Nail Command

Larry (irish accent, like Scotty from Star Trek):
"Captain, sir! Under attack, 3 clicks west of east end!"
Captain Naildo:
"Stop speaking in riddles! Define "attack!""
Larry:
"Sir, we're reading ..."
Grant:
"At least 9 clicks penetration!"
Captain Naildo:
"How wide is it?!"
Larry:
"At least two clicks! Doesn't appear deep!"
Captain:
"DAMN! Radio high command! Red alert! Get a rescue team down there!"
Larry:
"Watch your language, 'Cap!"
Captain:
"Yes, of course!"
Henry (radioing):
"High Command, this is Nail Command, Left Index squadron, we are under attack! 3 clicks west of east end, 2 clicks wide, 9 clicks-"
Larry:
"Make that 3 clicks wide!"
Henry (radio):
"3 clicks wide, 9 clicks penetration!"
Grant:
"Quarter click deep!"
Henry (radio):
"And one quarter click deep!"
Tom (over radio, to Nail Command):
"Roger, Nail Command. This is Tom at Brain Command, we'll see about removing obstruction. How is the damage?"
Henry (radio):
"Oh, it's terrible, High Command! We're sending emergency personnel--we'll get you a death count as soon as possible."
Tom (over radio, to Nail Command):
"Roger that, Nail Command. Attempts to remove the attacking structure have failed-- we're going to send backup personnel, over, Nail Command?"
Henry (radio):
"Oh, we'd appreciate it, High Command."
Tom (over radio, to Nail Command):
"Roger. Reinforcements on the way."




(Kev's mental depiction of how his fingernail and brain communicated when he got a splinter (1/3" long, about as big as a thumbtack in other aspects) wedged 1/4" deep in his nail)