Where you at, foo'? I gots yo' plate of cookies right here. They're sugar cookies. I found the recipe at The Chocolate Gourmand (Old Fashioned Sugar Cookies). They're old fashioned with sugar sprinkles. But not the gross kind that have normal sugar over them and have a horrible texture because of it...but colored decorative sugar. Mm, mmm. The orange adds brightness and freshness, if I am not mistaken. I took these to church last week.
Oh? What's that? You can't show if I'm awake after midnight?
Aww, so sad. Cry a tear for us Santa.
That's right, let us hear it drop to the floor like the proverbial pin drop.
What's that, Santa? Why don't I hear a tear drop hitting the floor?
Hmm? Oh? Really? You're nowhere to be found? I see. Oh? I'm up after midnight, you say?
Can't come in through the keyhole, is it? Aww. Cry, let's hear it. Too many watchful eyes keeping you away? Really? Only two here. Mm, these cookies are great. Chomp chomp, munch munch. What's that? Gonna cry? Hold on, let me cup my hand over my ear.
OK, now...let's hear it.
...
...
...
Nothing? Santa? What went wrong? No tears? Why do you tarry so? Sleigh get stuck on little Timmy's roof? Someone shoot at you? Don't give me the "it turned to ice" routine, as ice would make a louder sound. Aww, poor Santa. You know what I think it is, my humble fools?
I think Santa doesn't exist.
You heard me. Notice what you didn't hear? Santa's tear dropping like a pin. Aww, poor Santa. I don't think he has any idea who's been naughty, and I doubt he knows who's been nice. Know why? I don't think he exists. That's why.
Now, as many as care about the blast fool, please cry the tear for him. Let it fall to the floor gracefully, splattering to watery pieces...releasing the dread sound of a broken tear.
What's that? No one?
Aww, poor Santa. None of his dear fans cried any tears for him.
Cry more, Santa. Cry more.
Here, have a tissue for your issue.
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