Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

Say that ten times twice. Punkin Choclate Chimuffins.


OK, first, the recipe can be found here, at Recipezaar: Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins. I made them before, and mentioned it in this post: Kev and Cupcakes. (The Wicked Cupcakes there are the bomber, as the kids say! Really, don't let the peanut butter fool you, I don't like peanut butter but they're awesome!)


The recipe is in the above link. Here is it again if you're too lazy to scroll up or move your mouse or your eyes up to see it. All you need- aside from the basics such as baking powder/soda, sugar and eggs, stuff you should already have- is pumpkin and chocolate chips. They're very easy to make, as well- wet ingredients, dry ingredients, mix, then add chocolate chips.

In fact, they're easier than pie. I hate making pie. It makes me sick. The flour, and the rolling, and the filling- then you have to bake prayer and wishes into it. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Muffins and cookies I like, except for cookies you have to cut out. Those grate my ginger, as I don't have many cookie cutters. Phooey. I always look stupid because I make the same shape 50 times.

Anyway, here's how I do it. First, the ingredients:


(Yes, those are potatoes in the background...I know it should be pictured with gourds or lettuce or something. Keyword: should)

Baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, brown sugar (WE HAD ONLY 2 CUPS OF WHITE SUGAR, A THOUSAND ILL-CONCEIVED CURSES!) and granulated sugar, 2 cans of pumpkin (16 ounce each), 8 eggs, some salt, a bunch of chocolate chips, homemade vanilla (but keep it away from us closet drunks, now), flour (in the ziptop bag), and oil. Coconut oil. That's the 1-gallon tub you see.

...what? Doesn't everyone buy their coconut oil in 1-gallon tubs?


First things first, melt the coconut oil. I doubled the recipe, so I melted 2 1/2 cups. It's liquid in the summertime, just so you know. The toaster oven works good for this, if you like. While that's melting, get out your Unofficial Samus Aran Measuring Spoons! Yes! Pictured below. Then, measure the spices and salt and stuff into the flour.


Need I remind you that dry ingredients tumble and mix really well in ziptop bags? It's awesome, and works especially well when you have to add ingredients in parts. It also works well to pipe the batter out of after the dry ingredients have been added. Yes, I am spoiled. Notice I am not using my normal camera? Well, it's been put on vacation for a tiny amount of time, because it recently took some pictures of banded goat testicles (warning: picture is of a kid goat with banded testicles!), and well, items handled after handling goat testicles aren't the most sanitary thing to have in the kitchen. I'll like, boil it in tar later, or something. Mix all the wet ingredients together, as per the recipe.


Notice all the eggs? Well, there are a lot of them, because I'm making a whole lot of muffins.

Then add the dry- and mix- and add your bunch of chocolate chips. Mini chocolate chips do work well, but bigger ones also work. I use 33% regular, 66% small, and 1% prayer. See pictures, below.

First, your 33% regular, and your 66% mini (remember, this is just what I do; I am a sucker for texture differences)...


Then add your 1% of prayer. Prayer measures differently than chocolate chips; typically, a prayer for guidance on how much prayer to pray into it is enough prayer, so I went ahead and prayed it twice because I doubled the recipe.


I had to do a one-handed prayer, because my mom's camera can't fit in my mouth. That ended up with half as much prayer, so I had to pray over how much prayer to pray into the batter four times. Like measuring 9 teaspoons instead of 3 tablespoons. Wait a minute...is that sacrilegious? Someone needs to alert me to things like that.

Actually, that's about it. Then you mix it all together and pour into your favorite muffin tins. And before you know it, they're done!


Now, what to do with your army of muffins?

Why not feed them to the local yokels at your local assembly?

Sounds like a great idea! Church, here I come! (The last time we brought food was on Snacks Sunday). Pastor is going to be so proud, he'll say, "Wow, Kev, that's a lot of muffins. Stop bringing so much stuff, OK, we don't need that much unless it's donuts."

"OK, Pastor...I'll bring some homemade donuts next time!"

"...Kev...you missed the point."