My Laptop and guarding it and how I can do better.

My brother.

Oh, what can I say about him. I know what I'll do. I'll lament about how horrible his cooking (and eating) habits are.


He has a messy way of cooking, and every single day of his life he eats the same thing. A type of macaroni and cheese with added Pizza ingredients (ham, pepperoni, mushrooms, tomato sauce, and others). He does not stir it when he cooks it over high heat, so it burns very badly, and I have to clean it. I'm pretty sure I've complained about it before.

He completes his horrible mess by leaving the dish in his room for a week with two cups of leftover "noodle vomit" until it condenses into a cheesecake-like brick of stinking, occasionally moldy mess. If I attempt to make him clean either the bowl or the pan by, y'know, not cleaning it so he eventually has to, he breaks down crying.


Don't siblings like that make you angry? It reminds me of my Dad's Worst Sister, Aunt Punface. You just can't help but make up zany puns when you're around her, usually about her face. Typically...they're not so much puns but insults. Regardless, that's her nickname. They used to play baseball together when they were young, and she would take the outfield. She'd get the ball and not take it in. Then when they got mad, she'd tell their dad, and they'd get in trouble. They had a belt-and-switch dad who beat them regularly and practiced witchcraft, so trouble was bad.

His parents had four children, and only two turned out alright; my Aunt Desnee, and my Dad. The other one, my Uncle Inderb, is currently living on an Indian war veteran camp doing marijuana with the Indian war veterans. That is his...occupation. I've never spoken to him, as far as I can remember...yet I've seen him naked. Funny world we live in, isn't it?


Anyways, back to my brother. Cheese all over the floor. The living room floor. Ohoho, it is horrible. It makes me sad. It is unfair. You'd think that, when making macaroni and cheese, you wouldn't be able to spill pre-grated cheese all over the place. I would morally allow block cheese to be spilled while being grated, but how hard is it to hit the pan when you have shredded cheese? Not hard at all if you're a careless slob, apparently! Dammit!

Then there's the ham he leaves all over the place. He thinks it's cute to give the animals scraps as he cooks, just like my Dad (do fathers always pass on bad manners?). Yet, I only give them scraps if they eat them. That's the difference between me and them. It ends in the animals eating them and them not laying on the floor to ebb grease.

Anyways, what's my point? Somehow, a month or so ago, I found my laptop's CD drive was nonfunctional. "Oh, Samus' visor!" I exclaimed, as I felt my heart compact. By the way, that's more a "scared" expression than a "damn" expression. 70% scared, 30% damn.


After crying for several minutes, I decided to take the CD out. It was...Command and Conquer: Generals, I think. That is, I know. I have a memory, after all.


My CD drive had been acting funny for weeks prior. It kept- for no reason- ejecting itself. Now, I don't know about you, but I do not appreciate having my computer do things I do not approve of it doing. Because...the next step is murdering me in my sleep. It's happened before. Just search for "computer killed me in my sleep," and see how many results come up! Almost 1.8 million people dead because of disobedient, murderous computers. I will not be a statistic.


I took the CD out, only to discover a piece of cheese lodged in the CD drive, pushing against the CD, stopping it from spinning. Aha, I thought. I have no idea how he managed to stand over my laptop and grate cheese into it...but he did it. After I removed the piece of cheese, it worked flawlessly, and did not eject sporadically any more! VICTORY!


Except that...recently, my SD card drive stopped working. That is not good at all. Upon further inspection, there was...chocolate inside my card drive. I have absolutely no idea how. Chocolate isn't even that popular around here! Drat! How could it be! After I removed the chocolate, the drive worked fine.


Then, I discovered the reason that certain keys on my keyboard get jammed. Apparently, things get underneath them. Things that I don't have any idea how they got under there. Pieces of plastic, mostly. From where? I do not know. God knows.

On Sunday, we stopped by a Walmart, and...my Mom got a glue gun.

Today, I found a drop of hot glue lodged under a laptop key.


So, to strike back, I'm going to get a laptop case as soon as possible to stop these relentless attacks before something serious happens. If a drop of hot glue can travel 15 feet and wedge itself into a closed laptop, then weasel its way under a key...I fear to think of what else could do the same. Plus, I need somewhere to put my mouse, now that I have one. Then I can take my laptop with me places and get robbed. Let's see how long it takes me to acquire one, shall we?