Time to make the Taffy

Remember when I first mentioned making taffy in passing in this post? That was actually one of the first times I'd ever made taffy. And I haven't made much since. I'm by far no pro. That sounds grammatically choppy, but I'll go with it.


Regardless. For some reason, I decided it was time to make some again. Maybe it's because tomorrow is the first day of Fall (according to the ever-authoritative Spiderman 3 calender my mom uses), or maybe it's because in two days it's time again for my Metroid Prime 2: Echoes birthday run. Yeah, that's definitely it. It's the...it's the brooding instincts.


OK, get your liquid glycerin. This stuff is...sigh...yes, it's the bomb. There, I said it, I hope you're just giggling yourself into a coma.

Now get your vodka. I mean vanilla. I totally meant vanilla.


Yeah...do I use the new stuff...or the old stuff? How many batches were made? I forget. But I'll use the old stuff. I guess it's so old that it didn't need a year designation. Which means it's really old...and I call this Vanillae Taffy. Vanilla just won't describe it. It's almost poisonous. I don't give this to humans, only to animals that I want to die. Oh...I might need to qualify that for legal reasons. Ahahahaha, I'm joking.

There. Boy, I'm feeling dry tonight.


Now add your water, corn syrup, sugar (I got the specialized C&H out), and salt.

One of my worst recurring waking nightmares- I hope that describes them sufficiently- is to accidentally set the thermometer to Celsius and boil it until it's, um, dead. So, cook it until it's done. Then pour it onto a pan to cool a bit before stretching.

There. It's cool enough. I suggest wearing gloves for a few reasons. That I don't need to go into. Let's just go with one reason: They totally keep your hands from burning too badly. Not that they'll help. But I don't want to go into the other reasons. Not this close to Midnight, at least. Now get to stretching.


Hey! We're done! That was quick.


Muahahaha...now is our time, Taffy Army...yes, follow me, your beloved, fearless general-leader...heh heh heh heh heh heh.





Nobody tell them.