TWTTWTW #1: Bible Study Aborted: Montana Avalanched

Yes, welcome to my update post, the series of which is called TWTTWTW, for Those Were The Three Weeks That Were (or That Was The Three Weeks That Were, whichever you prefer). Because I took a break from March 3rd to March 22nd, I need to cover everything that happened. For my notes, yesterday we received a squeeze load of hay.


Alright, here's how it goes. I'll do like this:

Wednesday, March 5th; 3 days in.
On this day I went to Bible study, like I usually do on Wednesday nights. As I turned into the lot, I gave my mom a call. "Hey Kev, Pastor tried to call you; there's no church tonight!" "What?! No church tonight?!" "Yeah! No church tonight! Call him." "OK."

Turns out, my cellphone was not receiving calls. I hate cheap kit. It makes me sick sometimes. Sure enough, I had a voicemail. "KEV, THIS IS PASTOR...UH, NO CHURCH TONIGHT, I'M SORRY, I FAILED!" (His voice is always in caps in voicemail for some reason.)

So I hopped onto the freeway looking over the most likely route he took. Then I abandoned mission, because I would probably embarrass him more than I would comfort him. I gave him a call. "Hey, Kev!" he said. "Hi Pastor! I heard that your car exploded in a flaming explosion of death!" "Nope, but we'll have to practice for our Manmanet next week." "OK. I'll go back to the church and hang out in case anyone shows up you couldn't reach." "OK, good idea, Kev."

As I pulled into the parking lot the second time, I pulled in behind none other than Don Horsegoggles! I opened the window. "Hey, did you hear? No church tonight. Pastor broke down." I went to park. When I approached, Don Feldick looked concerned. "Is he alright?" he asked. "Yeah, I think his engine block pulled a Red Sea, if you know what I mean." "Oh! You mean, his car broke down!" he said, relieved. (Actually, the fuel filter exploded, his engine block didn't split. Pastor's van is a Montana, and it got "Avalanched." Cute, isn't it.)

"Yeah. What did you think, he got a piano dropped on him?" "Uh, no, but I didn't know what to think. I was actually thinking, 'Wow, we take this guy for granted.'" "Yeah, I think we take him for granted, too. Well, you do at least. Me, I'm his float-hand man."

He just looked at me. "What do you mean by float-hand man?" he asked. "...well, you know, I'm not his right nor left hand, but I serve as support. You know, I'm like that dude who got into William Wallace's camp and near him with a weapon, then turned out to be an unspoken support man for him. Like a left-left or right-right hand man." "...who's William Wallace?" "No one important."

About that time, Mr. and Mrs. Bruckner pulled up to assist us in waiting. My mom says that seeing me and Mr. Bruckner interact reminds her of Dennis the Menace. I guess Dennis worked well with his church hymn leader? I am not a fan, so I'm not sure. I didn't even know the kid went to church.

Once we were sure no one else would show up, me and Don "Feldick" Horsegoggles went to Denny's. I decided to try the Super Bird sandwich. One word: don't try it. It's an OK premise, but the meat that they put on it is...not that good considering that it costs about the same as a hamburger. I guess hamburger must be cheaper than turkey. Compared to The Completely Awesome Reuben Sandwich Which Defies Physics I had in California, this was like kissing someone who smokes. Who had been dead for a month and a half.

Not that I know what that's like- I don't even know what it's like to see a dead body- but I assume it would be pretty unnerving, much like the sandwich. My mom still likes it, though.



Me and Don, though, we talked about everything. Our hopes, our dreams, our aspirations, our families, why motorcycles are fun (I bet it would look so cool for Samus Aran to be flying across the ground like Evel Knievel after a crash...wait, morph ball! AWESOME!) but it's not good to give kids excuses to ride them, how Hollywood is horrible (I mentioned that that's probably why I like video games), and he suggested I watch a movie called Forbidden Planet. He said he'd burn me a copy of it. He's the church pirate. I think he keeps a bunch of movies on his laptop hard drive and burns people copies out of the back of his Solara on weekends. How else could he afford to wear a T-shirt in dead Winter? Go Don!

On the way out, I hit the claw machine (see the comments for the link). Me and Don talked for about an hour and a half. I guess we basically spent the time we would have in Bible study talking.


I like Caedmon's Call...the guitar sounds real nice. It's got a messy sound to it.

It's a weird style of music, though.