Hareway Hops

Gather around, and let me tell you a story of Hareway Hops. That's right, that Hareway Hops. There may be some things you have not heard about Hareway Hops. Let me tell you the full story, now that you're old enough.

Hareway Hops was almost your typical, run-of-the-field desert bunny. He was a very handsome bunny, with a brain to match. He had a loving mate, many starving children, and plenty of friends. Hareway Hops had it all. Some of his children even turned cannibalistic, and ate their own. He could not have been prouder.

However, he had one problem. Hareway attracted danger. After having escaped from rattlesnake after rattlesnake, hawk after hawk, and dog after dog, he thought he knew all there was to know about avoiding danger. Hareway became something very dangerous.

Hareway became confident. Maybe even a little overconfident. As curiosity is cat bane, confidence is bunny bane. Young bunnies are taught never to take the risk in hopes of something great, but to always choose the path they know to be safe.

Hareway brushed this timeless Bunny wisdom aside like so many lugubrious thoughts of his starving bunny children. And since he was so sure of himself, he started testing the odds. He began practicing, sneaking up on sleeping lizards. Eventually, he would hop up next to a sleeping rattlesnake, able to do so undetected. Then he would jump on it, using it as a springboard to run away.

Hareway's friends loved the display, and his popularity grew. The rattlesnake would jolt awake, hissing and writhing, to the smell of a bunny. Eventually, the 'smell' turned to a 'stench of sleeplessness,' as he began Snake Hopping, as they called it, more frequently. As it was impossible for them to get any rest, many snakes left. Those who did not leave dreaded the smell of bunnies, now for them a bitter stench indicating lost sleep. Hareway was a hero!

However, soon his friends bored of his antics. Bunnies have bad memories, so this took a long, long time. Or, so they think- they can't really recall, and neither can I. Regardless, in craving more attention, he turned to dogs.

Running from dogs is different than running from coyotes. Coyotes are easily avoided, you just dive into a hole. With dogs, you're surrounded by a fence, and Hareway could not fit through the links. He had several exits, and it was always entertaining to watch him run from them- it lasted much longer than Snake Hopping!


Unfortunately, he did not gain the same admiration, the same respect he had gained from tormenting rattlesnakes. Bunnies had been lost to dogs, sure...but many more had been lost to snakes, who slither down dens and devour whole litters of young, starving bunny children. Plus, he couldn't drive away the dogs. They came more to watch him be chased, as an act, more than to admire him. Many bunnies became disenchanted with him as he slid further and further into self-pity and depression.


One day, Hareway was drunk off of fermented carrot juice. He was hopping around slowly, clumsily. He was barely aware of his surroundings, as happens with fermented carrot juice. He blacked out on the road. And...Hareway never woke up. Hareway, the so-called hero, had chosen the path of risk, and ended his life prematurely.


And that, my young bunny children, is why you always choose the path you know to be safe. That is how I survived to tell you this tale. Run from opportunity. Flee from risk.



[end story, link to picture below]





To view a very graphic picture of what happened to Hareway, with his guts splattered, click here (but not too hard)!