[previous post, post #1; this is post #2 of 2]
Now, the only problem was that I had not planned on the consuming of a cake. Typically it is at a party or something similar. Luckily, Bible study was that night, so I hatched an evil scheme!
I called our pastor. The phone rang and rang, so I called back like 8 times. I guess maybe he didn't hear it or something. Finally I just left a message.
"HI PASTOR! How are ya? Bible Study is tonight, right? Great! Well, I just wanted to make sure- give me a call back at the home phone, xxx-xxx-xxxx, would ya?"
(after 10 second pause):
"You can stop listening now, the message is over."
(after 10 second pause):
"You're still listening, aren't you?"
The machine cut me off. He called back a few hours later...right after a particularly persistent telemarketer.
Kev: "I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT ANY," I shouted sternly.
RJ: "Hey, Keev," was he response.
Kev: "OH, Pastor! Wow, I-uh, hi!"
RJ: "Hey uh, it's Pastor Raw Justice, I just ...was returning your call,"
Kev: "Wow hah, well uh...so...I'm bringing a little something to church tonight!"
RJ: "(indiscriminate)...ugh. Really."
Kev: "YEAH it might be a CAKE!"
RJ: "OH. That's...that's great, Kev. That's just...just great."
Kev: "Yeah I know, I should go though! I got a cake saver to wrap the cake up in! AHhaha!"
RJ: "OK Kev, well," he began, but I had hung up.
No time to let him talk my ear off! I had cake saving to do!
After while, I was at church. The moments ticked and trickled by slowly as I daydreamed. Everyone would file out drearily into the hall, their faces glum, sorrow and sadness devouring their hearts, and then they'd see the cake! They'd be so happy! Immediately it would be as if the weight of the world was lifted off of their shoulders! And all because of me! The glory! ALL MINE!
However, it didn't happen like that. We filed out, and everyone was talking. Some about the cake. Mr. Bruckner was there, and he tried a piece which he rather elegantly cut. I was more impressed by how he cut it than the cake itself. "It's alright," he said. Kile II was there as well (he had a planet named after himself, you know), and he seemed to really like it. The cake was mediocre at best. I wonder what they'd do if faced with one of the cakes I make for my pa's birthday each year?
Chocolate or forest cake, fudge in-between the layers...the layers themselves having chocolate chips baked into them, and each layer being spread with molten chocolate (it has to set up, of course). The entire cake covered in a thin layer of chocolate fudge then wrapped in coconut-pecan frosting, then once more adorned by fudge on top. I'm talking of course of the "hot fudge" in the ice cream section. Not like, squares of fudge.
But this year, I was strapped for time. I usually make a great homemade cake (you know, supreme "fold egg whites into the batter" recipe), but this time I had to use a mix. Eeeew. It was so "moist," it fell apart during frosting. Given 20 minutes, just the layers sitting on top of each other would have caused it to fall apart. I am not a fan of cake mixes.
Also, the "crumb" was not satisfactory. It fell apart waay too easily. You see, recently, Manny, the Hitman's wife, made a Yule Log (sponge cake, cream and strawberries) that was "so good you can't be evil." She looked at me funny when I said that, but I now know that I ABSOLUTELY AM IN LOVE WITH SPONGE CAKE AND WILL LEARN TO MAKE IT AND MARRY IT SOMEDAY. GOD WILLING, I WILL MAKE IT MY WIFE. It has to do with egg yolks and whites and something or other. I'll figure it out! I swear! It shall be mine!
Anyway, then something...a little...unexpected, happened. Hitman walked into the hall, and I asked him if he was gonna have any cake. He looked around. "What cake?" he asked after a pause, his trademark. "That cake," I began to say, but was cut off as...the cake was gone! I rushed to the door to see pastor with it tucked under his arm, rounding the corner near the stairs.
He wasn't...running, so much as he was hurriedly walking or maybe jogging. He took the stairs three at a time. We heard tires squealing, and by the time we got to the rail, he had already turned out of the parking lot...it was dark, and he didn't even bother to turn his headlights on, and it didn't look like he was very careful when he turned out. He...he didn't even bother to lock down the church! Thankfully, Mr. Bruckner had a key.
We all just...kinda...left like normal, I guess. The uh...the "elephant in the room," y'know. I had hoped that everyone could take home a piece of the cake, but...I guess no one ...well anyway, supposedly the cake was good, but I am going to pursue that sponge cake. And...well, I told you how I am about my pursuits.
It shall be mine. [evil laughter]
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