth of a bathroom.

So, it got home safely. It was in such a small box. So small a box...I am...receiving some words here...ah. "Compact cuteness." Here are pictures. First, the first picture, has the cash it cost me next to it. In the first picture. The cash helps to size the box. See the first picture.



Then the next ones help you get a better grasp of how much they cost. Observe!




















Yes, they ARE still under there. They just...can't breath.

...so, I let it charge while I cooked the hamburgers and enjoyed a dinner with my family. Minus my brother.

Then after dinner, it finished charging. So I popped in New Super Mario Brothers, and off I went. Mario is a little...he has momentum, it seems. Fun. Super fun. I could imagine playing it while getting water. Waterific, I say.


It plays in the dark, too. Supposedly it has 5-8 hours of battery life on the brightest setting. My goodness, I have been playing for hours, and the battery is still at full. As for the game, I am currently concerned about length. Should be fine as long as I don't overplay it. I just need it to last me until I get ahold of a copy of Pokemon Diamond. I am looking forward to it, lots of memories for me. The gameplay looks basically the same but better visuals. I think I might have a thing for turn-based strategy. Hm.



I feel a bit confused in NSMB, there wasn't really...a beginning...just POW. No dialogue. I never played the original. I wonder how similar they are? It feels like how it would feel to skip ahead to the third level or something along those lines. Like nothing was explained...musta been how it was back then...poor ...cave-dwelling bastards...

The DS Lite is the size I expected, the screens are bigger than I expected, though. Crystal clear. Very beautiful graphics (it just looks great). It turns off real quick, then turns back on real quick. WAY faster than I expected- less than a second for gameplay to freeze. I find myself wanting to use the stylus more, so I will have to get some cleaning clothes and ...I wonder if Pokemon games use stylus?

We'll see. For old times, I think I might buy a Prima guide. I used the hell out of that thing back in the day. I used to use gameshark, too, then Gamecube didn't have one, and broke my habit. Oh plus my N64 gameshark was made by a loser company, surely Nintendo quality control had NO play in GameShark's development...

Walker: Texas Ranger is on!

Kev Let This One Slip Under The Fridge!

I like the Paper Mario franchise. It's awesome, I will tell you what. Moreso Paper Mario 2. One of the most awesome games I know of. The arena really stands out for me...I think it REALLY needed a bit more mystery (I would milk an idea like that for all it's worth, then some), but that's okay, I suppose. Also the other fighters needed to change ranking and stuff...weird. I would've put an entire team just on that one level. Why was it not so obvious to the developers?


I loved the turn-based fighting, too. It was so challenging racking your brain trying to beat those damn green-blue-purple Wizzerds. You know, the ones in the Pit of 100 Trials. Plus, you could walk away at any time. Fun thing, turn-based fighting. Good turn-based fighting, at least. I will play the first Paper Mario once it's on Virtual Console, for sure. I just...can't use the N64 controller. The analog stick makes me cry on and off, and it's just not good for either of us.


Now, usually there are months of warnings when a Nintendo first-party game is released. This game didn't seem to have that, as I let it slip under the fridge! Apparently Super Paper Mario was released last Monday.


...all I want to do right now is play that one level of Generals, where you have to avoid the stadium full of angry fans. But it's actually GLA Angry Mobs, but it's like...you know. With the trains. I think Black Lotus, too. I remember hackers, at least...man, I wonder if I ever beat that level? I remember my Mom brought home one of those Garlic bread, I think focaccia garlic bread things from CostCo. That bread is very nostalgiac for me. So garlicky, so little time.


I digress. Apparently, Super Paper Mario isn't the same as the previous two. It's a platformer. That's right. Like Super Mario World.


If you raised your fist in front of your face very slowly, then clenched it bitterly, I'm with you 100%. Apparently, the game is pretty good. I don't know, I mean, I DON'T get tired of Paper Mario 1 and 2. I don't think, "Man, this SUCKS! I wish Nintendo would make a game slightly like this but not like this!"


