I heard a story from K-Love a year ago. I guess the "Crossdressing Elmo" was the hottest gift (it came with a set of clothes that could be turned inside-out; one side would be a feminine outfit whilst the other would be more masculine). A lady from K-Love was trying to find one, and she got one reserved for her, and when she went to the store, the checkout lady had to tell her that the shipment didn't make it. The checkout lady either almost cried or did because everyone else she promised a Crossdressing Elmo to got very mad (and this K-Love lady didn't, and she was expecting her to). I think it was Crossdressing Elmo, at least.
I know everyone always says this, so I might as well jump on the bandwagon: hasn't Christmas been in season? I noticed Walmart put up Christmas decorations 5-7 weeks ago. I was getting some Meow Mix for the Damned Cats, and there they were. "Ho ho ho ho!" one Santa looked as if he were saying. Another seemed to say, "Ha ha ha ha, your momma wears army boots!"
I've never seen such a freak of a Santa. Ooh, that box made me angry. The first time someone told me my momma wore army boots was an old (as in my old, not old old) dentist. "Oh, don't you ever brush," he said during one of our first visits. "No wonder we couldn't detect any cavities!" he declared. "Ugh, splack!" he noised, coughing. He looked like he was gonna vomit or something. I guess he had some type of food poisoning. "OK, nurse...get me the scalpel...I'm going to have to surgically remove the plaque.
"All my years in the business, and this is the worst," he quipped. "OK, take him to the x-ray arena and let's try to loosen some of that with an elongated exposure," he said, out of breath. Once we got there, he started getting annoyed. "Damnable lawyers," he said as he pored over paperwork. "OK, kid. You tell anyone we shot you with an elongated x-ray exposure, and I'll tell everyone your momma wears army boots. Got it?"
I was 10 or 11 if memory serves. I nodded, wide-eyed, as they lowered me into the pit. I heard the silo-like door seal shut. Remember how technology was back then? Excerpt from this post:
Everything went fine, that is...until the dentist came in to take a final look. Wow, it's amazing how much their XRay technology has improved. It used to be...you'd have to wear a 400 pound lead "apron," and so you wouldn't die while it was on you, they first hooked you up to an iron lung. THEN, they sealed you in a concrete chamber 50 feet underground so you wouldn't "radiate up" the atmosphere. Like it was YOUR fault!
Speaking of concrete enclosures, Mr. and Mrs. Bruckner are moving to a new locale this week, and they are fans of the Red Sox. So I want to get them something. I'm thinking of making them a lamp with a Christmas stocking as the base. You know, a red sock. Also, it'll be a Christmas decoration. I am still undecided. Perhaps I will get them a...
Uhh...a pair of underwear. They're an...I am not quite sure how to put this...slightly elderly couple (but they don't let that put a damper on their spirits!), and they get cold faster than a group of young, smart, eager-to-learn Bible students just lining up to be taught!
OK...actually, I am the only one there under 40. Drat.
Actually...I don't know how old the Hitman is. He may be 39. I know he went through something around 10 years of training ("deacon" training"), so he's at least 10. He reminds me of Fulgore. You don't really know how old he is, but you can guess.
I don't despise Christmas. I simply do not regard it as the "reason for the season" (we don't even celebrate it). The reason for the season is the weather! Yes! Darn. Now I'm craving Riesens. Do they have ads like that? The "Riesen" for the season could be a minty Riesen with white chocolate coating. But, noo, Kev is an idiot.
It's hard to believe that some people actually hate winter. As much as I despise Arizona summers, I would not ever want to hate winter. You can find out why we don't celebrate Christmas with a simple Google search of "pagan christmas." It's not that we think it's evil; we don't find it necessary (and it's stressful!). Also, the celebration should not be his birth, but his resurrection. That's where the power lies.
I Corinthians 15:17-18:
17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins. 18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
Not to be confused, this is Paul speaking to those who say that there is no resurrection of the dead (he's working through their logic; if there's no resurrection, as they claim, then they cannot have the remission of sins...you know, just like we can't justify taking the "promise" and "blessing" part of Israel's program without the "wandering through the desert like camels" and "cursing" part). Verse 12, same chapter, provides the context:
12 Now if Christ be preached that he rose from the dead, how say some among you that there is no resurrection of the dead?
So, remember: a text...
("The body of a printed work as distinct from headings and illustrative matter on a page or from front and back matter in a book.")
...without a context...
("The part of a text or statement that surrounds a particular word or passage and determines its meaning.")
...is a pretext (An effort or strategy intended to conceal something.). That's one of those cute catchphrases people use. It's true. That's why CNN says "We put the world...in Clintext. UH, context! Crud!" (drumroll)
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