People Give the Weirdest Wedding Gifts

My parents' wedding was a month or so ago at this point. I cannot fathom how radically my views have changed since then. I thought marriage was a fun thing, with women in white, white dresses and carrying flowers and everyone functioning perfectly for one person: the bright, shining Bride, who is above all and through all in her presence. A wedding wonderland.

But no, it's awkward, horrifically embarrassing for anyone who's inept at semi-formality (case-in-point, my dad), and somehow they are as stressful as something can be before breaking the sound barrier.

The strangest thing about our wedding (I call it "our" wedding) was this one gift. What's the weirdest gift you ever received? A friendship bracelet? A personalized clock? A visit from a dying friend in a hospital ("It really means a lot to me that you were dying and left the hospital to visit me!")? A lesson in shaving from your dad? A lesson in ...makeup application from your mom? "The talk?"

How about a chamberpot set? No? Never got one of those?

Never?


Are you sure?


Check again.

Remember real hard.

No?


If you can believe it, some local yokel (my affectionate nickname for idiot; local is not necessarily an operative word in the sentence meaning) gave us a chamberpot set. I couldn't believe it. What were they thinking? Who gives someone a chamberpot set? For their wedding? How is a chamberpot set an aid to a happily-ever-after?

I opt not to disclose the gift-givers' name. You can thank me profusely at a point in the future.

Here is a picture. The plastic rings and sheets around it was the packaging.


Now, I measured the cups, and they hold precisely 8.8 ounces. They weigh around 8.4 ounces.

I suppose you place the main chamberpot, the "master pot," in a central location in your home, then bring each of the individual chamberpots- "stylishly," I suppose, made to look as unto glass-type canisters- to the master pot and ...empty their contents.

I have heard of "antique" designs, such as cobblestone paths and wee lit'l "Victorian" cabinet handles, and I've heard of "antique" techniques of doing things, such as using a brick oven or (supposedly) heating your home with wishes (a widely-practiced form of faith-worship by the pagan Indian Wannano-tdie tribe which died out not surprisingly), but I've never heard of such an antique, classical idea as using chamberpots.

I simply refuse to use them! It's, frankly, very unhygienic, and to judge a book by its cover, I think it would be VERY uncomfortable. Additionally, if you have one in each room, there's an extremely low chance of someone actually going to a sink to wash their hands.

So, I'll be throwing them out or I may bury them wrathfully. On top of everything else, they gave us 6, but we only need 4. What? Is one for the kitchen and one for the car?

Jerks.