Kev Rebels Part 2: Rebellion LIVES!

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After on the first day having chosen the path of rebellion, doing two loads of laundry, getting my clothes ready, making dinner, straightening up the house, going to sleep...

And after on the second day sleeping in, getting the family water (and the neighbors'), making dinner, and putting the shopping list together...


I took a shower, and made sure I washed my hair twice (since I am on no poo). I don't quite trust it yet, so I wash my hair twice. I shined my shoes, and put on my red dress shirt. I got my Bible cover loaded up; it's a neat one with two pockets. It can fit notes, some electronics, stuff like that. It's like a purse, except it does not make me look queer. I actually fit two full-sized Bibles in it last week. My only gripe is that it is not water resistant the way a leather (or leather-like) one would be...maybe I can fix that with some roofing tar.

Also, it occurs to me, I could steal anything that'll fit in it. They would never search it. People lunge away from the sight of it, and God forbid, they'd NEVER look...inside it. Ewww. "What iss that," they hiss. "Oh, it's my Bible. Wanna read it?" They never expect that one. It's so... righteous. "HAAAAAAAAAH!" they hiss threateningly, still stooped over, looking up at me, mouth open in a grimaced sort of terrified scream, but hissing loudly. I am...halfway kidding.


Once my parents got home, I asked to borrow the car. "Uhm, sure, Kev," my Dad said. I washed the car and prepared to leave. "Mom, can I borrow the debit card?" I asked. "Sure, Kev," she said. She made sure I remembered the code. Hah hah hah. My parents are so trusting. Hah...hah......hah.

Out of nowhere: "OH MY GOSH!" my Mom railed. "WHAT will you EVER DO...if it storms?! What if it rains?! And what if it dust storms?! WHAT IF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST RAINS THUNDEROUS HAIL MINGLED WITH FIRE AND BLOOD UPON THE FACE OF THE EARTH BURNING UP ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS IN DEATH-REIGN!" she squawked frantically, moving the upper part of her head as she talked instead of her jaw. I'll never figure her out as long as I live. "Yee, Mom, I'll pull over to the side of the road and turn off my lights, or drive slower and keep a more vast following distance from the car ahead of me, and he won't do that." I have all the answers.


Soon enough, it was 5:45 PM. Off I went! Like a bullet. I was free! HAH! Suckers!!! Catch me if you can! APB'S WON'T STOP ME NOW! I turned on my favorite Christian station, K-Love 105.5. I got to the messed up road, and it turns out they make you do 45 MPH at that time of day. Curses, I thought. So I took a detour... right through Indian territory. I started thinking, deeply, as I do when I drive, and if I live long enough to have children, I want two girls...family name be damned. IT WAS THEN THAT IT HAPPENED!

A giant Indian jumped out in front of me- the guy must have been 12 feet tall, and dripping with GREEN OOZE! EWW! He was wielding a Machetax, one of their fiendish inventions- an ax, but instead of an ax handle, a machete! He blocked the onramp, with his Indian skins and feather hat-thing and Indian body built unto the perfection of death (that is, causing death), so I had to make a detour and turn around.

When I came back, he was gone. I got onto the freeway. I figure he's the Graveyard Guardian...and I figure I will be running into him again. They keep one or two of those ancients around for scaring off intruders- like Chozo ghosts. The cops usually take care of them. Sometimes the Ancient Indian Guardian Ghost busters show up. They...do stuff. Like...rip up graves...rather...disrespectfully...then the guardians...have...nothing to guard......is uh, is Samus a grave robber?



...anyway...about 34 minutes later, I arrived at church for the Wednesday night Bible study. "Hey, Kev," they said. "You're a little late." Truth be told, I was glad to see them. It's a big, scary world out there, and any rebel will admit that deep down. Where "all men do weep." I was wearing my casual dress (DRESS AS IN OUTFIT NOT AS IN "FAG!"), and the other three guys were wearing golf shirts. There were two women there, but they neither communicated to us nor stayed through the study. And they were old women! They're supposed to stay through things like that!

