Braveheart

Wow. Blogger looks weird. It's all, baby blue, and wider than usual. Onto the review, with no major spoilers.


Braveheart starts out with a man going to a meeting of nobles, who seek to make peace with the King of England. His son tags along, he tells him to go home. They come upon the hut, and find that the nobles are all slaughtered, and hung. Their bodies are pale, zombie-like. Lots of them. Probably upwards of 30, though I think each one has a scribe with him- so 15+ nobles.

Then his son sees the dead bodies. His sons name is William. He discovers at that point that the King is evil I suppose. For this injustice, his Dad sets out with, I believe they said 50 others, to vanquish the great evil.

They're no female bounty hunters. Alot of them, I imagine, got slaughtered. Along with William's Dad. Then, his uncle whom I assume he has not met before, adopts him. His uncles name is Argyle. Are-guy-all.




So, the dead bodies were a bit graphic for me. I had to constantly remind myself during this movie that these people are only actors, so it's okay to laugh. And laugh I did. Like, when that one dude got a sword between his legs. Lol! Sorry dude who got the sword between his legs. You were a good comic relief.


The battles were...how shall I put this...boring. A simple action, such as the slicing of a throat, holds so much more...sway, shall I put it.


The dude falls in love with some chick. Murron, I believe is her name- not Moron. The King of England, whom we'll henceforth refer to as Englandorf, has enacted a particularly bad law. I forget the reason for it- I apologize, and will watch it again sometime soon and edit this with a reason.

The law allows the local lord, which is, probably a Mayoral figure, to... I believe it was termed, "allowed to have sexual relations with the bride on the first night of the marriage." The point in this was, if I recall correctly, to breed the Scottish out of existence- or a bit at least. Englandorf says, "The problem with Scotland is that it's full of Scots."


This is shown to the viewer as a local lord runs up on a wedding, and takes the bride. She has to be all selfless and stuff. It, I feel, would hold more sway with different people. I for one did not feel any sway, as...I don't know. It's a powerful scene for sure, but I did not feel the power. I just saw it. They do not show the goings-on of the, well, you know.


So, the fighting scenes, which should be a strong point, just didn't do it for me. I am sure they will be better with further watchings, but I had a hard time seeing what was going on- or believing it. They were funny, however.

At one point, William cuts a guards leg off, clean, four inches above the knee- with only a slicing sound. Also, the guard had leg armor on. One guard was running at William, and William threw a sword at him, knocking him down instantly- the guard would keep running I think, and barely feel the sword. Another part, someones head was cut clean off. And the swords look too good, and are flimsy. They never steal the bow and arrows- William's army, that is. Apparently, bowmen COMPLETELY OWN EVERYTHING, yet they did not have thousands of them.

The movie did make me shed a tear at one point, whenever William was kneeling, begging forgiveness (silently) from some dude. The guy was pissed. And I mean pissed. But he forced himself to forgive him.


There is minor nudity, in the form of Murron's breasts, halfway shown in the shadows. I don't know if I consider that nudity, and there's no graphic sex scene the likes which you would see in a modern-day G movie. You know, children's shows and such. I am not a fan of nudity, which is why I tossed RE 1 and 2, and Bad Moon. Plus they were, y'know, about evil. I shouldn't expect, y'know, morals from them.

Cursing; F-word is worst, there are others, I didn't chronicle them.


Englandorf's Son is gay- he is called, by his cousin, "his sodomite cousin." When he had his wedding to Isabelle (Sophie Marceau), the Princess of Wales, he was looking into the crowd at his lover. Then he kinda painfully, leaned over quicklike and kissed her on the cheek. Not like, he missed, and tried to make like he meant to, either. The word is "peck." I don't know if that's historically accuratte...woah. Woah. Accurate. Accurate. Okay...so, I don't even know if this movie is based on a true story. And I don't have time to research tonight.

At one point with my recorder, I said something, then aimed the recorder towards the TV to get Englandorf's opinion. I did this completely subconsciously. I was commenting on how he was kicking his son, and it looked like he wanted to say something, rofl. I am a loser. I got 4 AAA batteries, rechargeables, so I will continue this spree of recording notes, both with video games and movies.

Overall, the movie is great. I assume it gets better with time as well. It's inspiracational!