Guide to FGGJP

The Kev is an interesting creature. The perplexity of his everyday life- including both motives and actions- is only surpassed by the complex linguistics used to describe such motives and actions.


The Kev, most likely, uses a lot of slang in his blog for expressive purposes. However, the psychology of The Kev is hard to nail down, as The Kev ipssisima verba (that is, verbatim) stated that he often times misleads those who wish to "figure" him, as first purported in this post, although the proverbial question is raised: if one claims to lie all the time, how could you hope to believe the individual that they lie all the time?

It will be a gradual process, but I am ready to help decipher his writings. The Kev is an elusive prey, and finding his heart language is the only way to properly even begin to find him out. The Kev is a bit like an invisible waterfall; clarification on this thought will be provided later. The guide, in its finality, will be composed of several sections; names, abbreviations, meanings, backstory, in order of predominance, as will be ascertained at that point in time.

Let us delve in, shall we, and keep in mind, I will have to update this frequently; the process will take much work, and as I pour over The Kev's posts, finding roots and first usages and determining context, please have patience. I make this public now, incomplete, at my own risk; though, the ends do sometimes determine the means. Without further ado, we're off...


FGGJP - First, I believe I should deal with the blog name. It stands, according to the Kev in plainclothes email exchange, for Flying Goblins Got J00 Pwnt. This is a type of reminder that there's always something out to kill you, and if it ever decides to, it very well may; whilst slightly morbid, it is apparently nevertheless an idea or value he holds to; perhaps a belief in or expectation of sudden catastrophic destruction. The Kev will occasionally use this as a goodbye. More on what a Flying Goblin is, what a "pwnt" is, and what a "j00" is, below.

The Flying Goblin - The Kev is one which, while not having an extremely active general imagination, can dwell on and be very imaginative about certain pet topics; i.e., he is only imaginative about certain things; this is odd, as discipline is rare for The Kev.
Regardless, one of these pet topics is his subconscious compounding of the flying apes from The Wizard of Oz and the Mantid creatures from Turok 2: Seeds of Evil; the spark occurred at the point he imagined the Mantids swarming like the flying apes did.
These would be called Flying Goblins, and later, he would discover that the Metroid series has antagonists which are almost exactly selfsame to Flying Goblins; the insect-like/colonial (as in bees) Space Pirates. The Kev would be delighted by this.

J00- This word is basically a stand-in for "you," and it typically is not meant as an offense against "Jew," and even if offense was intended, it would be hard to relay. It is related to hacker slang, hacker speak, or 1337 speak (more on this later), as apparent through the use of zeros (though it can be spelled lacking the zeros.)
Though, the word is also used as an alternate spelling of "Jew," and often in this usage it is followed by too many O's; "It's all the j000000's faults." This is not always indicative of ill-will, and oftentimes the opposite is true, as most niche communities parody detractors by evoking their offensive slang.

Pwnt - This is a word used by the player versus player (PvP) simulated combat community which, improperly interpreted, can rend endless confusion due to supposedly improper punctuation, as well as a seeming misuse of grammar. The biggest mistake an individual can make is to not recognize the distinctiveness of the word aside from a misspelling of the word 'own.' They cannot be mixed, and doing so would result in...shunning.
- Regardless of purported origins, it has come to mean a form of dominance- not possession. It can also denote awesome; by variation of 'pwnage.' "Caveman Sam, that round rock is pwnage; how did you make it? It pwns." "Yes, Caveman Dan, I made it by pwning a bigger rock with small rocks, but it totally pwnt my toe cause it fell over once. But yes, it does pwn." The last example, "But yes, it does pwn," could be translated "But yes, it does kick butt."

Variations are many and not apparently concrete (pwntified, pwnerific); it is unclear how to pronounce it and best left on an individual basis for the purpose of this guide. Pwn(s) basically means to be awesome, kick butt, or to have been defeated (or to have defeated), or a declaration that the victory has been achieved (the "victory" in this case is very fluid and typically only can be defined by context); that is, "I pwnt him." To translate: "I defeated him in [battle of wits/physical battle/staring contest/other competition of any kind, going so far as to denote killing/complete victory; "I killed him with a knife, 'I pwnt him with a knife.'"]." In this usage, the subject which the individual 'pwnted' in is usually also left to context; "What's up with that rat you were talking about? He still around?" "Nah, I pwnt him." In this case, the pwnt would denote killing or other means of removal, garnered solely by the context; for example, if the response was "Nah, I pwnt him and put him in a cage," the context would imply "I captured," but this would only be in the most casual of circumstances. Though a grammatical error, "pwnted" would have the same meaning.