Kev:
"...yeah, I had a run in with crazed Apaches. Made me miss my turn. Almost scalped me. Twice."
RJ:
"Wow. Almost scalped you? Twice?"
Kev:
"Yep. Twice. He had a Machetax, I think. You know- every miss is a hit with those things."
Hitman:
"I thought they outlawed those? Wait, twice?
Kev:
"Yes, only in Massachusetts, California and New JERSEY!"

We all laughed. Afterwards, I stated I did not get it. We all laughed anew. I ...really did not get it.


The Pope's Hitman was there, as well as Kile II (he had a planet named after him), whom I need to get to know better, and Pastor RJ (Raw Justice). I kinda wished Pianta would've shown up (he's very tall). I need to get to know him better, too. I need to get to know all of these people better; my birthday is less than a month away, after all!

We were in I John 2. I was confused as a one-legged bunny at a hopping contest. I recorded it- I doubt I'll understand it for a while. Raw Justice started out:

RJ:
"Now, we all know everything about this book, so we'll all fully understand and comprehend it. I, really, I just want to read it. And if anyone doesn't understand something, FIRE AND DAMNATION!"

We raised our fists and repeated, "FIRE AND DAMNATION!" (I am kidding, we did not really do that lol, nor did RJ say it). I don't know anything about the book (of I John). Tribulation stuff always trips me up. Like the guys were saying, they would just hide in their house until Jesus came knocking. It is a scary, desolate time of darkness and evil. Destruction, misery, suffering, etc., etc., etc. Sort of like any time spent in NEW JERSEY! Ahahah, hah. I ...really, I don't get it.



Afterwards, we all (minus Kile II, he uh, had to refuel a super tanker in Spain for four hours) went to a convenience store. I think we may have ourselves a tradition...but maybe they're not ones for tradition. Pastor RJ stayed around until I had gotten myself in order (the seatbelt is twisted all around! Curse the day it was born! I'M GONNA STRAIGHTEN IT OUT!) and then led me to the Here is the sickeningly sweet, butterfly infested tag of Things I Love Fast Rite. That was cool of him. Next week, I think I am going to park so close to Hitman's car that he has to wait until I back out. Heheheh. Then again, he might kill me, so maybe I won't.


At the Fast Rite, Hitman was making me laugh...on the inside. Me, him and the Justice descended on that place Revelation 16:10 style. The employees indeed gnawed their tongues for pain. As for the Hitman, he made himself at home. One of these, one of those. I feel bad enough drinking some water from a bottle while in a store! I guess that's how you do things when you're not from a shy family. I think he is an *eighth* child. As in, his Mom gave birth to 7 kids before him. I will ask.



...y'know, that Fast Rite is the place, and convenience shall die with it. They have SO many condiments there, you could be baptized in their mustard pool! 300 gallons of mustard! Weird! It has a built-in mustard purification system! It looks like those tubes in Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, right around the Grapple beam- the ones that shoot you around! And they have 5 different cappuccino machines, each with 3 flavors! And one frosted cappuccino machine- I'll be paying that good sir a visit next week. Speaking of which, I wonder what it's like for God waiting for the rapture? Man. I will raise that question next week at Church. It will make me seem ...



.........what is this...desiring to seem "deep" and "wise"?...














...anyways...then, they had 5 or 6 beverage machines, each containing untold numbers of acidic brews. Then one set of those roller grills of hot dogs, corn dogs, egg rolls, taquitos, and God knows what else- there had to be a 3'x5' section of NOTHING BUT ROLLERS with stuff on them! And then, as I mentioned, the Baptismal mustard pool for dipping!

THEN, they had a 6'x7' area of sandwiches and stuff that you microwave. I wasn't hungry. Maybe I will be next time...the taquitos look good. The Hitman payed, so I or RJ will pay next time. I guess that's how it goes. We said goodbye, and off I went. The home stretch.



Kinda.


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