The New Couch

Today my Mom found a new couch at a Goodwill for $50. I think I mentioned we got rid of our old couch. It was falling apart, and had dog all over it (that's my Mom's mutt for you). I learned that getting a couch OUTSIDE is MUCH more difficult than getting one in.

For the old one, I had to use a sledgehammer on it, and a razor blade, and a cat's paw, and I had to break it's back (which left me sore for days, that was a pretty strong couch), and it took like an hour to do. Then I tipped it out the door and let it crash down into the junk pile, which is the stuff we will take to the dump. We want to do that before my Dad gets back from jail.

Which means I have until the 24th to clean, after that I need to climb back down the mountain and get back to my life...or the lack of said life. So I will make myself a schedule. First off, I NEED A CAMERA DAMNIT MOM GIVE ME A DAMN SD CARD!!!



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So uh, I need to make a list of things that need doing, then just portion them out to days. Like today the turkey birds need feeding, so I will not be able to invent the car which works off of oxygen. Thanks alot, turkey birds.

To clarify, 'turkey birds,' are a joke referring to the chickens. My Mom is dumbfounded by things like that. Like if I say "the Milk Cows," she starts rolling on the ground, frothing at the mouth until I explain that I meant 'goat.' And if she is dumbfounded by things like that, then others will be.


My goodness, the cats just LOVE this couch! Precious is sleeping on it, and so is Tiger. Precious enjoys sleeping on the back of the couch, but that's hard to do when there's no couch, so she's now happy. I can use my laptop on it. Speaking of which, my battery is getting low. Here we go!



Oh my oh me oh woopdedee. My Mom is out of options- OOO. "Hmm," she thinks to herself. "How will I clean mine room? It is filthy; behold, filth drops from the walls, the ceiling is aflame in the bright turquoise flame of wretchedness; to wit, it is unclean, and I have not the time for removing the filth."

In steps Kev...

"BEHOLD, thus says Kev thine son, who proceeded from thy womb: Dear Mommy, I wilt clean thine room. The only thing I ask in return...is for your permission to throw out anything I have to. Signe Thoue Heree."


"And in that day, Kev shall bring forth both garbage cans, and place them in the way of the door of the room: He will utterly destroy all which be, whether they be gold records from the fragmented yellies*, obsolete videotapes, or unused linens; none shall be spared his much wrath. In that day ye shall plead, "Kev, please don't throw that out.", yet Kev shall not hear you, neither cave to your demands: and shall cast they the unprofitable into outer darkness: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."

Commentary: Now, here it appears Kev is indicating that when his Mom is forced to allow him to clean her room, she will be signing a... sort of a metaphorical pact with the devil...and "none shall be spared his much wrath." Then he goes on to explain that his Mom will ask him to spare something, and this brings us to reference another writing:

42 And now I (Speed the movie, a tape) ask one petition of thee, deny me not. And Kev's Mom said unto him, Say on.
43 And he said, Speak, I pray thee, unto Kevin the Destroyer, (for he will not say thee nay,) that he spare me from his much wrath.
44 And Kev's Mom said, Well; I will speak for thee unto the destroyer.
45 Kev's Mom therefore went unto the Destroyer Kevin, to speak unto him on behalf of a tape. And the destroyer rose up to meet her, and bowed himself unto her, and sat down in his recliner, and caused a couch to be set for the destroyer's mother; and she sat on his north-left.
46 Then she said, I desire one small petition of thee; I pray thee, say me not nay. And the destroyer said unto her, Ask on, my mother: for I will not say thee nay.
47 And she said, Spare the tape to be given to Matt thy brother to watch.
48 And the destroyer Kevin answered and said unto his mother, And why dost thou ask Speed the tape for Matt? ask for him the kitchen also; for he is mine elder brother; even for him, and for Mochi the rat, and for noodle vomit, the offspring of Satan.
49 Then the destroyer Kevin sware by the LORD, saying, God do so to me, and more also, if Matt has not spoken this word against his own right to cook.
50 Now therefore, as the LORD liveth, which hath established me, and set me on the throne of David my father, and who hath made me an house, as has occured, Matt shall have his cooking privileges revoked this day.
51 And the destroyer Kevin sent by the hand of Napoleon the son of Kev's imagination; and he fell upon him (Kev's brother, Matt) that his cooking privileges were provoked.

Commentary: You see, it appears that when his Mom does indeed agree to have her room cleaned, all hell will break loose for anything in there. Also, Kev is apparently already partway to removing his brother's cooking privileges. I have to plead with you this day, my heart goes out to you. If you haven't removed anything precious to you from your room, do that now; don't wait until it's too late. I must go now, and I leave you with a parting verse. Goodnight, and Godspeed.

Romans 8:37

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

Song of the Day is Mercy in Me by Todd Agnew on his Reflection of Something CD. I haven't yet had the chance to listen to the Rebecca St. James CD that got here today- Wait For Me- The Best Of Rebecca St. James. Got here really fast (shipped from Tempe, AZ)

It has one good song on it so far, and I've only listened to one song. The uh, I forget what it's called. K-Love played it back when though.

Back when is like a year ago. I Kings chapter 2 verses 16-25 are the verses I altered.