I don't mean to assume things, but ...I don't think Nintendo needs to worry about fans getting tired of repeated gameplay styles. Come on, for the last 500 years Princess Peach has been kidnapped, starting off a wild adventure. Nintendo's rabid fans won't get tired of mouth-watering RPG-centered Paper Mario action this quickly.


I will see about having my dearest parents pick this game up tomorrow. With mournful resentment that it isn't turn-based. From the explanations of it I've heard, the game is basically
a side-scrolling platformer with a crappy 3D mode and the only RPG elements are a leveling system, and you and enemies have HP. Let me go watch a video of the gameplay.

Okay, it's more or less that...the food system is still in place, and the partner system (although the partners appear to have no personality). Sheesh...I don't know about this game. In one month it'll be $20 cheaper.





I could throw in an extra $80 and get a DS Lite. I have been wanting to try one of those. See, if I would have just bought one months ago, I wouldn't have to consider this now. Do I want to look back on this in two months and think the same thing again?!


If I got a DS Lite, I would get Pokemon Diamond to go with it.

Weird, huh? Yeah, I like the classic gameboy Pokemon game, you wanna fight about it? The last and first one I played was Pokemon Blue. I would be skipping a few generations, and now the pokemon count is up to (close to) 500 (it WAS 149), so I would have to memorize alot of stuff.

I don't like pokemon, you couldn't say I'm a fanboy, but I liked the Blue for gameboy. I like the quietness of it. Just silence. Kinda repetitive. Maybe the newer ones are different. I definitely need DS exposure, that's for (attempts to hold back snicker) exposure! (snickering uncontrollably)





By the way, I was just too tired to post yesterday.

For the Super Paper Mario download, I had a download speed of 9.5 kbps, as opposed to the usual 70+ kbps. As you know, dialup users have faster than 9.5. So I restarted the router and now it's working fine again. It took me THIS long to realize how slow my connection was, lol, it's been messing with me for some time, my Mom too I think.

Is it just me, or does the Gravity Suit Samus figure look like the greatest thing that could be put on a wall and made a shrine out of? My God. That's the most beautiful representation of a gravity suit I've ever seen. As long as the shininess isn't simulated. Man. How shiny. Now I see why Israel got into idol worship!

They have Zero Suit Samus up now, too. Based on Echoes...uh, does she REALLY need all those lines in that thing? I mean, I can understand the power suit, but the Zero suit? They seem like they're 'obviously' going along with the theme...you know...like, not just a suit she wears, but like, developed by someone. You know what I mean? I'm certain you don't.


I couldn't imagine Samus going into a tailor and saying, "Hey, I need a flight suit made to go along with this (activates power suit)." I don't know about you personally, but if I were a tailor, and some chick walked into my tailoring outfit (tailor humor, you wouldn't understand),
and said she needed a suit made to go along with SPPPPPUUUSHHHHH some crazy orange power suit thing, the likes of which I've never even heard of, I'd play dead and hope she splits.

More tailoring humor, there. You know. Splits. Like, banana split. You know...car tire split. See, you just wouldn't understand. I like the blue, though. It makes sense. Who would expect that orange ball of hate to contain, among other things, something blue? Not me. Okay, well, I would, but if I didn't know ...(sighs) you know what I mean.

Also...is that suit just a liiiiiittle too tight?


I think it's just a liiittle too tight.

In Other News (A Generic Update Post /)

Today I got water. Tank took 1300 gallons. I saw a - get this- desert tarantula...a scorpion, and a can of garbage I had in back of the truck flipped over backwards and I had to pick it up. I was gonna tie the bag that I just put in but I thought NAAH why would I need to? Then I was sorry. So sorry indeed. Actually it wasn't so bad.

Thank-you Imageshack.us!


The desert tarantula was in a neighbors yard (I deliver his water and he pays me), and his yard is untamed- everything is still breathing, basically. You know how you feel after you've almost- or have been, I imagine- in a car crash? And you're like, shaken? That's how I feel about today. A desert tarantula and a scorpion (scorpion was in our yard), the first scorpion I've ever killed. I also convinced myself I walked through a bed of hot, burning, glowing red rattlesnakes.


