Eragon

My oh my.

You know it isn't gonna be good when I begin with the words, "My oh my."


I watched Eragon on the 27th (to be fair, several times since). I really liked the movie, but there were some big problems. To begin with, the main protagonist, Eragon, reminds me too much of the main protagonist in A Knight's Tale, Sir Ulrich von Liechtenstein/William Thatcher. They both have the same hair, and they both sound almost -exactly- the same. They also both make the same expressions. They seem to dress alike. Why don't they just get a room already?


On the plus side, the dragon, Saphira (a chick dragon), looked awesome. I didn't know they were this advanced with their, CGI, or CJayC's, or what-not. The dragon's voice had a chance, as the voice actor seemed skilled enough, to be really awesome. However, only some of her lines sounded very good. I don't quite know why that is. It seems, as it's telepathic, that her voice needs to be a bit monotonic. Maybe the VA was sick a few days or something, thus the awesome lines?


There was a SEVERE, HORRIFYINGLY SORRY SENSE OF TIME PASSAGE. It's five days journey to this one place...and you just can't tell it's been five days. They did HORRIBLE in the sense of time passage. HORRIFYINGLY, the King's armies somehow amass outside the rebellions' fortress ABOUT TEN MINUTES AFTER THE ORDER IS RECEIVED TO GO.

It would be totally fine if the King's #2 man, a Shade, which they take the time to explain is a sorcerer, warped them there. If they can take the time to explain a Shade is a sorcerer, they could take the time to confirm that warping...or if it was 5 days walk, and like 10 minutes by horse.


There is a scene where Saphira says "there was never a horse born which could outrun a dragon" (obviously). However, she continually gets outran by horses- and not while she's freshly hatched (weak). I also feel Saphira has waaaay too much "personality."

There is a scene where these things, zombie-assassins (Ra-zac's's's'ssss), dripping with bugs (wow! Just like those things in the Lord of the Rings?!) almost catch Eragon. He ducks under something, and the zombie-assassin jumps on top of it. Eragon proceeds to have bugs dripped on him, much like, I don't know, the Lord of the Rings. Wowzers, Bowser. Go Go Gadget cut & paste.


Meanwhile, the female protagonist, Princess - yes, princess- is an elf named Arya. She was not presented as an Elf, just a wiggy human princess- I didn't know until I read, that she was an elf. As we all know, elf + princess = Zelda with absolutely no exceptions, so this movie copies Zelda completely and totally. Her ears were not pointed.


The final battle was AMAZINGLY LAME. I am totally, and completely, in awe at the scriptwriters, or directors, or whoever's moronic idea it was to put those lines in there. "Into the sky, to win... OR DIE !!!" Oh my gosh. I mean. Wow. There's being nitpicky, but then there's the pattern of ULTRA LAME lines during this final battle, which CANNOT be denied. WHO could these lines possibly appeal to?


The movie receives heavy criticism (rightly deserved) for being too much like Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. Because it's set in LOTR's time, but has a very similar story to Star Wars. He is a farmboy (Luke was a farmboy). His uncle died, freeing him to follow his destiny (Luke). Then he met his mentor (Obi wan). Then he escaped the area before the troops could get him. And that's just the first five minutes.

Less people will pick up on this and it's less widely reported, but the author copies Anne McCaffrey's Pern novels (that's E as in "everyone," not O as in "that'd spell Porn lol"), as far as the dragons bonding with a certain person and talking telepathically. The first Pern novel was published in like, the 60's. I do not know how extensively he copies her; it probably goes on and on.


I like how the princess acts; however, I also dislike how the princess acts. I think I liked her more when she was dying, and disliked her more when she got healed. Her clothes seem to mysteriously change from some sort of REALLY uncomfortable looking thing, to a really comfortable looking fabric which I am sure didn't exist back then. She doesn't make extensive use of her elven magic.


I didn't like the fighting (you don't let a bigger army past your only choke-point!). I did like the fire-breathing. It seems that the only thing this movie didn't copy was the "jumping-into-levels, non-linear" style of Super Mario 64. Owww, BURN.

The movie does have some redeeming qualities, and I do like it, but it's too short. Another half hour even would have done wonders, though nothing can do away with the copying.


On a scale of 1 to 10, I give this a 7.3 if you like fantasy adventures, and a 5.3 if you won't forgive the plot holes, and label it worth watching. My only problem now is deciding if I want to play Super Mario 64 on the DS or N64. I am thinking N64...