Monday, July 16, 2007

The Goat Exodus

My Dad named one of our goats, one of Lightning's babies, Mozelle. Mozelle is a feminine form of Moses.

Thus, it only makes sense that she lead a goat exodus. Lightning's other baby, named Zoe (zoey), played the role of Aaron. Today I got up to discover the exodus in progress. It was my job to stop the exodus.

I am the evil emperor. I am...the Destroyer.


Here she is. She is the one with the red collar, leading.

"Come now, goats! Follow me! I know exactly where we're going! BAAH!"

"Oh well okay alright I don't see the harm in following someone who knows where they're going bah baahah lead us to the grain!"

Then I got closer.

"Oh no it's the Destroyer run! OVER HERE I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING! I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING"

(distant) "OK ROUND THAT CORNER AND THE GROUND WILL SWALLOW UP THE DESTROYER!!!"


"Any time now god! Have faith fellow goats! Be of good cheer contraband souls! Our god Grainith will swallow up the destroyer into the bowels of Goat Hell!"

"BACK THIS WAY RUN FASTER AND THE GROUND WILL SWALLOW HIM UP WITH LIGHTNING BOLTS FROM THE GRAIN BIN IN THE SKY"


I chased them around a good bit. One goat, Zoe's baby Roasten, actually jumped onto the barn, off of the barn, and into the goat pen. Like Mario's wall jump in Super Mario 64, or Samus Aran's screw jump. I also assume that one lady also does a wall jump. Probably with miniature jet packs attached to her breasts.

Anyway... I caught a goat. Cocoa, I believe it was. I drug Cocoa back to the goat pen, and she was choking the entire time. She was also screaming, so I had to hold her goat mouth shut, and it was making her bite her tongue, and well, it just didn't end up well for her, as she was still trying to scream, but she couldn't, and, well. Mozelle took this occasion to surrender. See what happens when you're greedy and spineless?

She walked back into the pen with Cocoa. However, not before almost breaking Cocoa's neck trying to push past her. Goats, the ideal of world peace.


That left the female Aaron, Zoe. She ran like heck. Finally, I made a junk blockade and trapped her behind a pallet with some sort of 8' long shipping rod. Yes, that sentence seems to be in order.


I grabbed her collar, drug her back to the goat pen, locked her in there, then set out to discover how they escaped. It took me over 40 minutes to catch them.

In the picture below, you can see how they escaped. Or, how I am assuming they escaped.


The goats love brushing up against the fence. However, each time a goat smears its goat backside against that fence, it pushes against the fence. Finally, probably this morning, they broke the ties that binded it. The fence now lifts up at least 2'. Goats can slip under a fence which lifts up 6", so...they had no problem escaping. I tied it good in two places. I then walked inside. Heh heh heh. Now let's make sure they're still in their pen.

All present and accounted for.


I declare the fire of this exodus quenched.

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