Also, I'm feeling sick- why I got water today, in case I am too ill to get water tomorrow. Just not feeling right. Throat is sore, and I feel tired and such. I think I fought it off. Famous last words?


Yesterday the Rolloff (roll-off - roll off) got taken away- we ordered one a week or two ago. It costs like $350, a small price to pay to be able to see out our windows. Well, some of them at least. It was full in one day. Lots of big stuff. A bed, three couches, two washers, I think a few cars ... wooden ... things...


Also, apparently I was wrong, and STD's are Soul Type Demons. I always thought STD stood for Sanitary Towel Disposal. Go figure.

Goodnight. I am sick and need bed rest.

Hold Up, Wait a Minute

Put a little love in it!


I've been reflecting. Uh oh, you say. Uh oh, indeed.


Well, usually, things in my life happen because God is playing another prank. Usually His pranks turn out pretty good though. Examples, that one time ...and the other time... OH, and when I was sick on my birthday.


I'm reminded of what Paul said (Philippians 4:11):


11: Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.


I feel the same way with this statement as I did the first time I played Metroid Prime. If Samus can do this, I can. I'm not psycho. But if Paul can live by that, I can live by that. Doesn't mean I have to like it, but I can live like that.

It's not such a horrible curse, not being able to use computer chairs. It's just so inconvenient; all the cool kids have desktops for mouse using, and all the cool kids have external speakers on their desktops, and they also have full-size keyboards. They also have the coolest kids as pals! And here I am, complaining even though I have a laptop which I can use! Ooh! Life is just so hard.

[/sarcasm]

Still, seeing's how I can't really sit down and draw for more than twenty minutes, I will have to make little "chips" and "nags" at it like I've been doing. Fun. It's actually better if I think about it...actually...no. What angers me, though, what really toasts my crackers, is thinking I can't do it.

I've never thought I had to prove anything. I don't know what it means. I have no idea. I've never experienced it before. Does it mean I hate myself? Does it mean I'm a narcissist? I don't know! Does it mean I've been spineless all my life? Or that I'm turning into a- gasp- a closet drunk?



Logically, as I brainstorm with ...myself...with my limited, one-minded rapport...it only makes sense that it's related to this being my dream. I never knew what a dream was. I never had dreams. Never once in my entire life. Sure, I've had short-lived dreams, like the dream of being sick on my birthday (fulfilled, 16th birthday!), or my dream of having a laptop (fulfilled, August 2006). But dreams like that are just the cheap whores of the dream world.

So what conclusions do I draw? Well, ...obviously... I don't know. I suppose the first step is to research just what a dream is. And try to find out what it means, psychologically speaking, to have to prove something. Until then, I will be listening to the CD I ordered by Family Force 5. The song that got me to order the CD is on Gotee Record's site. All the music is great (Dec. 2007 note: I am referring to the music on Gotee's site, not the FF5 CD), but if you want to listen to that particular song and don't have time to waste (dude, you're on a computer- get with the program!), click Love Addict.



Song of the Day is Love Addict by Family Force 5 on their Business Up Front, Party In The Back: Diamond Edition, and also their non-diamond edition CD by the same name.

Dec. 2007 update: After reviewing the FF5 CD, it seems non-Christian. Only the last few songs are near Christ-glorifying, and those, if memory serves, were not included in the "non-diamond" edition. Count it as secular music; on top of the lack of Christ-glorifying songs, there is an unpleasant centering on partying, being better that others, pride, and girls.

Homemade (Goat) Soap

Have you ever heard of someone making their own soap? Well, I do it!

Soap is EASY to make... just add some Sodium Hydroxide (lye, harder and harder to get ahold of) to some milk (NOT MILK INTO LYE IT WILL ESPLODE!), then add oil and mix, then add color and a superfatting agent, and scent. Then put it in a mold. Then let it dry.



