The day began in a well enough way. Get it, 'well'? That's water humor, you wouldn't get it. But competition was fierce. I was only alone once; before, there were days where I would not see another car all day. It's getting to be summer. Fire consumes.
Speaking of fire, it was kind of weird not getting Thirsty Wolf water. As you know, his house burned all the way to the ground, then they cleared it away and all that stands there now is broken memories, paled dreams and sorrow.
The first few loads went OK; I have Amazing Grace, He Lives, and Leaning on the Everlasting Arms memorized (with Holy, Holy, Holy on the way) so I sang those. It made the time pass, but I got some REALLY weird looks. Example, I was driving to the well, and another driver looked at me like "whoa." I must have had a holy aura glowing around me or-- maybe it was angels! Holy Hoorahs all around!!!
Then it all went bad. Wait a minute...no, no it didn't, it was still OK.
Hey! Look! The water's done!
I was looking for snakes when I got the call. The uh, water-spilling-over call. But I somehow had 350 gallons left. So I set out on ways to use it; I make myself think of an ice cream man with a broken freezer. Hey! Look! It's a filthy, disgustingly dirty, dog-scented kiddie pool!
What an ironic time to have to pee. Usually the joke is going by fountains...not personally dispersing literally hundreds of gallons of water.
All full.Next up is to water the grass. My dad is growing grass...that man always has some weird pipe dream going.
It may look like an oasis...it isn't, but it sure does make you want to pee. The hose is over the screen, that's what the waterfall is.
Yep, great time to have to pee. Somehow, 35+ gallons a minute just isn't fast enough. It's a proven fact: having to pee increases human efficiency by 3000%. Once, I went into a Fry's to buy pickles, and I was out of there in 10 minutes and on the freeway. I somehow spent $1200 and did the shopping for the month. I even got mail-order items (also see Mom's post), if I recall. Still, there's no increasing the flow of that water. That water didn't have to go pee, so I was moving 3000% faster and the water wasn't, and you know how you fidget when you have to pee. Imagine the fidgeting increased by 3000%.
Finally, that agony is over. But there's still more water to purge, bless it to heaven. See the above picture? That's what I do to expel the last 50 gallons of water to make it easy to put the tank away. We store the water tank in the back of another truck. We store three vehicles on our property...one is used as a shed. See below? That's how I get the rest the rest out of the tank.
Oh, but at the time, what I wouldn't have given to be causing one of those streams of water- even one of the small ones!
I could imagine Satan appearing before me. "Sell me your soul, mortal fool! I will then transfer you to the 80-foot-tall tourist attraction toilet of your dreams!" "But Satan, I don't have the ability to sell my sold! It's sold! ...BUT PLEASE, STILL TRANSPORT ME THERE!"
"Never, mortal fool!" he says, and thus another mirage-appearance of Satan evaporates before my eyes, and I am filled with conflict: do I dive after him, knowing well that I'll probably get a case of cooties if I touch him, or do I let my hopes and dreams of visiting the 80-foot-tall tourist attraction toilet of my dreams fade with his demonic corpse-like, red, spiky-tailed body?
...anyways, then I put the tank away, and here I am. Turns out, I didn't have to pee. I am unsure what all the drama was about, I think it was just the raw volume of water. My bladder must have been anticipating it, you know, like how feet are when you look off of a tall place and they tingle. You know what I mean? That's obviously what happened to my bladder.
Now it's time to make dinner. I'm late, I'm late, I hope my parents get lettuce!
1 comment:
They got lettuce! And I made mayonnaise! Everything turned out OK after all.
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