What To Do When Protein Isn't Enough

I may have to apologize for this post. My mind is out of it. I can't think straight. I can't operate sufficiently. I am unable to determine whether or not material is inappropriate or grammatically correct with any amount of certainty. I think I have been poisoned.



So, have you ever been a woman? And you're like, "Oh, my bones. My children have taken all of my calcium whilst they were greedily developing in my womb. I am going to die. Uh-huuuuuurg, blegh. I am dead now."?

Well, I have a solution. Here's your normal Breakfast of Champions:

Eww. Sorry, nobody actually eats their eggs like that. That's just sick.

There we go. Much better! I don't know what kind of person eats their eggs whole without blending them. A weird person, that's who. But still...what do you do when protein isn't enough? Such as an woman who produces offspring which devour her precious nutrient reserves during gestation, leaving her calcium-deprived bones crumbling? What do they do?

Well, you know that these are chock-full of calcium, right?


Yeah! But the problem is, they're so hard to eat like this. But think about it: the egg contents are hard to eat whole, too! So of course it follows that the shells are the same! I can't believe I'm like, the first person to figure this out! OK...

First, get your eggs in your blender. Then blend them!


Mmm-mm. Don't be surprised if half the house wakes up because of what I assume to be the wonderful smell of calcium-enriched Breakfast of Champions! Although it doesn't really have a smell. So I don't know, maybe it's just some cosmic allure that wakes them up when I make calcium-enriched BoC, some instinct that tells them: Woo! A perfect breakfast awaits!

Now, scrape all the calcium into your glass, like so...

And add a straw!


To all the midwives and calcium deprived out there, you're welcome.


Tune in next week when I reveal the secret of calcium-rich omelettes. You won't believe it.