Well okay, let me techicalize it for you. You won't be making soap unless you're dedicated and smart, and a bit brave. And you will not make soap with the limited information available in this post.



GO OUTSIDE FOR THIS PART, STAND UPWIND, DO NOT BREATH FUMES. Add the sodium hydroxide (caustic soda) to the frosted goats milk (LYE-INTO-MILK OTHERWISE-IT-ESPLODIDS), stir until lye dissolves. Do not leave a stirring stick in it while unattended. Do not...well, don't be stupid! Read up on lye handling.
---Honestly, I hate this part. When I'm measuring the lye part of me is on the ceiling, the other part is on the wall, and my shoes aren't tight enough, it feels as if my elbows are going to pop(what?), and I break out in a cold sweat. I am yet to find out how I produce cold sweat. It would mean a drastic drop in body temperature and, well, you know the rest. The ...you know, I'd die and stuff.

Occasionally I will whimper in terror.


Add your coconut oil, sweet almond oil, avocado oil, olive oil, Castor oil, sesame oil, palm kernel oil, and shea butter to pan dedicated to soap making; I use a 1-gallon, cheapy stainless; you should definitely dedicate a pan to soap making. Melt them together good, then begin letting cool. Good.


Your aim at this point is have the lye mixture and the fat mixture as close to the same temperature as possible, with both lye and fat being within the window of 100-125 degrees. Typically, the fat stays at a pretty stable temperature, so I heat to 120, turn off heat then walk away and tend to the lye. I do not know if the lye can be 'reheated' or not, so I get it right the first time. Whimpering in terror occasionally.


Once they're both in the temperature window of 100-125 degrees, as close together as possible, add the lye mixture into the fats. This part is good to have a stick blender for, as our goal is saponification. omgrofl, "Resistance is futile. You will be saponificated." Oh man, that's WTFBASS, lol. Spell check doesn't know what saponification is. It's all yellow...and not like my normal typos...you know...like WTFBASS. This is a creepy type of typo.

Uhm...so...chances are, neither do you. Saponification is what occurs when lye goes into fat and gets down- one bad apple spoils the bunch, baby! Thus, the oil stops being oil, and the lye stops burning the HELL out of you, and it becomes soap that is mild enough to wash babies' bottoms with! Ah, nature.


During the time it takes for one bad apple to spoil the bunch, you have to stir. This can take an hour by hand, usually less, sometimes more. A Stick Blender gets it done within three minutes if you're any good, and if you suck, within about 15 minutes. Then, you get to trace.


Trace is the point at which the soap thickens a bit into a light custard consistency. Trace is also the name of a hunter in Metroid Prime Hunters but I DON'T HAVE ANY HANDHELD METROID GAMES! WHY GOD, WHY! WHHHHHYYYYYYYYY!!!! AHHHHHAHAHWHHH!11 DAMN ME!!!1 WHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIEY!!11 AHHHHHHHHHHIIIIWHAYYYYIIIiiiii!!!!111 YAAAAAhHHHHHHWAAAAGAKKLAALLOOLAEITE!!!!!11oen

/


So uh, once it reaches trace, you add the superfatting oils. Superfatting means adding fat after you've already added fat. Kinda like burying someone after they buried. Which is typically done with an explosion.

What I mean is...that...soap...is lye and oil. When the lye and oil combine, you get soap. But if there's too much lye, you get acid bars- great for exacting revenge on gnomes, not great for cleaning eyelids. If there's too much oil, you get REALLY oily play dough- on paper, it's a great idea, but in 3D, it isn't that great...as it will kill any children or other such short, hapless fool who happens to ingest it. Pie crust dough makes much better oily play dough.



...actually, that didn't explain it well at all! See, there's a saponification chart-- some dude with NO LIFE found out how much lye it takes to convert tons of different fats (they have differing values), including "mowrah" butter, 'emu' oil (on the off chance someone exists who knows what the hell that is), goat fat, soy wax, and kukui butter (so they don't exclude anyone who juices, boils, or picks kukui's's- whatever a damn kukui is). Okay, a kukui is a "candlenut." Yes, when I want to make soap, I reach for a sparkling, pristine candlenut! Oh, how many ways can you be used, oh mighty candle nut. Yes, they say beauty is only skin deep, but you make me consider, candlenut. Your splendor shall last unto the ages.


