"Moooom..." I began, a note of alarmed dawning in my voice. "Yes, son whom I love?" she inquired. "What do we do?" I asked. "About what?" she queried. "Well, we don't have two days of horrific wedding work to attend to...and we're not all hopelessly sick and dying...and Dad's not trying to kill himself working...what else will we do with our time if not try to drive ourselves bonkers with wedding preparations and in effect trying to kill ourselves?"
"I don't know. Normal people things, like sleep for long long durations," she replied.
I don't know, either. So, I set out to ...y'know, do normal people things. First, me and my Mom played a game of Upwords. That game SUCKS. Man! Seriously, someone get a surgeon and CUT THAT GAME'S BALLS OFF!
...sorry, I'm thinking of Popoe, the cat who needs a surgeon or a girlfriend.
After that (it was 11:45 or so), I decided to read this article about legalistic behavior in the church, titled From Liberty to Legalism. It took me one hour and 20-25 minutes to read. No wonder I was gnawing my arm by the time it was over. Now, I am not sure about their doctrine (and even less sure about their spelling!), but they seem to have it right. The most likely case is that several different sources put content on their website, so that's why they confuse me. Or maybe they're just confusing.
Confusing and grammatically errored. Though I am sure I make grammatical errors all my own. Recently, I dropped into some hard, green cash. I had not been paid my "allowance" for 6 weeks. I'd rather not say how much it is, but it's enough to invest in something. Uh, you know, something...small. Like books for learnin' book learning from. Learning. Tss, burn.
So, I'm going to order a book on grammar. Speaking of grammar...there's a spelling error in Metroid Prime 3. It's bothering me. I might write Nintendo over it. Maybe they'll send me an updated disc for free. Or maybe they don't know about it! You'll be a star! All will adore you, and rightfully so!
Now, you know those idiotic "Guide to (blank)'s?" Like the idiot's guide? Yes, well, apparently there's one called the "Painless" guide. Example: Painless Grammar. I know, I know what you're thinking. "Any attempt to learn anything is a sure sign that you are unlearned and idiotic. Best not admit it and stay stupid- you'll look smart. I am your pride speaking. You're awesome." After all, the front of the book is a cartoon cat portraying a shocked, frightened individual. Most likely a stupid, shocked, frightened individual.
However, the reviews speak contrariwise. One person intoned that their child read it, and that if their idiotic child could read it, "then any moron could get it, including you, Kev." These reviews...they creep me out sometimes. He or she then went on to read it and gleaned some knowledge. I mean, I already have pretty good grammar, right? Better than 98% of those on the Internets, right? Yes, you are amazing. Above a prodigy.Besides, they had me once I saw page 6, pictured and highlighted at right (you'll need to enlarge).
Also, Painless Writing looks good. If you can't tell, I'm going to improve my blogging skills. Why? I don't know. I'm told I'm good at writing from several impartial sources, like my mom. I might as well milk it for all it's worth. What is it...just because you're gifted doesn't mean that you can rely on that gift, or something? I forget. Too gifted to remember. Damn, I'm great! Yes...yes you are.
Next up is the Rough Guide to Blogging 1 (1?). Perhaps I am a sucker for reviews...or perhaps you are simply astoundingly brilliant! Right! Go me! Also, in the same vein, I ordered No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. But they should...everyone cares and loves you, Kev. This is your pride speaking. Heh heh heh.
Have I ever told you about my system of buying things off of the line, like Amazon or Half.com or eBay? Well actually, I avoid eBay all together. I despise eBay. I can't see its worth. Anyway, my mom recently told me that she had not known of the "free shipping" system, or as I have so boastfully titled it, the "near buy" system, until she gleaned it from me. Gleaned is the word of the day. I saw it in Metroid Prime 3 so it's good as gold to me!
What you do is compare locations. Simple. One is shipping from NY, but the other is shipping from UT or CA. You're in Arizona. Do you suppose that item from NY will reach you as fast as the item in UT or CA? No, probably not. Since typically there are many choices of the same item in the same condition, for roughly the same price, you shop around until you find the closest location.
Sometimes it's worth it to pay an extra $1-2 on the item price itself (usually not worth it on Half.com). So you can see how aptly named it is. Near buy, as in nearby, as you order it nearby. Also note that if you're really in a vat of vinegar and pickling spices you could attempt the ol' expedited shipping+near buy.
Now, everyone tell me that I'm great for taking the initiative to nurture my brain, and say something about how you're going to order one of the books you found interesting, and that you'd like to know how they work out for me. You can do it! Trust in yourself!
PS: it is now 3:59 AM. Do you suppose I am up with the sun or down with the moon?
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