Animals and Trouble

Edited and updated, April 22nd, 2007, 9:30 PM.



Well, it all started two days ago, when we got back from, most likely, a day of hardcore, rockstar-style partying. We're just bad like that. ...maybe.

Aaand, there was a cow in the turkey pen.

A cow in the turkey pen is like...

A car in a convenience store.





A storm cloud on the moon. Picture at right.




Or an axe murderer locked in a highschool or college with a group of teenagers.

Some daisies. On fire.

A 3-y/o girl (loosely) holding the leash of a 200 pound Rottweiler, looking the other way, and you're a mailman.





Anyways, again, I saw the cow in the turkey pen, now that you understand the severity of that. The turkeys had escaped. Not only that, but the cows were taking advantage of some unguarded turkey food. Between two cows they ate about 38 pounds of feed. They are starting to gobble, but nothing serious.

Soo, I then saw the turkey. I'll do you a favor, I won't describe it for you. Let's just put it this way: It was alone, for hours, with five dogs. That font might make it look like fwe dogs, fwe isn't a word if I recall correctly. I meant 5. Five.

Now, to finish the picture your brain is painting, it was still alive.

We have three turkeys, they were all in this condition. So, I got the axe and a chopping block (cough2x6cough) and got to work. Well, I lost my courage. I found it today though-- I left it under my pillow, as always. Pff, shoulda looked there. Anyways, after we discovered that was too bloody (did you know that blood can coagulate at 300 miles per hour?). We got the gun, and went on a scavenger hunt. There was a turkey hiding for all it was worth in a pile of tarp. It...was better than TurkeyOne.

I drug TurkeyTwo out of the tarp, then she stood up, and I blindfolded her, then lit a cigarette for her. Just so you know, I mean, so you're better informed, turkeys do not have lips, and can't smoke too well. She tried.

Anyways, I shot her against a stack of hay, then my mom found the other one collapsed in a heap in a small tunnel.


Is it true that you get 25 years in prison for having a silencer on a handgun? Just curious. I wouldn't know where to get a silencer, and definitely did not make one out of PVC and jello. And nail polish brush ends.


I drug it out, and talked down on it a bit (it was always comforted by me talking about how it's better dead to us than alive), and then shot it. So that was over. Well, we buried them. Three feet down. Then it was over, and I went to sleep. Well, after sanitizing the phone. And taking a shower.

I was waiting for a phone call from my imprisoned father, and it never came.



I woke up the next day, and I feel like I got yelled at, but I think it was a dream. In which there was a scorpion on a broom...I need to like, study the art of dreaming.

Remind me to work the word 'totally' into conversations more...you know, not like "Totally!!!!1111lololol" but more Goombella's type of usage. Anyways, I discovered that the phone had no tone. So that's why the phonecall never came. Anyways, on and on, then I fixed the cows' ability to get into the turkey pen. For an hour. They broke through that evening. They really like that turkey food.


So today a dude showed up from Qwest, and fixed the phone. It was a burnt cord. I think.




The Kevpire Strikes Back is one of my favorite phrases. Kevpire. It just works...so I went out for a second round on that turkey pen, this time with a hammer clip. Awww-yeah. And a nail pouch. Oh, and a hammer! And for some reason, a chisel. I have weird tastes.

I got two 4-foot 4x6 posts, and buried them about 1.5 feet in the ground. That should hold the plywood up. Only thing is, a cow slipped by, and escaped. Then another cow jumped over their corral fence. So I let the last one out (it was running around like a scared horny-toad), and they all had fun chasing the dogs. They loves them some dog chasing.

So I got five 12-foot 2x4's and put them along the top of their corral, along with some 8-footers. The posts, railrood ties, are 6 foot high. There were 2x4 rails up to 3.7 feet, and now they're up to about 5 feet. No jumping over that. I also reinforced all the other rails. And I put plywood and pallets in the turkey pen. But the challenge now is getting the cows back into the corral.

This all started about 9:45 AM, and ended about, oh, 1:15 PM. I am hungry. The cows really confounded me. I got two in, 13 and Black, but Brown eluded me long enough for the other two to escape. They choose freedom in the stead of grain...anyways, I let them cool down a while whilst me and Napoleon brain-stormed a strategy. He may be short, but you know what they say: The shorter you are, the harder you fall.


So I said a prayer, and then I came up with the idea of using the Truck (1989 Ford F150) to extend their gate. So they had a 22 foot gate to deal with, instead of the 6 foot gate, and there was no getting around that. Because, well, I had a 10-foot pitchfork and time to react.

They're all back in now, it was raining for the last hour of the work. I am still cold, and it has been two hours. I am shivering, in fact. It was raining gooed.

I think the Truck appreciated the rain. Less turkeys means less feeding. Goodness, I do so hope that I don't accidentally forget to lock the Chicken pen. Oh me, oh my. That would be 'horrible'.

Did I lock it yesterday? Omeomi.

Making slight progress on backstory of TA. I must scribble a timeline on my wall. make a timeline in-general.


Song of the day is Phenomenon. By TobyMac. I think I'm gonna rip all the CDs to my laptop tonight, then make a sort of playlist tomorrow. I'll get to hear The Slam right after What If...


You know what I like? I like the idea of 700 MBs of a game on a CD. It's just so ...uhh...well, I like Red Alert 2, alright? And that doesn't mean I'm gay!


DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO! OH MY GOSH SPACE PIRATES! RUN LIKE YOU'RE A DISEASE-RIDDEN, LEGLESS ZOMBIE!


...do the Bad-guy Bunga!
yeah!