Bess' Wedding #4: That's Not Bible... Nor Is It Efficient

This is a very long post. I could have made four posts from the content. Lesson should be learned shortly.


So I begin the editing day at roughly 8:30 AM. I set MoviePlus to convert the ultramugontic (i.e., giant) 11 GB .avi file to a more manageable MPEG1 or 2 file. I think I'll have to go with MPEG2, because that's what all the cool kids do. If Mark Nickosian edited DVDs, he'd go with MPEG2.

I figure it'll take half an hour. I need to get some coffee and see if I can't turn myself into a nervous wreck, and I need to do dishes like a mad man, and I need to bag up clothes (that need to be washed.) It is now 9:00 AM, so I'm going to get the coffee and do a load of dishes in the 5 degree water while MoviePlus grinds away converting that .avi.

It's 9:30, and it's still converting. It's halfway through. I guess I was wrong, and it'll take an entire hour. In the mean time, I continue to hone my skills in Wii Bowling/Boxing.

It's 10:20 [and the conversion is done]. Those accursed enemy boxers. POW, POP, SMACK and I'm down. They go on freakish peace rallies one second, then the next they launch a volley at me. My only hope is to just stand still, punch them in their boxing gloves as hard as I can, and hope I can ram their own boxing gloves into their face hard enough to make up for all the hits that they connect on my head. If anything, I should use my head as a shield so that my fists can get through their defenses. I'll try that.


Hey, what's this? The program is once more claiming it will be 4.2 GB in size. If that's true...well...the converted footage itself is 600 MB in MPEG1 format. Therefore, I conclude that the program adjusts the file size and quality depending on movie length. So let me attempt to burn all three and see what size it says it will come out.

OK. I have 22 GB of movie in the timeline. Let me add another 10 GB. Making...exactly 32 GB. 34,403,554,816 bytes, to be exact.

Now I'll convert it on to the external hard drive. It'll take two hours and 40 minutes. In that time I can figure out what to bring on our upcoming trip. Note that me and my dad tend to be REALLY annoying in car rides. He has no idea what he's in store for. We practically turn into 5-year-olds...but with the notable advantage that we have enough arm reach to be able to pull the car into another gear while seated.

Hopefully, we'll be able to go bowling together sometime during the weekend escape from our families. Or me and my dad can just go bowling. I'll likely spend half an hour playing the Claw Machine. Cheap jewelry? Boxes containing untold riches? A 99% chance to win little fake rocks?! Bring it on!

I'm hoping to bring the miniDV camcorder and tape the clawings. At least some of them. Yes, California will be practically razed and ransacked as we blow through playing their claw machines in their bowling alleys.

I haven't been bowling in...at least 7 years. More like 8.5, 1o max. My life is not exactly replete with game nights with the guys; that doesn't happen until I am one of the guys who has to escape his family, and since I am never getting married (I ...dislike weddings), that'll never happen. If I were to go to game nights with the "guys" right now, I'd have to go watch movies and to arcades and eat pop rocks and cracker jacks and whistle Dixie. I swear, the things teenagers find "fun."


Have you ever considered how your mouth doesn't mind cold? Think about it. Invert a soda bottle containing 30-degree water over your eyeball. Pain ensues. Go swimming in 30-degree water, and you'll quickly die (make sure someone is around to drag you out, and two more so that one of those can also jump in, and the other can learn the lesson after the other three have drowned and call 911.) Now pour 30-degree water in your mouth, and it's actually desirable. That's just weird. I understand some people have sensitive teeth, but chances are your tongue doesn't mind it. My brain is fried now.


It's 11:20 AM now. I had to stop the conversion. The final file will be 14 GB... only halving the size. Thus I need to fool the program into thinking I'll make a DVD, thus setting the cap to 4.4 GB...thus allowing a fair assessment of the final Bride's Cut. The Family Cut will only be an hour long, at the most. If the 3 hours of footage is too low of quality, I'll make a Bride's Cut Bonus Disc containing the rehearsal and after party. Actually, that makes more sense, but I'm trying to procrastinate really hard right now, not efficiently get something done. Anyway, I still have around 245 hours to go. It is now 11:35 and I'm beginning the process which will take 2 hours and 40 minutes again. I canceled the last one.

OK, I just now found out that I can write a disc image...so I won't have to worry about my oft-ejecting DVD tray ...uh, well, ejecting, and ruining the whole process.

It's now 3:06 PM. That's 3 hours, 31 minutes later. It's taken slightly more than 2 hours and 40 minutes. It is almost 70% done. So now I know it'll take 5 hours for the final export.

I'm going to milk. 3:22 PM. Conversion at 75%. My arms are sore.




At this point, you can take a break or come back later or whatever. Or you can just keep reading. Or not read the rest. You have plenty of options.




I am back. It is 4:56 PM. The video says it has 1 hours, 28 minutes to go. Fabulous. Milking takes around 55 minutes. 40 minutes spent outside, 15 minutes inside filtering, cleaning the milking bucket and lid and filter, and removing from frozen alcohol/water solution. Before I got back in, I spotted a roaster rooster in the goat pen!

