I didn't do it. SERIOUSLY. I DIDN'T.

Alright, really, I didn't do it. Seriously. I didn't. I swear! It wasn't me! It was the cats! See picture, below!


Now, just because it's my pillow that's urine soaked, does not mean that I did it! I have, to my knowledge, never wet the bed!


Now what happened is, I have a bean bag chair on my dresser at the head of my bed (in my closet; it fits well.) One of the kittens- I assume, as the adult cats have never done this- climbed on top and peed all over it. I guess it formed a pool, as when I drug the bean bag chair onto my bed...well, you can imagine what happened to the puddle of urine on top.

I thought maybe there was a dish of water up there I didn't know about...but when I smelled it...it smelled faintly of cat urine. I then realized it was also on my shoulder in addition to my hand. I got up, slightly alarmed...perhaps this puddle is semi-sentient, I thought, as it seemed to climb up my hand to my shoulder. I braced myself to deal with a Venom-like being, perhaps an Ing.

I got up, only to discover it had completely soaked my pillow, as you can see in the first picture! Appalled, I got up and ran through the story in my head. Cats peed on bean bag chair. I did not do it. I flipped the chair onto my bed, I did not pee on my bed. I did not do it. I then got up, but not to pee on my bed, which I didn't do, because I didn't do it!

I went and washed the chair off in the shower. I then put my pillow and blankets into the washing machine. I cursed the cats to Hell several times during all of this.


I really didn't do it. If I did, I would have had to either

• A: get up in the middle of the night and pee on the bean bag chair, sabotaging myself
• B: pee directly on my pillow; however, this doesn't fit, as it was more of a "splash." Therefore, I would have had to first pee in a dish, then splash that onto my pillow- while sleeping.
• Or C: I would have had to, through telekinesis, will urine out of the septic tank, up through the toilet, under the toilet door, under my door, and either onto the bean bag chair or onto my pillow, and I would have had to do it from a distance, AND I wouldn't of known I was doing it. I think I would know if I was willing a stream of urine out of the septic tank through the air onto the pillow beside me!
  

Therefore we conclude that I DIDN'T DO IT, IT WAS THE CATS! I DO NOT WET THE BED AND EVEN IF I DID, HOW WOULD I HAVE WET THE PILLOW? HOW OFTEN DO YOU HEAR ABOUT LITTLE TIMMY'S "PILLOW WETTING PROBLEM?" YOU DO NOT! THEREFORE, I DIDN'T DO IT

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE BELIEVE ME