Oh, boy. I am glad, that is for sure. THIS is what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving: THE TURKEY WAS NOT ROTTEN. NOT THIS TIME. IT ACTUALLY WAS NOT ROTTEN.
YES! JOY! HAPPINESS! You know what? I CAN ACTUALLY HAVE LEFTOVERS! AMAZEMENT EBBS FROM MY BRAIN THROUGH MY SINUS CAVITIES AND EAR CANALS! I am a simple person, and most of the time simple things make me happy. Something simple can make me just as happy as something complex. Rotten turkeys? Those make me sad. Turkey that ACTUALLY TASTES GOOD ENOUGH TO WANT TO EAT?! YES, IT MAKES ME HAPPY!
It seems I can't remember the last time a turkey actually tasted good! The dark, harrowing clouds of turkey-rottenness have ceded ground (or, metaphorically speaking, air) to rays of golden turkey-goodness! Hah! Satan, your reign of horrible turkey has come to an end! From now on, TURKEY IS A STAPLE IN OUR HOUSEHOLD, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN ROT IN THE EVERLASTING PITS OF DESPAIR! OH WAIT, YOU ALREADY WILL BE!
You might ask what all the caps are about. I am happy. That's what they're about! Turkey! Turkey! Turkey! Once more, turkey! Actual, non-rotten, non-spoiled, good-tasting turkey! No foul raw rotting fowl taste! GOOD TASTING TURKEY! Amazing! Such brilliance!
Not tough!
Not dried out!
Not raw!
Not rotten!
Not rotting!
Not that globe-trotting whore!
Damn that globe-trotting whore!
BUT ACTUAL, NOT ROTTEN, GOOD TASTING, DESIRABLE TURKEY FOR LEFTOVERING!
Now I can see why people seek to do things with the "leftover turkey!" It was a foolish statement before; it amounted to someone saying "My dog had an accident in the house, I might as well make the best of it; honey, get me some ah...eggs and stuff, we're making a quiche."
Oh, gobble gobble glory!
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1 comment:
How come you didn't let the nice people know that your Mommy hickory smoked and barbecued the bird this year and that's why you loved it so much?
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