So, right now it is 3:34 AM, Friday the 19th. Of October. Sheesh, do you even know what state you're in right now? Are you...are you drunk? At this hour? Shame. Shame on you. Now you're going to Hell.
As or me, I ...that is, as FOR me, I am preparing to head out and see BOTH of my grandmothers. They usually fight over me, make a fuss, tell me I shouldn't trust the other one...actually...I can't remember the last time I saw both my grandmothers at the same time. It was...uhh...I wonder if I've ever seen them together? Oh well, I guess I was probably lying when I said they fight over me. But I'm sure they do. Or would.
We're going to do a "rehearsal" for the wedding, so we need to be there early, before Satan haunts up the place. Oh...which wedding, you ask? My Mom and Dad's! Yes, I'll tell the story sometime.
In short, my parents were going to wed in a courtroom. They had it all planned out. Then my Mom decided she wanted a real wedding. Not a $25,000 wedding, mind you. Just a ceremony. Which we'll be working on today.
Kev, signing off.
Later that same day, evening...
Ouch. Owie. Pain! How could I have foreseen this agony; what sort of devilish witchery would I gleefully sink to to avoid the remorseful pain! My shoes, in the last half-hour of work, were turned into miniature beds of hot, smoldering coals! Like those video game enemies you see which have cracks of lava on them. Those were my shoes! Those ARE my shoes! They look like a burned-blade (black- we'll get that in editing) marshmallow, and my feet look WORSER!
I had to mop an 15' by 50' section of floor. Not too terrible, but the bucket had to be emptied very often, and the floor looked no different before and after. When it was polished it looked a lot different. All shiny and stuff. So I mopped half the floor, did half of the work, then some bozo- who hadn't mopped anything- comes in with a polishing wheel-thing and takes all of MY glory! Curse him!
Then I had to work in a kitchen for a few hours. I had to go to Walmart twice, and do a lunchrun (but we ate around too small a table, and it was horrible). Ahaha hah. It was hilarious!
Kev:
"Can I get 5 whoppers with cheese..."
Guy:
"5 whoppers. Will that be all, sir?"
Kev:
"Ahaha, no. Can I get three medium fries and two medium onion rings?"
Guy:
"...OK. Wil-"
Kev:
"And can I get a whopper with no onions and no cheese?"
Guy:
"Another one?"
Kev:
"Yeah. And can I get a whopper with extra pickles and mayonnaise and no cheese?"
Guy:
"...another one?"
Kev:
"Yeah. And can I get two side salads?"
Guy:
"...will that be all?"
Kev:
"Yes, sir."
Guy:
"Total is $35 at the window."
Kev:
"Thanks."
When I got up there, they had 3 bags to give me. The lady handed them to me spitefully. I gave the order to a guy, so I assume he was so distraught that he just had to take a break or did not want to see me, at which point the lady took over. Seriously, they were upset or something. I ruined their morning.
She looked like she really hated me right then. There was no one in line behind me, though, so it isn't like it was the lunch hour rush and I was ruining things. In fact, the intersection there was closed, so I did them a favor!
"I hope you burn in HELL!" was the lady's goodbye to me. "Uhh...thanks...you have a nice day, too," I offered. She stared down at me. I...drove away from that evil place. Now that I think about it, I could've sworn I tasted evil on my whopper! I wonder if anyone else tasted evil on theirs? Come to think of it, they gave us 2 extra salads. I wonder if that was to contain all the evil they wished to dispense upon us.
...anyway, whilst I was in Walmart, I took 40 minutes and made some wedding gifts for my Mom and Dad. They cost $18; there was a dog-tag-engraving-machine, and I put "Kev's Mom's Groom," and "Kev's Dad's Bride." I made a mistake, though; I put Dad's number on the tag Dad should wear (and vice versa for my Mom's tag). So if emergency crew find him mangled and possibly decapitated (link is to a post of mine, not a decapitation, I wouldn't do that! Although...I did execute an ant in that manner once), they'll call his number to inform his family of his bitter fate, but the phone there will ring. They'll be able to get his information from the number, I'm sure, but it's less convenient. All in all, I spent about 8 hours on my feet. Even Big Boss experienced foot pain, so that's something.
I also got a tag for my parents' favored dog, LJ. It has his name, TWO numbers to call, and "Reward" at the bottom. I remember how often me and my Dad would find things and return them expecting a reward. The people would say "Oh...thanks," and shut the door. They always had doors...
One time, we found a HUGE wallet. It had everything in it. We found it on a water regulator (someone had stripped it of cash, most likely, but we didn't look, lest we spoil our well-earned reward!), and took it to the owner less than half a mile away. "Yeah...thanks, I'll give it to him," the guy said. Then closed the door. I told you. They always have doors.
Once my shoes turned into coals, and my feet into burnt-to-crisp marshmallows, we left. We had to pick up roses and a gift certificate. On the way home, I decided that I should get a haircut, as we may not have time the day of the wedding. Good idea as far as the timing goes.
But...the haircutter was very violent. You KNOW you have a violent haircutter when they ask you if you want to be anesthetized...then recommend it when you say "uhh, I don't think so."
We picked up some dinner, as my Dad was making the wedding cake. "It...could...be...very...dry!"
The prodigiously fantastic, amazing discovery...
We also picked up an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, as that is my tradition for celebrating. The last time we had something to celebrate was 5 or 6 months ago. And...really, the tradition isn't that old. This was the first time I realized that you can ask them to thin-coat the ice cream!
It's simply amazing. Typically, the coating is so thick it's disgusting, and you end up throwing most of it away. You just ask if they can make the coating thinner. E plus Z. My Mom asked them if they dip it several times or what, or if they can give it a light coating. "Uhh, no ma'am, we only dip it once."
She has a way of not asking things very clearly at drive throughs. One time, she ordered like this:
Kev's Mom:
"Yeah, can I get one of the menu items 5 items down and 3 items right, without white rings?"
Guy:
"W...what?"
Kev's Mom:
"And one of the menu items 3 items down, 4 items over, and 5 items down, and 1 item over to the right?"
Needless to say, he didn't quite get it. They had to send someone out so Mom could point to what she wanted. So instead of saying "could you give that cone a light dipping," she asked "how many times they dip it." Riight. It worked out in the end, though. I recommend having them light coat it. I wonder if other brilliant minds have discovered that DQ can light coat their cones?
Well, it doesn't matter- this brilliant mind has revealed it unto the world!
[tomorrow is the wedding]
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