Other complicated usage:
- "That dog's stupid; what it is, a DORKSHIRE?!? LOL PWNT PLZ", roughly translated, means "That's a stupid dog; is it a dorkshire? Haha, I got you (won), and it was not a challenge. You got pwnt!" The 'plz' (an abbreviated 'please') seems to denote a bit of teasing property, as well as an implication that the "win" was simple/easy, so far so that it may not even count as a "pwning." The meaning is there; however, the word is not. As in TAX, PLEASE!, it implies rudeness, and perhaps a petition for the pwnt party to admit defeat.





Englandorf The Kev is influenced heavily by video games, and Gannondorf (Legend of Zelda series) is one of his favored villains. Englandorf, to sum it up, means "Ruler of england," as Vaticandorf has also been used, but the Kev was unsure if this was some appointed ruler, or the Pope himself. I.e., the "-dorf" implies "King." It can apply to many levels of leadership; Americadorf, Bostondorf, Churchdorf, Housedorf.

Evar Used not only as a stand-in for ever, but intended as a more dramatic expression, as typically it is used in the manner of "The best radial tires since evar!" Related to 1337 speak (or l33t speak); though it has no numerical characters in it. It has the same meaning as "Everdom," though "Evardom" could be considered a grammatical error, due to extreme difficulty of mental processing. Its basic meaning is since time immemorial, or forever, or even earlier; therein the "Best radial tires since evar!" would guarantee they are the best radial tires ever created.

Everdom See "Evar."

EZPK While possibly confusing to the layman, ezpk (either entirely capitalized, entirely non-capitalized, or any mix in-between) is a compound of two words, ez, root word "easy," and the abbreviation pk, root phrase "player kill." By all indications- due to his dislike of MMORPG and his extreme amounts of time past spent on computer- the Kev used to be an MMORPG player, and thus would know that "easy player kill" meant that someone- in this case, abbreviated, it could also denote something- is an extremely easy pushover. "Such ezpk" is common ("So easy to defeat"), as well as "2 ez," in this case, the '2' determining that the ez has a double-silent (double-silent: not displayed and not pronounced, but implied) pk at the end.

ION Used as a tag, this stands for In Other News (as stated here); The Kev appears to have stumbled upon this during some of his earliest posts (the first recorded usage is here), eventually realizing that he should use it to signify posts that are about the day he had entirely; mostly, water getting, or a goat escaping. A good example is this post, speaking on getting water, television, his parents' remarriage, the weather, anticipation of a trip to church the next week, and a TA outtake. This is a post updating on a lot of topics. The Kev abbreviates "ION" to sometimes signify a new topic; such as, he may begin writing about Werewolves, but then something will come up, i.e., "Werewolves EXIST, man! ION, the dogs have been howling lately."

TAX, PLEASE! The phrase simply means that something is so funny, that it's funny, and then on top of being funny, there's tax included (such as, LOL, ROFL, and then some tax.) Rofldolf+tax is the common usage (LOL+tax could also be used), and the Kev even gave it a tag for marking extremely funny posts. It could be considered a very predominant "LOL" or "ROFL" as, quite simply...it is "LOL" or "ROFL" with additional "tax."

Yo Yo Wazz Used as a common greeting in email exchanges. The Kev is very fond of parodying the "gangster" culture, and this is seemingly a play on "Yo, what's up?" Though intended as a light-hearted greeting, it is commonly strung together, as if it were a string of obscenities: "Yo yo wazz dud n liek totalyl so hi2u man u K gud me 2 lol!" (Translation: "Hey, what's up, dude. Great to hear from you. So, hi man, you doing OK? Good, me too. Hahahehehoho.")





For now I am done. I will gradually add to this in the future, and your opinions are greatly necessary on layout as well as concision, grammar, and accuracy. Please feel free to comment for any reason, especially if you desire a certain word/phrase explained.