Almost as if my Brother could read my blog (he has downsyndrome; he's smart for having it, hasn't learned to read yet though), he has made a mess in the kitchen.
Not a normal mess, though.
By 'not a normal,' I mean not extraordinary, but rather, unconventional.
Apparently, it seems, he didn't have a bowl. So this time what he did was he used my precious...beloved...innocent...9 x 13 Pyrex pan. He used Cleery. Cleery is spelled with two e's because Greany, the green-tinted-see-through Pyrex pan, doesn't like his name spelled with two e's. Cleery is clear and see through, like a glass.
Cleery's been AWOL for two days now...
Today I discovered Cleery...on the counter......with stuck on...dare I say it...SUNBURNT-ON NOODLE VOMIT!
Oh my gosh! d00d1 To my shock, my brother has moved on to more elaborate messes. He's like one of those people who carve swans out of giant blocks of ice!
You see, you can't soak these pans. You have to run them under water. What you do is run water over them every 2-3 minutes, and it simulates the 'soaking' process. If you're lucky it won't take too long...it goes faster if you whisper sweet nothings to them.
For some reason, I will make sure to ask God when I see Him and report back if He has DSL, he ate out of Cleery. Why is this so strange? Well, he NEVER eats out of the pan. I don't eat out of pans, either, granted- but I don't have the pan filled to within 1/2" of the top, so it's a bit inconvenient for me.
So he ate out of Cleery then left him to die on his bedroom floor. I have a suspicion that, for some reason, he left him in the sun, and moved him along the floor as the sun's 'shadow' moved, effectively sun-drying the mess. To what end, I do not know. Maybe he was hoping it would turn into gold. Or maybe he was hoping a fairy would pop out and he could make a wish.
Mayhaps he thought it would turn into an ice-cream sundae, or a box of baking soda. A snake-infested pit, or a book on all things, of all things, pink. It's unclear just what his intentions were, but this much I now know.
*goes into the kitchen, and makes a speech to the various pans and pots. Opens the refridgerators and freezers so all will hear*:
Kev: You all listen! And understand! Matt is out there. He can't be bargained with! He can't be reasoned with! He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dirty!
Pan: What will we do?
Kev: Nothing! You are an inanimate object!
Bowl (yelling from top of 'fridge): How will we survive?
Kev: You can't! Not on your own!
Pot: Then will you help us?
Kev: Yes! I have a plan! I will throw out all of the reasons for my Brother to cook and eat out of you!
Noodles (yelled from pantry): Don't like where this is going!
Kev: I WILL THROW OUT...THE NOODLES!
Noodles (yelled from pantry): NOOO! Dude! That's unfair!
Kev: UNFAIR is having to live in a rat-infested, bleeding ice-swan infested bleeding hellhole, from which there is no escape EVER!
(awkward pause; Kev exits kitchen)
Anyways, I figure it will take a few days for the noodles to hydrate so the chickens can eat them.
In other news...
I'm still dreaming of the day I can use that one joke...
Imagine, in a grocery store, you're walking along, then your buddy says "Woah! DUDE! Look at the silicon on that rack!"
Your first thought is going to be, well, of course...silicon bakeware on a store shelf. What?! See, thus is the brilliance of the joke. You know, the words 'silicon' and 'rack.' Bakeware on a shelf. Get it? It's so clever. Then of course before the person can react, you have to rush over there.
TobyMac's CD, Momentum, got here yesterday. I did not know TobyMac used to suck. I mean, I thought he kinda always rocked. He was more into his racist songs back in '01, apparently.
Seriously though, I don't know if he's talking bad about black people or white people. I mean...maybe...something about something...maybe both? Next post up has a recipe for Salsa!
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