Yeah no.

Example, it takes 11.2 ounces of lye to turn four pounds of coconut oil into soap. But it would take 9.2 ounces to turn four pounds of olive oil into soap. If you put 11 ounces in four pounds of olive oil, you have laundry soap unsuitable for human use. Great for ogres and trolls.

On the other hand, if you put 9.2 ounces of lye in four pounds of coconut oil, the bar won't clean very well. I have experienced both kinds, and my eyelids have finicked on both versions, strangely enough.

The key is that you add the oil after trace- stuff added after trace isn't saponified. So this 32 ounces of olive oil, 16 ounces of coconut oil, and 16 ounces of palm kernel oil get saponified. But you add this really nice stuff, avocado oil, after they're lyitized. The avocado oil rubs off directly to your skin, as it was not turned into soap. You can put honey at this point, too. I did, in fact. Honey attracts moisture, and avocado oil is ...come on, it's avocado oil. Any oil will work for superfatting.

To wit, you put more lye, so it leaves less excess oil. You need this excess oil, in fact, since you put a bit more lye, you need more of this excess oil. So you superfat it with a REALLY GREAT oil, like avocado. So, instead of having olive, coconut and kernel oil on your skin, you have avocado...if you added the avocado with the other oils, there would be 5% competing with the other 95% of the oils which aren't so awesome.


Get it? Oh well too bad! At trace is also when you add any colorants. Or vitamin E, I think you can add that too. Rose hips or ground roses. Nutmeg and canned pumpkin. Pwnage. Then you add it to a mold, wrap it in plastic wrap (or whatever you line your mold with) so you don't ruin your towel, and wrap the soap in the towel to insulate it. A coat or something will work too. This keeps it warm for the saponification process to complete.



This soap, I don't know if it's that it's homemade or the goat milk, but people who have sensitive skin love it. This stuff can really turn a profit, too! I've seen it sell out in bars. $5 for a 4-ounce bar of soap. Then again, I've sold rocks to decorative granite retailers while they were drunk, so...but anyways, it makes your skin so ...skinly.




I use, and just love the soap-mold-lining instructions at Raindance Soaps. I tried it today. It's like...well...I won't use that as an example...it's like the river dance or something. Something awesome. And beautiful. I want my grave lined that way!

I use the lye calculator at Majestic Mountain Sage, and MMS is also where I order most of my oils from. And my supplies. Colorants and stuff, gloves, pH test strips...oh, and essential and fragrance oils! And stirring sticks, and...well you get the idea. They also give percentage recommendations on most oils they carry.

More on oil properties: Soapnuts Oil Characteristics Chart, Colebrothers Oil Characteristics Chart (this one explains what they do in, like lather or bar hardness), I use The Pigment Lady's colorant instructions because, well, her site is more awesome than the DK Rap.

And Teach Soap for, well, their name explains it all. Neat site, really it's what got me into soap making in the first place. Soap can be made easier without using the goats milk...in fact, I will try that sometime. If you consider soap making, read and reread this site first. Plan and replan, and plan again. Then plan while you're doing it. Good luck, you poor fool.




Song of the Day is...the DK Rap, by, I guess, Rare, developers of Donkey Kong 64. I loved this game, but I am turned off by the simplistic HP system. I mean I'm not usually one for things like that, but it just bothers me...for example, I couldn't get interested in Banjo Kazooie because it has the same system...weird, huh? I heard a rumor some people don't like the DK Rap. They're called morons.

Chicken Fried Steak, or as we call it in Thirteenland,

"Chicken-fried #13."



We call our cow #13. Called. Well, we still call her dead, rotting flesh #13. Because it's like, her number was 355, so we added them together, so instead of "thriftyfiftyfifty" as a nickname, we have "numberthirteen." Thanks alot, parents. Thanks alot.