It is now 5:37 PM, and I am back. I had some business other than washing dishes to attend to. (Attend to, rofl.) Below is the rooster, after I had already made a failed grab at him (you can tell by the feather I am holding).

The jerk. I chased him down; turns out, roosters are much easier to catch than wethers. After, oh, 5 minutes, I had caught him. He tried to jump over a wooden gate, landed on the top, in the process unknowingly conveniently putting him at arm height. Grab. I put him back in the chicken pen.

After, I realized that he had lost some more feathers! Oh, my! I had no idea, whatsoever! How tragic, would that it had not happened!...yeah...it's OK, though; now I can make cat toys. They just love the longest, choice rooster tail feathers selectively plucked tail feathers randomly shed by the rooster. See picture, below.

Aren't they pretty?


My hard drive is rapidly running out of space. Huh. That's weird. I'm dumping files onto the external hard drive like someone pouring buckets of water out of their boat ... this is bad. I moved 1 GB over, there is now only 159 MB free. So I rapidly find another high-GB file. OK, I found another 1 GB file to move over. There's 50 minutes left according to MoviePlus. It is 5:54 PM, and I'm off on another break.




...OK. I'm back. It's 8:31 PM. The process has failed. Drat. It failed because I wasn't around to rapidly transfer data to the external hard drive, I think. What am I, drunk?

My parents got home. "Hi, Kev," they said. "We brought food; also, we brought a DVD box set containing the entire first season of Walker: Texas Ranger, and the fifth season of 24."

"OK, Mom and Dad. That's great! Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. What a combo!"

"Yes. By the way...I'll be right back," my mom said. Ten minutes later, she returned with a stray kid in her clutches. If you're up on goat lingo, you'll know that a "kid" is a young goat...well...I wish it were that simple. The family down the road, the Hoontz's (Hoont-ses), locked their kid outside of their house.

Us, being the neighbors that we are, went to the rescue and saved the little tyke, named Doak. I was just chilling out on the side, and before I knew it, an 8-year-old named Doak wanted to play Nintendo Wii! That's just plain unexpected!

He asked which games I had. I said, "I'll go get them." I was on my way out of my room with the games in hand when I realized that Splinter Cell: Double Agent, Call of Duty III, and a lame anime game would probably not be appropriate. I put those back. Yes, anime ranks right up there with throat slashing or endless killing for me. You've heard me speak on how anime VA's are basically prostitutes, right?

Let me digress before I get on my soapbox about how I would never want to meet anyone who voice acts for anime. First, he opted for Ratatouille. Yes, I spelled that right on the first try. It's a shame; the poor kid didn't know what Metroid was. That's fine though and everyone has freedom of speech and the right to bear arms and no one has to teach their kids what a Metroid is.

He then wanted to play Twilight Princess. I told him how long the beginning is, and he wisely chose against it. Then he decided he wanted to play a two-player game. He doesn't know how to play Super Mario World. That's just wiggy. Next he decided he wanted to try DBZ: Budokai Tenkaichi 2 (yes, I spelled that right on the first try) and stuck with that for about 35 minutes. I kept commenting on how he should, instead of trying to hit the other guy's fists with his stomach or face, try using his fists to hit their stomach or face. Or try to hit the other guy's face or stomach with his stomach or face, not continuously try to nail the guy's fists with his face or stomach. Since the other guy was working towards the same goal Doak was- getting Doak hit in the stomach and/or face- it worked out really well. Not for Doak, for the Bot.

He tended to give up halfway through losing a fight. I guess that's wise. If I were throwing my face against someone's fist, I would expect it would hurt less if I stopped violently flinging my face into their punch. Kid's not a fighter. His grandma showed up a bit over an hour after he got here, so he let me take over the fighting. I promptly dealt with the character he was headbutting in the fists.

He wanted to have that glowstick thing I got from the Zoo Lights thinger, and I figured since I am too scared to waste the thingie's batteries by using it, he should have it. Now it's all quiet in the house...and I am tired. But I need to stay up a bit longer.


How about my progress report? It's very glum. It's not only Not Bible (i.e., "not right", as in, "not kosher"), but it is very inefficient. I will just go with plan B: separate "Bonus Disc." Like I said above:

Actually, that makes more sense, but I'm trying to procrastinate really hard right now, not efficiently get something done.

One .avi file converted to MPEG1. Conversion successful; results unsatisfactory.
Three .avi files downsized to under 4.4 GB for burning to DVD; conversion unsuccessful.
Time getting situated: 10 minutes
Time viewing footage for editing: zero minutes worth: zero minutes
Time tending to .avi to MPEG1 conversion process: 35 minutes
Time tending to .avi to DVD-sized, 4.4 GB file conversion process: 45 minutes
Total time spent today: 1 hour, 30 minutes
Total time computer was tied up with converting: 4 hours of raw .avi: roughly 7 hours, 31 minutes; attempt unsuccessful
Total estimated time left: forecast: 244 hours, 55 minutes (two-hundred forty-four hours and fifty-five minutes), i.e., way too much