The King Kooker

Edited and updated Sunday, July 1st, 2007.




Well, I've been wanting a turkey cooker for a while now.

Actually, let me specify. I've been wanting a turkey cooker burner. Speaking of "burnt out," I feel burnt out. Tired, and my eyes burn. I got up too early.


We use cast iron. Boy, do we use cast iron. In fact, every skillet we use is cast iron (uhm, only 2 of them I guess). Not cast iron pots, though I may wish desperately for the rest of my days. We have stainless steel pots.

Anyway, today I'm making stir-fry. I remember back to an episode of Good Eats, where he makes a stir fry using a turkey burner, as it's the only thing which can get to those high temperatures, I think it was. Edit: It does not work very well unless you're making a very small amount.

Also, I want to season our cast iron, as it needs to be seasoned. The only way to do this (the method I want to try, at least) is with something that can get that hot, such as a turkey-fryer-burner. So thus far I have two reasons to get a burner.


Also, I can be a turkey and fry a turkey. All these reasons combined, I find occasion to buy a burner/fryer! So I called up my folks and said, "Hey, keep your eyes out for a turkey burner, yeah?" and they were like, "What's a turkey burner?", in a "i herd u liek mudkipz" fashion. "Is this true or are you making it up?" they collectively asked. Hah hah hah. I also pulled this on each of them earlier in the week too. At that point I just, point blank asked them if they liked Mudkips. That's what they get for messing with the great, the fantabulous, KEVINSKY!

In hindsight, however, I don't believe they were in fact "messing" with me. Oh well. They were asking for it.

In hindsight, however, I don't believe they were in fact "asking" for it, either. Oh well. They deserved it.


Okay, seriously though, they got a burner, called the King Kooker, for $80. It comes with a 30-quart pot. Big WHAP. I know it says online only, but I guess they made an exception for me.
Then they got a wok of high-carbon steel, as I learned was good from watching Cookin' in Brooklyn with host Alan Hardy. I certainly am developing a small repertoire of knowledge. We went through a stir-fry drought when my Dad went to jail, and hopefully we'll remedy this.

I'll mention later how it (snickering) "WOKED OUT!" AHAaaaaahahh oh man, I CAME UP WITH THAT INSTANTLY! That was GREAT LOL! (wipes tear from eye)

Edit: It didn't "wok" out too well! The wok has a flat bottom, so it works on our stove element. The king kooker burner does not concentrate heat properly, or, I guess, something sinister as that.