So anyways, I've made this recipe of Chicken Fried Steak before. I just never made it with homegrown cow meat (this round steak is the WTFBASS'03 Tour, baby!). I made it before whilst my parents were doing some work. It was raining. Oh, it was raining. I...it...okay...let's just leave it...leave it at that...


Our truck they were driving got stuck. So did the guy they were working with (he was installing the air conditioner). There are pictures. Hold on, let me see if I can pirate them from my Mom's blog.

Heheheheh, those suckers at Gotee Records. I'm listening to their music on their main page. Suckers!


Okay, she did blog about it HERE IS THE LINK FOOLISH MORTAL! At the right is the picture of the air conditioner guys' van stuck. The place they were at has MOON DUST dirt. It is SO easy to dig. And your car will literally start sinking if you don't keep moving. So when it rains...well...if you will sink when it's dry...just imagine. There is gravel in the driveway so that's your 'safe' area to park.


I use Alton Brown's Chicken Fried Steak recipe. I remember it was a bit tough (the recipe). I think I was working under the clock though, and I had a semi-messy kitchen. Not today.


I will be making soap sometime...oh, goodness me, I will be making soap sometime.

I didn't put enough salt, and it needed more pepper. I never put enough salt when I can't see the salt sprinkling. We're running out of Kosher salt, so I couldn't justify using that...the meat was good and tender though. Thank you #13.


I also made my favorite black-eye peas! I put them single-layer on a plate, and cook in lower rack of toaster oven for 20-30 minutes (until they're kinda tough to chew, and lose their 'nutty' flavor), then when they're good and dry I add some butter and stir. You can NOT make these kind of dry-tough black-eye peas unless they're frozen...canned just doesn't work right. Doesn't dry out well enough.

Some people claim I'm an idiot. "How can you chew that stuff Kev? It'd be better if they were dried like beans!", but I don't listen. I know I love these, I don't care what they say! The FREAKS!

Kev the Destroyer: Kitchen

Well it's been 2 long weeks since the Kitchen laid its mess at Kev's feet
And it burned inside its cupboards the way it suffered that defeat
In the darkest of its bowels the Kitchen hatched an evil plan
To tempt Destroyer's brother for he's just a mortal man
"His brothers hunger," the Kitchen cried is what will do Kev in
"I thought we had this settled, why're you dirty again?"





Welcome the 'Things I Like' tag!
Man. There's this Asian chick on GOD TV (this channel seems like it pwns!), and she's PSYCHO. I mean, like, just her style of preaching is psycho, but not in a bad way. She seems pretty sharp, unless she uses the same routine every time...

I like her pants. They're awesome. Kinda like, I think cargo pants, but they're not as loose as cargo pants. Halfway between cargo pants and jeans, with jeanlike pockets (5 pockets instead of 50), and an elastic band at the bottom of the pant leg, and they go 1/3rd down her calves.


A few hours later, I continue writing, and now Joyce Meyers is on. Eww.


Me and my Mom had a fight (not so much a fight, but an 'argument'). She says I'm turning into a jerk, I used to be a nice person, etc. etc. Blah blah blah on and on!


...me and my parents have an arrangement, any time I have to cook dinner while they're gone, I make $20 (seeing's how dinner takes some hours, then usually the rest I am 'watching' Matt). So today I made $20, and made some more money earlier this week. I haven't yet decided what to spend it on. I already donated $40.00 to Les Feldick, and I am considering getting a BB gun (Blowgun isn't that accurate up to 200 feet I guess?!), and I need a curtain. I should at LEAST pay for the materials (thanks for agreeing to make it Mom!). I want it big, and bordered and held up by Velcro- that way I can completely remove it when it rains.

Also, for some strange reason, I don't want an LCD TV anymore. Oh... wait... maybe it's because the use for a computer screen and for a video game screen is moot because I can't use either.


Now onto the subject of this post!

