What does somebody get Kev for New Years?

OK, here's the deal. If you saw my post today listing the games I currently own, then you'll notice I have an extreme, unequivocal lack of portability- that is, DS/GBA games. (I am unsure if unequivocal is the word.) That is weird to me, as I completely love my NDSLite. It's the most comfortable system (for me) I know of. Plus, it's just dandy, and oh so cute!

So, I set out- spending near 6 hours so far- to compile a list of games I want for the Nintendo DS (and for other systems, as well, but mostly for DS, meaning "also GBA.") I was going to post this list, but I thought better.

Rather, if you're looking to get me something for a holiday of any type (except for Easter- get me a real big, pretty basket with gold bricks in it on that holiday- with lots of that shiny ribbon hay!), just send me $10. That is enough to finance 1/3 to 2/3 of a game.

For the price of one and a half 1-gallon cans of coffee (so for the price of a mere two-hundred, eighty-eight cups of coffee), you can buy something really important- boundless, imagination-enhanced game memories for Kev. And in return, I'll give you the credit for buying it for me in my review of the game you've financed*.

*-No one but Samus receives glory in Metroid reviews; thus, this does not apply to Metroid games. You will receive nary a mention if I buy a Metroid game, humble fool.

I know what you're saying: "What kind of idiot will fall for this scam?"

Truth be told, I will be buying myself these games either way. However, I'm letting you in on the bottom right now, because I know how smart you are...all you have to do is send me $10, and I give you the credit. Whether you want the credit or not is up to you. I mean, I'll be paying some on top of it. $5-$15 more...so I'm more at a risk than you are. We're a team in this.

And if you're ever worried that I won't spend your money in the most efficient way possible, rest assured that I only buy from the cheapest merchants, such as Half.com and, if price is comparable, a game store. Note that almost no games are bought new in an attempt to stretch the budget. Your dollars are well spent and hard at work, and every penny is put to good use.

Have you ever considered the shark? Why are they called "lone sharks?" They're very solitary, and tend to be independent and do things on their own. Sharks have a very shy tendency, and that's exactly what you aren't. I know you know a good deal when you see one, so react like a squid- grab for it with every tentacle you have and grip it with your suction cups and don't let go until it is dead!


Like I said, I'll be buying the games either way, so no pressure on you. My grandma actually already financed two of my games with her $25 donation, and it will soon pay off in dividends once the reviews come in. But you have to get in on the bottom...the sooner you donate/give the gift of cash, the sooner your credit in the review manifests. Remember, I'm developing a "short review" program, that I deem No Game Played Left Behind (NGPLB, or "NeoGeo Peanut Lettuce Butter" to help me remember it), and will soon post short reviews of games instead of the arduous task- which I often skip- of reviewing them in full. Sometimes a short explanation is all a game needs.


So just remember, when you're sipping down that two hundred and eighty-eighth cup of Joe, that you could have bought me a video game from the brew you consumed. Skipping only two-hundred and eighty-eight cups of coffee is enough to buy me a new game.

So if you're ever wondering what to get me, just send $10 my way in a pretty envelope. I like my envelopes sealed, by the way.



Thus far, my grandma's donation (see: Christmas gift) of $25 has bought me Age of Empires: the Age of Kings for the Nintendo DS and Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls for the Game Boy Advance (DS plays GBA carts). Together, they total around $28. I am unsure as to why the FF games are titled "Dawn of Souls," but we'll find out.