My Shoes

I love my shoes. They keep my feet from getting stared at, and they never complain, even though I walk on them all the time. Now that's a servant's spirit. I got them especially so that I could have nice shoes to wear to church...but that didn't work out well.

You see, humble fool, they're such nice shoes, I just can't keep them clean! I have to wear them every time I choose shoes (I have one other pair of shoes to choose from.) Do I know anything about shoes? I must answer a very strong no. But I like these shoes, and that's all that counts for me.

They have several eyelets for the shoe string to run through, then at the top, there are some loops. These allows me to not have to tie my shoes every single time I wear them. I like not tying my shoes. I can hook the string around the loops; that's why they're called loops. I just love cheating the laws of physics. Einstein once said, "Brilliant is the man who denies the string gods their daily sacrifice of knot tying."




The shoes are Fitzwell Brice's. Brand Fitzwell, style Brice. Link to Zappos.com: Fitzwell Brice (Black). In case you don't know what Zappos.com is...like, wow. I've ordered two pairs of shoes from them (one pair are my dress shoes which turned out to be too big and a bit too dressy but I was too stupid to send back before the cats tore them up (the cats ignore shoes that don't need to stay perfect) and I also dug a 3' deep hole with them and I don't think they would want to take back dress shoes which someone wore when they dug a 3' deep hole to bury a goat that died from urinary calculi. [gasping for breath])

Whew...uh, anyway, I've ordered two pairs of shoes from them, and both pairs arrived very quickly with no shipping charge (I think one took an additional day because I ordered after 1 PM), but I still don't believe they don't charge for shipping. You can send them back with free shipping, as well. I still don't believe it. It's like Santa Claus; it's too fantastic to believe. Free shipping? Not only free shipping, but free overnight shipping? No. NOT POSSIBLE.



Yet it has worked. I will have to test this system, as it's getting to the point that I need another pair of shoes for non-messy-activities. Today, I spilled gasoline on my shoes (and glasses, and eyes, and pants, and shirt, and hands, and fingers, and eyebrows, and lips, and tongue, and teeth to a minor extent), and here is the picture below. Of my gasoline stained Fitzwell Brice's.


Notice the mud on them? That's fine. The yellow? That's the gasoline! My dad tells me that I shouldn't get water on leather shoes. I asked him how many cows shrivel up and die because they got caught in the rain and their skin shrunk and suffocated them, and he had nothing to say. But gasoline...I don't know if gasoline will come out. Besides, I've been wanting some of these in black since a few days after I got the brown shoes.

I'm really the kind of person who doesn't worry about not dirtying clothing unless it's dress clothing, so it's good that I have "good" shoes and "bad" shoes. Understand, I consider it a badge of honor to walk around with green on the knees of my pants from kneeling in the grass. Ever think of that word? Kneeling? Knee ling? Hatchling? Newborn? Samus Aran! Yes!



How about we put their system to a test, and order them at 12:30 PM PST on Thursday? According to their doctrinal statement delivery chart, that should assure delivery by Friday. If they do not arrive in time, I will protest bravely the iniquity dealt me. Or just deal with it and not be able to say, "Yes, they really do ship overnight for free."


ION, I need more instant coffee...I've taken to making coffee shakes in the morning. I get up, make the shake, then drink it, regardless of how tired I am or if I got 3.5 hours of sleep. If I go to sleep after that, I've earned it. My pa also uses this method (his coffee machine takes a whole 5 minutes to brew, so he drinks instant during the 5 minutes), thus why we're running low.

Iced coffee mocha sunburst whoppo vanillin wallyfruit darkburst ice beam lalaland butterfree cream sunrise surprise mocha coffee iced drink:

• 1 cup milk (goat milk if you have it, and raw goat milk if you have that)
  
• Some Ovaltine (we need more of that, too!)
• 1/2 to 2 teaspoons instant coffee. Or more, depending on how much you can handle/need; I get the jitters easily
  
• And ice to the top of the container (a handful or two); I make it in the Magic Bullet my granny purchased for me for Christmas (thanks, granny!). Believe it or not, the thing crushes ice very well (it's like a blender with a lot of cups; that is so awesomely convenient).

It's worth it simply for that reason, as pulverized ice is a comfort food to me. Yeah...you heard me...how it forms into hard ice when you bite it...oh, I'm going to go have some pulverized ice right now! I hope I don't spoil my diet!



[what diet?]