Today I realized the kitchen is a mess. Not good. It took me three hours to get to the point where I could begin washing dishes. It wasn't as bad as it was last kitchen post, but it was pretty bad. I got the sanitizer and off I went...I threw an entire garbage bag of pans out. And a crock pot. The only thing I could justify saving for a Goodwill was an electric (plug in) ice cream scoop.


I used two cups of sanitizer. Sprayed from a spray bottle. I love this stuff! It seems to loosen grime better than normal water. Joyce Meyers is off now. It's Battlecry. This channel seems to be geared towards radical, cool teenagers, of which I am one! This appeals to me, most definitely! LET'S GET READY FOR BATTLECRY!

Oh my gosh! It's so dark! Now some lights. Humming. More humming. RED FLAGS OMGWTF NAZISOVIERT DUUDE OH NO IT'S AN INVASION OH NOES NOW THERE ARE RED DANCING BALLOONS!!!!!11111 GOD HELP US, THEY'RE COMING TOWARDS THE CAMERA! OH NO! OH NOOOO! THEY'RE AIMING THE RED FLAG OF DEATH CANNON!!!!!

Now some teenagers are screaming for mercy! I think, but all I can hear is cheering! OH NO THEY'RE DANCIGN IN A CIRCLE

NOW THEY'RE SUMMONING A DEMONprobably! NOE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ALL THOSE CHRISTIANS! THE MUSIC IS OH NO IT'S GETTING LOUADER!

Okay, the glags OH MY GOSH


They're doing kicks!
Now they PUNCHED THE GROUND CAUSING VOLCANOES TO ERUPT THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY KILLING BILLIONS!!!!1one OH NOOOOO

THeY'RE

OH NO THEY GOT THEIR FLAGS AGAIN OH NO

They're.... CASTING AN DEMON SPELL!


NOW THEY'RE CIRCLE DANCING AGAIN! OH NO! All right! They're retreating! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU DOPPELGANGER WANWAIRS!

OH NO THEY JUST SHOT SOKME KINDA OF


OH NO A GIANT RED FLAG! AND THEY HAVE SOMEONE CAPTURED! HANGING IN FRONT OF IT!

OH NO NOW SHE'S UPSIDE DOWN! wow is she a pole dancer or what? THEY'RE NOW BOWING TO HER! SHE'S THEIR QUEEN!!!!! THE RED QUEEN OMGWTFWarp


There they go! They're going to eat the audience memebers!!!

SHE'S GIVING ORDERS BY THE TWIRLING IN THE AIR SHE'S DOING! Pointing out targets!

OH MY GOSH THERE GOES A RADICAL SOVIET CHaNT!!!! She's .. ON THE GROUND RUN OGM!!!!!11111


It' OH NO THEY JUST BLEW THE WHOLE PLACE TO SMITHEREENS!!!!!11 A NUCLEAR BOMB DOOOD


NOOO! IT'S THEIR VICE-PREMIER, VLADIMIR SUKOWA! He is demanding they ................oh...........................

oh...no wait, he's a preacher. Ohkay. That makes sense, 'cause they didn't look particularly evil...


So uh...yeah, I cleaned the kitchen. Then I made Salmon, baked with butter, and some rice and green beans. Then I made a sour-cream, horseradish-caper dip. It needed more capers. Like a fancy tartare sauce I tried unsuccessfully to invent...I will try it again, maybe with beef though. Yeah...I'll make it with beef!

So anyways, I am tired. I am going to read this thing about the human skull then go to sleep. I'm gonna study one body part at a time until I read about all the body parts, then I'm moving on to how they uhh...operate. And go into detail, from skull to eye/ear/nose/mouth. Pretty soon, I'll rule the world! People will come to me and be like, "Hey Kev, how many eyes does a skull have?" and I'll be like, "two dude." And they'll be like, "wooow, you're s'cool kev!"



No Song of the Day. Not listening to enough songs to have one...because I'm listening to KLove, and I rarely post SOTD's for songs I don't own. I try not to at least...