On Billy Mays and Brooklyn (the Goat)

I've gotta tell you something, Here is the festering, maggot-infested tag of Things I Hate I don't like Billy Mays. You know, the Oxyclean dude. What a jerk. "OXYCLEAN BUY NOW!" and we all know it doesn't work. And I hate his voice. It's "kinda like nails on chalkboard," if you know what I mean. I just quoted the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie. But, of course you know what I mean! You're my friend. Understander, that's what you are (article contains coarse language). [Link removed due to language. Just go watch this video on my mom's blog, at the bottom of the post.]


That [the article I removed the link to due to coarse language] was written by a goat, and I can wholeheartedly say that that's an accurate depiction of goatness. Except goats curse more and say "GIVE ME THE FOOD!" a lot more. And make silent death threats until you give them the grain. Then attempt to carry them out. They deliver the milk though, and sometimes that's all that keeps them off of the chopping block. Correction, that is all that keeps them off the chopping block.

We had a goat named Brooke (Brooklyn). She was a dairy goat. A heavy dairy goat.



I had such a hard time finding a picture of Brooke that didn't make her look like Eeyore...she acted just like Eeyore.

Anyways, she always had trouble birthing.

The first time, all her babies (three) died because our then-'herd queen,' Dallas, headbutted her a week or two before she was to give birth.

Then the second time, I believe she just plain aborted (two, I believe).

The third time, she had birthing problems, but delivered 3 breathing doelings. Then she died of a mineral deficiency and left them orphaned, and we had to bottle feed them with milk from the other goats. She was a great actor, let me tell you. Her mere stubbornness made it so. The slow way she thought about things, like an idiot. It showed on the camera so blazingly.

She was the herd queen's right hand goat, blindly loyal. She was our (me and my dad's) favorite. That silly goat won our hearts with stupidity...what happened, was when her hornbuds were burned off (with an iron; that's how you keep them from growing horns) by her previous owner, it went a bit close to her brain, and it got cooked a little.

I'm not kidding.

Brain damage.

Update 8/23/07: Her babies are just as obtuse as she was. They're getting dumber by the day, and it looks like they are going to end up as slow-minded, clueless, idiotic- and moronic- as she was. Thus I conclude that the brain damage story is inaccurate, and she was really that stupid.


Anyways, she was a good goat, but she was stubborn and stupid, and my mom had a lot of trouble getting her "up, up, up on the milkin' stand." About this time is when my Mom would have shot her, had she had a gun in hand.


And now, you know what? We sold one of her birth of three, and have two left, and they seem just like her. So I guess I was wrong- it wasn't the iron- she really was that stupid.

It's genetic.

God help us.
More tomorrow.